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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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October 13, 2005, 5:25 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Hello,   

I have a question, My son is 6 and in the first grade. He is a very smart little boy, does fine in his school work. Brings home good grades. His teacher tells me, he is one of the nice, hard working little boys she seen. He is not hurtful to others, and love to lean and work on school things. But then it comes to free time, sitting still, hands to him self, or trying to be center of attention. It all falls apart. They have a program, a dime a day, or cash out. You can cash out up to 3 times. You guessed it he cashes out 2 to 3 times a day. For things like making noise when they are to be quit, jumping up and down in line, and a lot of other things like this. Not hurtful to other, just distracting to others.  

We have cleaned out his room, then let him work to get it back, had him write many times over what he did wrong, Taken him out of football games and other things, grounded over a day or weekend, so many things. It does not seem to get better. It just stays the same. He tells me, he just can not stop, or does not know why. He will do something get in touble, then 5mins later do it again.I do not want to medicate my son, I believe that is what it is leading to. What is left.......  

Hope someone can help,,,,,,  

 
October 13, 2005, 5:43 am CDT

Bad language at school

My son is 6 years old and has gotten into to trouble 3 times in the last week for using bad language at school and on the bus.  The first two times we talked with him and told him what he did was wrong and ............ But then he did it again after we talked to him.  So we took away his room and his toys.  He is sleeping in the spare bedroom and is not able to play with any toys.  He has lost all privileges.  I understand that may be strict for a 6 year old but he does know not right from wrong, he is just a very stubborn hard headed kid that feels he can do whatever he wants to do. I have no other ideas on how to teach him to use good behavior at school and at home.  I feel like I am dealing with a teenager in a childs body with the way he talks back to us all the time and thinks he can do whatever he wants.  How can I make him understand that there are rules and he must follow them just like all the other kids?
 
October 13, 2005, 12:54 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: m6berry

My son is 6 years old and has gotten into to trouble 3 times in the last week for using bad language at school and on the bus.  The first two times we talked with him and told him what he did was wrong and ............ But then he did it again after we talked to him.  So we took away his room and his toys.  He is sleeping in the spare bedroom and is not able to play with any toys.  He has lost all privileges.  I understand that may be strict for a 6 year old but he does know not right from wrong, he is just a very stubborn hard headed kid that feels he can do whatever he wants to do. I have no other ideas on how to teach him to use good behavior at school and at home.  I feel like I am dealing with a teenager in a childs body with the way he talks back to us all the time and thinks he can do whatever he wants.  How can I make him understand that there are rules and he must follow them just like all the other kids?
I think the key in discipline is consistency and communication, your son is still very young but if you are consistent in your discipline, eventually he will get the message. Don't give in, stick to yuor guns. When he goes a couple of days without getting in trouble compliment him and see what happens, I can almost bet that he will strive to do a littel better, no he may not be perfect but in time he will understand that consequences come after choices whether good or bad, maybe after complimetning him that first time, after a couple more days if he still hasn't gotten into trouble then reward him, and tell him that since he has been really good this week, you and him are going ot for ice cream or let him choose his favorite eating place for dinner, whatever, he is bound to understand...........
 
October 17, 2005, 11:49 am CDT

Sisters Fighting

I have two daughters ages 9 and 11. They can't get along for five Min's. They fuss and fight all the time. I know that siblings will have their ups and downs and fight sometimes, but i am at a loss as what to do about this. I am afraid that they are going to hurt one another sometimes, because they'll just go to kicking each other. The 11 year old is the worst seems like, she will not let her little sister do anything she wants. She is always picking on her, I feel like i am at a loss as to what to do with them. I have tried talking to them, taking things away and nothing seems to work. If anyone has any advice on the subject or has the same problem, i would love to know what to do about it. Thanks to anyone who can give me advice!
 
October 18, 2005, 4:00 pm CDT

things that worked for us

Quote From: blue_05

I have two daughters ages 9 and 11. They can't get along for five Min's. They fuss and fight all the time. I know that siblings will have their ups and downs and fight sometimes, but i am at a loss as what to do about this. I am afraid that they are going to hurt one another sometimes, because they'll just go to kicking each other. The 11 year old is the worst seems like, she will not let her little sister do anything she wants. She is always picking on her, I feel like i am at a loss as to what to do with them. I have tried talking to them, taking things away and nothing seems to work. If anyone has any advice on the subject or has the same problem, i would love to know what to do about it. Thanks to anyone who can give me advice!
I'm not a parent, but when I was a kid my sister and I fought a lot more than we do now. If would even lead to fistfights. My parents would break up the physical fights, but most of the time they let us work it out. Stuff that did not work was when my parents forced my sister and I to forgive each other, or when we were punished by having stuff removed from our rooms. I think that kind of punishment has no relation to the actual fighting, so it shouldn't be used. I think you should organize a long period of time that you can have a conversation with your daughters about some of the issues they're having. Don't force anything, but stop them if they start fighting. Now that my sister and I are older, we don't fight very much; probably because we understand each other more.
 
October 21, 2005, 11:16 am CDT

dealing with sibling rivalry

Quote From: blue_05

I have two daughters ages 9 and 11. They can't get along for five Min's. They fuss and fight all the time. I know that siblings will have their ups and downs and fight sometimes, but i am at a loss as what to do about this. I am afraid that they are going to hurt one another sometimes, because they'll just go to kicking each other. The 11 year old is the worst seems like, she will not let her little sister do anything she wants. She is always picking on her, I feel like i am at a loss as to what to do with them. I have tried talking to them, taking things away and nothing seems to work. If anyone has any advice on the subject or has the same problem, i would love to know what to do about it. Thanks to anyone who can give me advice!

I have 2 boys who are also 2 years apart.  They are very close, but like any two people who are together as much as they are, they occasionally get into fights.  If it sounds like they'll be able to work things out without anyone getting hurt, I leave them alone.  (Being able to negotiate and compromise is an important life skill that I want them to learn.)  But once in a while, tempers flare and they need me to intervene before things get too out of hand.   

  

Here's what I do in those situations: 

1) I send them to time-outs in separate rooms so that they can cool down.  I leave them totally alone for about 5-10 minutes (my kids are teenagers; if they were much younger, I wouldn't wait as long. 

  

2) When they are calm enough to have a rational conversation, I sit down with them one at a time.  First, I actively listen to the one I'm talking to tell his side of the story.  I only interrupt if I need clarification.   

  

3) Once he knows that I have really heard what he has to say, I ask: "Now what could YOU have done differently that could have prevented this?"   (I'm hoping for an answer such as "I would tell him how I felt in a nicer way."  Or "I would put myself in timeout so that I could calm down."  Or "I would stop playing until he's ready to play by the rules.")    Sometimes, they say "I wouldn't do anything differently.  It's all HIS fault."  When that happens, I may try to help him see things from his brother's perspective.  I also say things like, "You can't control your brother's behavior, but you can control your behavior.  I want to know what are YOU going to do differently next time.  Remember, I'm going to have this same conversation with your brother. " 

  

4) Sometimes, I bring them together to do a little negotiating.  "I'll do ________ if you do __________." 

  

5) We always end by appologizing, but it's genuine by that time, not forced. 

  

By consistently following this little plan, I have had to use it less and less frequently, because they have gotten better skilled at solving conflicts on their own.  The most important part, I think, is really listening to what each one has to say and not taking one side or they other. 

  

  

 
October 21, 2005, 11:23 am CDT

one more thing

Quote From: joyceymay

I have 2 boys who are also 2 years apart.  They are very close, but like any two people who are together as much as they are, they occasionally get into fights.  If it sounds like they'll be able to work things out without anyone getting hurt, I leave them alone.  (Being able to negotiate and compromise is an important life skill that I want them to learn.)  But once in a while, tempers flare and they need me to intervene before things get too out of hand.   

  

Here's what I do in those situations: 

1) I send them to time-outs in separate rooms so that they can cool down.  I leave them totally alone for about 5-10 minutes (my kids are teenagers; if they were much younger, I wouldn't wait as long. 

  

2) When they are calm enough to have a rational conversation, I sit down with them one at a time.  First, I actively listen to the one I'm talking to tell his side of the story.  I only interrupt if I need clarification.   

  

3) Once he knows that I have really heard what he has to say, I ask: "Now what could YOU have done differently that could have prevented this?"   (I'm hoping for an answer such as "I would tell him how I felt in a nicer way."  Or "I would put myself in timeout so that I could calm down."  Or "I would stop playing until he's ready to play by the rules.")    Sometimes, they say "I wouldn't do anything differently.  It's all HIS fault."  When that happens, I may try to help him see things from his brother's perspective.  I also say things like, "You can't control your brother's behavior, but you can control your behavior.  I want to know what are YOU going to do differently next time.  Remember, I'm going to have this same conversation with your brother. " 

  

4) Sometimes, I bring them together to do a little negotiating.  "I'll do ________ if you do __________." 

  

5) We always end by appologizing, but it's genuine by that time, not forced. 

  

By consistently following this little plan, I have had to use it less and less frequently, because they have gotten better skilled at solving conflicts on their own.  The most important part, I think, is really listening to what each one has to say and not taking one side or they other. 

  

  

It's also critical that I model appropriate behavior for them.  I don't engage them in a yelling match and I don't get physical with them.  I only do what I have to do to break them up and get them in their separate time-out rooms. 

 
October 21, 2005, 11:27 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: moose18

I'm not a parent, but when I was a kid my sister and I fought a lot more than we do now. If would even lead to fistfights. My parents would break up the physical fights, but most of the time they let us work it out. Stuff that did not work was when my parents forced my sister and I to forgive each other, or when we were punished by having stuff removed from our rooms. I think that kind of punishment has no relation to the actual fighting, so it shouldn't be used. I think you should organize a long period of time that you can have a conversation with your daughters about some of the issues they're having. Don't force anything, but stop them if they start fighting. Now that my sister and I are older, we don't fight very much; probably because we understand each other more.
I agree that kids need to learn to work things out on their own, but sometimes they need a little help.  I might take something away for a little while, IF it directly related to the conflict. 
 
October 22, 2005, 10:38 am CDT

Disicpline Help

am new to this board and hope I can find some help. I always thought I was great with discipline, most of my friends even take my advice, but on this time I need the advice.
My daughter is 7 years old, she knows that when your being bullied to ignore and walk away.For the last 2 and half years she has had to deal with a little boy that drives her nuts. I used to babysit his so she really had a hard time of it till I told his mom no more because this kid never listens and is completely disrespectful. THis kid has hit my children, and once with a stick to the face, clawed her face, kicked, spit on her and so forth, just a generaly problem and constant teasing. Mind you not trying to say he is the beast and mine is the angel. The problem came to head yesterday after school. When they where waiting for their ride (in an unapproved area due to nosupervision, this kids moms idea not mine)the child in question started teasing my daughter and tossed her back pack up into a tree. According to her she was just pissed and had so she grabbed him by the shirt and told him to get it down. He got mad and grabbed her back. She said he grabbed her chest thro her tee-shirt so she kicked him in the leg. Well to sum it up it was an all out brawl. THe school officials pulled them apart, the mother got in trouble for having them wait there, but my daughter is not in trouble, no citician or anything and his mom wants to know what I want to do for punishment. She told me her son was grounded, but because we live very close to each other I knew this was lie I could here him playing with his friends.
THis is bad because part of me is proud she kicked this boys butt, but I also can not let her know that this is okay. Any advice. 

 
October 22, 2005, 10:39 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

am new to this board and hope I can find some help. I always thought I was great with discipline, most of my friends even take my advice, but on this time I need the advice.
My daughter is 7 years old, she knows that when your being bullied to ignore and walk away.For the last 2 and half years she has had to deal with a little boy that drives her nuts. I used to babysit his so she really had a hard time of it till I told his mom no more because this kid never listens and is completely disrespectful. THis kid has hit my children, and once with a stick to the face, clawed her face, kicked, spit on her and so forth, just a generaly problem and constant teasing. Mind you not trying to say he is the beast and mine is the angel. The problem came to head yesterday after school. When they where waiting for their ride (in an unapproved area due to nosupervision, this kids moms idea not mine)the child in question started teasing my daughter and tossed her back pack up into a tree. According to her she was just pissed and had so she grabbed him by the shirt and told him to get it down. He got mad and grabbed her back. She said he grabbed her chest thro her tee-shirt so she kicked him in the leg. Well to sum it up it was an all out brawl. THe school officials pulled them apart, the mother got in trouble for having them wait there, but my daughter is not in trouble, no citician or anything and his mom wants to know what I want to do for punishment. She told me her son was grounded, but because we live very close to each other I knew this was lie I could here him playing with his friends.
THis is bad because part of me is proud she kicked this boys butt, but I also can not let her know that this is okay. Any advice. 

 
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