Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Things That Worked For Us

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August 16, 2005, 5:34 pm PDT

Single mom of 2

Well I am looking for some insight as to what I should use next. My daughter will be 8 this month and my son was 6 in May. I used to be able to use the 1-2-3 method, however my daughter is almost 8 going on 18. She doesn't want to listen and tells me I am mean or unfair and stomps off to her room and slams the door. I have told her that I will take the door off of the hinge if she doesn't stop. Everytime I get on the phone or am busy, she is always insisting that she needs something and just starts talking. I have tried to explain to both my kids, that it is rude to carry on when I am on the phone and that unless it is an emergency it isn't right. I am trying to help my kids as their dad and I separated 3 years ago and will be divorced for 2 years in March. They were emotionally abused before the separation by their dad and that is why we separated. I knew then that we would end up divorced as I knew there was no changing. I have had to go from the "its ok" mom to "its ok" but you need to listen. My son who was always the fixer of any problem is now picking up some of her habits and I don't know what to do. The counting to 3 still works some with my son. I love them so much and want to get things running smoother for everyone. I don't want to be correcting and it be like talking to the wall.

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jettav

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Peaceful

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August 16, 2005, 6:46 pm PDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: spunkyone3

Well I am looking for some insight as to what I should use next. My daughter will be 8 this month and my son was 6 in May. I used to be able to use the 1-2-3 method, however my daughter is almost 8 going on 18. She doesn't want to listen and tells me I am mean or unfair and stomps off to her room and slams the door. I have told her that I will take the door off of the hinge if she doesn't stop. Everytime I get on the phone or am busy, she is always insisting that she needs something and just starts talking. I have tried to explain to both my kids, that it is rude to carry on when I am on the phone and that unless it is an emergency it isn't right. I am trying to help my kids as their dad and I separated 3 years ago and will be divorced for 2 years in March. They were emotionally abused before the separation by their dad and that is why we separated. I knew then that we would end up divorced as I knew there was no changing. I have had to go from the "its ok" mom to "its ok" but you need to listen. My son who was always the fixer of any problem is now picking up some of her habits and I don't know what to do. The counting to 3 still works some with my son. I love them so much and want to get things running smoother for everyone. I don't want to be correcting and it be like talking to the wall.

I think you need to be consistent and follow through with what you say you are going to do, the next time she gets mad and slams the door, don't say anything, just go and take the door down and leave it down for a while. I have a friend who did this to her daughter and it did wonders. Both your kids are old enough to know about the rules when talking on the phone, do they talk to their friends on the phone, if so then you need to do the same thing to them as they do to you and when they get off the phone and say something about it then explain to them that this is how you feel when they are rude to you and that it will no longer happen. Talk about the consequence if it does happen and follow through. Maybe you can get a friend or relative to call one of them and explain to them what you are doing. Kids definetly need communication, discipline and consistency, as well as love and respect and when they have this they will learn to love and respect you as well. They are kids and still learning, so hang in there and be loving but yet consistent and follow through with discipline.

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lexcrest

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Stressed

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embarrassed

August 29, 2005, 5:56 am PDT

I have no hope

I thought I did this right, geting her off to school, But Now it is all back to an awful way for achild to experience everyday life.

My 6yr suddenly complains of her feet hurting, Wont wear shoes. Last night she wore them. She missed the bus this morning because she wouldn't get her shoes on. I try to help her dressing all it does is make more upset. I just dont get it.

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clevemom

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Mellow

Message Emote

September 6, 2005, 7:28 am PDT

shoes in hand

Quote From: lexcrest

I thought I did this right, geting her off to school, But Now it is all back to an awful way for achild to experience everyday life.

My 6yr suddenly complains of her feet hurting, Wont wear shoes. Last night she wore them. She missed the bus this morning because she wouldn't get her shoes on. I try to help her dressing all it does is make more upset. I just dont get it.

Put the shoes in her backpack or a bag and let her go without...that way daughter still is taking responsibility for getting on the bus on time and has some control over the situation (when to put the shoes on) She mostly did this as a power struggle to keep you around and find your reaction to the situation... kids are funny like that...

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iveylou

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Worried

Message Emote

September 13, 2005, 9:48 pm PDT

No Control.....

Hi, Im a 25 year old single mother of a wonderful 4 year old. She is happy, loving and very smart. She has been in daycare since she was 6 wks old so, school is nothing new to her. Just this year she has started Pre-K at a local public school. The first day, the teacher sent home a calender of the entire month. If she is good and does everything she is told then she gets a smiley face on that day. But, if she is bad and disobeyes the teacher, the teacher will write on the day what she had done wrong. She also knows if she doesn't get a smiley face, then she gets in trouble at home. The praising for a smiley face DID NOT work. I have tried gounding her, taking away her favorite toys, and taking away TV and Comp. time. I have tried time out, tried even explaining to her, in a way she understands, this is what you did wrong and this is what is going to happen as a result. I also make sure to be very consistant in reminding her EVERY morn. what she is NOT to do. Here recently after speaking with my mom, I have resorted to spankings. Now this seems to get her attention for 1-2 days but then she forgets and is bad again. My mother also recently told me that I was borderline ADHD when I was growing up and now have full blown Adult ADD Im wondering if this could be part of the problem or if its just me. Im soo frustrated, I don't want to spank her but, this seems to be the only way to get to her even if it is for a short period of time. Any advise is wanted.

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ejl_nc

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Stressed

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frustrated

September 19, 2005, 5:11 pm PDT

My son is a sneaky liar...

My first time doing this, so I hope I get it right! I am reading Dr. Phil's Family First, so this seemed like a good place to start! My 8yr old son is very sneaky & lies to me. He started this when he was about 4, but nothing we do seems to change it. He is my oldest, I have a 6yr girl & a 2yr boy also. Both the 8 & 6 yr olds just seem to use my distraction w/ my 2yr old as a opportunity to be sneaky & do what they want...even though they know better! Any ideas here? I am at a loss.

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jettav

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Peaceful

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September 19, 2005, 5:45 pm PDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: ejl_nc

My first time doing this, so I hope I get it right! I am reading Dr. Phil's Family First, so this seemed like a good place to start! My 8yr old son is very sneaky & lies to me. He started this when he was about 4, but nothing we do seems to change it. He is my oldest, I have a 6yr girl & a 2yr boy also. Both the 8 & 6 yr olds just seem to use my distraction w/ my 2yr old as a opportunity to be sneaky & do what they want...even though they know better! Any ideas here? I am at a loss.

Maybe when your two year old needs attention, you can make the other two come along with you. Tell them that since they want to be sneaky and lie and do whatever they are doing then you cannot trust them to be alone so they must follow you and help with the two year old. Do this for a day or two and see what happens, when they start complaining, explain to them again then after a while sit them down and discuss the issue and see what happens. I know a parent who has done this and it worked, of course kids certainly are nopt perfect and they will mess up, maybe talk to them on the thirsd day of doing this and ask them if they are ready to make right choices, they will probably say yes, and tell them when they don't they will have to do the process again, eventually they will get the message, hopefully. Be consisitent even though it might get annoying or whatever, stick with your guns and follow through.

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ejl_nc

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Stressed

Message Emote

September 21, 2005, 5:55 am PDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: jettav

Maybe when your two year old needs attention, you can make the other two come along with you. Tell them that since they want to be sneaky and lie and do whatever they are doing then you cannot trust them to be alone so they must follow you and help with the two year old. Do this for a day or two and see what happens, when they start complaining, explain to them again then after a while sit them down and discuss the issue and see what happens. I know a parent who has done this and it worked, of course kids certainly are nopt perfect and they will mess up, maybe talk to them on the thirsd day of doing this and ask them if they are ready to make right choices, they will probably say yes, and tell them when they don't they will have to do the process again, eventually they will get the message, hopefully. Be consisitent even though it might get annoying or whatever, stick with your guns and follow through.

I like that idea! THANKS! I imagine they will get really sick of it quickly and may change their ways. My problem is always follow thru..it's so hard with three to care for. I feel like I am running in circles ALL the time! No one ever said parenting was easy!

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camsmygirl

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

October 5, 2005, 10:54 am PDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: iveylou

Hi, Im a 25 year old single mother of a wonderful 4 year old. She is happy, loving and very smart. She has been in daycare since she was 6 wks old so, school is nothing new to her. Just this year she has started Pre-K at a local public school. The first day, the teacher sent home a calender of the entire month. If she is good and does everything she is told then she gets a smiley face on that day. But, if she is bad and disobeyes the teacher, the teacher will write on the day what she had done wrong. She also knows if she doesn't get a smiley face, then she gets in trouble at home. The praising for a smiley face DID NOT work. I have tried gounding her, taking away her favorite toys, and taking away TV and Comp. time. I have tried time out, tried even explaining to her, in a way she understands, this is what you did wrong and this is what is going to happen as a result. I also make sure to be very consistant in reminding her EVERY morn. what she is NOT to do. Here recently after speaking with my mom, I have resorted to spankings. Now this seems to get her attention for 1-2 days but then she forgets and is bad again. My mother also recently told me that I was borderline ADHD when I was growing up and now have full blown Adult ADD Im wondering if this could be part of the problem or if its just me. Im soo frustrated, I don't want to spank her but, this seems to be the only way to get to her even if it is for a short period of time. Any advise is wanted.

I'm just replying to let you know that I have the SAME problem minus the ADHD. I am a single mom and have a four year old daughter in preschool.

Basically, they have sent her home the last couple of days for hitting, slapping and kicking her teachers. Like you, i have taken toys away and made everything as boring as possible. It's not working.....

I'm interested to see your replies.

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ssheri5

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Stressed

Message Emote

October 7, 2005, 4:22 am PDT

SSTotally Streessed Out

Hi,

I am full time working mom with a 5 year old daughter and 13 year old daughter. My 5 year old has been giving us stress. She is good at school and for the most part good at daycare. She is horrible for my husband and I. She refuses to listen, mean, bossy, and has continuous tantrums. I feel she may be angry, not sure, why. Anyway, we have tried everything timeout, taking away fun things, ignoring her (may not be consistent and I know i have to). I am at wits end. Tried spanking her on the bottom and feel terrible. I want to find other ways to resolve her issues. I hate picking her up from daycare not knowing who she is going to be, nice kid or the mean kid. HELP!!!!

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Message Boards

Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Single mom of 2

Things That Worked For Us

I have no hope

shoes in hand

No Control.....

My son is a sneaky liar...

Things That Worked For Us

Things That Worked For Us

Things That Worked For Us

SSTotally Streessed Out