Topic : 07/27 Fighting Styles

I also thought about the movie, 'Sleeping With The Enemy', when the wife talked about the labels in the kitchen having to all face front.  He is very controlling, demeaning, and definitely has diarrhea of the mouth and the brain.  To be a father and a husband - someone who has to set an example for his children, to be part of the foundation of their lives - his wife being the other part ...I am just shaking my head in disbelief.  I agree with one of the other messages that was posted on here that read that he is very insecure so he wants to bring his wife as far down as possible, keep her down and hopefully then feel better about himself.  He is lucky that she went on Dr. Phil to get help for the both of them.  I would have told this guy to get out and be sure to let the door smack him in the behind.  It hurt to see them fighting in front of the kids.  For their own child to have to tell them both to stop was, 'Wow'.  It definitely made a difference for him to see his actions on tape, on Dr. Phil, 'in his face'...I hope that Dr. Phil got through to this guy. 

I live in Ohio, and he looks like a guy that I was talking to on Match.com named Mike, back in November 2005, who was also annoying and wouldn't stop talking. They could be twins.  

That is so true....1st make her look unfit to his family, then, go on national t.v. to do the same.   

The news kept breaking in to the show today here in Ohio because some cities are experiencing heavy rain, so I missed parts of it, but I remember about his wife mentioning his gambling debts...that is so incredibly not good.  That's true..kill her and use her life insurance policy to pay off his gambling debts and use the lies of self defense because he has already begun to set it up saying that she is psycho and unfit.  When she brought it up about the negative and untrue things that he says to his family about her, he didn't deny it or have alot to say in his defense about it. 

If you take it in that direction, I can totally see it...it is a very crazy and scary thought, but it happens soo much now. 

I can only hope that Dr. Phil truly go through to him and that Mike's tears were real. 

My husband and I definitely have fighting history.  We were each other's first love back in high school, split for many years and wound up back together.  We both are controlling people and have made many steps forward in growing out of old behaviors.  So now we are all grown up and parents of a 2 year old.  The thing is, my husband is a drill instructor for the US Marines.  I find his controlling behavior increasing more and more. I know he is stressed. He works ungodly hours and is basically sleeping when he is around. He has had this job for about a year and half now, so for that time, I have been mother, father, homemaker and everything else in between.  So needless to say, being with a toddler 24/7 without any help can lead to some stress as well.  I do the best I can and love my daughter more than anything in this world.  My husband will come home and sometimes treat not only myself but our daughter like one of his recruits.  When I intervene, it becomes a war.  I explain to him that I am the one here and he cannot just decide to make BIG changes without discussing it first.  We get nowhere.  He'll say he understands, and then we'll have the same argument a week later.  I've explained to him that I really can use a break, but instead I get grief for not doing things correctly.  Then I find myself actually finding it easier when he's not around.  HOW HORRIBLE IS THAT?  I see his family come out of him as well as him bringing drill instructor mode home.  See, he comes from a family of dysfunction.  And I don't mean the "normal" dysfunction all of us have. I'm talking about "Jerry Springer" dysfunction.  Joining the military was the best thing he could have done in his life by getting away from the chaos.  But now that he's a father, I can see him doing the same things his family did to him. If I even try to dance around this subject, not to mention hit it head on, his feelings get hurt and he gets defensive and angry.     

So here we go.  I am all for counseling.  He's on call 7 days a week. Any real "couples" counseling would not be able to start for at least another year and a half.  Then, Dr. Phil says don't be the victim. I find myself tolerating things because it will only be worse if I don't.  Don't fight in the heat of the moment and find a time when you're both calmed down to "talk".  When I see him, he's either trying to catch up on tasks or sleeping.  If I try to "talk" he's so defensive, the fight starts all over. I'm sure almost any mother can agree, she will do anything to protect her child.  I draw the line when it comes to what I believe to be best for our child.  Any suggestions would be appreciated on how to get through at least the next year or so,,,,,     

Mike for you to expect your wife Kim to do such things as have every item on shelves and in cupboards facing forward so you can see them.  That tells others how low you think of her,  and that is wrong.  You shouldn't have a problem looking in a cupboard or a shelf for an item.  That just says your the spoiled lazy man who has been not taught how to do for himself.  Why should she have to line things up so you can have it easier.  Her priority is to your childr and too herself.  Because if she relied on you to care for her it would never ever happen.  Mike you need a clue,  you need to stop thinking that she has to be perfect.  No human is perfect.  Kim like me you have a tendency to be loud, because you feel he don't hear you.  and he doesn't care.   You need to know if you both don't get help with your anger your going to finally hurt Mike physically,  just like you say you are feeling when he is hurting your heart. 

When i was watching the show today i felt like they were talking about me! My fiance and i have been together for almost 4 years and have a 15 month old daughter and one on the way. Will we have always had some issues but i always feel as is we fight about them and never solve any of them. Right now were not living together because since May he has been unemployed and sleeping on a friends sofa. And i could understand this if he didn't have a car or some other excuse. But he has none other them he just doesn't feel like it. It hurts me so much because he is suppose to be there for me and my daughter. and its like hes baling on us. Well to the fighting. Since i see him rarely now because i make next to nothing and am the sol provider  for my daughter. Every time we do see each other i always get on him about getting a job so he doesnt have to  bonce from friend to friend and could actually live with his family. And it always turns in to a screaming, name calling match. Which some of what my daughter hears, but i have been trying to compose myself and defuse things when she is there. Hes the one that always throws names and is so content on blasting me. Well i have pretty much had all i can take and haven't talk to him in about a week now. Its just hard because I'm in a very lonely spot right now and he dosn't even care. I keep hoping he will come around. But i cant take the petty fighting over the dumbest things right now. I don't have it in me to fight with him anymore. I just always think its my fault that its like this. And i know its not, its just easier to blame myself, then to fight with him. I feel defeated and very alone.   

Mike's diaper comment really stood out as a low blow.  Why couldn't he just change the diaper? Noooooooooo....he had to take it as an opportunity  to belittle Kim AND leave the poor kid sitting in a soiled diaper!     

If I were Kim, I would have marched in and said "Sorry, sweetie, but Mommy's trying to conserve on diaper expenses, becauses Daddy's p*ssing away all our money with his awful, nasty gambling habit."  Then, I'd  find a *great* place to stick that poopy pamper.