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Topic : 07/27 Fighting Styles

Number of Replies: 166
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:07:11 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/01/06) Dr. Phil’s guests say they fight so much that fighting has become the only way they know how to communicate. But is there a right and wrong way to fight? Kim admits that she’s a screamer who often uses profanity in front of their kids. Her husband, Mike, says he’s a cerebral fighter who retaliates by calling her “mental” and “psycho.” Kim has reached such a boiling point that when she goes at it with her spouse, she throws the phone and smashes up picture frames! Can this couple learn to put down the gloves and call a truce? Then, Belinda’s screaming and hitting caused her husband, Gerald, to move across the country just to get away from her. Cameras caught the chaos when Gerald returned home in an effort to sort out their issues. Will reconciling with Belinda be the biggest mistake of his life? If you’re a feuding couple, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s Rules for Fighting Fair and talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 1, 2006, 2:09 pm CDT

today's show about the fighting couple

I am frustrated mostly in general about Dr Phil's show lately,  

that only 5 minutes into the show, that it switches to a commercial. 

Then he comes back and talks for 1 minute and a half and goes to commercial... 

and so on and so on.. 

His show is now mostly commercial and very little topic.... 

 
May 1, 2006, 2:11 pm CDT

HURTING

 The picture in my profile is 8 days old, I hit my husband with a swing of about six inches because thats how close he was to me when I hit him. He would not stop yelling at the top of his voice his face in my face. In return he hit me as hard as he could on my arm. He says I deserve it, I am ill with Systemic Lupus Arythmatosis and have no  strength to hurt him. The words are what is destroying me. Jackie
 
May 1, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

Belinda

I would like to get a message to Belinda.  I have been where she is.  I have lost 2 people I truly loved because of my anger from my past hurts.  Please tell her if she needs a friend I am willing to listen.  My heart goes out to her.  She is a beautiful women and has so much to offer! 

  

Sincerely, 

Jo Ann Klapat 

 
May 1, 2006, 2:26 pm CDT

Fighting styles, my opinion and experience

I see other couples fighting and it just makes me anxious how they are both  

wrong all the time in the ways of handling it..... 

I was married for 26 yrs and never had a fight ever..... 

How ? 

simple.....  Never argue with a women..... 

She wants her way, then let her have it her way, but I dont have to participate. 

She wants to do a certain activity , I say fine, if it suits me, I'll do it with you ,  

but if it does'nt , then do it alone or find another partner to do it with.... 

  

My wife never minded these things,  we were both very independent for 26 yrs..... 

 
May 1, 2006, 2:30 pm CDT

Domestic Violence Resources

http://drphil.com/articles/page/DomesticViolenceResource/
 
May 1, 2006, 2:38 pm CDT

Relationships are hard!

This show really made me think a lot.  I could also relate to Belinda because I have been a lot like her.  When Dr. Phil said all that about having been the victim in the past and "gonna get them before they get us", it summed me up pretty well.  I didn't realize how badly my past had me tied up in knots and how much I was making my current significant other pay for it.  And, yes, she does need some tender help and healing, that is true.  But I don't want the less obviously messed up person to think he is off the hook, either.  That was the case in my marriage and it only added to my anger because my husband was always looking like the victim and getting away with "murder".  Hopefully, Dr. Phil understands this dynamic with angry people, that they tend to get involved with people who will continue to abuse them and, often, get away with it so that the angry one looks like the "bad guy".  I have learned and grown tons since my divorce, and am happy to say that I've had tremendous healing with counseling and am also free from putting people in boxes, saying this one is "worse" and this one seems "relatively nice".  We are all horribly messed up, no one is better than anyone else, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and each of us should be looking for help without comparing ourselves to anyone else.  My prayers go out to these couples and their kids and everyone out there who is trying to keep their families together.  God bless you all.  --  PGarcia
 
May 1, 2006, 2:39 pm CDT

You touched a nerve

I am so glad that I caught today's show.  My husband and I fight exactly like the first couple and we have two young children who have seen and heard enough.  It broke my heart watching little Tyler while his parents argued in front of him.  I felt as though I was watching my own family when my husband and I get out of control.  I think this is a topic that many people relate to and has opened many eyes.  As of today, the way that my husband and I communicate WILL change for the sake of our little boys.  Thank you Dr. Phil for the eye-opener.
 
May 1, 2006, 2:55 pm CDT

Sad couples- Wrong title for show

First let me say I do not recall the couples' names, so I will have to use identifiable features; I mean NO disrespect.... 

  

The hispanic woman is so hostile and her black husband does not get it. They are young and they are clueless. Their union CAN and SHOULD wait until the woman gets the therapy she needs. She is one angry person who has nothing positive to give until she figures her own self out first. God be with both of them, but ESPECIALLY WITH THEIR INNOCENT CHILDREN. 

  

The caucasian couple (1st on the show) have a chance. I think they both GOT it after listening to Dr. Phil. The tears in the father's eyes show that he WANTS better for his children. Eventually, his wife took his hand, which gives me hope that they are mature and kind enough to get help for the sake of their children. I have been married for 16+ years and we have fought "fair" for over a decade. But last year we attended a "Marriage Encounter Weekend" thru our Catholic church; even though we have a very good marriage, the extra help is always a blessing. Marriage is NOT easy, but it is worth doing whatever it takes to make it work. I wouldn't trade my hubby for the world!!! 

  

This show was SO MUCH MORE than simply about "fighting styles." It was about unhappy, unfulfilled, angry individuals who had little or nothing to offer the union of marriage. ALL need a great deal of help and hopefully ALL will get it. If they don't get it for them, they MUST be compassionate enough to get the help for the sake of their innocent children. I wish them all well. 

 
May 1, 2006, 2:59 pm CDT

GET OUT

Quote From: hghdsrtgrl

 The picture in my profile is 8 days old, I hit my husband with a swing of about six inches because thats how close he was to me when I hit him. He would not stop yelling at the top of his voice his face in my face. In return he hit me as hard as he could on my arm. He says I deserve it, I am ill with Systemic Lupus Arythmatosis and have no  strength to hurt him. The words are what is destroying me. Jackie

Get out, if not for you than for your children. They deserve better and YOU are responsible for making sure they are safe and emotionally healthy.  

  

You BOTH need help. There is never an excuse to hit a spouse. I don't care how much or how loudly he yelled; abuse is abuse, regardless of who does it. And, of course, he should not have returned the abuse by striking you. What he should have done is left the home and called the police. BOTH of you were wrong and BOTH of you need help. 

  

Walk, run, fly, drive...just get out of your home. You deserve better in your life and so does he. If there are kids in the home, you owe it to them to get them away from BOTH of you. Take them to a trusted family member or friend. Do whatever it takes and do it now!!! 

  

God be with you. Hopefully you are tired of living this way and truly want to change. Only then will it happen. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  

 
May 1, 2006, 3:05 pm CDT

No sales pitches

Quote From: foggyalice

Hi,  

I am always shocked that Dr Phil doesn't want to just read a book to increase his brain power ...........Like you tell everyone else Phil... JUST DO IT  Just learn that not all Attention Deficit is
Hyperactive  

   

Phil   READ DR AMENS Book  HEALING ADDHD!!!  For God sakes the world really needs you to grasp this  ASTONISHING information that can help so many people.  

   

Example here...   The first couple who fight all of the time...  

   

CLEARLY the husband is undiagnosed     ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER   with Overfocused and possible LIMBIC ISSUES  

   

His lack of Empathy is A SYMPTOM  

His inappropriate talk with his mom and his sister is A SYMPTOM  

His TOTAL inability to see his self as he really is .... Again a SYMPTOM!  

Needs to create RAGE   again a symptom...  

   

Much of the rage is the the diagnose is ONLY because the brain is not firing from one side to the next and rage makes a person with Attention Deficit  ( NOT WITH THE HYPERACTIVE COMPONENT) person's brain fire... Literallyb it makes US FEEL THAT WE ARE THINKING.  

   

Folks with Overfocused ADD  Limbic issues DON't remember lessons learned and OFTEN REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN AND AGAIN and are so sorry each time.     

   

Often they are so sincerly sorry that even the most mentally healthy person will stay when then otherwise wouldn't.   

   

The wife could be reacting to years of disapointinment which can begin to look like Borderline tendancies... The out of control throwiing and cusing...  

   

There are natural helps for this...  and prescriptions for this...  

   

This is exactly the way  my relationship was until we got help  then it magically stoped.  

   

We started Adderall 5 mg one time a day and have not had a RAGE fight in nearly 9 months..    

   

Please if you the couple read this or Dr Phil reads this...  

   

Know that  Attention Deficit is not  just the one where folks are hyperactive... that is the easy one to spot...  

   

Those of us who are overfocused...  who have limic issues and temporal lobe issues.. Need a little  

help from the GREAT information of healing that Dr Amen is bringing to the forfront.  

   

Here are a couple excerpts about the 6 different kind of Attention Defict Disorders there are...  

   

OVERFOCUSED ADD: It is difficult to parent or live with someone with this type of Attention Deficit Disorder. The overfocused person can be oppositional, arguementive and inflexible. They can be obsessive, compulsive and worry excessively. They have a tendency to get stuck into ruts of negativity. What’s worse is that this type is often incredibly persistent and will not give up until he gets his way.

Overfocused characteristics:
_ Worries excessively, even over unimportant matters.
_ Oppositional..
_ Arguementive.
_ Compulsive.
_ Has difficulty shifting from one activity to another.
_ Always wants his way.
_ Is rigid and uncompromising.  

   


TEMPORAL LOBE: The "Temporal Lobe" type has ADHD coupled with anxiety. This is another difficult type of ADD to parent or live with. This type is inattentive, irritability, aggressive and severely impulsive. They have dark thoughts and wild mood swings. They are defiant, disobedient and break rules for the simple sake of breaking rules. If aggression and anger outbursts are present, you likely fall into this category of Attention Deficit.

"Temporal Lobe" Characteristics:
_ Easily irritated or frustrated.
_ Aggressive.
_ Dark moods.
_ Significant mood swings.
_ Impulsivity.
_ Prone to fights and acts of violence.
_ Defiant toward authority figures.
_ Can display anti-social behavior.
_ Learning problems and bad handwriting common with this type.


LIMBIC: In addition to having the symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder, this type also has depression symptoms like low energy, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and negativity. This type may appear apathetic and not much excites this type.

"Limbic" Characteristics:
_ Inattentive.
_ Chronic sadness.
_ Often negative or apathetic.
_ Low energy levels.
_ Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness or low self-worth.

"RING OF FIRE": The "Ring of Fire" type of Attention Deficit Disorder is a melting pot of the other five types. This type is inattentive, hyperactive and talks constantly but also is, angry, irritable and prone to mood swings. This type can be extremely oppositional, obsessive and overly sensitive.

He may be talking all of the time, and is probably touching everything in the room. And, this child is nervous or worried, or anxious. He has trouble shifting attention from one activity to another, and he frequently "gets stuck" in loops of negative thoughts. He can be obsessive, and very inflexible.
"Ring of Fire" Characteristics:
_ Oppositional behavior.
_ Irritability.
_ Excessive talking.
_ Temper problems.
_ Extreme moodiness.
_ Distractibility.
_ People with this type tend to be sensitive to sounds.  

   

   

-------------  

   

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is a national health crisis that continues to grow—yet it remains one of the most misunderstood and incorrectly treated illnesses today.   

  

Now, using breakthrough diagnostic techniques, Dr. Daniel Amen has discovered that there are six distinct types of ADD, each requiring a different treatment.  


Dr. Phil........ COME ON!  About time you realize that there is alot more going on with peoples behavior than just choosing to have bad behavior..  

  

There is more than just telling them to stop it...  

  

I tried to stop raging and couldn't and I am so dedicated to be enlightened...  

  

My BRAIN WAS MAKING ME RAGE and my Partner RAGE..  

  

Now we are able to work on our marriage   

  

Please do the homework and READ  Dr AMENS WORK and bring it to the world.. WE NEED YOU TO  

  

  

Anita Lynn  

  

AnitaAndDavis@aol.com  

   

How sad that you felt the need to "sell" a book here.  

  

As a teacher in the 90's, EVERYONE with problems was diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. And it still continues today. For you to diagonose the male guest from his 15 minutes of T.V. fame is RIDICULOUS.   Dr Phil has plenty of experts (medical and otherwise) on staff and there to assist him with his guests. I'm sure he's checked out his guests long before they've even appeared on his show. Give the good doctor more credit!!! 

  

I, too, must have ADD because I'm frustrated with your post, I can't seem to concentrate on anything else, I'm moody and anxious, I am distracted, I have a bad temper and...drum roll, please...I OBVIOUSLY have "Oppositional Behavior" when it comes to your post:)  By t he  way, I didn't notice an abbreviations after your name...you know, the ones that identify you as a doctor! 

 
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