Topic : Things That Worked For Us

At home, it is important that you have a schedule and stick to it as closely as possible. When she gets home from school or you get home from work, take time to sit down with her and do an activity, project or game for approx. 30 to 40 mins. (You and your husband can take turns doing this) This is quality time between just the two of you- when you give her quality time on a schedule, she will come to realize that she doesn’t need to act out or disrupt other activities (such as at school) to get attention that she wants. At home, if she interrupts you while you are busy/on the phone, etc., take a moment to calmly say to her, “I’m almost done, please don’t interrupt again. Give me __ more minutes.” Then, take out a kitchen timer and set it for the amount of time that you just told her. This holds you to your word, your child will learn that when mom says that she will listen to me in five minutes, she really does, and it creates an important bond of trust. I have found that when I give my children a healthy dose of quality time playing a game or helping them with an activity book, they don’t need a huge quantity of miscellaneous time. I bought a bunch of activity books from the dollar store, they are labeled according to the children’s grade at school, and I sit down and help them do a few of the pages. I’ve found that this is helpful because they started to enjoy learning, which means less disruptions at school. I hope that these suggestions are helpful for you!

I need some help!  I have a three and half year old daughter.  She is in a hitting phase right now.  She can be walking by you or she be playing with her brother or just for the heck of just come up and hit you.  She will hit you with her hand or what ever she has in her hand.  For example: We were getting ready to go out yesterday and I had her get her sandals out of her room.  She walked right by her brother and smacked him in the chest with a sandal.  Or I will be putting her in the van and she will just pop me in the face or chest where ever she can hit at at the time.

      I send her to her room tell her not to hit tell her it is wrong I don't know what else to do.  I have also spanked some but have STOPPED doing that because I felt that was sending the wrong message.  Even though I was brought up that way you know....Please I need some help....

First, you are right to stop the spanking- it is sending a mixed message to hit her for hitting other people- its like saying it is okay for me to hit you, but you can’t hit other people; and it will not help.

She is three and a half, so she is old enough to know hitting is wrong. The best thing you can do is to be on her like stink on a skunk whenever she hits! Yes, this might get tiring, but if you can catch her each and every time she does it, and you have consistent discipline with her, then there is a good chance that you can curb this behavior within a week. Don’t send her to her room, that is like sending her to Disney- she has toys, books, etc., in her room- she needs to sit in a ‘naughty chair’ or in a corner in a room where you are. Each and every time she hits, give her a 3 - 4 min. time out, and have the same talk with her about why she is having a time out and why hitting is not acceptable. Don’t worry- if you are consistent with your daughter, she will come around!

Hi there,

You found someone who knows what you are going through and it is hard. I have 3 children, my oldest is 14. When she was born, I had horrible post-partum depression. I would get suicidal around period time, and was just uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't ask for help, I was to afraid that someone would take my daughter from me. (I was a single Mom at the time) I can tell you I only ended up getting worse. As she got older and the problems got bigger, the worse I became. I didn't beat my daughter but my mouth was out of control, and I yelled and screamed a lot too.I would blow up at the slightest thing.

In moments of peace and quiet, I felt awful, just like you, for being so mean and hurtful. That was not the kind of mother I wanted to be.

When I had my sons, exactly 12 months and 12 days apart, that is when hell really broke loose. I have been on anti-depressants for 8 years and have had a hell of a time. I am doing better now, but a lot of heartache for my children, myself and my spouse was the end result.

What I would recommend and only because I would hate to see you go through what I have, is to talk to your doctor. Believe me, your children won't be taken away, one thing I have realized is people do not look down on you for admitting you have a problem, if anything you are admired for your courage to speak up and find a solution. It takes guts, and you have already shown you have some by reaching out here. Your children are little, so do yourself and them a favour and nip this is the bud now. Reach out, you won't regret it. I wish you all the luck, but remember to not be to hard on yourself, you will get better!! xxxxxxxx

I have 3 children 2 girls and a boy my daughters are ages 13 and 16 (wow on the 16) and my son is 11 and has non verbal disability.  We are in the process of getting our other two children evaluated as well as we think they might have the same disability but at different degrees.

I use my kitchen table for punishment they have to sit there and sometimes I have them write verses from the Bible that goes with what they did.  If they disrepected us then they have to look up verses dealing with obeying your parents.  Since I started this they have not had to write too often but at first it seems like they were learning a lot of scripture.  If the table fails then the next step and loss is the television, and if that fails I start taking their favorite things.  Usually the table works though.   I am taking my 16 year old to a therapist because she has big time anger problems.  All there of my children are adopted and she has had a very hard past at the age of 4.

So we are dealing with a lot.  The therapist is great and a great support for myself as well. 

My oldest wants to have control and if she doesn't feel that things are in her favor she really gets quite rude and tells us she will do what she wants. When my son gets in trouble and doesn't want to go to the table all I have to do is start counting and at 2 he is at the table.  My 13 year old is starting to push the limit because she has watched her sister push and she is trying very much to be like her but I don't let her win she ends up at the table and getting priveledges taken away as well.   We are always together at evening meals and I am not a mother to give my kids cell phones and every other thing they might want because their friends have them.   I am never afraid to talk to a family members and get advice from them concerning how I am handling things with my kids.   I worry alot and want to be a good parent in all ways.

Can't understand why it's difficult... Maybe I'm fortunate, I have 4 children ages 18, 16, 14 and 5. Two of them have autistic problems but still... I've tried to discipline them by showing them what I do. I refuse to shout, I seldom raise my voice, I spend all my free time with them. I have been criticized that I don't have any time on my own but I believe that since I brought them into this world then I should care for them. I never watch TV at home because I'm always busy. I try to find time every day to talk to them, reason with them, talk about faith , draw sing whatever. Now I can see my reward in my two oldest children. Soon it is time for them to leave home and at the moment it is my 14 year old I have to concentrate on. Often I've looked in the bible to find my answers on what to do:

1. Parents don't irritate your children

2. Wherever you are at home or on the road always talk to your children

3. Children respect your parents

We're not perfect we do have our arguments but we try to reason about it. So my best tip talk talk talk......