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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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March 12, 2008, 9:46 am CDT

kids

Quote From: shortcake7681

I have a 3 year old daughter and i was a single parent. One year ago i met my fiance and his 2 boys. The problem is that now with all three kids it is crazy. My fiance's boys are totally out of control. They are 5 and 6 The 6 year old is slightly mentally handicapped and has the mental capacity of about a 3 year old. And the 5 year old learned everything from him so it is like having a house of 3 year olds. On top of it all the life they use to live was terrable and they had no supervision and NO disipline what so ever. And now i basically have to start from scratch in raising them which in turn my daughter is warping into a little monster like the other two...dont get me wrong i love these boys but there is no teaching them anything they are stuck on what they use to be able to do and that was anything and everything when ever they wanted. And unfortunatly my fiance works nights so he is never home to see what goes on and and doenst really help with the kids and so when he does get home its like all of the things that i have done through the day goes right ou the door when he does get home cuse he spoils them. Let me give you an example. the 5 year old has a very bad whining problem. You look at him wrong and he will whine, but thats just one thing, but we had got a new fish tank and of course stupid me should have waited till the kids were at least 10 and older. But, he had dumped chemical into the water, so he did get punished for that. the next day he got caught putting things into the tank and got punished for it then one morning i wake up. he is already awake it's like 6:30am...... but he is in his closet with a piece of cardboard laying on the floor and my fish net and afish from the tank laying on the card board. I woke up his father and made him deal with it cause i was so mad...and while i was cleaning it up in the net was 2 MORE FISH !!!!!!   So its like no matter how many times he got in trouble for the same thing and how many times we tell him he just keeps at it. Its like he's literally deaf!!  there are so many things we told him time and time agian not to do but yet he will some way or another do it anyways. So please any advise or should i actually seek pyhscology for the children or i don't know what else to do.........

You really have your hands full.  I have no experience with a blended family, but you really do have some issues that need to be dealt with.

 

At the very least, the child with the mental disorder should be under the care of a psychologist or psychiatrist.  The whole family, including your husband, need to be in family counseling.

 

Keep the chemicals and fish net up high where the kids can't get to them.  Ask the pet store if there is a way to kid-proof the fish tank, so they can't open it.  When I was a kid, we thought that our goldfish could be taken out of his bowl and held...not good for the fish...maybe you could get a fish book and teach the kids how to take care of the fish.  If they are involved in the care and feeding, they might learn to respect the needs of the fish.

 

DO consult with a psychologist ASAP!!!  You obviously need help...if there are mental disorders there, they need to be treated and dealt with.  You need to get the kids under control now, or things will just be worse as they get older.

 

Do hold the kids responsible for their behavior, and you and your husband need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.  Don't give in to the whining...whining in our house earns a time out. 

 

Be sure to give the kids positive attention...read and play games with them. 

 

 Are the boys in school yet?  If so, how is their behavior at school?

 

Again, seek counseling...you need help...Becky

 
March 12, 2008, 10:12 am CDT

what??

Quote From: faithadelle

Hey There

 

sorry i haven't replied lately. I forgot to check the boards. Anyways with the cold shower its like the time out, you give ONE and ONLY ONE warning and then you take her straight to the shower, put her in * fully clothed is most effective* and turn it on, you only turn it off when she agrees to behave. This should only take like 10 seconds.. unless shes immune to cold. But yeah it should work.

 

you can e-mail me at star_magic80@hotmail.com if you need anything else.

 

Love,

 

sabrina

I'm sorry, but a cold shower will NOT make a child want to go to bed.  The idea is to calm her.  A warm bath and a story.  Start about an hour before bedtime.  Make this HER time with you...spend the hour with pleasant activities.  Let her sit with you on the couch, cuddling her.  Slowly wind her down.  Have her help put away her toys for the night before the rest of the routine starts.  If she feels too rushed at bedtime, she will be less cooperative.  She just wants attention...give it to her BEFORE the tantrum, and you can prevent the tantrum all together.

 

This worked with our kids.  Our 9 year old still likes to cuddle at bedtime.  Our first child was a learning experience.  By the time we got to the third one, we had the routine down pat.  When the routine is disturbed, it is harder to get a young child to conform to the rules.  Don't schedule any evening activities outside the home.

 

Make sure that you are getting your child to bed at a reasonable time...around 8 PM for a 3 year old.  Start at 7 PM...just work this into your schedule...after she is in bed, you can do the things that you need to do.

 

Are you a stay-at-home mom, or do you work outside the home, with your daughter in daycare?

 

With dad absent, it puts all of the pressure on you.  Getting your daughter calmly to bed at a reasonable time makes the rest of your evening much more enjoyable...you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to deal with a 3 year old.

 

I realize that I am talking with the person replying to the one with the 3 year old...this advice is aimed at the mom of the 3 year old.

 

Keep the bedtime routine positive...the calming approach works a lot better than punishment at bedtime.  The goal is to calm the child and help her change gears from playtime to bedtime.  Keeping the same routine every night is important...schedule the bedtime hour just for your daughter...let the answering machine get the phone if it rings.

 

I hope my suggestions have been helpful...I wrote a longer post previously with lots of advice on dealing with a 3 year old...it is important to realize that she is 3, not 12, so expect her to act like a 3 year old...keep commands simple and clear.

 

Becky

 
March 13, 2008, 3:19 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: faithadelle

Hey There

 

sorry i haven't replied lately. I forgot to check the boards. Anyways with the cold shower its like the time out, you give ONE and ONLY ONE warning and then you take her straight to the shower, put her in * fully clothed is most effective* and turn it on, you only turn it off when she agrees to behave. This should only take like 10 seconds.. unless shes immune to cold. But yeah it should work.

 

you can e-mail me at star_magic80@hotmail.com if you need anything else.

 

Love,

 

sabrina

I'm sorry, this is ABUSIVE.

A
B
U
S
I
V
E


Throwing a little 3 year old in a COLD shower?!?!?

What is your GOAL for kids? To merely make them afraid of your PSYCHO parenting tactics so they will be scared into behaving?

I am completely STUNNED.

This is a little 3 year old who's only FAULT is that she has a mother who spoiled her too much. Now she has a father who wants to BELT her and her mother is being told to stuff her into a COLD SHOWER?!


 
April 6, 2008, 9:45 am CDT

what?

Quote From: mustbecrazy

I'm sorry, but a cold shower will NOT make a child want to go to bed.  The idea is to calm her.  A warm bath and a story.  Start about an hour before bedtime.  Make this HER time with you...spend the hour with pleasant activities.  Let her sit with you on the couch, cuddling her.  Slowly wind her down.  Have her help put away her toys for the night before the rest of the routine starts.  If she feels too rushed at bedtime, she will be less cooperative.  She just wants attention...give it to her BEFORE the tantrum, and you can prevent the tantrum all together.

 

This worked with our kids.  Our 9 year old still likes to cuddle at bedtime.  Our first child was a learning experience.  By the time we got to the third one, we had the routine down pat.  When the routine is disturbed, it is harder to get a young child to conform to the rules.  Don't schedule any evening activities outside the home.

 

Make sure that you are getting your child to bed at a reasonable time...around 8 PM for a 3 year old.  Start at 7 PM...just work this into your schedule...after she is in bed, you can do the things that you need to do.

 

Are you a stay-at-home mom, or do you work outside the home, with your daughter in daycare?

 

With dad absent, it puts all of the pressure on you.  Getting your daughter calmly to bed at a reasonable time makes the rest of your evening much more enjoyable...you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to deal with a 3 year old.

 

I realize that I am talking with the person replying to the one with the 3 year old...this advice is aimed at the mom of the 3 year old.

 

Keep the bedtime routine positive...the calming approach works a lot better than punishment at bedtime.  The goal is to calm the child and help her change gears from playtime to bedtime.  Keeping the same routine every night is important...schedule the bedtime hour just for your daughter...let the answering machine get the phone if it rings.

 

I hope my suggestions have been helpful...I wrote a longer post previously with lots of advice on dealing with a 3 year old...it is important to realize that she is 3, not 12, so expect her to act like a 3 year old...keep commands simple and clear.

 

Becky

I agree Becky.  I am however appalled at what I read.  That is in no uncertain terms abuse.  I cannot fathom treating a child that way.  What nightmares she would have.  That is cruel!!!!  I hope that "mother" is reading all of these comments and takes heed.  Why doesn't she ask Dr. Phil his opinion on her form of "dicipline" .  Somehow I don't think he would agree with her.  She needs help.

 
April 6, 2008, 10:02 am CDT

?????

Quote From: ellybail25

Thank you very much for your reply,
The BIG reason why she is like this i know is my fault, since she was baby i could never let her cry and so on. Little later her dad went to IRAQ and i felt bad, cuz we are moving from place to place, she lost her FIRST BFF, so i let it slide. And now i cant take control.
We use to have time outs but when she got to my moms they never did it.
I did tried bed time like you said, but she will get hysterical.
And about cold shower? just put her straight to shower or something.
Once again, thank you so much

Hi.  I would like to just say...PLEASE do not listen to that crazy & abusive woman about the shower.  And if any Pediatrician or Dr. of any kind would advocate this, I would think twice about them.  That is the most ridiculous thing.  It's not ok to do that.  NOWAY!!!!!  Please just remember; she is only 3 and you can change her behavior in a more productive ways.  Like someone else said, try to estalish a routine: Bath, cuddling, story, hugs n kisses then lights out.  If she is uncooperative in the beginning...just remember this will be new to her and she will need to adjust.  Be patient and tell her, firmly, "it is bedtime, goodnight and mommy loves you."   If she gets up, you calmly take her back.  Again and again until she realizes you mean business.  It should only take under a week for her to embrace the routine.  Do not let her bully you or manipulate you.  Stick to your guns and be loving and firm.  Keep a routine her whole life.  Children need that very much.   It gives them some sense of stability.

 

I am a mother of 3 and I promise you these things work.  NOT cold showers.   If you need to talk more, feel free to email me.  (on my profile).  Good luck.

 

Angela

 
May 26, 2008, 4:49 pm CDT

Horrifying

Wow...throwing a 3 year old in a cold shower for punishment for not going to bed....that's child abuse.  I hope that woman is not doing it anymore.  I guarantee you that child develops a bed wetting problem or becomes extremely shy or something.
 
May 27, 2008, 12:24 pm CDT

Things that work for us

Quote From: samanthajones

Wow...throwing a 3 year old in a cold shower for punishment for not going to bed....that's child abuse.  I hope that woman is not doing it anymore.  I guarantee you that child develops a bed wetting problem or becomes extremely shy or something.

I am watching  Dr Phil's Brat Camp today and here is what I did when my boys got

out of controle after the father passed away,

They were 12 and 14 years old,    I sent them to boot camp for 6 weeks,

after that they went to Military school

that is what should be done to those two boys  that are on the show today.

 

 
May 27, 2008, 12:27 pm CDT

things that work for us

Quote From: samanthajones

Wow...throwing a 3 year old in a cold shower for punishment for not going to bed....that's child abuse. I hope that woman is not doing it anymore. I guarantee you that child develops a bed wetting problem or becomes extremely shy or something.

Put that her in a cold shower and see if she likes te treatment.

No that child will not be a bed wetter or be shy,  he will grow up resenting his mother

 
May 30, 2008, 7:40 pm CDT

how did that work?

Quote From: bainbridge107

I am watching  Dr Phil's Brat Camp today and here is what I did when my boys got

out of controle after the father passed away,

They were 12 and 14 years old,    I sent them to boot camp for 6 weeks,

after that they went to Military school

that is what should be done to those two boys  that are on the show today.

 

I think my emotion here would be:  curious.
Was the father your husband at the time? You can read my post on the last brat camp and see that I went through the loss of my husband and was left to raise my three very little ones. And, you can see what I thought should happen with Wendy and Noah - a different take.
Really, did that work?  How are your boys now? Thanks.
 
June 10, 2008, 1:22 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: sunshl

I SEEM TO BE LOSING CONTROL OF THE MOTHER DAUGHTER RESPECT FROM MY 13 VERY SOON TO BE 14 Y/O DAUGHTER.... SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL, TALL THIN PRETTY GIRL, I DONT WANT HER TO DRESS WITH SHORT SHORTS ON OR A BELLY SHIRT, I DONT LIKE HER TO WEAR THE MAKE UP I TRY TO TELL HER SHE DOESNT NEED IT, BUT OVER TIME I HAVE SHUFFLED HER AROUND TO MANY DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, AND I FEEL LIKE SHE IS NOW REBELLING FOR TIMES I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THERE, OR SHE FEELS I DONT LOVE HER.... SHE IS NOW STARTING TO RAISE HER VOICE THROW TGINGS IN THE HOUSE, AND STOP OFF. HER ATTITUDE STINKS.. VERY SNOOTY SNAPPY. SHE HAS A 6 Y/O SISTER, WHO I DONT WANT TO PICK UP THESE AWFUL TRAITS. IM NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE THIS, AS ANY STORY THERE IS MUCH MORE TO IT THAN THIS, BUT JUST TO GET A HANDLE ON THE ATTITUDE, OR THE GLARING LOOKS THAT BURN A HOLE THROUGH YOU......HELP ME START A GREAT FUTURE WITH MY CHILDREN, NOT AN EASY END.....

Ummm...please...use less caps....thank you.

Anyway, here is what I say...

Have you tried talking to her about her behavior? maybe if you explain to her why she shouldn't wear that sort of stuff at her age because it's dangerous can help. But don't be the only one talking, you gotta also listen. Maybe you can compromise, like...she could wear a light shade of pink eye shadow and nude lipstick if she gets rid of the floozy looking clothing. There are ways to be stylish and still be modest about it.

 

I have a very weird style, but it's my own. My Mom doesn't care as long as the shirts that would show a lot of cleavage has an undershirt on. I never wear those belly shirts because I think their stupid, and the same with the shorts. The only time I'd wear shorts is for bed! *lol* and then I really just like pajama bottoms anyway.

 

She may think that the rules are too strict. So, like I said. Make a compromise, and stick to it with your other kids. Trust me on this, my little sister wants to get a peircing when she's fifteen, but I didn't get mine till I was 21-22. (I got it twice). So, if she's gonna wear make up at sixteen, then your other girls will want too as well and if you tell them no when they are sixteen...than your gonna have problems.

 

So, stay consistent. That's the trick.

 

What about your own clothing choices? maybe she's learning it from you and you don't know it?

I'm not accusing you, but as she is your daughter, she watches you. I should know, I watch my own Mom.

My Mom is very stylish and I let her pick out most of my clothing. Also, getting hammy downs and not putting a lot of importance on clothing helped me to not really care if I was in style or not.

 

I hate most of the styles these days because they're just stupid!

 

 
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