Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

I have 4 little boys... 6yrs, 2 1/2 yrs, and a set of almost 9 month old twins. My Boyfriend insists on spanking my 6 yr old and 2 1/2 year old when they do things they shouldn't, talk back, scream, yell or anything else. I have tried to ignore the bad behavior and react to the good behavior but to no avail.. it hasn't worked. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about it but he was raised in the south where you spank a kid with what ever gets their attention. Since i've been with my boyfriend (1yr and 5 months) he has used the spankings and to my knowledge it hasn't even remotely worked... yes my kids cry when they know they are going to get a spanking and they cry afterwards but it has not curbed their bad behavior and i'm ready for something that really does work. Something that i know is going to be hard to start but in the end will work wonders. And how can i get someone i can't talk to to listen to me and try it as well? I want an oderly home and to be able to communicate with my kids and not feel like the only way i'm heard is to yell or raise my voice. Please Help.

you and you're boyfriend are your childrens main examples. if you yell and hit in your house, or if you curse. that's the example you're giving. so you're children will start doing it too. when you're children do something they're not allowed to do, you don't have to get mad. they just get disciplined. you have to stay calm. after their punishment, it's over, and they can go play. a method that usually works really well, is puytting them in a corner, or against a wall. just a plain white wall or something, that's really boring. if they do something they're not supposed too, you give them a warning. like: don't do this again, or you'll have to stand against the wall. the most important thing is to follow through with wat you say, or you're kids will know that you won't do it. and it won't have any effect. the only time you don't have to give a warning is when something is a really clear house rule. in my house it's hitting, then they are just put in the corner right away. but you can't do that, unless you follow the same rule. you can't teach your children not to hit or yell or curse if you do it yourself. you have to stop your own behaviour first.

I THINK THAT EMBARESSING A CHILD FOR A PUNISHMENT IS BETTER THEN SPANKING THEM AND GOOD FOR THAT JUDGE FOR THINKING OUT SIDE THE BOX  MAYBE IF MORE JUDGES DID THAT OUR PRISONS WOULD'NT BE OVER CROUDED AND WE THE POEPLE WOULD'NT HAVE TO PAY FOR FREE LOADERS CAUSE THATS ALL THEY ARE IN PRISON IS FREE LOADERS 

I do'nt know about ya'll but I have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. They call my husband "Daddy' and he is not. But he has completely taken them in as his. We mutually make decisions about them and we both discipline them. We spank sometimes, we do not use anything, just an openhanded spanking and not very hard, then we tell them what they did wrong, and sometimes it actually works, we also use the corner or time outs. My other son is actually my step-son, we are trying to get custody of him, he is also 2 yrs. old and when he acts up, which is very rare, but I do correct him. I think that it is okay in some cases for step-parnets to correct step-children because one valuable key to discipline, in my opinion, is consistency I think that the child would eventaully learn that he/she can get away with things with the step-parent but not the real parent.   

Look if the other partner is not disilining  thier child what do you think teh future will be? If you add children to the mix what do you think the outcome will be. Sure some children resent another partner because they want thier family to be together but the bottom line is look out for your own. Two parents weather thier own or new need to develope thier cornerstone in how to handle the children, It comes over time but two need to be united. Some things are important and need to be resolved but as adults we can choose the time. Sure the other parent has to negotiate as they know thier chld the best but we also can set boundries of how we will be communicated to . If we communicatre that elegantly then we preface what we need and want as  well as what we will tolerate. I have been in a relation where a son was hell and it hurt my child. Never again, So I am biased. There are many aspects to everyone but bad behavior needs to be adressed. Saying no is important. The consequence though is up to the other parent and if they are not willing to do that out of respect for you end the dance.

 This has just happened last wednesday.

My three year old boy was playing nicley when the door rings its my dad and my brother, after about an hour of chatting and stuff my son starts to get a bit wired and starts to throw his toys I tell him no throwing and if you do it again I will take them from you. So he does it  again I ask my dad to remove them but he holds the toys above his head I say no because he was teasing him, he then passes me the toys.Just as I put then down and out of sight my son in anger hits my dad catches his eye not badly mind. so my dad grabs his wrist smacks him hard pushes him into a chair then grabs him and pushes and pulls him to his bedroom and closes the door then heads straight to the loo. Me and my brother look at each other in amazement and I get my son who is banging and screaming out of his room and calm him down, my brother says 'wow that was out of order' but nieither of us is willing to call him on it out of fear.

I never spoke to him or looked in his general direction and he just says Im going.When they left I look at my sons wrist and it is marked and raised and he keeps saying he is bad the words my dad used at the time. Later that evening I decide to call my father for a reason as to why he was so over the top, I get my brother instead who tells me he has gone fishing and that dad did not even talk the way back- so i'm thinking in my haed that  he is reflecting getting the courage to say sorry etc I tell my brother to get my dad to call me in the morning.

He does ring in the morning and says that it was not his intention to mark him but your son is bad really bad. So I say look he is only three it was not meant and that im trying to teach him not to hit out of anger like you did and it was' hold on he is bad 'etc i tried saying that owen was really upset and thinks he is bad but he hung up and have not spoken since.

He was more worried what my son had done to him but he didnt mark him like he marked my son he is an angery man and I do not want that around my son, My mother rang to see how owen was on the wednesday I told her and she seemed upset, then I had gone to my nans at the weekend and had left a message asking me to ring her, while my son and nan are outside I phone and she is like' are you coming round 'I say no because I'm only staying for a while having dinner and getting  a cab back to where I live she then says 'oh this really is not affecting me is it this between you and your father why havent you called me' I say 'look I have been busy and why do I have to call you all the time why havent you called me' shes like 'ive been working' yeah 4 hrs a day and thats iT.I told her' I was not speaking i havent got the time I dont need it' and have not spoken yet to either of them.

Am i wrong for this I dont know any more.

it got a bit blown up i think. your son certainly isn't bad, and what you father has done is wrong. 3 year olds still have to learn boundaries, and they will sometimes hit, and throw stuff, and he will still sometimes hit another kid, when they have a fight when he's six or eight. there's nothing really wrong with that. as long as it get's consequences. i find the reaction of your father rather strange, there's probably something else bothering him, that he took out on the kid. if this happens more often, i wouldn't let him with your kid anymore, because this kind of behaviour will damage him. you can see that from the reaction of your boy. i would try to talk it out as much as possible, but your kid wasn't wrong or something.

 Thank you for your reply some times its just hard try to see the answrs if your in the mix of all the mess.

I felt able to talk to my mother but that really did not have the out come I hoped for, she does not think Im doing this for the best interests for owen- I have explained that they can both if they want to see owen but will not be allowed alone time with him, until I feel owen is ok and my dad has got some help.

I have had to explain to his playschool staff what had happened as they noticed the marks and I am now waiting for children services to contact me as they have informed them, it just gets better and better

My 4 year old son is a horrible whiner.  The problem is he only whines 'for us'.  When he is at our friends, he doesn't whine, he uses his big boy voice.  My husband and I disagree and have our differences on how to raise our children.  He wants to baby them and not allow them to grow up.  He still wants to rock our 4 year old to bed at night or allow them to make a choice 'movie or book'.  Me being a teacher, you know I don't give a choice!  BOOK!!  I feel that this whining is coming from daddy spoiling him and now I don't know how to stop it.  Any advice??