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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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January 18, 2006, 12:01 pm CST

I NEED something that works!!!!!

I have an 8 yr old son that I swear alot of the time Dr. Phil is talking about when the topic has to do with behavior or disipline! LOL  ....I admit for a long time we let him have his way, or get away with things we shouldn't have, but now it's all coming back to bite us in the ass!  My son growls, yells, grits his teeth while "talking back" to me, slams doors (which he has broke off the hinges, and broke the trim around his bedroom door), puts holes and dents in the walls, throws things, and beats on his 5 yr old sister.  We VERY RARLEY spank our kids, for many reasons, but in the past month I have told my husband to spank my son......I spanked him and he laughed and called me a weany!  We have grounded him, taken away his games, not allowed him to do something he wanted to do (mcdonald's...that kind of thing), and the only thing so far that has got his attention was putting him in the corner, which he kicked a hole in.  I've been told to try putting him into martial arts, because they teach kids how to recognize, control, and work out anger, and I've even talked to the Instructor that shares a building with my daughter's dance school, but I am afraid he will learn and use something that could turn out REALLY bad.  Oh, and he's ONLY  like this at home.  He has never been in trouble at school, on the bus, and all of his friend's parents think he's just the sweetest thing.  I'm at my wits end, and really close to doing the stripping his room down to a bed and dresser thing, but am wondering if  that's a little too drastic???   Anyone been in my position that found something that worked????  HELP!!!
 
January 19, 2006, 11:11 am CST

Thanks!!

Quote From: goofyg

I have been in the same situation as you. I want you to know there is hope. There will always be good days and bad days....and Really BAD days. Just do not give up!!!!!!!!!!

Nice to know that there are others out there with the same situations......don't feel so isolated!!!! 

  

Can I ask what you have done, if anything, to help your situation???  So far, my plan is working....but he seems to be slacking a little more now.  Over all tho, he is doing much better!!! 

  

I would really appreciate it if you could share some ideas or techniques that you have used. 

Thanks again, 

Tammy 

 
January 19, 2006, 11:20 am CST

Maybe an idea....

Quote From: baraby5

I have an 8 yr old son that I swear alot of the time Dr. Phil is talking about when the topic has to do with behavior or disipline! LOL  ....I admit for a long time we let him have his way, or get away with things we shouldn't have, but now it's all coming back to bite us in the ass!  My son growls, yells, grits his teeth while "talking back" to me, slams doors (which he has broke off the hinges, and broke the trim around his bedroom door), puts holes and dents in the walls, throws things, and beats on his 5 yr old sister.  We VERY RARLEY spank our kids, for many reasons, but in the past month I have told my husband to spank my son......I spanked him and he laughed and called me a weany!  We have grounded him, taken away his games, not allowed him to do something he wanted to do (mcdonald's...that kind of thing), and the only thing so far that has got his attention was putting him in the corner, which he kicked a hole in.  I've been told to try putting him into martial arts, because they teach kids how to recognize, control, and work out anger, and I've even talked to the Instructor that shares a building with my daughter's dance school, but I am afraid he will learn and use something that could turn out REALLY bad.  Oh, and he's ONLY  like this at home.  He has never been in trouble at school, on the bus, and all of his friend's parents think he's just the sweetest thing.  I'm at my wits end, and really close to doing the stripping his room down to a bed and dresser thing, but am wondering if  that's a little too drastic???   Anyone been in my position that found something that worked????  HELP!!!

Hi there, 

  

I couldn't help but respond to your message, I totally understand the turmoil you are in, been there, done that, got the t-shirt!!!!  The only thing that worked with my son (10 with ADHD) so far was I finally reached my breaking point and used Dr. Phil's idea of taking EVERYTHING out of their room....and I mean everything, I took posters down, curtains...the works.  The only thing he had was his mattress on the floor, 1 pillow and I blanket.  Then I made a "schedule" of chores and expectations, that must be completed.  I also wrote out 2 boards....one with acceptable behaviours and one with unacceptable behaviours, all of these were tacked up on his bedroom walls.  I also made a weekly chart for him to earn "points"....I use check marks and X's...so many checks were needed daily to get 1 thing back.  I started out small, first he earned a book, 2nd was a puzzle.....you get the idea.  If he did anything on the "No" list...he got an X....3 X's and he looses something.  So far, (knock on wood) it is working really well.  I think it is because he now realizes I will do what I say I will do.....before I was guilty of being very inconsistent.   

  

Just wanted to let you know that I understand, and offer some kind of advice.  Also, have you read the ADHD Answer by Dr. Frank Lawlis???  It is a really good book with a lot of great insight.   

  

Take care, I hope this helps!!!! 

Tammy 

 
January 21, 2006, 9:31 am CST

Hey,

My daughter is 3 in April so far the only thing that seems to work for discipline with her is a time out in her room all that is in there is her bed, dressers and her desk/vanity and when she goes in there her time out does not start till there is no noise coming out of that room so she can throw a huge fit but the time doesn't start till she is done screaming etc and then we go usually by her age so 3 minutes if its something bader its 5 and if its something that she has been told over and over again not to done and has had the 5 count and everything is the max of 10 minutes sometimes she my be in there for 15 minutes before  the time acutally starts but thats because of throwing the fit for getting  caught this is the only thing that has worked for me with her as she is home with mommy all day and doesn't listen to me well but listens well to her father. I have a feeling after a while she just tunes me out.
 
January 24, 2006, 5:57 am CST

a child who will not get it together

I am writing because I do not know what to do with my 12 yr old stepson who is doing very poorly in school because of his behavior, he is already in a behavioral modifided classroom . He gets fustrated because he want to bee in the class wityh the rest of the kids his age. The only problem with that is he is not ready to intergrate with other kids because of his behavior. He has been suspended 6 times this year and we had told him that there was not to many time that the school was going to allow it. To try to help him we had brought him to a dr, to have a phyc  evaluation done the doctor perscibed that he needed to have anger managment to improve himself ok so we went through that, without success. we tried to get him to think possitivley I have changed our parenting styles to try to help, nothing seems to help. The other day he came home with an assignment that he had missed because he got kicked out of class so he had to make it up , I asked him why did he not have the book for the assignment ? He said he knew nothing about his assingment and he could not do it . So We went down to the library,to get a book so he could finish his assignment. I wrote the teacher in his comunication log , why does he not have the right tools to do his homework? So then she wrote back I did provide the tools but he decided to leave them at the school purposely after I reminded him to take them home. Unfortunatly I did not see this message untill last night when this happend Friday. My husband and I have half custody of him Thurs-Sunday. So I know that is my fault for not reading the C-Log untill the other day . But I do not know what to do, Lying is not acceptable behavior for any one . But this is kind of an after thought. Should I take privlages away from him should I call the teacher to get the story at the end of each day.What do I do         
 
January 26, 2006, 5:31 am CST

I don't Know?????

Quote From: tiffdawn21

I have a 3 year old little boy and a 1 year old little boy and my 3 year old is always in trouble! We really dont know what to do with him sometimes. He hits, talks back, doesn't listin, doesn't do what he's told, wont sleep by himself, and yells. Were really fed up. What would you do for a child like this?
 Hi, I don't know what you should do, sorry!!!! But I have a three year old girl and a one year old girl and my situation is just the same. My three year old cannot go half an hour without needing to be disciplined and I am at a loss on what to do.  She is so draining  that I am just fed up with dealing with her, my one year old is complete opposite I am lucky if she gives me trouble once in a week.  I feel like I am favouring the one year old by giving her a constant flow of positive attention and the three year old is constantly getting in trouble.  Its not a jealousy thing she has been difficult from day 1.  She is moody just shrieks at people if they look at her when shes in this mood, which she will be in for no particular reason, throws tantrums every hour or so, usuallly due to not getting her own way, sometimes just because she wants to.  I find it hard to be consistent because her outbursts are so frequent that I can't keep it up for too long.  She doesn't listen and will only do what I say when i have reached my extreme level and start heading her way with a look that she thinks I am about to kill her.  I makes me sad to always be rousing on her because I love her so much that I just want to spend my time cuddling and kissing her rather than yelling and threatening and punishing.  No matter what the situation it always turns into her wanting more and more and ends in a tantrum when she doens't get her way.  For example, its bed time, I use all my tricky strategies to get her to bed without a fit- eg warning, followed by the routine, we get there do the rituals, nappy on, fan on, etc but then come the orders " no, I want the fan there, or my sheets aren't straight, blah blah blah, theres always something so that I will have to say NO and she will have a tantrum, it like shes not happy unless SHE GETS TO HAVE A TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!   AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
 
February 3, 2006, 5:13 am CST

Something to look into...

Quote From: mford79

I am writing because I do not know what to do with my 12 yr old stepson who is doing very poorly in school because of his behavior, he is already in a behavioral modifided classroom . He gets fustrated because he want to bee in the class wityh the rest of the kids his age. The only problem with that is he is not ready to intergrate with other kids because of his behavior. He has been suspended 6 times this year and we had told him that there was not to many time that the school was going to allow it. To try to help him we had brought him to a dr, to have a phyc  evaluation done the doctor perscibed that he needed to have anger managment to improve himself ok so we went through that, without success. we tried to get him to think possitivley I have changed our parenting styles to try to help, nothing seems to help. The other day he came home with an assignment that he had missed because he got kicked out of class so he had to make it up , I asked him why did he not have the book for the assignment ? He said he knew nothing about his assingment and he could not do it . So We went down to the library,to get a book so he could finish his assignment. I wrote the teacher in his comunication log , why does he not have the right tools to do his homework? So then she wrote back I did provide the tools but he decided to leave them at the school purposely after I reminded him to take them home. Unfortunatly I did not see this message untill last night when this happend Friday. My husband and I have half custody of him Thurs-Sunday. So I know that is my fault for not reading the C-Log untill the other day . But I do not know what to do, Lying is not acceptable behavior for any one . But this is kind of an after thought. Should I take privlages away from him should I call the teacher to get the story at the end of each day.What do I do         
I have a similar situation with my 12 yr old daughter. Not so much the behavioral part, she doesn't get into trouble in school, but the lying about homework. Her old standby excuse was always " I forgot that book" well that doesn't work this year. The school provides them with a full set of books to keep at home. A brilliant idea, in my opinion. I only wish they would have started that much earlier in her education. It would have saved us a LOT of arguments and perhaps she wouldn't be struggling so much.  So begins a  new excuse, which  is " I did it in class". As for her "C-log" WHAT A JOKE, I can't rely on that to tell me anything because neither my daughter nor any of her teachers use the darn thing. Well what do you know.... Recently a friend of mine showed me this amazing website, which belongs to the school. A website that was never mentioned  to me by any of the teachers. You would think something like that would be mentioned on meet the teacher day, wouldn't you? Well it wasn't. Or, perhaps, they could have mentioned it the first month of school when she neglected to do ANY of her assignments. I found all this out on the computer, a semester too late. You simply log on, enter their student id # and VIOLA!!  it pulls up their daily progress, which tests have been taken, grades, what assignments may or may not have been completed, any discipline reports. BUSTED!! I was shocked at what a slacker my daughter is and by all the lying she has been doing to me. You might want to check with your school to see if they have a similar website, and if not you might suggest they get one. I think it's a wonderful helper for parents who's school system is failing their children. As for taking privileges away, if your son is anything like my daughter... he "won't care" Good luck.
 
February 7, 2006, 10:48 pm CST

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: camsmygirl

 I'm just replying to let you know that I have the SAME problem minus the ADHD.  I am a single mom and have a four year old daughter in preschool.

Basically, they have sent her home the last couple of days for hitting, slapping and kicking her teachers.  Like you, i have taken toys away and made everything as boring as possible.  It's not working.....

I'm interested to see your replies.
atleast I know it's not just my four year old. My son is home another year, he missed the cut off, but is having all the same issues above. When I punish him, he'll at times get defiant, till I've taken all sources of fun away. They are developing independent personalities, I think they have to go through this. The ADHD stuff, no offense, is really an extreme disorder, & most people are throwing it around like it was the common cold. Our four year olds are also bouncing off the walls, & the smiley system is pretty black or white, it's not leaving alot of room for positive responses from you when you see that, ignore it, like the above poster mentioned. Focus on building up her self esteem, you will see the behavior decrease. though, some kid like behavior, (such as having energy & always wanting to play) are natural for these are kids we're talking about. PRe K is more structured than day care & preschool. It's harder in that they have to sit still alot longer (My son hates to sit still ) & focus which is very new to them. If anyone knows anything that will help me get my son to sleep, when cranky for a nap but fighting sleep, I'm all ears.
 
February 8, 2006, 2:00 pm CST

aunt to adhd nephew

Quote From: poorvida

atleast I know it's not just my four year old. My son is home another year, he missed the cut off, but is having all the same issues above. When I punish him, he'll at times get defiant, till I've taken all sources of fun away. They are developing independent personalities, I think they have to go through this. The ADHD stuff, no offense, is really an extreme disorder, & most people are throwing it around like it was the common cold. Our four year olds are also bouncing off the walls, & the smiley system is pretty black or white, it's not leaving alot of room for positive responses from you when you see that, ignore it, like the above poster mentioned. Focus on building up her self esteem, you will see the behavior decrease. though, some kid like behavior, (such as having energy & always wanting to play) are natural for these are kids we're talking about. PRe K is more structured than day care & preschool. It's harder in that they have to sit still alot longer (My son hates to sit still ) & focus which is very new to them. If anyone knows anything that will help me get my son to sleep, when cranky for a nap but fighting sleep, I'm all ears.
Hello, my  name is Josie Berlin and my nephew  has  been diagnosed  with  ADHD and Bipolar  Disorder, my  sister has the most horrible time with him always getting into trouble at school and stuff but let me tell you something when he comes to our house he is totally different, he won't through tantrums or any other attitudes. He is quiet, respectfully, does not act out and is basically better behaved them my two when they are together. He is a great kid that i feel is given the opportunity to act they way he does because he was told he couldn't help himself because he had this disorder. In my home there is no disorder that is going to allow you to act that way, he takes medication that should be enough, so when he comes over it's an i know you have issues but don't think that gives you the right to behave the way you want because you think you can and he doesn't act that way at my house at all. Kids need direction, examples, rules, discipline and i believe that that is the order of things, when they have these and they don't vary they learn that when they go certain places, certain behaviors will or will not be accepted in that place so they automatically know that they can't misbehave or through a tantrum.
 
February 10, 2006, 1:22 pm CST

Need help with the terrible two's

My husband and I brought our son home last September from Guatemala (at the time he was nineteen months old).  During the last five months he has adjusted well and has picked up quite a bit of the English language.  However, we are now entering the age of independence, meaning he has become an expert at tantrums and loves the word "No". My husband and I don't believe in spanking so we have tried other options, such as time-out and taking away his favorite television programs (which consist of a few movies and Disney programs) or toys. However, time-out works at home and when I say no "Toy Story" he just smiles and walks away, which tells me there still may be a language barrier.  If he doesn't understand what I am saying to him, than he may not realize why he is not watching a program or playing with a certain toy. I do feel he knows why he is in time-out, which is why I feel this is a success.  With that said, the second part of the problem is my husband and I's role in his behavior.  Due to the fact that he was adopted and has been through so much the first nineteen months of his life, we feel that perpetual trips into time-out may have a negative impact on him. We love him dearly and we don't want him to feel that we are rejecting him. Will this continual type of discipline have a negative effect on him? What other options do I have if he doesn't understand me when I say that I am taking something away? This holds true especially in a public place. If he throws a tantrum in the middle of the store I can't take something away because he doesn't understand, so what do I do? Example: We were at a clothing store when he had a serious meltdown, I was going to take him to a local children's eatery, but told him because of his behavior we were going home and we did. However, when I told him the punishment he just looked at me as if to say, "so what, I don't understand what you are saying to me". Does anyone have any advice as to how my husband and I should handle this situation? Your advice would be truley appreciated. Thank you in advance.     

 
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