Topic : Things That Worked For Us

thank you so much for the suggestions. One of the things I really have a hard time with is his dad and I are split up and his dad has no respect for me. My son sees that, just yesterday he was supposed to pick our son up at noon. He not only didn't pick him up until 5:oo pm, but he didn't even acknowledge that he was late. I was really upset, but I didn't say anything to him because I try not to fight in front of our son. Our son sees this lack of respect and turns around and does similar things. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I sometimes feel that I can't deal with his behavior anymore. I'm still not physically very strong, and still dealing with reactions from the chemo and radiation. I just wish that he would talk to me or someone about what's causing him to behave the way he does, instead of just telling me he doesn't know what's wrong. Any suggestions or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

i don't know if you have court things to keep to in regard with the time your ex spends with your son, but i think you should draw a line with your ex too. if he doesn't pick him up in time, he might as well not pick him up at all. if there is something else that you can think of, to 'discipline' your ex, it is possibly better, because this is not an ideal solution. but you could say. you can pick him up at three, and if he's more than half an hour late, without calling, you call him and say, it isn't convenient for me to have you picking him up today, you can pick him up tomorrow at three. even though you have been going through a hard time, and you still are, i do want to encourage you to set boundaries. even though your fysically not strong, you can do things like this. and if you're son doesn't want to go into time out, and you can't pick him up. you just punish him with something worse then that ten minute time out, like no tv or computer or any other videogames for a week. and take the remotes, or anything else he needs to play, like the mouse or keyboard, and hide them, or lock them away. this way he'll learn that it is better for him to go into that ten minute time out, than having his priviliges taken away for a week. a counsellor knows conversation techniques, to let him talk, and knows what the things he says, or doesn't say mean. so i think that it would be a very good solution. have him talk to the counselor in private, and make sure the counselor keeps you up to date.

I am a stay home mom to our three year old daughter. First of all, she's funny, smart, plays well with other kids and learns things quick. However.... Strong willed doesn't begin to describe her. She's also a breath holder so it's double trouble. We fight nonstop! She argues with me about EVERYTHING! She talks back, she's into absolutely everything, like nothing is off limits to her. I try to set boundries, have house rules posted, give her spanks (sorta), take toys away, time outs, the works! But lately I've resorted to yelling. I hate it!!! My sister yells at her kids and I always said I wasn't going to do that to mine. I can't seem to get anything done when she is awake. She wakes up in a bad mood and will take a swing at me or yell at me and that pretty much sets the tone for our day together. I try and take her for walks and bikerides to get her in a better mood, but nothing works. Everything is a fight and my frustration is quickly turning to anger. She won't listen to or do one single thing that I ask. It's like I'm talking in some foreign language to her or something. I'm in a rotten mood from sun up to sun down and feel like an absolute failure as a parent. My husband gets home from work and comments on what a pissy mood I'm in and then there's tension between us as well.

I need some advise, anything to help us get through this. Maybe words I can replace or discipline techniques I can change. Anything!

Thanks in advanced.

Your post would describe my middle daughter when she was that age. I was so worried about her, worried about what I might have done to cause her attitude, worry, worry, worry- but mainly, I was worn out! I read books on the “strong willed child,” and I still had no answers. My husband would come home from work and it would be exactly as you’ve described- a lot of tension, and we all hated it. It is very hard to break this cycle, for many reasons, but mainly because you don’t know when it began, what triggered it. I’ll tell you what worked best for us, and that was showing a totally, 100%, united front to our daughter. When she would wake up in a bad mood, I had to stop myself from trying to “snap” her out of it, because I learned that she was choosing to be in a bad mood just to force me to entertain her. It sucked so bad! I analyzed all of my actions, and I realized that I had tried a lot of things, but when those things didn’t work/help, I would move on to something else; I never picked one thing and stuck with it. So, I decided to pick one punishment and give it a try. When she was rude to me, like ignoring me while I spoke to her, I immediately addressed the issue, saying something like, “it hurts my feelings when you don’t answer me, I just want to know what you want for lunch. If you don’t answer me, you will have a time out.” Time out was sitting on a stool in the corner with no toys, she hated it (and I hated it, too!)- but after three days of being consistent with the time outs, her attitude changed!! She had approx. 25-20 time outs in those three days; but that was all it took to get her to learn I meant business. It was so hard, but I know that if I could do it, anyone can! I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless, like I had failed her. Another thing that changed my daughter dramatically was when she began pre-school. It was like she found her place in the world, she found activities that she loved and that she was good at, she blossomed. She spent a lot of time doing puzzles and in the block area with the boys; the teacher told me that studies show young children who like those activities will be strong in math and problem solving. She is now age 11, and true to the teacher’s words, she excels in math and playing musical instruments. I look at her now and remember how worried I was about her, and I know that my nervousness transferred to her, and we fed off of each other back then. I hope that my advice is helpful!

I have a son whom just turned 4 this June, he has always had trouble getting along with other children he is an only child and around adults all the time. It seems as if every daycare I have had him in there has been trouble for them and I have always blamed it on the daycare and the other kids inthe daycare....

 

I just got married in April and before then he didn't have a father figure around he hasn't seen his real father since 2005. Now my husband who has no children at all wants to discipline him for liitle thing and he wants to spank him thinking that time out doesn't work.... my son looks to him as his father so there is no problem there but it is just that I haven't raised my son to being used to getting in trouble all the time... I have always been laid back and just didn't want to fight my son on anything. I do understand that I made the wrong decision on raising him that way and I would like to change but my husband wants to take it to the extreme. 

 

Now he has been in a new preschool since July 1st. and has been haveing trouble since. I told the school before I enrolled him that he was a difficult child and that he really had trouble getting along with other children. They told me that it was there job to fix that... It sounded great...

 

I honestly believe that he is very hyper his bilogical father had adhd and his half sisster has adhd. So I think he might have that. I haven't gotten him check for it but I am planning on it.

 

Now the school is complaining and saying that he has behaivioral issues and he is beating up the other children, I don't want to believe them but if you look at him track record. you kinda of have to!!!

 

I don't know what to do my husband and I are always fighting about it, and now the school is today suspended him for2 days and said that if he beats up another kid that they are kicking him out for good. The school never once tried to work with me on it untill today and now they are only going to give him 1 chance...

 

Please someone I need some advice!!! 

I have a son whom just turned 4 this June, he has always had trouble getting along with other children he is an only child and around adults all the time. It seems as if every daycare I have had him in there has been trouble for them and I have always blamed it on the daycare and the other kids inthe daycare....

 

I just got married in April and before then he didn't have a father figure around he hasn't seen his real father since 2005. Now my husband who has no children at all wants to discipline him for liitle thing and he wants to spank him thinking that time out doesn't work.... my son looks to him as his father so there is no problem there but it is just that I haven't raised my son to being used to getting in trouble all the time... I have always been laid back and just didn't want to fight my son on anything. I do understand that I made the wrong decision on raising him that way and I would like to change but my husband wants to take it to the extreme. 

 

Now he has been in a new preschool since July 1st. and has been haveing trouble since. I told the school before I enrolled him that he was a difficult child and that he really had trouble getting along with other children. They told me that it was there job to fix that... It sounded great...

 

I honestly believe that he is very hyper his bilogical father had adhd and his half sisster has adhd. So I think he might have that. I haven't gotten him check for it but I am planning on it.

 

Now the school is complaining and saying that he has behaivioral issues and he is beating up the other children, I don't want to believe them but if you look at him track record. you kinda of have to!!!

 

I don't know what to do my husband and I are always fighting about it, and now the school is today suspended him for2 days and said that if he beats up another kid that they are kicking him out for good. The school never once tried to work with me on it untill today and now they are only going to give him 1 chance...

 

Please someone I need some advice!!! 

This is definetely the best thing I've read on any message board in a LONG time!  I went through all of that when  I was a child too, it was more of my father telling me to 'shut up and grin' especially when it came to my mother.  So when it came down to my own children, I haven't been able to do much about discipline or anything, and it really bothers my fiance.  He was over-disciplined and that's where the arguing starts.  I will definetely take this advice to heart and find me a grown up button!

As a parent, it is your duty to do anything possible to help your son become a good, solid citizen. This means holding him accountable for his actions; but of course, doing it in a reasonable, responsible way. Your husband over-disciplining him is NOT going to make up for lost time. The best thing you can do for your son is to have him be evaluated by a professional for organic disorders. It is more likely that because your son hasn’t had structure or discipline in his four years of life, he rebels against it. You have to forgive yourself for not doing something sooner, and remember that we are only human- the positive part is that you are realizing now that he does need more structure and discipline. You and your husband must be on the same page regarding this issue, or else you will cancel one another out. Can you approach your husband and come to an understanding about what behaviors require more punishment then others? You have to speak up for your son, because your actions as well as your inactions will contribute to what type of person he grows up to be, and as a mother myself, I know you want him to be a wonderful person. I wish you the best.

We have a 6 year old boy at home who is constantly doing something he isnt supposed to do.  If he is told not to do something then he will automatically do it.  He does not like to listen at all!  We are a blended family with him and my girls who are 11 and 6 and the 3 month old we have together.  I realize that part of it is just and adjustment and he is looking for attention,  but i cant just let him do what he wants and acts however he wants.  He is even now getting in trouble at school.  None of what he does is horrifically bad, but the other two girls behave and listen to us, so it is very frusterating that he wont.  He seems to not care about anything. He doesnt care if he gets in trouble, he really could care less what the punishment is for his bad behavior.  He never apologizes when he does something wrong and seems to be very apathetic towards most everything around him.

What should we do, we are at our wits end!!!!

My fiancee's daughter is 13 yrs old and we are at a point now that we don't know what to do. She is stealing from not only family, but others now too, she lies constantly and is acting out more than ever. She is yelling at teachers and leaving class w/out permission. She has had 5-6 detentions so far this yr in school and 1 saturday school for reasons of all the above. SOMEONE HELP PLEASE...Any suggestions would help.