Topic : Things That Worked For Us

I'm sorry. You haven't given a good enough reason to leave your husband. Just because he doesn't get along with your son, or is the boy both of yours? Are you kidding me? Unless there is violence and object throwing, excessive language, etc., you are way overreacting. Your husband is an adult and you have no right to sit him down like a child. I hear lots of women on these message boards say how offended they were to be sat down by there husbands for fighting with these husband's daughters from previous marriages. Children manipulate, push and pull and attack relationships in the home. You and your husband must sit down and agree about discipline in the household. Don't put all this on his back and blame him for not getting along with your son. Secondly, why have you allowed a child to disrupt your household. Unless your husband is abusive and or an addict of some type, he must have good reasons for his anger. Find out what's going on. How do you help your son by taking away his role models? A lack of male role-models is not going to help him grow up and mature. Women make this mistake all the time and go out and look for a gentle man to foster their children and that poor guy is going to be picking up the pieces of your failure for the rest of his life and that isn't fair. It sounds like the battle ground between husband and wife just plays out in the son to father relationship and you arn't helping by picking sides and balancing your marriage over it as blackmail. Sit down with coffee, in a quiet room, with the kids at the grandparents and work out these issues. You and your husband, right or wrong, make the calls, not the kids. When your boy is 18, he is on his own and an adult. He needs to have a plan on how he will take care of himself, get an education, a job and find a place to stay. You need to let your husband raise a man, not a boy. Sorry, for being so hard on you. This just happens to families so much. Feminist tell women to raise their kids without the father and those boys grow up without that male role model to teach things that women can not teach men. How many men will you leave because your son doesn't agree with them. Stop now. It will not get better with a new guy. A divorce will destroy this family. Arguments are not evil. Arguments are communication, albeit intense in nature. Get the strength to sit your man down and sit your son down next and tell him that you won't tolerate his disrespecting the house rules or you husbands rules. If your husband needs anger management and or communication training, don't throw him out for that. You don't burn down the barn because the mule kicked out the door. Please, reconsider. 

You punishment is too light. A couple of members have suggested taking away the truck if he doesn't get the job. Excellent. But go a little farther than that. Tell him that you are disappointed that he chose not to trust you with his feeling. And that he gonig to have to rebuild the trust. So, no special travel to girlfriend's house or friends until you are sure he is handling his responsibilities. Force him to come out and say how he's going to fix this problem. 

There are so many things you are doing wrong. You want her to have a childhood? What?! Her childhood is over. Seriously. Are you kidding? Her father did drugs, does drugs, uses, whatever. Her mother drinks and gets wild and crazy. She loves the lifestyle at her mom's. She lies and manipulates, breaks rules and plays both sides, has no interest in kids her age and is good at being extremely passive agressive. You are caught up in her game. You lose. Here's how to stop playing: 1. She is close enough to being an adult that she should have a plan to explain what she's going to do with her life, education, work, a place to stay. She must have a plan and your job is to help her form it a little. But, at 18, she has to know what she's doing and where she is going to stay. 2. Reading the bible will not solve her problems. She is laughing at you, you know that, right? Reading the bible will not impact her one little bit. I read the bible when I was young and let me tell you, it has no bearing on teenager's actions. You are fooling yourself. The bible is education and history and lessons and stories, not the end-all-be-all-sovle-all-tool. 3. What currency is importatnt to her? She has no friends and hates video games, so don't use that. You are a little confused. You want to take away friends, but you push her to find friends, huh? It's one way or the other. You might want to assign a long list of chores that must be completed before she retires each day. She is old enough to make her own breakfast, lunch and simple dinner. She can do her wash, clean her room, help clean up areas of the house, scrub the bathroom and mow the lawn. She can lose priviledges like new clothing, shoes, school items and other non-essentials until she is up to speed on chores. 4. She can have a time limit on each activity. Say, 4 hours of tv a week, 4 hours of phone a week, 6 hours of friends a week, 1 hour of internet a week, whatever. When she uses up the time, its gone. She can go read a book or volunteer to help the poor at the salvation army. 5. How about a part-time job? I had one at her age. She can keep her money to save up for her first apartment or education expenses. 6. Stop trying to control her mother's house. You are not god. Let the courts handle that. 7. Focus on her growing up as a responsible adult and stop playing her drama-gal game. You are hyper-sensitive to her situation and that doesn't allow for you to see situations level-headed. 8. Don't send her out the house just because she's been there all day. If she's handled her chores and is done with homework and has come home from her part-time job, who cares if she uses 2 hours of her tv time to veg-out. See how it works. Good luck. 

I'd like to pose a question to any blended families out there. How have you opened communication with the kids of your significant other? Are there any tips, tricks, methods you've adopted that are helpful? I'd love to hear from you. Throw us dummies a bone. Thanks.