Topic : Things That Worked For Us

My son is 20 months old and I can't get him to stop screaming/screeching when he wants something.  I taught him to say please and I was hoping that it would replace the screaming.  But now he screams/screeches and then says, "please."  My husband gets frusterated with him, especially in public and more than once I've caught people staring.  How do I get my son to stop the screeching? 

Hi. I think that sounds like a toughie. I mean, he is so young still and that makes it hard. I would say whatever you do, don't let him have what he wants when he screams/screeches. That will only make him think that he just needs to keep it up. I would personally take a really close look at what my reaction is when he does it. You know..do you simply say no, do you find yourself giving in sometimes? I really like your idea of having him say please...lol, they are smart little ones aren't they? Now he screams and then says please.  

I almost think that this might be a situation where putting him on ignore might be good. I once went to a child psychologist and I remember him telling me when my daughter was having a fit, that as long as she isn't hurting herself, that it is okay to ignore them for awhile just to let them know that what they are doing to seek attention isn't working. You know what? It worked. She stopped throwing fits when she saw that it wasn't giving her the attention she wanted. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!  

Hi. Personally, and I know it is hard...but I think I would try to just start bragging like crazy on what she is doing right(not saying you don't, because I don't know), but I think that right now she might be getting too much negative attention. I am saying this to help, not to hurt. Sometimes children continue to show negative behaviour because there is so much negative being shown. If she is getting in trouble at school and then is also getting it when she comes home too...might be a bit much for a four year old to take. Honestly, I would probably show concern when she didn't get a sticker and ask her what she can do tomorrow to do better. Then I would simply say, well, I love you and I know you are a fine little person...then just start bragging like crazy on all of her take home papers. Say,...wow...You have really improved on staying in the lines, this is great. You know, let her know it concerns you, but basically leave that between her and her teacher. Honestly, that is what I did with both of my children. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 7 year old son, and I learned early on that too many no's aren't very good for our children. Remember what Dr.Phil says...It takes 100 atta girls to make up one.. you aren't good enough. I truly believe that when you change "your" behavior that you will start to see a much needed and welcomed change in her.  

ADD is of course always a possibility when children don't mind, but I think sometimes these things can  be changed by simply making small changes in ourselves. Please know I am not blaming you, but am simply telling you what worked for me. Good luck to you.  

jamrod(Jeannie) 

I have a crazy problem with my son who will be 13 next month.  He still wets the bed.  I have tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to work.  We have had tons of talks and tried different rewards and punishments.  He just doesn't seem to care.  I thought that maybe it is something medical, but when we talked a few days ago he said sometimes he is too lazy to get up, but sometimes he will wake up wet.  I never know which it is and I don't know what to do anymore.  We even bought the potty pager and tried it, but he would take it off in the middle of the night and it would do no good.  I would think he would be embarresed or hate the smell of his room, but he doesn't even care.  I am at a loss as to what to do....maybe I should take him to a doctor??  If you have any advice, please.... 

Melis 

your son sounds exactly like mine--i just can not understand why it doesn't bother him either. 

he would be embarrassed if any of his friends were to find out, and i would never want to embarrass him.  but unless i remind him, he won't change his sheets and will leave it wet until i tell him to take care of it.  sometimes i feel like he may be doing it for attention from me, because he knows it really makes me mad.  so i decided that i'm not going to be mad about it anymore--but it's also not going to be my problem.  just like you, i've tried medication, alarms, nothing works.  sometimes i will wake him up a couple of hours after he went to bed to make him get up and go to the bathroom, and it becomes real obvious that he's just too lazy to go to the bathroom before he goes to bed.  he's taken laziness to a whole new level.  like i said, i quit getting mad about it, if he wants to be too lazy to use the bathroom, then he gets to change all his sheets, put them in the washer then the dryer, spray febreze on his bed and put new sheets on.  Over time, he seems to be getting tired of all the extra work and my plan seems to be paying off, he only is wet maybe once a week or so  now.  also, if he leaves without taking care of his sheets, he will be grounded from everything that day when he gets home from school--no going outside, no tv,stereo,playstation, or phone.  so now he realizes he's just hurting himself not trying to prevent this problem.  give it a try--it worked for me.  i find it less stressful to make them "own" their problem, instead of me being worked up about it all the time.   good luck!!   

You just really need to make her understand that you're the boss and she isn't.  I always tell my kids when they grow up and have their own kids---that's when it's their turn to be the boss.  Certain things, for instance putting on her shoes to go to school , just have to be done.  period.  she needs to understand that it's not open for discussion.  things will run alot smoother, once she is positive without a doubt, who is in charge.    

i'm happy to say that my youngest is 9, but what i always found when they were toddlers is:  if they scream and get what they want, they're going to keep screaming.  i know it's really hard, but do not give them anything they want until they are acting how you want them to act.  then they'll know that when they act the way mommy wants, they get what they want.  it will probably take a little time though for them to figure this out---hang in there!! 

just a little trick that worked for me---when my kids were young, maybe 4-5 yrs old, they also thought it was "free time"  when i was on the phone, in other words they were free to do whatever they pleased---they thought. well, after this going on for awhile, i began making them all sit on the couch quietly while i was on the phone.   as soon as it rang, i made them get on the couch and be quiet and explained to them it was because they acted crazy everytime i was on the phone. after doing this for about a week, we had a talk about how they should behave when i'm on the phone and if they could do this, they wouldn't have to sit on the couch anymore.  i had very few problems after that, because noone wanted to sit on the couch doing nothing.  so it worked pretty well.  

maybe, this will help will at least this problem.  another thing, you really want to demand that your daughter be respectful toward you as her mother, just a thought---she's going to be a teenager someday.  it's much easier to control her when she's 8 than when she's 14/15.