Topic : We Disagree On Punishment

You are stronger than you think! Leaving this relationship is difficult, but you know that it is the right thing. You have four precious children; if you stay in this relationship, you are negatively affecting their lives forever. They deserve to live happy, healthy and productive lives. Depression takes that away from you; being depressed deprives a person of being happy, healthy and productive. I know that you want your kids to have good lives- so you have to listen to your instincts and do this. There might be hard times (economically) but you will get through it. Do not be afraid to ask for help. I urge you to call the hotline number in your phone book for battered women. (yes, the mental abuse is considered abuse!) The people there will guide you where to find assistance if you need it, resources for therapy, etc. You can do this, you have to do this. I wish you the very best. Love yourself; if you don’t, then who will?

Has anyone seen one of the shows where Dr. Phil talks about the time where one of his boys were rude to Robin?? He talks about how he stops the car and tells (I think it was Jay) not to be disrespectful to his mother (or I belive his words were, my wife).

 

I had a discussion with a friend today about whether Dr. Phil said that he would spank Jay or not?? I belive that Dr. Phil is very much against spanking and I don't belive that he has ever spanked his kids, but my friend says he has heard Dr. Phil say in the show that he gave Jay a choise of either getting spanked or sayin he was sorry to Robin.

Help me remember exactly what he said!

Thanks!!

Christina

Christina,

 

There are several shows on discipline. You might want to start with this link and see if you can find the show you are looking for through this. http://www.drphil.com/search/results/?S=Discipline

 

DrPhilBoard2

Thank you very much!

Still not able to find that exact show since I don't remember when he told the story.

So if anyone remember please let me know what you remember him saying!

thank you!

Christina

Hello,

I received an e-mail about two subjects.  One, about proper attire for boarding a plance, and two, the fifteen-year-old who is campaigning against cussing.

There are people whom I've stopped seeing because of bad language, cussing, violent words or similar things.  I like them as human beings, but wouldn't want to share my life with someone who uses violent language, for I believe that language reveals who we are, and if someone uses violent words, this means that there is an inner component that has the ability to be violent.

I even disagree with terms such as *having sex*.  We may have a headache, which we didn't ask for, or we may have pizza for dinner, which is a detail of daily life, but to treat sexual intercourse as a casual choice trivializes the sanctity of sharing one's soul with another person and conveys the impression that to give oneself is something to be entered into lightly, which it isn't.

In my family, when I was growing up, my parents didn't curse or use obscene language, yet their words frequently had a colour of violence, which at the time I was unable to analyze, but have since analyzed, as an adult, and considered not suitable for my home.  Words carry weight and it's not merely a question of avoiding saying *horrible* about something which isn't horrible, but extends to the whole language tools that we use.  Many people say that they were *shocked*, when in reality, they were merely displeased or surprised or slightly disappointed.  We cannot say that we are opposed to violence if our own language is exaggerated or disproportionate with the occurrence at hand.

Many adults who try to be their children's *friends*, instead of being their mentors, guides or sources of inspiration, adopt their teen children's language in order to be perceived as *cool*, but that is wrong and they shouldn't turn around and denounce violence on television, while in their own home, the words that they use are exaggerated, equivalent to lying, actually, because exaggeration is a form of falsehood, or violent in any way.

There is more and more talk about *health*.  Health, defined as fitness, or wellness, or the ability to function and do everything that is on our list, should definitely include happiness, respect, a desire to improve and become, on the INSIDE also, a better person. 

The primary function of language is to serve as a way for people to understand one another, not as a way for people to threaten or attack.  If language, the way it is used, divides a family or conveys anger, hostility or violence, then people would be better off remaining silent, until they find something to say that will be good, constructive and true.

As an Educator for the masses, Dr Phil has a responsibility, on his show, to lead by example by using language that denotes no anger, no exaggeration, and no violence.

What kind of "violent" language are you talking about? I am gentle as a lamb, I don't even spank my kid. I don't even kill bugs, I do however use a lot of "cuss words"....LOL

And the term "having sex" offends you? The words "horrible" and "shocked" offend you?

This post annoys the hell out of me....

I think that you read way too much into casual speech and if you "stopped seeing" me because of my language I'd consider it a GOOD thing.

Go find something REAL to worry about. Geeze.

My 9 year old daughter is acting out in school and causing so much drama.  She is lying and be so disrespectful at school.  Her report card grades were good however her classroom rules part were REAL BAD!!  What is the right way to handle this?

What is the school doing about the behavior problems?  There should definitely be some immediate consequences at school.  Is this a new behavior for her?  You should definitely have a conference involving the principal, the teacher, and maybe the school counselor.  Are these behaviors happening at recess or in the classroom?  It might be helpful for the school counselor to inconspicuously observe your daughter for a day or so...he/she might have some insight into the cause of the bad behavior.  If you can get to the cause, you have a better chance of stopping the behaviors.

 

Arrange with the school that you get a phone call when your daughter is mis-behaving...perhaps SHE should be the one to make the phone call...a few times of having to "face the music" with mom might be enough to stop the behavior...you should know about it every time it happens.

 

Our elementary school has a report system for kids with on-going behavior problems.  They have a behavior report sheet that the teacher fills out every day.  The infractions are listed, as well as the times when the child is well-behaved.  The report is a helpful tool for you to be able to discuss the behaviors at home.  The report is to be signed by the parent every day, so the teachers know that they got it.

 

As far as punishment at home...you could have a chart that is based on the behavior reports you get from school...by phone, or whatever...track the good and the bad, and keep score, with points for good behavior, and points lost for bad behavior...make the points count for something that she would really like...maybe a trip out for ice cream or a movie...what ever would motivate her.

 

You could also keep in contact with the teacher by daily emails...same thing...a daily behavior report. Or, you could pick up your daughter from school every day, and stop in to see the teacher or principal for a behavior report...anything to keep in contact.

 

Communication between you and the school staff is the most important thing in curbing your daughter's bad behavior...you are all on the same team...with your daughter's best interests in mind.

 

Good luck...Becky

 

 

I have a 10 year old son,who i love dearly with all of my heart.He does not want to listen when he is told to do  something or told not to do something.He also thinks that he should be able to do whatever whenever.When i take stuff away from him for not listening it doesnt seem to bother him I have also tried the approach of sitting down and talkng to hm about what he is doing and how it makes me feel but it doesn't seem to bother him much.He also has a bad habit of talking back to me about every-thing i say or make smart remarks.If any-one out there has any suggestions or advice it would be appreciated.I am just so stressed out and i am not sure what to do next.I don't want to make him hate me.

Recently we've been having major disciplinary problems with our 9 year old son. For the second time in two weeks, he's gotten in major trouble at the home of our private sitter. Last week he threw a valuable toy at another child, nearly hitting him and destroying the toy. The same day, he overheard our sitter and my wife discussing a serious health issue of the sitter's daughter, and immediately ran to the little girl and told her she was going to die!!

 

Today I find out that he insulted a kid in the sitter's neighborhood as he walked by the sitter's house. He knows this boy from school and has had run-ins with him in the past.

 

Our sitter is very close to ending our child care arrangement because of all of this. To make matters worse, my wife and I disagree on punishment. I say it's OK to spank him when he behaves like this, even though at 9 years old it may seem to some that he is too old. My wife is pretty much dead set against any form of physical punishment. Not surprisingly, I was raised in a home with a strict father who did spank on occasion. On the other hand, my wife can literally count on one hand the number of times that her parents spanked her.

 

I'm at my wit's end. I'm so angry and upset with my son right now that I could scream. I want so badly to spank him to get my point across, but I know that will just cause more division between my wife and I. What can I do to get through to my son the severity of his recent actions, as well as discipline him? And how do I handle things with my wife?