Topic : Things That Worked For Us

My biggest suggestion is going to loveandlogic.com. they have a book for every problem. You can also check out your library for books on love and logic. I would suggest the book, Oh great what do I do now  or anything love and logic for preschool that is a good place to start to get the basics.  this system has changed our family drastically good luck

I am a mother of five children. I am married but my husband works long hours so for a lot of the time I'm  a single mother. When their fathers tells them to do something they don't hesitate to get it done. But when I tell them to do something it's as though it's a suggestion. I'm not a spanker. I don't believe in physical violence punishments for children. However I don't judge parents who do spank. Is there anyone out there going through the same thing. Or maybe you have been through the same thing and have already overcame it and know what to do. Any ideas would be sooooo appreciated. Thanks!

If your child refuses to do something when you ask them tell them you thats ok you will discuss it later. then later when they want you to make them dinner you say "Bummer, I only make dinner for those who have done what I ask them to do. " or when they want to go somewhere "Bummer I only take kids places when they do what I ask them to do." Really this works I was in your situation where my husband wasnt home ever it seemed, then I started looking at Love and Logic and it changed our whole life. Go to loveandlogic.com they have helpful hints and lists of book to help with every situation. you can also check your library to see if they have the books. let me know how this works. By the way dont remind and don't nag them to do it. that takes pressure off of you and your not getting mad.  good luck

My oldest son at about age 10 informed me (in a sarcastic tone) that he didn't need his mommy waking him up in the morning for school. He wasn't a baby and could get himself up. I said ok, I can live with that.

The school bus comes to our door to pick him up. The first day he didn't get up on his own, I didn't wake him. I let him sleep till the bus was gone. Then I woke him up, and informed him that his punishment for not getting on the bus and going to school was, he'd be a slave for a day.

Slave for a day entails anything I want it to be. That day, he cleaned the shower, the bath tub, the toilet, and the sink. Then we moved into his bedroom. He cleaned the closet, the dresser drawers, the toy box, under the bed, behind the bed, under the mattress, behind the dresser, swept the floor, and then he scrubbed it. I did none of this. He did it all by himself. It was his punishment. He was never a slave for a day ever again. He'd run out to the bus with his socks and shoes etc in his hand, but he'd not miss that bus for anything.

My second son was slave for a day twice. I obviously didn't make it hard enough the first time. He was in about grade 10 at the time. I got a call from the school principal the following day. He said your son wasn't in school yesterday, and he said the reason he wasn't was because he said he was slave for a day. Can you tell me what that means? I kinda giggled to myself, because I know exactly what he was thinking it was, and it wasn't anything like my version of it. When I got done explaining what it was and what he did, his words to me were "Oh man, that's a good idea!!"  Not only does it remind them of their responsibilities, it also reminds them that when I say go clean your room, they know what will happen if it doesn't get done in a timely manner. And we don't want mom coming in there and getting carried away with her cleaning. I'm not asking for a spotlessly clean room, just a cleaner, better organized room. If I want a spotlessly clean room, I'll go in and do it when they are in school. I don't want to stand there and nag at them all day. I want them to know that their best effort was good enough for me, and that it's appreciated.

The other thing I do, and I find it works with every child I've ever used it on is this. Instead of asking a million times, and instead of getting into a yelling match about "why do I have to do everything around here" I say this. "Son, sweetheart, can you come here for a minute please." And you have to say it in a nice respectful way, not a condescending way. When the child comes to me, (say I need a loaf of bread from the freezer downstairs) I say "sweetie can you do your mom a favor please, and go downstairs and bring up a loaf of bread from the freezer?" To which the child will always respond positively and in a nice respectful manner. When they bring up the loaf of bread, I say, "thank you my baby." To which they always reply "you're welcome."  The first couple of times, I got the rolling of the eyes look, but after that it was no problem. Not only does it save me the hassle of having to remind him when he gets half way down what it is I wanted, but I don't get no back talk either, no shouting matches, they use their manners, and the child happily does what I ask. This even works with my sisters kids who won't do anything she asks them to do. At least not without a shouting match first. I use this same concept about phoning and letting me know where they are when they are out with friends, or letting me know when they get to where they are going. I will also mix up my endearments. I might call them sweetie, honey, sugar, love or whatever other endearment comes to mind.

I've been watching Kath And Kim on NBC and I think this should be must watching for how not to raise your kids!  The daughter gets everything she wants, doesn't work, has no education, no interests-- never had to do anything!  Yes, it's funny but it's scary cause her character is miserable because she has no sense of direction, either.  I know i feel the desire to placate my kids but this show keeps nagging in the back of my brain-- anyone else watch this??  Feel that way??

I have a nine year old little girl who for the most part is very sweet and compassionate and loves her mom. Her father is ocd and plays some head games. He makes up for relationships with material things. She's realized this. We were divorced when she was 3. I have since remarried to a WONDERFUL man. She is closer to him than her father. We have joint custody although I have her 95% of the time, not that I am complaining. I have so much trouble with her appreciating things or realizing that money doesnt grow on trees. I choose to only work part time so I can have her more. This straps us financially. Believe me, she hurts for nothing. However, her attitude is AWEFUL. I know most of it is "emotional girl stuff" but I am the parent and I don't want to tolerate it. It's rolling eyes when asking for help etc, anything NOT FOR HER or not agreeable, just sets it off It is aweful. I have had 5 back surgeries and a hysterectomy since 06 and yet I still push and push to do things for her. I am tired of having to remind myself I am the parent. I am tired of the back talk and the attitude. When I was her age I NEVER and if I did I was hit with whatever!!! I don't want to do this. She can't even pick out clothes without going into a meltdown. She has trouble making decisions. I totally understand this because when I was with her father I couldn't either. He controlled me and made me feel every decision was wrong, on top of his ocd!! I just try to reinforce the positive when she is here, but school is about to start and I can't keep going through this stuff every day. Any advice would be great.