Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

My husband and I had a HUGE fight last night over what should be the consequences for our daughter sending 3 text messages after 9 p.m.  I felt like three days without her phone would be fine, he feels this is outrageous and thinks it should be more like a month.

HELP!

The yelling and all is just getting way too much.

Dr. Phil, I need serious advise! My name is Lientjie and I live in South Africa. I have recently got married to a wonderful man who adores my six year old son. My son has excepted him as his real dad. So no problems there! But about six months ago his school started complaining about his behavior in the class. I made an appointment to see a pediatrician, as we all thought it might be that he is frustrated cause his nose were blocked all the time and could have effected his hearing ability.  The pediatrician did supply us with a script for his nose to unblock and stop allergies. But the pediatrician asked us to come back if the behavior persists as he would like to assess Benjamin. So in a month we were back in front of the pediatrician for an assessment.  He diagnosed my don with ADHD and ODD. After all that i felt like a failure as a parent. For the first time i did not know how to speak to my son or how to discipline my child. I felt lost and confused. The school was still complaining even though my son was on medication. I was falling apart and my son was spiraling out of control. My husband was the only one keeping the family together and trying to keep me from coming unglued. Again we had to go back to the pediatrician. The meds were not doing its job. He then put my son on such strong meds. It kept him under control for the whole time he is at school. But i as a parent was not satisfied just keeping my child on meds. I felt like we were just covering up the problem and not solving it. I decided to contact a child psychologist to help me with some parenting skills and how to deal with my son on a day to day basis. I want skills to teach my son to become the best he can be and to cope with his condition. The psychologist assessed my son and then gave me some good ideas on parenting Benjamin. He is such a sweet child and it breaks my heart to see him battle like this every single day of his life. I know that some of his reactions is out of his control, yet i was told to be strict and apply consequence parenting methods. This is to let him punish himself. If he refuses to pick up his toys i must take all his toys away.  Dr. Phil, am i doing the right thing? When i see him cry like that, it breaks my heart. I feel like i am being CRUEL! I trust your opinion and need your help! Please give me advise! I feel lost all over again.