Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

Hi,

I think your first responsibility no matter what is your own child.  I have 8 children and have seen counselors because of one of them.  Arguing in front of the child is  awful.  The children are losing respect for you two and they are learning that yelling will solve it, the louder one wins.  You need to sit down together at a park or somewhere away from others and the children, and discuss what you think punishments should be.  If she is no good at punishing then maybe her job could be to reward for good behavior and you do the punishments.  Once you put them in place they need to be followed and the parents needs to stand behind each other completely.  I don't want to talk too long but I do want to address the dress practices of your wife.  I am a wife and there are modest woman out there.  Before you married did she dress this way, if so then you were kind of asking for it.  If your wife is an alcoholic you may not get her out of the bar ever.  If not - are there activities you can do with the children.  Go to the lake for a weekend,  Pack up the bikes and hit a bike trail.  You need to get her to be family orientated.  She is being awful selfish going off alone, not to mention very disrespectful.  I would be PO'd if I were in that situation.  You have got to make her see how hurt you are.  If nothing works and your marriage fails I would keep a written record of her escapades and leaving the family alone, you will need that.  Also record activities you have done with the family and what your wife says and how she reacts.  She is not "in the best interest of your family".  You need to see a counselor.

Hope this helps some, good luck!

Today kids are worse then ever. junk is addiction to there pallet.  It use to be that fast food was a rare reward. Today its a scape goat  for the parent. There are some things going on today for parent awareness of, fun food that's nourishes. We are a , make It easy, make It fast, spoiled, run out the door ,family these days. And it doesn't help the most me like meat,&potatoes, and little vegges. So there for , sets bad example.  I say part wimp. Part unconfrontational. Butt a parent needs to be confrontational. And set an example.   I have the same losing battle.  We grow a garden, and they pick it ,but wont eat it.

I think we need to open our eyes to what we are doing to our kids, latter in life (health wise), by what we are doing right now.

I have four children ages 10,11,15 and16 yrs of age. My husband of 13 yrs. is the father of two of the children. He has raised the older two from the ages of 2&3. (Their father hasn't been in the picture until 3 wks. ago) When the children misbehave and my husband is not home I will punish them by grounding them or take away T.V. or phone priviledges. When my husband returns or he finds out  what the child has done he also yells and punishes them for it...depending on what mood he is in sometimes takes the punishment away. When he is home and he takes care of the punishment  it always involves yelling loudly,throwing things and, in my opinion, degrating them. They have gotten to the point where they will not answer his questions when he asks them and this makes him very angry. Mainly because they don't know how to answer it or they are scared to.Often he plays a stand up sit down game with them. Lately, the 15 yr. old has refused to play it.  Our ten year old starting from the age 5 has been dirtying his pants. We have had him to the doctor and he told us that he has "bridge bowels". Meaning he is scared to go to the bathroom and holds it in until his body makes him go. All  4 are making 3 to 4 f's in school.  The older 2 are skipping school, being late for classes, and have lost interest in almost everything. Lately all they want to do is sleep. When my husband is home they try to hide in their rooms, but he calls them in the living room often and asks them what they are doing or to get him something. It is to the point that when they hear he is on his way home the oldest daughter breaks out with bad acne and my oldest breaks out with a rash. All four of the children do not want him to come home because, in their words, " He is mean". These are just some of the minor things that go on. I have discussed the problems with my husband and he said that he would TRY. I told him that trying wasn't good enough. I have decided that something has to be done and I have been looking for a house for the children and I to move. I am scared, but I am more scared of  what will happen if I don't leave. He has never abused me physically like my first husband, but the mental abuse is just as bad if not worse , in my opinion.  Does anyone have any advise that may help me get through this? I just feel like I am going into a depression and I can't seem to find the strength to pull myself together.