Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Hello there Jetta and Karen.  So good to see you are doing well Karen.  Gosh, I really miss chattin' with you.  I remember the early days of our board here and boy, have we come a LLLOOOONNGGG way or what?!? :)  I think it is really sad when someone says that they are a good parent b/c of not spanking or imply that someone is a bad parent b/c they do.  I know, personally, there is SUCH a HUGE difference between spanking and abuse I just can't imagine someone NOT understanding it.  Although, after all the time I've spent here, I realize that is just the case. 

I won't go into all the hoopla of our home, but we do believe in spanking.  I know that not everyone does and that is quite okay.  I believe there are GREAT parents either way.  I also believe there are parents who shouldn't be parents either way.  Raising a child takes so much energy in so many avenues how can you possibly limit it to one aspect?  Just b/c I'm faithful in taking my children to church, does that mean parents who don't are bad?  Of course not.  Just b/c I don't allow my children to watch certain things on TV, does that mean parents who do are bad?  Of course not.  We all make the decisions we do based on what "we" believe is the best for them.  Now, on the other hand, as the previous poster said about her Mom being oblivious to her emotions through her Mom's treatment of her, that is a communication problem, not a spanking problem.  I, personally, have a GREAT communication relationship with my dh and children.  They boys have clearly expressed how they felt when being spanked, but likewise how they felt/feel when they are being disciplined period.  Bottom line is they pretty much don't like either but understand the consequence came as a result of their choices.  Too, if the discipline does not bring positive, lasting, and definite results, it is just simply not worth it to me. 

Hope everyone has a GREAT Thursday.  Jetta and Karen, you better hang in there girls or Scooby will be finding you!!!!  :) 

tselb2 

Precisely my point in so many ways.  It doesn't take getting a "spanking" to be considered abusive.  I know spanking, the way we used it, was not abusive.  And just because you DON'T spank doesn't make you a GREAT parent.  That is terrible about watching your brother get beat, but the sad thing is, I can completely relate.  I watched my brother get hit with a flyswatter one time so many times to the point that his legs collapsed at his knees.  The only reason he didn't fall to the floor was because my Mom had a hold of his arm, but his little legs bent at the knees b/c he couldn't stand anymore.  He was only about 7.  Now, I have a 7 yo and couldn't imagine doing that to him anymore than I could imagine locking him in a closet, boiling his little fingers, or pulling him around by his hair.   I know/knew my children well enough to know that spanking my oldest would be WAY more hurtful to his little spirit than spanking my second who was QUITE the little one to raise.  He is doing really well now, but I definitely attribute it to the way he has been raised thus far.  He was disciplined VERY strictly, but then on the other hand, I spent QUITE a bit of time just holding him on the rocker b/c it was what he needed at the time.  He is very emotional as well, but not quite the same way as my oldest.  My third is just a firecracker.  He has SUCH a will, but is really loving as well.  You can't get three loving little men from being abusive to them.  I don't care how you figure it.  I knew from the time I was very little that I would learn from the mistakes my parents made.  I, too, have forgiven both of them for their decisions.  My Mom passed away in May of 200 and my Dad in October of 2001.  Forgiveness, to me, is not only a requirement from God, but a soul saver.  Take care and you're very welcome for listening.  ;) 

tselb2 

I still can't figure out how this new format works. Once I sign in, I can't find the message I was going to reply to. Atleast I know how to post a message, geez! 

Have you had a busy summer? It is hard to believe school is already starting again, isn't it. Justin sure is going to miss his big brother when he starts school on Monday. How are your children handling starting school? 

We definitely need to keep in touch better than we have. If you still have my e-mail address you can e-mail me whenever you get a chance. I lost your new e-mail. 

Have a great weekend!  

I have a 15 yr old daughter who has ADHD, and it's been my experience that if you hold the same expectations for them as for a "normal" child, you CAN get results...sometimes it takes a little longer, and sometimes you have to break things down into step by step instructions, just giving them one step at a time, but if you give them the same rules and consequences as any other child their age would have, and are consistent, you WILL see results.  A child who "runs all over" the parent is not receiving consistent discipline, and the parent is teaching the child that their behavior is acceptable.  

Teresa