Topic : 07/27 Fighting Styles

 Wow. After watching the first couple on the show fighting....I just can't get over how much both of them looked like 13 year olds.

We all fight and we all make mistakes, but her calling him a M.F. and having him kick his legs in the air and mock her....it'd be almost laughable if it weren't for the kids being there.  Maturity goes a long way in relationships.

Wow.

Me and my fiancee have a one year old, and he was also married before. He is also 11 years older than me. Well one day his daughter called him up and asked him if she could come live with us, she is 14. Of course daddy says ok. well all of a sudden she starts picking at me for every little thing I do, she has called me names and I try not to lash out, but she does know what shes doing, and then I maybe say some stuff  that I shouldn't, Well anyway me and my fiancee fight about this all the time, he takes her side ALL THE TIME, no matter what she does and says its ok,, shes a kid he says, well everything is my fault, and i mean EVERYTHING !!!!  my mouth , my attitude, etc. we try not to fight around her, but it doesn't work, we are down stairs and she is upstairs, and she can hear everything we say, At this point in my life i dont know if I want to be with him, cuz of her. We also have issues with him belittling me, and she of course hears that, so when she gets mad then she calls me a b_ _ _ _ and tells me where to go,, my fiancee has a real problem with calling me names and everything is my fault all the time,, and also If I dont do it , it doesnt get done. and Im sick of it!!!!!!!!  He is never at fault with anything, his daughter either. what ever she does and says its ok!! He always says Be the adult, and I have tried, but I cant handle it anymore    HELP !!

I saw myself today in the first couple. I am a combination of both of them. I yell, I am mean, I am condescending, I curse and I am selfish. I had a "lightbulb moment" while watching today's show and before it was over I called my husband at work and apologized to him for a what a jerk I have become. He kindly accepted my apology and said how much he loves me and doesn't want our marriage to end. He wants to go to marriage counseling if that's what it takes. I have been holding on to resentments from the past for about 5 years now and I have decided to let them go. It is not worth it and I do not want to become one of the 50% of marriages that fail. Luckily his daughter lives with her mother and my daughter is 19 and has her own apartment, I say this because at least my bad behavior hasn't hurt the children. Thank you Dr. Phil for holding the mirror up to my face today. I feel like I've been given a second chance at changing back to the loving, caring, accepting person I was when I first met and fell in love my husband.

I am frustrated mostly in general about Dr Phil's show lately,  

that only 5 minutes into the show, that it switches to a commercial. 

Then he comes back and talks for 1 minute and a half and goes to commercial... 

and so on and so on.. 

His show is now mostly commercial and very little topic.... 

 The picture in my profile is 8 days old, I hit my husband with a swing of about six inches because thats how close he was to me when I hit him. He would not stop yelling at the top of his voice his face in my face. In return he hit me as hard as he could on my arm. He says I deserve it, I am ill with Systemic Lupus Arythmatosis and have no  strength to hurt him. The words are what is destroying me. Jackie

I would like to get a message to Belinda.  I have been where she is.  I have lost 2 people I truly loved because of my anger from my past hurts.  Please tell her if she needs a friend I am willing to listen.  My heart goes out to her.  She is a beautiful women and has so much to offer! 

  

Sincerely, 

Jo Ann Klapat 

I see other couples fighting and it just makes me anxious how they are both  

wrong all the time in the ways of handling it..... 

I was married for 26 yrs and never had a fight ever..... 

How ? 

simple.....  Never argue with a women..... 

She wants her way, then let her have it her way, but I dont have to participate. 

She wants to do a certain activity , I say fine, if it suits me, I'll do it with you ,  

but if it does'nt , then do it alone or find another partner to do it with.... 

  

My wife never minded these things,  we were both very independent for 26 yrs..... 

http://drphil.com/articles/page/DomesticViolenceResource/

This show really made me think a lot.  I could also relate to Belinda because I have been a lot like her.  When Dr. Phil said all that about having been the victim in the past and "gonna get them before they get us", it summed me up pretty well.  I didn't realize how badly my past had me tied up in knots and how much I was making my current significant other pay for it.  And, yes, she does need some tender help and healing, that is true.  But I don't want the less obviously messed up person to think he is off the hook, either.  That was the case in my marriage and it only added to my anger because my husband was always looking like the victim and getting away with "murder".  Hopefully, Dr. Phil understands this dynamic with angry people, that they tend to get involved with people who will continue to abuse them and, often, get away with it so that the angry one looks like the "bad guy".  I have learned and grown tons since my divorce, and am happy to say that I've had tremendous healing with counseling and am also free from putting people in boxes, saying this one is "worse" and this one seems "relatively nice".  We are all horribly messed up, no one is better than anyone else, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and each of us should be looking for help without comparing ourselves to anyone else.  My prayers go out to these couples and their kids and everyone out there who is trying to keep their families together.  God bless you all.  --  PGarcia

I am so glad that I caught today's show.  My husband and I fight exactly like the first couple and we have two young children who have seen and heard enough.  It broke my heart watching little Tyler while his parents argued in front of him.  I felt as though I was watching my own family when my husband and I get out of control.  I think this is a topic that many people relate to and has opened many eyes.  As of today, the way that my husband and I communicate WILL change for the sake of our little boys.  Thank you Dr. Phil for the eye-opener.