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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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July 2, 2007, 7:08 am CDT

HELP!

I NEED HELP WITH MY SON......PLEASE...I AM AT MY WITTS END AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE IS ONLY 3 1/2 AND SEEMS TO HAVE BEHAVIORAL ISSUES ...MY HUSBAND AND I NEED DIRECTION AND SUGGESTIONS AND ANY HELP WE CAN GET..SOEM OF HIS BEHAVIORS ARE LIFE OR DEATH THE THINGS HE DOES ARE DANGEROUS TO HIMSELF AND COULD END IN DEATH ...HE SCARES ME VERY MINUTE OF THE DAY I AM STRESSED TO THE BITTER END AND MY MARRIAGE AND MY OTHER KIDS ARE HAVING TO PAY THE PRICE BECAUSE OF THE ANXIETY LEVEL......ALL BECAUSE OF A 3 YEAR OLD SO PLEASE IF YOU COULD EVEN CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU REICEVED THIS EMAIL WOULD MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER KNOWING THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HEARS ME .....EVEN SUGGESTIONS WOULD HELP ME SOEMTIHNG PLEASE ...PLEASE IF YOU COULD FIND TIME TO JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OR WHERE TO TURN TO.......THATS ALL.. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO????
 
July 2, 2007, 8:42 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: amandat143

I NEED HELP WITH MY SON......PLEASE...I AM AT MY WITTS END AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE IS ONLY 3 1/2 AND SEEMS TO HAVE BEHAVIORAL ISSUES ...MY HUSBAND AND I NEED DIRECTION AND SUGGESTIONS AND ANY HELP WE CAN GET..SOEM OF HIS BEHAVIORS ARE LIFE OR DEATH THE THINGS HE DOES ARE DANGEROUS TO HIMSELF AND COULD END IN DEATH ...HE SCARES ME VERY MINUTE OF THE DAY I AM STRESSED TO THE BITTER END AND MY MARRIAGE AND MY OTHER KIDS ARE HAVING TO PAY THE PRICE BECAUSE OF THE ANXIETY LEVEL......ALL BECAUSE OF A 3 YEAR OLD SO PLEASE IF YOU COULD EVEN CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU REICEVED THIS EMAIL WOULD MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER KNOWING THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HEARS ME .....EVEN SUGGESTIONS WOULD HELP ME SOEMTIHNG PLEASE ...PLEASE IF YOU COULD FIND TIME TO JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OR WHERE TO TURN TO.......THATS ALL.. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO????
if you can tell me what exactly he is doing, and what your reactions are to his actions, i might eb able to give you some advice. some advice i can give you anyway is: kids imitate behaviour, so they imitate your and your husbands behaviour, and the behaviour of other people that they see on a daily basis. and you could let him get checked by a doctor to be sure that it's not a medical thing. but please tell me what exactly is, or are the problems, so i can give you more specific advice.
 
July 2, 2007, 9:32 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: miekje

if you can tell me what exactly he is doing, and what your reactions are to his actions, i might eb able to give you some advice. some advice i can give you anyway is: kids imitate behaviour, so they imitate your and your husbands behaviour, and the behaviour of other people that they see on a daily basis. and you could let him get checked by a doctor to be sure that it's not a medical thing. but please tell me what exactly is, or are the problems, so i can give you more specific advice.

Well for starters my husband and I both think that there is someting medical goin on.....a few weeks ago he looked himself in the trunk of my car on a really hot day and was crying to get out thankfully i was right there and got him out but it could have suffocated him....the other is we were driving down the street  and i heard the door sounder goin off which mean the door is opened he was out of his 4 point harness car seat and hanging off the door handle as we were turning a corner of a main drag i puuled over and firlmy told him how dangerous this was he laughed while he was doin it but puoted in his seat when he realized how upset i was .....he is contsantly sniffing or licking gas cans so we put them up as high as we could and he climbs anything and everything very quickly mind you to get what he wants.....he climbed in the oven with a can of soda ...these things are not normal things that anyone in our famiy does for him to imitate....he is very short tempered and when he gets mad be hits his head of things ......we have never had any problems like this with any of the other siblings ever ....he is the baby and just like our other kkids recives praise and lots of love as we have a big family....need more let me know i could go on forver

 
July 3, 2007, 5:42 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: amandat143

Well for starters my husband and I both think that there is someting medical goin on.....a few weeks ago he looked himself in the trunk of my car on a really hot day and was crying to get out thankfully i was right there and got him out but it could have suffocated him....the other is we were driving down the street  and i heard the door sounder goin off which mean the door is opened he was out of his 4 point harness car seat and hanging off the door handle as we were turning a corner of a main drag i puuled over and firlmy told him how dangerous this was he laughed while he was doin it but puoted in his seat when he realized how upset i was .....he is contsantly sniffing or licking gas cans so we put them up as high as we could and he climbs anything and everything very quickly mind you to get what he wants.....he climbed in the oven with a can of soda ...these things are not normal things that anyone in our famiy does for him to imitate....he is very short tempered and when he gets mad be hits his head of things ......we have never had any problems like this with any of the other siblings ever ....he is the baby and just like our other kkids recives praise and lots of love as we have a big family....need more let me know i could go on forver

it does sound like something medical indeed. if so, i can't help you because i'm not a doctor, so just take him to a doctor. furthermore just secure anything. put children's locks on you kabinets, or make get a closet you can lock with a key, and put all the dangerous stuff in there, and make sure he can't get the key. most cars have childrens locks on the back doors that you can activate, i advise you to do that too. put a chain on the front and back door, or some other lock, somewhere high, so you can reach it, but he can't. the last thing may sound a bit strange, but try to find a closed area in you house, where you put him in a time out, preferably an empty area, and make the walls padded, for as high as he can reach with his head, and make sure the floor isn't to hard, put a carpet on it. that's all the advise i can give you. secure your house as much as you can for him. and discipline him in that special area if you can make one, when he sniffs at the gas cans, or does other things like that.

please let me know how it goes, and what came out of the doctors visit.

i hope all the best for you.

 
July 3, 2007, 6:04 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: miekje

it does sound like something medical indeed. if so, i can't help you because i'm not a doctor, so just take him to a doctor. furthermore just secure anything. put children's locks on you kabinets, or make get a closet you can lock with a key, and put all the dangerous stuff in there, and make sure he can't get the key. most cars have childrens locks on the back doors that you can activate, i advise you to do that too. put a chain on the front and back door, or some other lock, somewhere high, so you can reach it, but he can't. the last thing may sound a bit strange, but try to find a closed area in you house, where you put him in a time out, preferably an empty area, and make the walls padded, for as high as he can reach with his head, and make sure the floor isn't to hard, put a carpet on it. that's all the advise i can give you. secure your house as much as you can for him. and discipline him in that special area if you can make one, when he sniffs at the gas cans, or does other things like that.

please let me know how it goes, and what came out of the doctors visit.

i hope all the best for you.

thank you for your advice ...we have an appointment today to discuss his behavior....i hope I come out with something...once again thank you and I'll keep you posted..

Sincerely , Amanda

 
July 3, 2007, 6:32 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Anyone eles have any insight for me.....please my ears are wide open .....
 
July 3, 2007, 3:20 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: miekje

i think there are two things you should do. i think you should send him to a counsellor, or someone else he can talk to, and share his feelings with, and who can help him. i also think that you will have to start discipline him, even though you feel guilty. first of all, you didn't choose to become sick, so you don't have to feel guilty about that, and second, if you don't discipline him now, he will really get out of control at age 14, 15 ,16. and then you have something to feel guilty about. i'd say, just give him time outs. maybe you have an empty, or almost empty room, where you can put him in, where he can't do to much harm. put him in there fr 10 minutes, and if he has made a mess in it, in that ten minutes, he has to stay in there untill he has cleaned it up again. another discipline form is taking away videogames, or his privilege to playing outside. i might seem a bit harsh to you, to get strict on him now, but it is really for his own good. but it is also important to make him go to that counsellor. and you could encourage him to write a diary, where he can write down his feelings.
thank you so much for the suggestions. One of the things I really have a hard time with is his dad and I are split up and his dad has no respect for me. My son sees that, just yesterday he was supposed to pick our son up at noon. He not only didn't pick him up until 5:oo pm, but he didn't even acknowledge that he was late. I was really upset, but I didn't say anything to him because I try not to fight in front of our son. Our son sees this lack of respect and turns around and does similar things. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I sometimes feel that I can't deal with his behavior anymore. I'm still not physically very strong, and still dealing with reactions from the chemo and radiation. I just wish that he would talk to me or someone about what's causing him to behave the way he does, instead of just telling me he doesn't know what's wrong. Any suggestions or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
 
July 5, 2007, 11:29 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: naturallynice

thank you so much for the suggestions. One of the things I really have a hard time with is his dad and I are split up and his dad has no respect for me. My son sees that, just yesterday he was supposed to pick our son up at noon. He not only didn't pick him up until 5:oo pm, but he didn't even acknowledge that he was late. I was really upset, but I didn't say anything to him because I try not to fight in front of our son. Our son sees this lack of respect and turns around and does similar things. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I sometimes feel that I can't deal with his behavior anymore. I'm still not physically very strong, and still dealing with reactions from the chemo and radiation. I just wish that he would talk to me or someone about what's causing him to behave the way he does, instead of just telling me he doesn't know what's wrong. Any suggestions or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
i don't know if you have court things to keep to in regard with the time your ex spends with your son, but i think you should draw a line with your ex too. if he doesn't pick him up in time, he might as well not pick him up at all. if there is something else that you can think of, to 'discipline' your ex, it is possibly better, because this is not an ideal solution. but you could say. you can pick him up at three, and if he's more than half an hour late, without calling, you call him and say, it isn't convenient for me to have you picking him up today, you can pick him up tomorrow at three. even though you have been going through a hard time, and you still are, i do want to encourage you to set boundaries. even though your fysically not strong, you can do things like this. and if you're son doesn't want to go into time out, and you can't pick him up. you just punish him with something worse then that ten minute time out, like no tv or computer or any other videogames for a week. and take the remotes, or anything else he needs to play, like the mouse or keyboard, and hide them, or lock them away. this way he'll learn that it is better for him to go into that ten minute time out, than having his priviliges taken away for a week. a counsellor knows conversation techniques, to let him talk, and knows what the things he says, or doesn't say mean. so i think that it would be a very good solution. have him talk to the counselor in private, and make sure the counselor keeps you up to date.
 
August 15, 2007, 4:34 pm CDT

HELP! We can't stop fighting!

I am a stay home mom to our three year old daughter. First of all, she's funny, smart, plays well with other kids and learns things quick. However.... Strong willed doesn't begin to describe her. She's also a breath holder so it's double trouble. We fight nonstop! She argues with me about EVERYTHING! She talks back, she's into absolutely everything, like nothing is off limits to her. I try to set boundries, have house rules posted, give her spanks (sorta), take toys away, time outs, the works! But lately I've resorted to yelling. I hate it!!! My sister yells at her kids and I always said I wasn't going to do that to mine. I can't seem to get anything done when she is awake. She wakes up in a bad mood and will take a swing at me or yell at me and that pretty much sets the tone for our day together. I try and take her for walks and bikerides to get her in a better mood, but nothing works. Everything is a fight and my frustration is quickly turning to anger. She won't listen to or do one single thing that I ask. It's like I'm talking in some foreign language to her or something. I'm in a rotten mood from sun up to sun down and feel like an absolute failure as a parent. My husband gets home from work and comments on what a pissy mood I'm in and then there's tension between us as well.

I need some advise, anything to help us get through this. Maybe words I can replace or discipline techniques I can change. Anything!

Thanks in advanced.

 
August 22, 2007, 11:40 am CDT

Don't know what to do

I have a son whom just turned 4 this June, he has always had trouble getting along with other children he is an only child and around adults all the time. It seems as if every daycare I have had him in there has been trouble for them and I have always blamed it on the daycare and the other kids inthe daycare....

 

I just got married in April and before then he didn't have a father figure around he hasn't seen his real father since 2005. Now my husband who has no children at all wants to discipline him for liitle thing and he wants to spank him thinking that time out doesn't work.... my son looks to him as his father so there is no problem there but it is just that I haven't raised my son to being used to getting in trouble all the time... I have always been laid back and just didn't want to fight my son on anything. I do understand that I made the wrong decision on raising him that way and I would like to change but my husband wants to take it to the extreme. 

 

Now he has been in a new preschool since July 1st. and has been haveing trouble since. I told the school before I enrolled him that he was a difficult child and that he really had trouble getting along with other children. They told me that it was there job to fix that... It sounded great...

 

I honestly believe that he is very hyper his bilogical father had adhd and his half sisster has adhd. So I think he might have that. I haven't gotten him check for it but I am planning on it.

 

Now the school is complaining and saying that he has behaivioral issues and he is beating up the other children, I don't want to believe them but if you look at him track record. you kinda of have to!!!

 

I don't know what to do my husband and I are always fighting about it, and now the school is today suspended him for2 days and said that if he beats up another kid that they are kicking him out for good. The school never once tried to work with me on it untill today and now they are only going to give him 1 chance...

 

Please someone I need some advice!!! 

 
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