Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

just want to encourage you on this wonderful adventure of parenthood,please don't ever think that you are a bad mother. All of us here are in the same boat with basically the same goals for our children, to become good, caring productive adults. It certainly is a journey and we all have our up's and downs with our children. some children, I think are easier then others but all in all, they are all the same when it comes to needing love, guidance and discipline. There are many discipline techniques but as each child is diffeernt, discipline techniques are going to be different for each child. I think the poker chip system is a good idea and may work with your child, I personally just use sticker charts and my children earn rewards, time outs work with my two because they don't like sitting LOL...but whatever you do, it must be consistent and tho it can get hard and tiring at times, being consistent and sticking with the rules is very imporant and eventually the child will catch on. I think too many parents give up/in too easily and then their kids start running things. I think you are on the right track and niothing wrong with seeking help/advice. I have a good friend who I go to if I need something and it does do wonders, as there are always people who have gone through the same thing or they have ideas that we may not have thought of. I think a good parent is one who has the desire to teach and guide their children in the right way to go and not afraid to admit when they are having "issues", hang in there and know that you are the best mommy for your child and in return, you will see positive things happening.

I myself was spanked as a child and it was the best thing for me.  I was never abused or hit by either of my parents or relatives.  When I went over the line I was spanked hard, fast, then and there. 

Enough pain was sent to my brain.  After about 8 or 10 of these - I soon realized that as long as I listened and stayed within my parents boundaries I basically had nonething to fear. 

  

Then as I got older I received a few backhands accross the mouth when I lipped off to adults. 

Again I realized.  When I watch these parents on Phil's show - all I see are Wimps who are afraid to be parents - 'oh I can't hurt poor little johnny'.  Wish my mom was here to straighten these parents out. 

hi there 

 thanks for the advice and the input 

i know there is a long road to parenting and it is not all good  

but what do you do when you think the father might be the one causing the issues 

i mean he is with his dad now and evidently he is goodover there with him and his stepmom  

and i do not want him to get to the age where it is to late 

i have asked his dad  to talk to him about the back talk and when i asked him  

what he talked to him about he told me he said "don't talk back" 

my fiance talked to him better than that and he is not his dad 

i mean is that wrong  

and the other night my son was not doing what i was telling him and my fiance just sat there and didn't say a word 

should i have confronted him about that?  

i mean he told me he was going to start doing that  

i mean when he just sits there and my son sees that he knows i have no support from him  

that is the impression i got 

let me know 

  

  

  

well first of all i don't appreciate my son mouthing to me  

especially when he is saying that i am a bad mother to him  

he does not know what a bad mother is  

he has everything a kid could want and a mother who loves him  

i am not going to stand and let a 7yr old tell me that i am not a good mother 

when i work my but off for him and me  

i am a single parent who just got engaged  

and the other day my son was not doing what i was telling him to do 

told him to get ready for bed brush his teeth and all of that  

he would just stand there 

i would think that my fiance could have said something 

that way at least my son would know i am not alone in this  

that he is supporting me  

i know he is not his son but still when we get marrried we will be a family in the same household 

what do you think? 

so if you think i just hall off and hit my son for no reason think again  

you can ask anyone and i am a good mother  

so don't go there 

  

well i don't want to have to spank my son or anything  

but sometimes when you have tried everything and are getting tired of the disobedience 

then you have to use other options  

i think i am getting persucuted because i popped my son in the mouth because he said i was a bad mommy  

when i was telling him to do thingsand he wasn't doing them  

it is not like i punhed him with an open fist or anything or knocked his teeth out 

my fiance's grandmother had did that to his son before for smarting off and they said she shouldn't have done that  

that a spank on the bottom would be enough  

and she said well the smart words did not come out of his butt 

  

thanks 

well i was spanked as a child as well  

and it did not hurt me at all  

i mean at the time it did  

but it taught me to respect my parents  

i never treated my parents like my son is  

and he is only 7 and i want it to stop before he gets any older 

i am engaged and i feel my fiance should say something to him or at least say something to let my son know that i am being supported by him 

i don't get that from my sons dad 

i think it is all a joke to him anyway 

i have said  things to him about our son when we comes over to get him or drop him off  

and he says nothing and smiles and laughs like it is funny  

 i think he is part of the problem as well  

i have been thinking of looking up our decree when we separated to go by the visitation in there 

then he would only see him every other weekend and a couple of days a week  

just till things get better with our son  

  

what do you think? 

  

  

Your son is 7 - personality is basically set.  You have to learn to tell the difference between disrespect (lipping off) and telling you 'mom I think your a bad mother'.  I do feel that your fiance should stay out of it for the most part, unless he is backing you up in correcting your son - I did not say helping you - I said supporting you.  As for his dad - he's shirking his duties - plain and simple. 

  

I was also taught that you NEVER disrepect your parents EVER!!! And to do so got you a Fat lip.  I see nonething wrong with a backhand 'well placed' at the instant of disrepect - then sit him down and tell your son(in a firm commanding voice) that under no circumstances will YOU tolerate that kind of behavior and continue the dialog as to Why he is doing it(then live him to himself for a few minutes to think) - he may have picked it up from friends who wanted to brag And he may be testing his limits with you.  ONCE you set limits YOU must NEVER change or back down. 

My mom never did - when she said something she meant it and I knew it - my moms stare could also cut thru solid steel. 

  

Remember young punks 12 to 16 come from families that never laid down the law - if they are able to get away with this behavior at 7 they then think they are invincible at 16. 

  

Also remember YOU are NOT his friend - YOU ARE his PARENT!!!!! 

  

Your son wants to feel safe and secure and that your there for him, but he's also going to test you 

To me, parenting is the most wonderful and rewarding job around and one thing that I have definetly learned since becoming a parent is that there are always going to be people to disagree about parenting styles. I get slack from various people on different issues, (some can't believe that I do not like my children sleeping in hubby and my bed with us, I have been given a lecture about the 10:00 bed time that my children have, I have been put down casue we don't allow our kids to watch certain shows that are popular kid shows, we don't like certain reading materials that are popular reading for kids, we don't celebrate a popular holiday, that we allow our kids to jump on our bed, that we are considering homeschooling, that Sunday mornings are reserved for church, and we plan nothing in it's place. that we only listen to christian music,(other then fun children's songs and things like that) that I allow my oldest to use markers but not the youngest, and of course there is the great debate-spanking, I personally do not have a problem with spanking and have used it on accasions but isn't something that I use consistently, but I have been put down because I don't really speak for or against it because I can see where it can be used affectively but at the same time don't think it is 100% affective for all kids).................. I am sure there are more debates that we could come up with as parents but really, what is the use, we are all going to be put down for something so as far as I am concerned this debate is over for me because I personally do not plan on changing my views or my parenting style at this point becasue what I do as a parent is working with my children regardless of what others think. I know that my husband and I are good parents and that our children are blessed to be in a good loving home as we are blesssed to have our little girls, they certainly are a gift. None of us are perfect but when we are confident and believe in our selves and have the best interest of our children as top priority then I believe we are doing the right thing. We all as parents really should take time once in a while and evaluate ourselves when it comes to this task of parenting and I as in the past will change parenting styles when I see that something isn't working, I think that is what makes a good parent, knowing the difference between right and wrong and having an open heart and mind. life, situations, attitudes, change through out time and we just need to love and care for our kids the best way that we can. Whether a parent spanks or not has nothing to do with whether or not they are a good or bad parent, it basically comes down to the attitude of the parents and the behaviors/attitudes of the kids. I think if good parents knew and understood the signs of bad parenting, they would be willing to do what it takes to make things right. And I have said in the past, look at the children and I believe for the most part, the results of our parenting will come out in them........................................I wish you all a Happy and Bleaseed New Year. Enjoy your kids and know that they are a blessing and a gift from above and they deserve the best of the best when it comes to their parents.

My oldest will be 5 in a month and once in a while she has a little bit of a problem doing what I have asked, I ask/tell her once andgive her a certain amount of time to do it and if it doesn't get done, I then take action. One time, she didn't brush her teeth when she was suppose to, so I threw her tooth brush a way, and said, "fine, you want dirty teeth, that is your choice", (of course I had some in the cupboard and yes she went that night withour brushung her teeth) but the next morning she apologized and she doesn't miss a night. When she talks back, I look at her and say, "you have a choice, you can do what I asked, or you can go to bed", of course she does what I ask. An issue with her is picking up her toys, I give her a certain amount of time to pick them up and if it doesn't get done, it goes in the trash bag and put up, when she is consistent in cleaning up, she gets those back but I have sold a few things in a yard sale and that too gets her to think. I think you need to be bold and consistent and thou it may take him some time to catch on, he eventually will get the idea that he needs to listen or he will lose in the end. My daughter told me once that she didn't like me becasue of something she was suppose to do and didn't listen and I put something away, I told her that it was her choice whether or not she wanted to like me but I was her mommy and that I love her but the rules are meant to be followed so therefore she will follow them, I followed through with what I was doing and walked away from her and she hasn't said that to me since.......as far as your sone telling you that you are a bad mom, don't take it so personal, just look at him and say something like, "o well, even though I am a bad mom,I still love you and we still have rules in our home and follow through with whatever you are doing at the time. The next time, he asks for something, respond to him by saying, :well, I would love to give you (whatever) but remember I am a bad mom so I don't think that is going to happen) then walk away from him. I can almost bet that your son will change his attitude in time, and though I do not think your fiance should discipline your son, he should be supportive and stick by your rules. AS far as his father goes, well, he isn't helping situations any but really there isn't anything you can do for only he can change himself, just stick wioth your rules and boundaries and don't let the little guy get to you, in time he will catch on.

of course that was suppose to read Blessed New year...