have 3 beautiful children, ages 11,13, & 15. They are all doing very well in school. They are all virgins and trust me, that's not ignorant mom speaking, I know they are. None of them drink, none of them do drugs. They even ask permission before they cuss! They all love me with everything they have in them. They even still call for me to come kiss them and tuck them in every single night before they go to bed. Ok, really, I'm not bragging, this is why I think they are like this:
1. I am not afraid to bust their butts. Throughout their entire lives, the only time they've ever gotten a spanking was if they were in danger of hurting themselves or someone else. I would rather bust their butts for running out in a parking lot than have them hit by a car.
2. Any time they are in trouble for anything else, I discipline them in various ways. I will ground them, make them write an apology letter to whoever they offended, tie them together until they say 10 things nice about the other person or I make them write sentences. Time out NEVER worked for them.
3. If they lie, they get the soap. My children do not lie. Everybody who knows my children crack up because they will tell on themselves for doing something wrong that I would have never found out about. They could be in California with their dad and I'm in Oklahoma and they will call me to tell on themselves. They will still get in trouble for doing wrong but it's not the degree of trouble they get in for lying.
4. I have NEVER lied to my children. They ask about sex, I give them the straight up facts. They asked about condoms, I went and got one from my husbands drawer and showed them how to use one. My belief is, they're going to find out anyway and if they come to me first and I lie, the trust will be broken and they won't believe anything I say anymore and will have no reason to come to me.
5. There is a rule in my home. They know that I want them to wait for marriage to become sexually active, however I became sexually active at age 11 and had my first child at age 15, all three by 19. I'm not stupid. So we have an agreement that if they feel it's getting to that point in a relationship (especially with two of them being boys), they can come to me, they will not get in trouble, I will not judge them, I will simply give them the proper information they need to do make sure they do it safely.
6. If my kids were to ever get caught ditching school, I would go to school with them the next day in my pajamas and bunny slippers with curlers in my hair and spend the entire day with them like that. It hasn't happened but they know I'm just crazy enough to do it.
7. Finally, I use my life experiences. I don't say DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO. I tell them, look, I had sex when I was your age, I had 3 kids before I was 19. Though I don't regret having my children, I wish I had waited longer. My husband is a felon. He's cleaned his life up but before I met him, he did drugs, he sold drugs, he went to jail for 4 months. His life is forever changed because 1 time he was caught with drugs. I've known alot of people who did drugs. The children have also known of these people and when the drugs come up to bite them in the butt, I make sure my children know why they are in that position.
It all comes down to having good communication with your children. If you treat them with respect, they will do the same. But respecting them also means a good spanking when it's called for. I've had DHS at my door for two reasons, the first was for spanking, they decided I did nothing wrong, the second was for the soap in the mouths, they also told me that was fine as long as I wasn't pouring a whole big ol' bottle of dishsoap down their throats. If you don't spank your kids at every turn, they can't call it abuse. My plan may not work for everybody but I hope it helps somebody.
