I am 32 and my dad was Kim. My dad was even Mike because of his high expectations.
Kim & Mike - please let my story been your wake-up call
My siblings and I were in the middle of all fights between my parents. I still do find myself trying to stop my dad from screaming at my mom. If I had to tell you what one thing I remember most about my childhood it would have to be my dad yelling. It's not the family trips, the summer swims, school, friends, snowball forts, or games. It's the yelling. I don't know what he yelled about most days. I don't think he does either. I also remember my dad calling my mom names like stupid, lazy and dumb and bit%$.
In my teens I began disrespecting my mom in the same way I saw my dad do my whole life. I began yelling and calling her names. I feel sad now looking back how hurtful that can be but I did it without thinking how it might affect her because I thought it was OK since my dad did it.
As I moved away to collge and had one of many serious relationships I continued to yell. I became my dad. My nightmare.
When I moved back after college and even on college breaks, I had been away from the yelling so long it took a while for me to get used to it. To not cry when I heard it. I still feel like that 8 year old kid when ever I hear my dad yell. I feel small, hurt, helpless and scared and I am 32!!!
Kim -please don't let my unplesant memories be what your kids remember. Please stop the cycle now. Because of my history I have turned toward finding a husband that was the complete opposite of my dad. My husband doesn't yell and would die before calling me a name.
Luckily for me, I saw the light while in a relationship in college. I don't know what he said or did to change my view but I realized the yelling was really....dumb...and not worth the effort. I now "argue" in a very respectible manner. More like a discussion really. In fact I really don't think my husband and I fight but rather discuss opinions. Since we are both head strong we have to agree to disagree many times.
I can't begin to express the hurt I have because of all the yelling when I was growing up. I can't begin to express the damage it has done to my mother's self esteem but she married him not me.
It got so bad when I was 8 or 9 that my older sister and I were so sick of the yelling that WE wanted our parents to get a divorce. We even made up a test for our parents to take to tell them if they should divorce or not (no joke). If that wasn't an outcry from us as children I don't know what was, but it didn't stop. It hasn't stopped.
Please don't do it. When I saw your tape I felt like the child again...watching my dad yell at my mom. It will never go away. The fear, the hurt, the sadness but mostly the anger I have towards my dad as a grown adult for doing it to us and my mom for not stopping him.
(Original Air Date: 05/01/06) Dr. Phil’s guests say they fight so much that fighting has become the only way they know how to communicate. But is there a right and wrong way to fight? Kim admits that she’s a screamer who often uses profanity in front of their kids. Her husband, Mike, says he’s a cerebral fighter who retaliates by calling her “mental” and “psycho.” Kim has reached such a boiling point that when she goes at it with her spouse, she throws the phone and smashes up picture frames! Can this couple learn to put down the gloves and call a truce? Then, Belinda’s screaming and hitting caused her husband, Gerald, to move across the country just to get away from her. Cameras caught the chaos when Gerald returned home in an effort to sort out their issues. Will reconciling with Belinda be the biggest mistake of his life? If you’re a feuding couple, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s Rules for Fighting Fair and talk about the show here.
