Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

I have an on going serious dispute with my spouse which is causeing us personal problems.

My children have been trained by my spouse to only eat Nuggets, PB&J, Frozen Pizza, and Raviolis.

When we make other things they refuse to eat and our dinner becomes a big fight. My spouse has just conceded and fixes them what they want. I am of the belief you control what they eat, when they go to bed, who they see, ect. I feel that the children are out of control. and we have lost. I always have to look like the big bad dad, forceing them to eat other things.

 

My spouse is a wimp.

It certainly is up to us as parents to teach and guide our children in making the right choices in life and how they eat depends on us as parents. if we want our children to eat healthy then we need to be the ones to teach and encourage this. One thing I do is, I give them choices and they have to choose something from that choice list and if they refuse everything, then too bad, they don't eat. Your spouse is definetly depriving your kids of the nutrition that they need and as long as she allows them to manipulate her and to allow them to cause this tension between the two of you, then she certainly will reap some regrets. Who is the primary grocer shopper in your home? Maybe this is a task that you can do. And I would avoid buying that stuff. Maybe find some recipe books and together as a family go through them and decide on a couple of new foods together and depending on the age of your children of course., let them help prepare the meal. Maybe go out and buy the ingredients for a home made pizza and let them help make it. You can also buy frozen ravioli where you cook it and add your own ingredients, add some peas to the sauce and mix it all together, This kind of stuff works with my 4 year old who is a picky eater. I would keep trying to introduce a new food on a regular basis, encourage the kids to take so many bite, My daughter has to take 4 bites becasue she is 4 years old. I think you and yuour spouse really need some alone time and discuss this and come upo with some ideas together and try to get on the same page otherwise, your kids will continue to play her against you and vice versa, they need to learn to respect both of you and the two of you need to respect one another. Though it is discouraging and you may feel like you are fighting a losing battle, don't give in to them. Keep communicating with your spouse and keep encouraging the kids to eat healthy.

My daughter has girlfriends that come and spend the night, however, when things get pretty chaotic while they are having fun, they seem to lose repect for my house and damage it. For instance, I heard alot of laughing and loud noises and I came up to see what was happening.  They said "sorry" and told me to look around the room.  What I saw was a hole in the bathroom door, as big as a softball"  I was shocked.  My main question is, how long and what should be the punishment for this? I do know who really did this but since it happened in my house and I was not witness to this I can not make the parents pay for this. Can anyone tell me what kind of grounding I should do. Because my daughter needs to realize and maybe she will tell her friends to be more respectful of her house since she's getting the punishment. 

   

Thank you   

if it weere me, I would definetly talk to my daughter and tell her that since her and her friends could not respect the home then she is not to have any friends over and she would not be able to go to her friends for a time period to spend the night. personally, I would not hesitate to talk to the parents about it, at least mention it to them and tell them that you just wanted them to know what had happened, I am sure that if they were in your shoes, they wouldn't be happy about the incident and I know I would like to know about things like that if my child was involved, I would not accept it all and my child would not get away with it.

After reading your post I think I would say no more stay overs here at MY house anymore because neither YOU or YOUR FRIENDS can or will respect my home and how its cared for then  and make her pay to get it patched up  and remind her if it happens again YOU will take away somethng so very precious to her until she can respect you and your home and if it happens again then take her MOST FAVORITE  thing away from her for a  week or until she can show you respect "but remember you have to DO exacly what you said you was going to do" if not then they decide yeah I have heard that before and she never takes anything away so big deal  

good luck on dealing with this issue take care Lori 

It seems that your spouse does all of the grochery shopping.I think you should get in there and start doing it.If you tell your spouse that you care,Say, I dont want them to get made fun of when they get older.I want them to eat as healthy as they can.So they can be in sports be happy,and feel good about themselves.I think when a lot of people eat healthy they feel good and are more confident about themselves.. 

-sheena- 

 If it were my daughter- SHE would pay for the damaged wall, either with her regular allowance or through work around the house. AND no friends could come over for a very long time.

I would also call the parents and let them know that although you are not accusing their kids of anything, you know that some damage was done to your house when ALL the girls were over and so their daugher and all the friends in the gang were not welcome at your house for the time being.  I would be very polite- say things like, "I am sure you understand my position, I need to teach my daughter some respect for the house, etc." They will each handle their own kids and no one "gets away with it"

My 13 yr old daughter brought home a bad report card. It had a 50 in math a57 in language and a 69 in science. the rest were A's and B's. She was grounded all last year( yes the entire year) for C's. She shows pigs and we raise them she has learned alot from this. And she has won many things. This is something she is very good at and something that she loves. She is in extra  help for math. My husband is very strict on her. He has taken all the pigs away from her I mean sold all of them, he has grounded her, and now he thinks we should just be mean to her everyday. He spanked her 3 times last night because she did not have the amount of math problems done in the time that he allows. I think this is alittle extreme. He has only been her father for 4 years.( her real father doesn't care. He stated that he would sign away his rights to her so my husband can adopt her. which he does want to do.) He thinks because he can feel as if she  was his own she should automaticaly feel the same. I mean she loves him. but now she has made the statement she does not want him to adopt her. How can I explain to him he is hurting the situation? 

I think that he is extreme and that he still need to make sure she knows he loves her. 

He told her last night he did not want her to say anything to him about school because she was a lier. because she lied to us. I think that he should still offer for her to talk to him, then we can check it out to find out if she is lying. 

Any advice will help. 

I honestly think that your husband is bad for your daughter. She obviously seems to be trying really hard, attending extra help maths classes and all. Perhaps your husband has to accept that your daughter is not gifted or talented academically, and perhaps she is better at a sport, or cooking, or at showing pigs as you say she does. There is no reason at all why your husband should make your daughter feel depressed because she is unable to do well academically, especially as she is trying hard. Indeed, maybe she doesn't feel as though she can do well academically because she receives such low-self-esteem remarks from him all day at home, and he may well be the cause of the problem. Your husband should also accept that he is not her father, and even if he was, no father has the right to treat their daughter like that and make them feel bad for their academic ability. Like you said, he is hurting the situation. She doesn't seem to be able to do any better than she is doing, and his behaviour towards her is only going to cause her to resent him in the future, and perhaps cause her to want to do badly to spite him. 

You need to talk to your husband about the possible long term effects of his actions towards your daughter.