Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Hello,   

I have a question, My son is 6 and in the first grade. He is a very smart little boy, does fine in his school work. Brings home good grades. His teacher tells me, he is one of the nice, hard working little boys she seen. He is not hurtful to others, and love to lean and work on school things. But then it comes to free time, sitting still, hands to him self, or trying to be center of attention. It all falls apart. They have a program, a dime a day, or cash out. You can cash out up to 3 times. You guessed it he cashes out 2 to 3 times a day. For things like making noise when they are to be quit, jumping up and down in line, and a lot of other things like this. Not hurtful to other, just distracting to others.  

We have cleaned out his room, then let him work to get it back, had him write many times over what he did wrong, Taken him out of football games and other things, grounded over a day or weekend, so many things. It does not seem to get better. It just stays the same. He tells me, he just can not stop, or does not know why. He will do something get in touble, then 5mins later do it again.I do not want to medicate my son, I believe that is what it is leading to. What is left.......  

Hope someone can help,,,,,,  

I have 2 boys who are also 2 years apart.  They are very close, but like any two people who are together as much as they are, they occasionally get into fights.  If it sounds like they'll be able to work things out without anyone getting hurt, I leave them alone.  (Being able to negotiate and compromise is an important life skill that I want them to learn.)  But once in a while, tempers flare and they need me to intervene before things get too out of hand.   

Here's what I do in those situations: 

1) I send them to time-outs in separate rooms so that they can cool down.  I leave them totally alone for about 5-10 minutes (my kids are teenagers; if they were much younger, I wouldn't wait as long. 

2) When they are calm enough to have a rational conversation, I sit down with them one at a time.  First, I actively listen to the one I'm talking to tell his side of the story.  I only interrupt if I need clarification.   

3) Once he knows that I have really heard what he has to say, I ask: "Now what could YOU have done differently that could have prevented this?"   (I'm hoping for an answer such as "I would tell him how I felt in a nicer way."  Or "I would put myself in timeout so that I could calm down."  Or "I would stop playing until he's ready to play by the rules.")    Sometimes, they say "I wouldn't do anything differently.  It's all HIS fault."  When that happens, I may try to help him see things from his brother's perspective.  I also say things like, "You can't control your brother's behavior, but you can control your behavior.  I want to know what are YOU going to do differently next time.  Remember, I'm going to have this same conversation with your brother. " 

4) Sometimes, I bring them together to do a little negotiating.  "I'll do ________ if you do __________." 

5) We always end by appologizing, but it's genuine by that time, not forced. 

By consistently following this little plan, I have had to use it less and less frequently, because they have gotten better skilled at solving conflicts on their own.  The most important part, I think, is really listening to what each one has to say and not taking one side or they other. 

It's also critical that I model appropriate behavior for them.  I don't engage them in a yelling match and I don't get physical with them.  I only do what I have to do to break them up and get them in their separate time-out rooms. 

am new to this board and hope I can find some help. I always thought I was great with discipline, most of my friends even take my advice, but on this time I need the advice.
My daughter is 7 years old, she knows that when your being bullied to ignore and walk away.For the last 2 and half years she has had to deal with a little boy that drives her nuts. I used to babysit his so she really had a hard time of it till I told his mom no more because this kid never listens and is completely disrespectful. THis kid has hit my children, and once with a stick to the face, clawed her face, kicked, spit on her and so forth, just a generaly problem and constant teasing. Mind you not trying to say he is the beast and mine is the angel. The problem came to head yesterday after school. When they where waiting for their ride (in an unapproved area due to nosupervision, this kids moms idea not mine)the child in question started teasing my daughter and tossed her back pack up into a tree. According to her she was just pissed and had so she grabbed him by the shirt and told him to get it down. He got mad and grabbed her back. She said he grabbed her chest thro her tee-shirt so she kicked him in the leg. Well to sum it up it was an all out brawl. THe school officials pulled them apart, the mother got in trouble for having them wait there, but my daughter is not in trouble, no citician or anything and his mom wants to know what I want to do for punishment. She told me her son was grounded, but because we live very close to each other I knew this was lie I could here him playing with his friends.
THis is bad because part of me is proud she kicked this boys butt, but I also can not let her know that this is okay. Any advice. 

am new to this board and hope I can find some help. I always thought I was great with discipline, most of my friends even take my advice, but on this time I need the advice.
My daughter is 7 years old, she knows that when your being bullied to ignore and walk away.For the last 2 and half years she has had to deal with a little boy that drives her nuts. I used to babysit his so she really had a hard time of it till I told his mom no more because this kid never listens and is completely disrespectful. THis kid has hit my children, and once with a stick to the face, clawed her face, kicked, spit on her and so forth, just a generaly problem and constant teasing. Mind you not trying to say he is the beast and mine is the angel. The problem came to head yesterday after school. When they where waiting for their ride (in an unapproved area due to nosupervision, this kids moms idea not mine)the child in question started teasing my daughter and tossed her back pack up into a tree. According to her she was just pissed and had so she grabbed him by the shirt and told him to get it down. He got mad and grabbed her back. She said he grabbed her chest thro her tee-shirt so she kicked him in the leg. Well to sum it up it was an all out brawl. THe school officials pulled them apart, the mother got in trouble for having them wait there, but my daughter is not in trouble, no citician or anything and his mom wants to know what I want to do for punishment. She told me her son was grounded, but because we live very close to each other I knew this was lie I could here him playing with his friends.
THis is bad because part of me is proud she kicked this boys butt, but I also can not let her know that this is okay. Any advice.