Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

The terminology actually means a lot. Words such as "whip," "beat," "hit," these imply a violent nature, and anger. "Spank" is a discipline technique and implies nothing more. 

  

And as momx said, it does sound like there was a lot going on that would make a lot of discipline techniques effective and I'm glad that after the father was deployed you had less trouble. But that doesn't have anything to do with spanking, that has to do with the father being an ineffective parent and the discipline resting solely on someone who the child probably didn't think he had to listen to as long as his dad was around. 

  

Maria 

I believe we can respect other parents even when we disagree with their parenting style/techniques. I believe parents who believe in themselves and who loves and respects their children, will gain the same thing back from their chidlren as well as others around them........ Hubby, the girls and I spent the day shopping together yesterday and tho we had a wonderful time, my oldest "misbehaved" a little at one point, I looked at her and said, "Amy, you can either follow the rules and have a good day, or we you and I will go home while daddy and Anna has all the fun, and when we go home, it will not be a fun time for you, make a choice NOW," and she did of course and everything was fine for the rest of the day. I received a compliment on how well behaved my girls were and the fact that my oldest listened, I was held up with some "respect", which of course made me feel good coming from a stranger. but then I got to thinking, what if,my child decided not to behave and we ended up leaving (and yes, I would have done for it has happened on two occasions and my daughter still remembers it), and the child was throwing fits and screaming, would I have received the same compliment from that same person? Or what if 5 minutes later, I would have given a swat on the bottom and the results were the same? I wonder if this same person would have "respected" me as a parent? I believe some would have but then I wonder about others if they would have then decided that I was a bad mother at that point and did not deserve respect even though the results turned out the exact same way. I personally don't care what other parents think about me because I know that I am a good parent who loves and respects her kids, we are a loving and caring family and it shows in our every day life but if we really do respect other parents and can see that their kids are good kids and follow the rules well, Is it really fair, to start disrespecting them because of something that we don't agree on? I think that is wrong and for that I think I would lose respect for that particualar person, not for the disagreement but for the attitude that " I thought you were a good parent unti you did something that I disagreed with (not counting abuse of course). Like, if this same person who complimented me and saw the nature of my kids and adored them to pieces, and then five minutes later came up and told me that you are wrong and you are a bad parent, whatever..................then all the positive things that she said just went out the window, meant absolutely nothing and chances are if I saw that person again, all the compliments that she may make at that point would mean absolutely nothing because she has no "respect" for my parenting style. Either you respect other parents or you don't, by respecting, it doesn't mean that you agree with them on everything, that isn't going to happen but basiclly that you appreciate and see how they love and care for their kids and if that is the case, it will show through the kids and that would be acknowledged and the part that you may disagree with would be overlooked becasue that is all it is, a disagreement.......Parents who I do not have respect for are those who demean and yell and swear at a child and make a big scene and make threats but do absolutely nothing to get the situation in control and I am not talking about a temper tantrum as for most of those I ignore but for the unruliness and rudeness that some parents allow their kids to get a way with, big difference, I think in who we should and should not respect..................Any way, I really didn't plan on posting here for a while but was thinking about this since yesterday so thought I would add another two cents worth in :), hope you all have a great day and a great holiday with your families.......Jetta

I haven't just been around one kid.  I haven't just disciplined one kid.  I've been around many kids from many areas, income ranges, single parents, co-parents... so on and so forth... you get my point.  More importantly, I have a 2 month old now.  The issue here is whether or not "spanking" is useful or cruel and as simply as I can put it, when one person causes pain to another, it's assault, it's violent and it is cruel.  I don't care if you are calm and "doing it right", I don't care if you are angry and I don't care how old or how hard it is done.  When you physically "spank" ANYONE, it is a physical act of violence.  I've done it myself and I've made other mistakes myself... those of which I will not make again.  Every person can do as they please for as long as the laws allow... however, all the children today will become adult versions of what we show them.  That's all I have to say. 

-April 

I've tried a couple of times to post a message saying all the things that I want to say, but the website keeps messing up or something and now I'm just fed up with it. (lol) In a nutshell, I thanked those who offended and then apologized, gave my take on the "embarassment" factor (I will never spank in the age where the feeling of embarassment is possible) and quoted my wonderful mother (who spanked five kids without losing a single one to the "dark side")- "The worst thing you can do to your child is not use a form of discipline that might work, because you are afraid of it or think that it will damage your child. As long as your child is happy, healthy, and loved, there is not failure." And spanking is, indeed, a form of discipline. (Unlike beating or other abuse.) 

  

Well, my child(ren) is happy, healthy and loved, even though she's been spanked. I'll not make excuses or apologies for my choice of discipline anymore, because I know that I did all I could before choosing to start spanking and I know that I administer each spanking only with the intent of loving and teaching my child (because, as momx said, the lesson is learned after the spank occurs, not during). 

  

Like pretty much everyone else, I'm a bit tired of the arguing back and forth. We all have so much fire in our attitudes that it's impossible for me not to respect each and every mom I've posted to on this particular subject. I can tell that we all love our kids with everything we have, spankers or not. And that is what matters the most, isn't it? That our kids are loved and safe and well cared for. 

  

That being said, I would like to extend an invitation to all the mothers here- If you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, feel free to email me anytime. I'm not afraid to admit that I want and need to "network" with other moms and it sounds like some of us have more in common then we are willing or able to admit. 

  

Maria 

Spanking is just wrong!! You may not be intentionally wanting to be abusive, but the intention is not important, its the outcome that actually matters.  

  

Spanking hurts not only physically but it hurts on hte inside and it questions the child about the bond between the child and the parent.  

  

Spanking may seem to a parent as a loving way to teach them a lesson, like tough love and stuff... but spanking hurts like sh*t and I know that. I know that I have healed from it, however Id really love it if spanking wasn't part of my childhood.  

  

You know what I think? Spanking can make kids think that they shouldn't do something because their parents told them so, and not because that their parents told them so because it is the right thing to do. They might think they should live their life to their parent's standard so they wouldn't spank them.  

  

You might think that the kids would grow up and eventually be thankful for it, but im not. Im not thankful for the spanking my parents has done for me, Ive realized that if they talked more to me instead of spanking me everytime I become you know, wild, I would grow up fine as well. In fact, I would grow up without the sh*t on my bac.  

  

I forgive them, but I'm not going to agree that spanking is fine. A kid is a kid, ask them to be good by making them "want" to be good, but don't force them to be good by making them fear the spanking.  

  

Jenny 

I agree that forcing a child to be good is wrong as well as forcing them to do anyyhting really, which I suppose any type of discipline could be a way of forcing things on them, for they will figure out that either they abide by the rules/boundaries or they get disciplined, my children absolutely hates sitting on their beds for time outs and believe me, when this happens they are not happy and they then decide that the better choice is to listen to the rules................ My children are naturally good kids which I am so thankful for,( not sure how I would deal with a child with ADHD and things like that, Kudos to those of you with kids who have these type of things and can handle them from day to day) with great personalities but communication is the key in my home, We have discipline techniques that work wonderfully with my children but love, respect and communication I think are three of the most imporant keys when it comes to parenting. Parenting for me is a privelege and blessing and I am thankful for the love that God put inside of me and my husband to care for our children. I believe parents who show these techniques in their parenting, chances are will reap the good consequences when their little ones are grown.

Hi every one, Hope you all had a great Christmas and that the New Year will bring many great blessings.

thanks and hope you did as well  

this morning was not all that good  

i think next year things are going to change for the better 

  

  

well good to hear your kids are angels  

some of us are not in that boat 

i have tried all sorts of things but my son although he is a good kid  

he has his moments where i am thinking i am a bad mother in some way  

i have spanked him not on a regular basis  

and i have popped him in the mouth 

i am going to try something i heard from someone on here about getting poker chips and using them as rewards 

when my son gets enough then he will get a reward 

if not then they will be taken away and he will get nothing 

how does that sound?