Topic : 08/30 Possessive People

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and hearing from this family. My mom and I are best friends now. it wasn't always like that. But I've grown, and so has my mother. I think mom needs to get a life, maybe go play bingo, and find a new man in her life, so that her daughter can have some peace of mind.   or Mom can find herself wondering where she will spend her time when this daughter and family moves away. that is so sad. but, hey... mom.... get over your self, this is your daughters life, her kids, her husband, her house.   

Your right about g-ma not getting it. but, I don't think she wanted to get it. If it wasn't about her, she didn't want to hear it. she kept on trying to point the finger back at her daughter, well, one thing is for sure, WHEN YOU POINT ONE FINGER AT SOMEONE, THERE ARE THREE POINTING BACK AT YOU. so Bernice, stop it... get a clue.  

I really feel it is going to be very, very, difficult for this family to overcome the issues with this    

possessive mother! You just can't teach an "old dog new tricks". Thank God my mother respects and knows boundries. The daughter is sooooo not wanting to displease her mother   

she was unable on the show to have eye contact with her mother for most of the show. The   

body language the mother had was very stoic and at the end of the show when the audience was clapping the mother was not happy and her daughter TOLD her to clap, the mother did,  

but the fact she had to be asked said to me "this is who I am!!!    

 In my opinion.................................MOVE ASAP.  Be strong an STAND UP don't contine to be the   

 floor mat. Remember "if you don't stand ...you will fall for anything.!   

      I've been where she is, my mother was always telling me how to raise my children, where and when I could work, and what kind of work I could do. If I went for a job interview, she would tell me " Make sure they know you can't work these days or these hours" She always told me when and how to discipline my children. Even told me before I had my 3rd child that I didn't need anymore children because she couldn't handle them all. Being that she was my babysitter at the time. Her mother was controlling of her and her siblings, so I guess she figured it to be a natural thing.  I was constantly telling her to let me grow up.    

      Four years ago this last month my grandmother needed someplace to live, my husband and I took her in. At the time we only had two children, so we had the room and means to bring her into our home. About a year after she moved in with us I became pregnant, when I told my grandmother about it her first words were "How could you do that to your mother?" My mother said she was tired and how was she going to manage another baby.   

     Needless to say my mother and grandmother both love everyone of my children (3) and it wasn't until my grandmother became very ill that things got worse.  I lost my job due to leaving early to take my grandmother to the emergency room all the time. My mother also had to have bypass surgery all in the same year. It just got to be so much on me and my family that we were at eachothers throats all the time fighting about this or that. My grandmother passed away in October of 2005 due to stroke and old age (93), the family was so distant at her funeral, even my uncle wouldn't talk to us.  I couldn't take it anymore, and neither could my husband or children.  We went on vacation and found ourselves moving half way across the USA to get away from all the stress of family.  My mother's reaction to this was " You're taking my babies away from me!!"  

We've only been gone for four months, but the stress of everything also has been gone, for everyone. We are much happier and my mother is finding out that life does go on, even with us so far away.  

I am having difficulty in controlling my own house with a very possessive wife. I don't believe in divorce but I am so close.........any ideas? 

 The best way to firmly cement yourself as the the captain of your own ship with your soon to be mother-in-law is to get your fiance to have a frank discussion with her regarding her demanding, and interfering behavior.    If you protest too much from the very beginning she will paint you as the adversarial, selfish, and beligerant daughter-in-law.  This happended to me.  My husband  still has never  stood up for us, and our right to be independant, and we have been married almost 20 years.      

When my husband and I went on vacation to Mexico,  she stayed with our children (she asked to).  While we were gone she completely rearranged our home!  She moved furniture, and organized my closets, made scrapbooks for our photos, and called our credit card companies to rearrange our payment schedules, and made an appointment for me to have a mammogram!  She also managed to run off some of my son's friends.  When they met us at the airport, my twelve-year-old son said, "Please don't ever leave us alone with her again-she is crazy!"  Now when our kid's know she is coming for a visit,  they groan and quickly start making plans to stay over the weekend with friends.  When she visits she is quick to say critical things, her favorite is "I don't like your.........insert anything here, televison, carpet, dishes, broom,  whatever!  I finally told her, "Well Gloria, I don't really care if you like it, I didn't buy it for you, I bought it for myself, and I like it."  She talks nonstop when she is here,  and monopolizes every conversation, and demands that we adhere to her itinerary.  She is crazy, manipulative, and completely obnoxious.  She has tried to give me parenting advise, even though she ran out and left her two older children when they were 11, and 12 taking only her two youngest with her.    

She makes a point of telling everyone that she thought my husband was gay before we married because he just didn't seem to be serious about women.  When she says this it hurts him deeply and I want to rip her hair out of her head.  When he was a boy he was sexually abused by a teacher and he told her.  Being completely self absorbed as always she didn't hear him,  As a result he was confused about sex as a young man and is humiliated by these comments now.   My husband is a good man.  He is successful, loving, and completely heterosexual,  he is masculine and extremely attractive, as well as a very good lover.  But whenever she opens her mouth he feels just as humiliated and worthless as he did when he was a child being molested.  

When she is here I feel as though we are being held hostage.  I count the hours until her departure, although she will never say exactly when she will be leaving, just as she never says when she is coming, "Maybe Friday afternoon, or possibly Saturday Morning."   This woman is a menace I swear!  And my sister-in-law feels exactly as I do.    My husband and I have a great marriage when she is not around.  He is responsible, level headed,  strong, and loving.  He is truly the love of my life and the perfect man, until she comes to visit.  

We live in the country and have 45 acres of land.  She is beginning to say that she is going to retire to our farm, and build a home here.  I have told my husband that hell will actually freeze over before I will allow this to happen.  Anyway,   I am sorry that I have vented so much here, all I started off to say is that you should enlist your fiance's help now to nip it in the bud before she manages to transform into your own personal nightmare.  

I wish you the best of luck!