Topic : Things That Worked For Us

My gosh you went court and/or lawyer/s for divorces and child support.  They made you let your sons dad have visitation.  Are you really that clueless or what is the rest of the story?

How could you not know you'd have the same rights?

You mentioned allowing your ex stop the child support since he was in fact raising and providing for his/your son.  Why was it OK for you to not pay child support?  Did you raise your son at any time or was family members doing it for you?

So many times people that have their priorities messed up, find a way to blame someone else, and I for one am tired of it.

No one, no how, would keep my daughter from me and I suspect the phone # change is just another  of your excuses.  How did you write to said son? Phone # changed boohoo well why the heck did you not drive to the address you claimed to mail all those letters to? 

Why was it OK to collect child support for years and not pay child support?

Maybe you are reaping what you sowed.

I have raised 4 kids of my own and am now a house parent at a boys ranch for foster children.  I did alot ot things the wrong way in raising my own, as we all do.  But the "lets Fix the Kids" curriculum that we use here at the ranch is by far the BEST I have ever read and IT WORKS!!!  It is by a guy name Jim Jones (not the cult leader).  It teaches responsibility through natural consequences.  I too have read Kevin Lehman's book and it is really good...this just takes it a step further with examples, daily behavior charts etc. 

When a child receives consequences, let's say for not doing homework.  He will receive extra study time at the table and an early bed time.  If he gets mad about it all I say is that I am very sorry too that he made the choices that caused him to receive this consequence.  I tell him that I would have loved him to be able to watch TV with us but that because he chose to not take care of his responsiblity of school, then he loses privileges.  Responsibilty always comes before privilige.  We EARN our privilieges.  The only things that kids have absolute rights to are unconditional love, a a roof over their head and  food to nourish them.  EVERYTHING else is a privilege he earns.  TV, new toys, sweets, going to movies etc. etc. 

I have never seen anything work so well to instill a sense of confidence in a child and at the same time building relationships with me.  I don't have to whine, or yell or fell confused all of the time.

I hope this helps some of you with younger kids.  The faster you start...the more you will enjoy your children.

I have 2 boys each with different dad's.  My oldests dad and I get along great when the time calls for it.  My youngests dad was abusive and hit my oldest and me.  Physically, mentally and emotionally scaring us into submissions for him.

Once I was ready to leave I immediatly sought councilling for us.  I knew my older one resented me for all of this and I have tried everything I can possibly come up with to have him act respectful and caring again...nothing seems to be working again.  He did do well after seeing the counciller but she thought he was okay emotionally now.  I think different.

He is SOOOOO negative about himself and always talks about how stupid he is, and the fits he throws at almost 11yr is astonishing.  When I give in, due to guilt, it works for a while. 

I've lost him...I don't seem to recognize him anymore.  I want him back and don't know where to turn anymore.

My 3yr old son sees his brothers behaviours and mimics.  I try to explain that it is wrong, but big brother does it soo.....

I made the wrong choices in life a few years back, and thought I was doing all the right things by councilling and extra attention to correct it, but it hasn't worked.  What do I do?  Who do I talk to?

picking up on give each and every idea

15 minutes of your total enthusiam

to which we added, to come up with 15 similar ideas (hey, that when the going gets good)

which will show us, you are getting the idea

its left us playing music . . ah, aint those dollar store harmonicas the greatest

like start making music where ever so much as a hint of trouble brew, and let the vibes reharmonize. . .

like in my lil' corner of having so much fun . . . like the other day, I shared with my grandson, know what the best job in the world is? he bit. . . with a what? Comedian. . . and yes the why, was just as easy to answer. . . 'Because they make people laugh, and laughter is the best medicine in the world with the added BonUS, soon as you learn make music, seems, fighting melts like icebergs on the Grand Banks of kNew Found Land, AS the jewels, yes the Diamonds of the sea . . . as the sleeping beauty of the snow White BUFFaLO Calf . . .cracks ...............off land

this, of course for as long as an ice age is melting into a nice age, as it soon will come be. . . and having decided to share our notes on Dr Phil's MESSage Boards. . .

at least, for a spell, bout the thinKs which have life, come work for us

as it will

for all who find, the dollar store's musical instruments work just fine. . . as hey, will the pots and pans. . . couple sticks, or spoons. . . so time to have fun

so time to stop listen and learn from our children . . in how quick they catch

and why aren't they all walking with their notes books in an ipod kind o thing, instead of slugging all those books on their back. .

what happened to the mother bear in women that they can let their children be so saddled with our not having learned make using, where ever so much as a hint of trouble or seriousness brew. .

I just learn that dwelling on what aint working for me, aint gonna make it work for me

what work for me. . .is close me eye. . . take deep breath and know all the fabrications of our inspiration, had best be let loose, free flying and winging it. . . on playing it by ear. . .

as my daughter once shared, bless her soul,

"why can't they teach us what they figure we need know, with a song?  "

a note we like to follow up with. . . if we cannot not? maybe we ought question what our youth is being taught?

know, music is the universal language, with laughter still, our favourite. . . and hey, just got to catch our Lane's Lil' Laughing man on tape. . . it just magic. . . way he dancess. . . and taking us right back to MUMs basic training. . . hand baby a rattle. . . have it rock and roll into sitting up and dance, ere they can walk. .

it when we begin the orderly progression of . . . all flyes out of control

cheery O's to all

My 16 year old son has been in trouble with the law, failing some of his classes in 10th grade, and refuses to do what I ask of him if he doesn't feel like it. He'll take out the trash if I ask him to, but he won't go to bed on a school night before midnight (has to pick up the school bus at 6:30 am) if he doesn't feel like it.  I'm very frustrated.

If I use consequences, like refusing to let him do something on the weekend that he wants to do, it's a joke, he does it anyway. If I attempt to take his x box away, it gets physical and he wins.

If I take his stuff when he's not looking, he gets angry and goes through the house breaking my stuff (cell phone, purse, vases, tv, picture frames, walls).

He says mean things to me to attempt to push my buttons and make me go away. I tell him, I'm here to stay, I'm the parent, you're the child. He doesn't respect anyone's authority. I've had police called and talk to him, he listens, talks back, ultimately agrees to behave, then he's back at it again.  He says I'm ruining his life by making him do things and I should just leave him alone. He suggested that I sign an immancipation agreement to allow him to be considered an adult and on his own, but he wants to continue to live in my house - I just won't have to tell him what to do.

If he doesn't 'feel like' going to school, he doesn't. I don't write the excused absence for him, tell him he's making poor choices, and he reminds me that he could drop out if he wanted to. He doesn't have a driver's license because the agreement is he has to bring home c's on his report card (sad that I'm aspiring my kid to be 'average' isn't it) - he can't do that.  The grades won't be an issue because the State will not allow him to get a license with xx number of unexcused absences from school. I've written house rules (for the entire family), he doesn't follow them.

I would appreciate any help you can provide. I've pretty much run the gamat of family, friends, social workers, community assistance, courts and I can't get anywhere.