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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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August 22, 2007, 11:41 am CDT

Don't know what to do

I have a son whom just turned 4 this June, he has always had trouble getting along with other children he is an only child and around adults all the time. It seems as if every daycare I have had him in there has been trouble for them and I have always blamed it on the daycare and the other kids inthe daycare....

 

I just got married in April and before then he didn't have a father figure around he hasn't seen his real father since 2005. Now my husband who has no children at all wants to discipline him for liitle thing and he wants to spank him thinking that time out doesn't work.... my son looks to him as his father so there is no problem there but it is just that I haven't raised my son to being used to getting in trouble all the time... I have always been laid back and just didn't want to fight my son on anything. I do understand that I made the wrong decision on raising him that way and I would like to change but my husband wants to take it to the extreme. 

 

Now he has been in a new preschool since July 1st. and has been haveing trouble since. I told the school before I enrolled him that he was a difficult child and that he really had trouble getting along with other children. They told me that it was there job to fix that... It sounded great...

 

I honestly believe that he is very hyper his bilogical father had adhd and his half sisster has adhd. So I think he might have that. I haven't gotten him check for it but I am planning on it.

 

Now the school is complaining and saying that he has behaivioral issues and he is beating up the other children, I don't want to believe them but if you look at him track record. you kinda of have to!!!

 

I don't know what to do my husband and I are always fighting about it, and now the school is today suspended him for2 days and said that if he beats up another kid that they are kicking him out for good. The school never once tried to work with me on it untill today and now they are only going to give him 1 chance...

 

Please someone I need some advice!!! 

 
September 7, 2007, 9:58 am CDT

best idea ever!

Quote From: apluswhs

Last week, I was whining to my shrink saying I can not get along with my 12 year old preteen daughter.  I was so affraid to set limits with her because I  would be a bad mother.  I was  emotionally abused as a child, and  now I struggle with setting boundries with people and my family.  I  was always told as a child to be nice and never stand up for what I need. As a kid, I was suppose to shut up and smile.  My mom's favorite saying is Be nice,  avoid conflict.  My shrink told me I need to speak up for what I need and dont be ashamed to ask for what I need. I was very scared to make a scene in front of her friends because then I would not be liked.    It was very foreign for me to ask for what I wanted, It was not my usual role.  I felt like I was acting.  I stuck to my new role , in less than two weeks the tension in my house was gone.  I am embarassed to admit I needed to stop being a wounded child and  treat myself like a first class women.  My daughter needed disicipline, but I was too scared to give it to her in the past.  I am doing fine now.     Here is a tip

Are you familiar with the Easy Button from staples.   I was told to buy one but tape Grownup on it.    When ever I feel like a frighten child, I look at the easy button , which now says grownup!

  I

 

 

This is definetely the best thing I've read on any message board in a LONG time!  I went through all of that when  I was a child too, it was more of my father telling me to 'shut up and grin' especially when it came to my mother.  So when it came down to my own children, I haven't been able to do much about discipline or anything, and it really bothers my fiance.  He was over-disciplined and that's where the arguing starts.  I will definetely take this advice to heart and find me a grown up button!
 
September 21, 2007, 5:38 pm CDT

naughty boy

We have a 6 year old boy at home who is constantly doing something he isnt supposed to do.  If he is told not to do something then he will automatically do it.  He does not like to listen at all!  We are a blended family with him and my girls who are 11 and 6 and the 3 month old we have together.  I realize that part of it is just and adjustment and he is looking for attention,  but i cant just let him do what he wants and acts however he wants.  He is even now getting in trouble at school.  None of what he does is horrifically bad, but the other two girls behave and listen to us, so it is very frusterating that he wont.  He seems to not care about anything. He doesnt care if he gets in trouble, he really could care less what the punishment is for his bad behavior.  He never apologizes when he does something wrong and seems to be very apathetic towards most everything around him.

What should we do, we are at our wits end!!!!

 
September 27, 2007, 3:11 pm CDT

HELP!!!

My fiancee's daughter is 13 yrs old and we are at a point now that we don't know what to do. She is stealing from not only family, but others now too, she lies constantly and is acting out more than ever. She is yelling at teachers and leaving class w/out permission. She has had 5-6 detentions so far this yr in school and 1 saturday school for reasons of all the above. SOMEONE HELP PLEASE...Any suggestions would help.
 
October 5, 2007, 8:21 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

 Sounds a lot like my sister-in-law. She's 17 now and she finally starts to act normal again. When she was 12 she began lying, stealing, cheating, running away from home, yelling, skipping school, drinking, being promiscuous etc. What really worked for her was a reliable psychologist. Not because she's mentally ill, you don't have to be mentally ill to visit one, but to learn how to control those bad urges that she (for whatever reason) has. You have to be patient, she has been to the psychologist weekly for over 4 years. Hope you have lots of cash (here in the Netherlands psychological treatment isn't covered in your health ensurance, and they ask about 50 euros an hour)! Ofcourse, this probably isn't the only solution, but it's the only one I have had experience with!
 
October 18, 2007, 9:05 pm CDT

Tried it but its not working...

Ok...my 5 year old daughter is a sassy one...I've tried pretty much everything...I'm thinking maybe it's me at this point...but here are the issues. She talks back, gives both my husband and I sass..she rolls her eyes. She will do what you just told her not to just to spite u and toys and picking up things...it ain't working. We've done the spanking, then she started bending over so we could do it when we threatened to do it(that wasn't working for us.) We threatened and took things and privileges when she was acting up. That worked for a little while then she started saying "I don't care, take it", and at times would help us pile her toys in the bag. Just last week my husband threatened to throw one of her toys if she didn't pick it up,she said "OK but I want to see you put it in the trash." My husband did and she didn't have a problem with it. Her response "I need to get rid of toys anyways since Christmas is coming" (how can she be this logical at this age!!!!) Part of the problem is the fact that I just had a baby, so she's no longer the only baby in the house. But both my husband and I make special days with just her. My husband has taken her camping, just them..not even I go..daddy time. Same with me...I take her to tap dancing lessons, after that we go have lunch and then either the park or a movie...what more can we do.. can someone throw me a bone....so I can  beat myself with it!!!??? thanks all 
 
October 29, 2007, 6:03 pm CDT

Todays show 10/29

 

 

Why has there been something done about when a child is born, before birth certificate is issued that a DNA be done.  Or even maybe DNA has to been done before child support is issued.

 
December 6, 2007, 7:28 pm CST

A 3 year old with an attitude.

My 3 year old yells at me and screams when ever I say we need to go to sleep. Actually he does it when ever he doesn't want to do something. I have no idea how to get him to go to sleep. He sometimes hits me and I yell at him to tell him to stop hitting me and he just yells back.  I am a single mom now for a year and a half and it hasn't gotten any better. He doesn't have a designated room because his room is basically storage and he sleeps with me for now.  I don't beleive in hitting him but how can I get him to do what I want without spanking him? I take away his toys and his spiderman which is his prize posession right now. Any advice would be great.
 
December 7, 2007, 7:40 am CST

Am I too late? Long

This message board is so confusing. I've posted here before a couple years ago and no one has answered the post there is no where to start your own thread, I'm confused.  So I'm copying this from another one to see if I am in the right place this time. PLEASE HELP

 

I have an 18 year old son that has always struggled in school.  It didn't start out that way. He started out as a B/C student in elementary until about 4th or 5th grade.  He would lie about tests quizes etc, and get away with it initially but we would always find out. He would be disciplined by being grounded and or certain privilages taken away.

 

We struggled through middle school, barely passing, and it continued into HS.  The same story from his teachers everytimg. "he is a bright kid, he just doesn't want to work."  So when it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to graduate on time (we held him back voluntarily when we moved to another state, summer baby anyway) we decided to take advantage of the "early exit option" at the HS where you take your GED and get to graduate w/ a diploma. 

 

He was skipping classes to hang out in the TV production studio and work on projects and on the sound boards etc.  He wants to be an audio recording engineer.  So come summer he moves out across the city and practically starves having to take a bus to work at a sub shop.  He "learns his lesson" and moves back home with the understanding that he would get a FT job over the summer to save for a car. I offered to match penny to penny what he saved.  Guess what? No job. I finally got him a pt job with my other son a at country club restaurant.  There was an incident about a month 1/2 later where my older son quit (he was working two jobs at the time) so my 18 y/o quits too!

 

We had already co signed a student loan for him to go to an Audio Recording school in Oct. which looked like the perfect fit for him.  He needed a car so we let him use his older brother's old car (he bought a newer car) and agreed he would get a pt job to make payments to his brother and have it paid by the end of  school (May).  He would then graduate from this school and they place them in jobs.  Sounds like the perfect plan right?

 

October he did fantastic.  He goes from 12-4 most days and two to three nights he is there until 7. It is a 30 minute drive with about $3 in tolls for a round trip. I gave him my toll transponder to help with the toll fees. In October he came home every day - I saw him doing homework and studying - he showed me all the notes he was taking - and he brought home a progress report with a "B" grade. 

 

November comes and all of a sudden he is hanging out at this kids house in town and not coming home until 1 or 2 in the morning and not coming home for dinner. He has a job working for the kids' dad's landscaping business do whatever jobs didnt' get done during the week on the weekend. It is not enough money to make any payments to his brother.


Then Thanksgiving week on Sunday he doesn't come home at all. I go by this kids house and he comes out stating he has off of school. I told him no he doesn't and so he I THOUGHT was going to go to school from there. Come to find out from the President of the school he did not show up for school the entire week.  Then he presented a bogus dr's note to get excused.  They called me and told me they were expelling him.  He was actually suffering from some allergy problems so I took him to the dr and the president told me that if he brought in the dr's note stating it was an on going problem they would allow him back on a probationary basis only.

 

When this first happened he had the attitude that "what can I do, I'm screwed?" And " I've been screwing up since 4th grade".  So I told him that we tried it his way we will do it mine, so I told him he had to come home every night that was a school night by 12 midnight and he had to eat dinner with us when he was out of school by 4.  This week was the first week back and he didn't come home night before last or last night.  Yesterday he was here for 30 min to change clothes. He is pissed off because he discovered that I inspected his car and found a pipe and some other pot paraphnelia (Sp).  This after he told me that he didn't understand why I was treating him this way while since he doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink, claims he is playing Halo at this kids house.

 

I'm afraid he is doing much more then smoking pot and he is going to get kicked out of this school while we are also liable for the loan. I want him to be successful and this looked like the perfect opportunity. I dont' know what to do other then to take the car away then he has no way to get back and forth to this school. My husband didn't want to co sign the loan just yet and I should have listened to him.

 

One last and very important point is he is gay (although you would never know) and I think he is not happy with himself and just wants to be like his brother and his friends. We had him with a counselor when he first came out and we thought he might be abusing. We supported him as we believe you don't choose your sexuality.  She talked to him for two session and deemed him cured of any drug abuse. He has issues and I want to help him, but I'm at a loss right now as what to do.

 

And yet another note is his older brother was an honors student and a gifted athlete, his younger brother is doing OK in school and is also a gifted athlete while my 18 year old struggled in both departments. We also had he tested for learning disabilities when he was in 5th grade and he doesn't have any.

 

I also know right now he is mad because I searched his car and didn't come home last night and didn't text me to let me know. School is in 2 hours and I dont' know where he is!

 

 

Sorry so long, but if it weren' t a problem it would be simple and I wouldn't need to post it here 

 
December 7, 2007, 7:41 am CST

Am I too late? Long

Oh and by the way this is a recent post, not from two years ago.
 
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