Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

My daughter and her friend both 8yrs old played a prank on my daughter's grandmother who was watching them while I ran an errand.  My mother-in-law is deathly afraid of frogs...stuffed animals, pictures of frogs! etc...Well, her friend wanted to scare her by throwing one of the stuffed animal frogs on the table next to her...well she got extremely upset over the incident.  I know my daughter was wrong in going along with this...and she should have refused to do this...

She  apoligized to her grandmother and also wrote a "sorry" note to her...I thought that all was OK, but my husband thought that she should have been grounded and not allowed to go to her friends "girls day out party" the following day. There are hurt feelings...though my in-law has not verbalized it, I can tell she is still upset and there is a tension in the home. They think that my daughter should not be allowed to play with her friend anymore and she should not have gone to the party. Am I wrong?  I'm torn about this and not sure if my punishment was adequate...

  I have two teens, (16 and almost 18) who have lost their structure this year(church and church band), and now they are growing more out of control.  If I ground them they sneak out, if we try to get a project going (so they have something to work for like fixing up a motobike or bike) they act like they are not interested.  If we talk with them reasonably they respond to us in odd ways.  I ask my son to tell me where he is going and to keep his curfew.  He tells me "Life isn't logical just because you want it to be."

My young son is copying my older son, and now he is beginning to get into serious trouble at school.  I'm at my wits end, and can't sleep very well.  My husband says I'm obsessing over this, and that there is nothing we can do.  What do you think?

Your 12 year old son has too much power over your life. You and your husband are not separated because of your son; you are separated because of the lack of compromise. Maybe ‘blaming’ it on something concrete seems easier for you to live with, but it will only make it more difficult for you to heal and move forward. You say that your husband refuses to allow your son to go to counseling, but that should not stop you from going to therapy for yourself, by yourself. You need and deserve professional guidance- a place where you can vent your feelings/frustrations and receive unbiased advice. You have no power over your husband, there isn’t anything you can do to make him change. The only person that you have power to change is you, that is why I urge you to seek professional therapy TODAY. Consider is a gift to yourself so that you can learn to live an emotionally healthy and happy life!

If a friend of my child came into my home and caused harm or fear in any family member of mine, I definatly would not be allowing that child access to my family any more. why would why?

Why would i want a child that shows malice and disregards for peoples feelings and well being to influence my child?

It is obvious that this childhood freind is an influence due to the fact that your child did not refuse to allow her freind to terrorize her Grandmother.

Is this the type of child you want your child to be following?

Nope! Nip it in the Bud, now and let your daughter know that these type of behaviors do not make very good choices for freinds.

When she gets older, the behaviors of freinds may be much worse, but if you set an example of what is acceptable behavior from friends you will be saving yourself a lot of grief when she gets older.

You are the parent and yes you can choose who she is freinds with untill she reaches an age were the Law says that you can only give opinions, not rules.

Look at the big picture her hun, your daughter is comfortable in a follower position, no problem, but you have to be making serious determinations as to who exactly she is following.

The child that caused harm is definatly not one I would want my child to be taking examples from!

I am confused as to how not allowing the child to go to the party that the child who instigated the terrorizing of the grandmother is harsh.

like I said before in my post, I would not want this child influencing my child and would put an end to that friendship.

It was an act of intent, meaning yea it was done on purpose, children tend to find people that are frightened amusing, so if there is an opportunity to create fear a child with meanness will do so.

furthermore if the child was angry or didn't like the grandmother, creating fear is not the way to deal with the issue.

Then stating that children that do this are not well raised children, concludes my point. I would not want this child influencing my daughter.  So yea no party, no sleep overs, no contact with this child outside the normal school day.

I would explain to my child why this was the way it is, and yes after the fact the child did feel bad, and no probably does not realize the consequences, but that does not mean that consequences don't happen in life simply because we do not know what they are, at any age.