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Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

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May 8, 2006, 10:05 am CDT

Historically speaking,

Quote From: giffins

So let make sure I have this right...you do not believe that people can change? 

  

So I guess based on your opinion that I should just remain alone? 

  

Please tell me what you think I should do...I did not post this to get almost abused myself! 

most abusers don't change, not without a tremendous amount of therapy, anger management and work.  The unfortunate thing is that most revert to 'type' given the right (or wrong) situation.  (Stress, troubles on the job, money, kids, whatever does it for you.)  Fear lives deep in the heart of an abused woman.  It is nearly impossible to overcome.  That's what I think Coffee was trying to get across.  

   

In the long run, you and your wife may be better off ending whatever relationship you have left and moving on.  She to someone she can eventually trust and you to work on yourself.  

 
May 8, 2006, 4:22 pm CDT

I'm not sure what else Dr. Phil can do.

Quote From: krtklthnkr

I don't trust that his specialists are any better than the ones I've seen around me all my life and the people I've seen them treat.  Now and then one here and there seems to be better than most but they still don't touch the subject of psychopaths or sociopathy like they should. And I wasn't talking about sociopaths.  I said psychopaths. To me, however, there isn't much difference.  Lack of empathy and conscience is pretty much the same in my book regardless of the name you give it. 

  

Don't get me wrong here, I've been one Dr. Phil's greatest fans, especially in the beginning.  But what I've seen over this last year concerns me.  He's changed his sails, adjusting to some kind of new wind and I'm just not sure why or what's up with that. 

  

All in all I just find it interesting that we push this one off into the closet, behind the door of therapy and we just won't speak about it much, like it happens so infrequently and they are only the jack-the-ripper types and the one in a million kind of person. That's just not true, they are all around us.  Different levels of them, some more skilled than others and with our narcissistic brainwashing that we get everywhere we turn about how it's "all about me", I'm not sure we'd be able to identify one if saw one because growing up watching "My Sweet Sixteen" shows and the like - how in the world would you know one if we bumped into them. To be self-centered - is to be praised and envied and is now our role model of choice. And what's with the reality shows or the survival shows?  I love the survival shows because it promotes being a team.  But wait, No, now we split you up and you turn on the very people you were on a team with.  The programming promotes narcissism, praises psychopaths, self-centeredness, backbiting, the more the better.  And we wonder why so many people end up on this show in the shape they are? Well.........you put a little box like that in your home and put your mind on auto-pilot and watch it without critically thinking and it programs you. Survival of the fittest I guess.  May the best psychopath win.  Only trouble is - when there's only one because he or she ate their best friend - then what? 

  

I have two books for you an anyone else reading - "People of the Lie" by Dr. Scott Peck and "Without Conscience" by Dr. Robert Hare. Interesting reading. Eye-opening. 

  

  

He only has about 15 to 35 minutes on camera with someone.  All he can really do is ask a few questions, say a few words, & send someone to a specialist for further help.  He just can't work a miracle in 15 to 30 minutes.    

   

Re. sociopaths & psychopaths, I know technically there's a difference, but do tend to refer to the two interchangeably.  Thanks for the book recs.  I'm familiar with the Robert Hare book but not the M. Scott Peck book.  

   

I'm curious how you've perceived Dr. Phil has changed over the years.  

 
May 8, 2006, 4:36 pm CDT

Get almost abused?

Quote From: giffins

So let make sure I have this right...you do not believe that people can change? 

  

So I guess based on your opinion that I should just remain alone? 

  

Please tell me what you think I should do...I did not post this to get almost abused myself! 

I think you have a long way to go before you subject any woman to you! Your post still shows the "I" factor in otherwords you still think too much about yourself and what "YOU" want. I don't care how much counselling your victim gets. SHE WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT YOU DID TO HER AND CAN NEVER EVER TRUST YOU 100% AGAIN. what is so hard for you to understand? Your selfishness of thinking about yourself after all the things you claimed to have done to her is outrageous. ABUSED? YOU? GET REAL!!!!!  

   

Let's see if I can recap - YOU BEAT HER PHYSICALLY, YOU BEAT HER EMOTIONALLY TO THE POINT OF "HER' GOING TO PRISON! YOU BEAT HER SO THAT SHE HAD HER CHILDREN TAKEN FROM HER??????  

   

AND YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOW SO WONDERFUL THAT "SHE SHOULD TRY IT WITH YOU AGAIN?????????  

   

and now you try to claim you are the victim and should not have to be alone!  

   

YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL!  

   

   

 
May 8, 2006, 5:12 pm CDT

Am I seeing things?

I tivo'd this show and watched it with my daughter. Right after the 911 call, showed on the screen I swear this girl had her LEFT eye covered and not her RIGHT that she was shot in..
 
May 8, 2006, 8:38 pm CDT

custody????

Quote From: giffins

Can abusers change?  

   

I hope so...if not I am going to continue my work to try.  

   

I am a 32 year old single male, father of a wonderful 8 yr old boy. I am not currently with his mother. She is truly the love of my life and I hope someday that she will take me back.  

   

I grew up in a home where I listened and watched my father emotionally, verbally and mentally abuse my mother. I never saw any physical abuse but I am sure it happened, watched my mother and her mother, my grandmother, fist fight and I would try to break it up. My mother was just defending herself from a larger woman who was epleptic and evil. I was molested by a boy two years older than me when I was 4. It continued until I was 14. My brother who is 5 years younger than me in addition to being hit by me because I believed that my parents were not tough enough on him was also molested by the same boy who was 7 years older than him. The guilt that I have is tremendous regarding these matters.   

   

Over the 24 or 25 years I have been verbally, emotionally, mentally and/or physically abusive to the following people: my mother, my father, my brother, the mother of my son , her other son (not my son not that it matters...it is still abusive, a woman at work...and I have been very abusive towards myself.  

   

I remember when I was 8 yrs old I was in the back yard and I hit my mother with a rope...on PURPOSE. What kind of 8 yr old does that. The kind of 8 yr old that at the age of 32 ,on at least 4  different occasions, physically abused the woman I love. I do love her...I realize that I was wrong and that way she was acting...which she was NUMB...she did not have a job and did not do much all day, according to everyone else, even her own mother was and is a sick, lazy, antagonistic, mean individual. I feel like my actions...degrading her, calling her names, screaming at her, threatening to take things like her car, her engagement ring, even her son, away, not giving her money, not being supportive, coercing sex, offering to pay for sex, badgering her into performing sex acts that she did not want to do...simply put made her NUMB. Not able to cope, depressed, no self esteem, no being able to be a good mother, not feeling like she could find a job let alone keep one...just feeling worthless and NUMB. At the end of our relationshipshe could not fight...I believe she did not have the will. We were living with my mother with our son staying with her mother in a better part of town. She was living there because her mother and father kicked her out. Her eldest son who is 14 went to live with his father and our son stayed with his grandparents where I thought he would be best taken care of. I pushed for her to come and live with me when she was kicked out in November 2005...she came. Things were good for a couple of weeks maybe even a month.   

   

Now please understand that we have been toghther on and off for 11 years. It has been a rocky road each of us being abusive in our own ways. I started being abusive to her when she was 3 months pregnant. I backed her down with a balled up fist...I do not remember why or what was said...but that was the first of many abusive things. She also spent the summer of 2003 lying to me, stealing from me and cheating on me. Up until then I had not been physicall abusive with her. Since then I have pulled her hair and put my fist in her face, grabbed her aroung the neck, broken a car window, thrown her clothes and make up down a flight of stairs, tried kicking her in the back while she ran down stairs to get away from me, put my face right up against hers, spit in her face, kicked a chair into her knee, grabbed her, pushed her, punched her it the knee, the arm, and the head, twisted her wrist and hit her as hard as I could with a pillow about 10 times. WOW that is alot more than 4 times and I am sure I am missing a few.   

   

Back to what I was saying. So she is living with me at my mothers house. She said she would get a job soon after getting there. When she left in the middle of February she did not have one. From November to February we argued alot. When we argued my mother would always get involved and I would ask her to mind her own business...most times she would not. This made it worse. During this time I was very abusive...saying that my sons mother was a cheating slut and whore, that she was probably seeing other people while I was at work. I would call her every name in the book. I would say she was a bad mother. I would threaten to take her car away and kick her out on a frequent basis. I would tell her to give me the engagement ring back that she did not deserve it...one day she did. When she did not want to have sex or right after a fight i would offer her money for sexual favors. Physically...I grabbed her, kicked a chair into her knee, got into a fist fight with her while we were in a car...I twisted her wrist and punched her in the knee repeatedly...then there was the final morning that she woke up there. We had a good couple of days it was Monday night and we actually ahd sex. The next morning I woke up and I thought well we are getting along...maybe I can finally communicate with her...about getting a job...doing something to help us. Well that did not go well. She said the same things that she always said and I allowed it ot set me off. I told her to leave...she would not....I started screaming at her...then my mother chirped up and I screamed at her. I took some of her stuff out of the bedroom and put it in containers down stairs. She would not go saying that she would leave when i was gone...that she was scared. I actually moved a recliner that was next to where she was sleeping so I could get closer to her. I started screaming at the top of my lungs right in her face to get out...I punched her in the head...thank god not hard...this was actually an accident...I am way to affraid to actually leave any marks so she could press charges. Then I hit her with the pillow over and over...all the wile her crying like a little girl saying what the police told her to do if I get physically violent..."Put your hands over your face and head and curl up". She was crying saying this over and over. I stopped and went to work.  I went to see my son after work. His mother showed up there after I asked her not to. I left for a while. When I came back she left. That morning as I was leaving I told her that I would stay away from my mothers house that night so that she could have a place to stay. When I left my sons house I went to my mothers house to see if she was there. She was not. I went inside locked the doors and windows. She had a key for the backdoor but I had an inside door that i locked. After what had happened that morning, she came back at about 1 am. I told her she was not allowed to stay she needed to leave would not even let her use the bathroom. After all that I did to her she still wanted to come back. I walked some of her stuff outside and she left. Where she stayed that night I do not know. She wnet to her mothers about noo on Wednesday and was told to leave and come back when the kids come home at 3. When she did not her mother and father called the police. After a little while and her not wanting to leave she was arrested with the promise from the police that they would try and get her some mental help becuase she was out of it. I would be out of it too if I had been kicked out of an abusive house and relationship came to my mothers and was kicked out of there too. So now my sons mother is in prison where she spent the next 8 weeks until she was released and deemed competent by prison psychatrist. She is realeased and told she needs to get some mental help, get evaluated for having a drug and/or alcohol problem and she needs to get a job. Oh did I forget to mention that when she was arrested that her parents got a PFA with their names, my sons name, their residence and his school named in it. Oh also that the court saw fit to grant emergency temporary custody of my son to his grandparents for 18 months. So my sons mother is not legally allowed to see our son unless OKed by a judge with a visitation schedule. So my sons mother is asked by the judge if she would like to set up a visitation schedule at this time. My sons mother says no...she needs to get some help and get some stuff straight first. So now almost a month after court...3 months since she has seen our son last...she is living in homeless shelters...she still has not seen him. It is killing me. I have started to go to a counseling group for abusers...it is helping. I find it absouloutely amazing that when I tell people about how I abused my son mother...even the physical...people like our friends...my boss...even her mother somehow someway justify even if it is a little bit. It is NOT justified ever. I need to be and am responsible for my own actions. No matter what anyone else does or says to me...NO MATTER WHAT...I can not react the way I have learned to act. I need to be proactive and end the cycle of abuse. I am now trying to get custody of my son whom I am allowed to see when ever I want and do on a daily basis. His mother on the other hand is not allowed to see him. Her parents will not drop the PFA because they do not want things to go back to they way they were. Today I moved into an apartment away from my mother and away from my old way of life forever. I am going to change....I am not going to be abusive anymore to anyone. I just hope that I can help the innocent woman whom I made NUMB get feeling, life and self esteem back. Maybe someday after she sees that I have indeed changed then  we can start over.   

 please tell me I am seeing things- SHE cannot see the kid cuz of where YOU drove her to but YOU are seeking custody????????? the judge would have to b e  on CRACK to allow you 5 minutes with the kisd  and you should be strerlized buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
May 9, 2006, 5:36 am CDT

I guess I was wrong!

Quote From: chernjoe

 please tell me I am seeing things- SHE cannot see the kid cuz of where YOU drove her to but YOU are seeking custody????????? the judge would have to b e  on CRACK to allow you 5 minutes with the kisd  and you should be strerlized buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I was seeking help, some advice, etc. when I posted what I posted. I did not think I myself would have to suffer abuse from people who do not even know me. I am no saint but neither is my sons mother. She should never have had her son taken away from her. I may not be or have been a good husband/partner but I have always been and will continue to be an exceptional father who will love and cherrish my son the way he should be. 

  

I hope I get other responses than the abusive people that have obviously need help themselves! 

 
May 9, 2006, 5:45 am CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: coffee831

I think you have a long way to go before you subject any woman to you! Your post still shows the "I" factor in otherwords you still think too much about yourself and what "YOU" want. I don't care how much counselling your victim gets. SHE WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT YOU DID TO HER AND CAN NEVER EVER TRUST YOU 100% AGAIN. what is so hard for you to understand? Your selfishness of thinking about yourself after all the things you claimed to have done to her is outrageous. ABUSED? YOU? GET REAL!!!!!  

   

Let's see if I can recap - YOU BEAT HER PHYSICALLY, YOU BEAT HER EMOTIONALLY TO THE POINT OF "HER' GOING TO PRISON! YOU BEAT HER SO THAT SHE HAD HER CHILDREN TAKEN FROM HER??????  

   

AND YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOW SO WONDERFUL THAT "SHE SHOULD TRY IT WITH YOU AGAIN?????????  

   

and now you try to claim you are the victim and should not have to be alone!  

   

YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL!  

   

   

I am sorry...did you read my post.  

  

I do have a long way to go! 

  

The "I" factor...you obviously know nothing about counseling. Using I statements is a way of taking ownership of you actions and feelings and making sure you state how you feel and release the controling behavior. 

  

I did not put her in prison and I never took her child away from her. I never wanted that and have been trying to undo it since it was done two months ago. 

  

For the record I am not wonderful...I am a human being...I have made mistakes and I have and will continue to take responsibility for them...but I will not make anymore. 

  

Never claimed to be a victim myself and I will probably be alone...where I have put myself. 

  

And yes I should have gone to jail. 

  

Maybe you should read my post again and see if you can understand it. 

  

Is there anyone here that would like to try and give me some constructive crisitism instead of trying to do what this person and others have done. 

 
May 9, 2006, 6:23 am CDT

Giffin is messed up terribly....

Quote From: giffins

Can abusers change?  

   

I hope so...if not I am going to continue my work to try.  

   

I am a 32 year old single male, father of a wonderful 8 yr old boy. I am not currently with his mother. She is truly the love of my life and I hope someday that she will take me back.  

   

I grew up in a home where I listened and watched my father emotionally, verbally and mentally abuse my mother. I never saw any physical abuse but I am sure it happened, watched my mother and her mother, my grandmother, fist fight and I would try to break it up. My mother was just defending herself from a larger woman who was epleptic and evil. I was molested by a boy two years older than me when I was 4. It continued until I was 14. My brother who is 5 years younger than me in addition to being hit by me because I believed that my parents were not tough enough on him was also molested by the same boy who was 7 years older than him. The guilt that I have is tremendous regarding these matters.   

   

Over the 24 or 25 years I have been verbally, emotionally, mentally and/or physically abusive to the following people: my mother, my father, my brother, the mother of my son , her other son (not my son not that it matters...it is still abusive, a woman at work...and I have been very abusive towards myself.  

   

I remember when I was 8 yrs old I was in the back yard and I hit my mother with a rope...on PURPOSE. What kind of 8 yr old does that. The kind of 8 yr old that at the age of 32 ,on at least 4  different occasions, physically abused the woman I love. I do love her...I realize that I was wrong and that way she was acting...which she was NUMB...she did not have a job and did not do much all day, according to everyone else, even her own mother was and is a sick, lazy, antagonistic, mean individual. I feel like my actions...degrading her, calling her names, screaming at her, threatening to take things like her car, her engagement ring, even her son, away, not giving her money, not being supportive, coercing sex, offering to pay for sex, badgering her into performing sex acts that she did not want to do...simply put made her NUMB. Not able to cope, depressed, no self esteem, no being able to be a good mother, not feeling like she could find a job let alone keep one...just feeling worthless and NUMB. At the end of our relationshipshe could not fight...I believe she did not have the will. We were living with my mother with our son staying with her mother in a better part of town. She was living there because her mother and father kicked her out. Her eldest son who is 14 went to live with his father and our son stayed with his grandparents where I thought he would be best taken care of. I pushed for her to come and live with me when she was kicked out in November 2005...she came. Things were good for a couple of weeks maybe even a month.   

   

Now please understand that we have been toghther on and off for 11 years. It has been a rocky road each of us being abusive in our own ways. I started being abusive to her when she was 3 months pregnant. I backed her down with a balled up fist...I do not remember why or what was said...but that was the first of many abusive things. She also spent the summer of 2003 lying to me, stealing from me and cheating on me. Up until then I had not been physicall abusive with her. Since then I have pulled her hair and put my fist in her face, grabbed her aroung the neck, broken a car window, thrown her clothes and make up down a flight of stairs, tried kicking her in the back while she ran down stairs to get away from me, put my face right up against hers, spit in her face, kicked a chair into her knee, grabbed her, pushed her, punched her it the knee, the arm, and the head, twisted her wrist and hit her as hard as I could with a pillow about 10 times. WOW that is alot more than 4 times and I am sure I am missing a few.   

   

Back to what I was saying. So she is living with me at my mothers house. She said she would get a job soon after getting there. When she left in the middle of February she did not have one. From November to February we argued alot. When we argued my mother would always get involved and I would ask her to mind her own business...most times she would not. This made it worse. During this time I was very abusive...saying that my sons mother was a cheating slut and whore, that she was probably seeing other people while I was at work. I would call her every name in the book. I would say she was a bad mother. I would threaten to take her car away and kick her out on a frequent basis. I would tell her to give me the engagement ring back that she did not deserve it...one day she did. When she did not want to have sex or right after a fight i would offer her money for sexual favors. Physically...I grabbed her, kicked a chair into her knee, got into a fist fight with her while we were in a car...I twisted her wrist and punched her in the knee repeatedly...then there was the final morning that she woke up there. We had a good couple of days it was Monday night and we actually ahd sex. The next morning I woke up and I thought well we are getting along...maybe I can finally communicate with her...about getting a job...doing something to help us. Well that did not go well. She said the same things that she always said and I allowed it ot set me off. I told her to leave...she would not....I started screaming at her...then my mother chirped up and I screamed at her. I took some of her stuff out of the bedroom and put it in containers down stairs. She would not go saying that she would leave when i was gone...that she was scared. I actually moved a recliner that was next to where she was sleeping so I could get closer to her. I started screaming at the top of my lungs right in her face to get out...I punched her in the head...thank god not hard...this was actually an accident...I am way to affraid to actually leave any marks so she could press charges. Then I hit her with the pillow over and over...all the wile her crying like a little girl saying what the police told her to do if I get physically violent..."Put your hands over your face and head and curl up". She was crying saying this over and over. I stopped and went to work.  I went to see my son after work. His mother showed up there after I asked her not to. I left for a while. When I came back she left. That morning as I was leaving I told her that I would stay away from my mothers house that night so that she could have a place to stay. When I left my sons house I went to my mothers house to see if she was there. She was not. I went inside locked the doors and windows. She had a key for the backdoor but I had an inside door that i locked. After what had happened that morning, she came back at about 1 am. I told her she was not allowed to stay she needed to leave would not even let her use the bathroom. After all that I did to her she still wanted to come back. I walked some of her stuff outside and she left. Where she stayed that night I do not know. She wnet to her mothers about noo on Wednesday and was told to leave and come back when the kids come home at 3. When she did not her mother and father called the police. After a little while and her not wanting to leave she was arrested with the promise from the police that they would try and get her some mental help becuase she was out of it. I would be out of it too if I had been kicked out of an abusive house and relationship came to my mothers and was kicked out of there too. So now my sons mother is in prison where she spent the next 8 weeks until she was released and deemed competent by prison psychatrist. She is realeased and told she needs to get some mental help, get evaluated for having a drug and/or alcohol problem and she needs to get a job. Oh did I forget to mention that when she was arrested that her parents got a PFA with their names, my sons name, their residence and his school named in it. Oh also that the court saw fit to grant emergency temporary custody of my son to his grandparents for 18 months. So my sons mother is not legally allowed to see our son unless OKed by a judge with a visitation schedule. So my sons mother is asked by the judge if she would like to set up a visitation schedule at this time. My sons mother says no...she needs to get some help and get some stuff straight first. So now almost a month after court...3 months since she has seen our son last...she is living in homeless shelters...she still has not seen him. It is killing me. I have started to go to a counseling group for abusers...it is helping. I find it absouloutely amazing that when I tell people about how I abused my son mother...even the physical...people like our friends...my boss...even her mother somehow someway justify even if it is a little bit. It is NOT justified ever. I need to be and am responsible for my own actions. No matter what anyone else does or says to me...NO MATTER WHAT...I can not react the way I have learned to act. I need to be proactive and end the cycle of abuse. I am now trying to get custody of my son whom I am allowed to see when ever I want and do on a daily basis. His mother on the other hand is not allowed to see him. Her parents will not drop the PFA because they do not want things to go back to they way they were. Today I moved into an apartment away from my mother and away from my old way of life forever. I am going to change....I am not going to be abusive anymore to anyone. I just hope that I can help the innocent woman whom I made NUMB get feeling, life and self esteem back. Maybe someday after she sees that I have indeed changed then  we can start over.   

 

Dear Giffin, 

 

I've read your horrific experience and accounts of your historical abusive events.  

 

You asked Can Abusers change? 

 

I hope you have self-control as you read my reply to your question. 

 

As an Abuser, you have to accept comments that are going to incite hostility from you.  You will always encounter situations in which you are going to be a target and be provoked. 

 

From what I have read about your too honest message, is that you should count your lucky stars that you are not in jail for 10 years or more, considering some of the GRUESOME incriminating behaviours that you, yourself has confessed to doing. 

 

Which shows clearly, that you have a long long long way to go with your rehabilitation program and counselling.   

 

A little bit is never going to do it and neither is it going to compensate all those terrrible deeds or harmful behaviours you inflicted on others, mostly those who are your own loved ones, even your own spouse who is now deemed helpless and NUMB AS YOU REFER TO. 

 

YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO EVEN SAY THAT YOU ARE GUILTY OF MAKING YOUR SPOUSE OR FORMER WIFE "NUMB".  

 

LET ME SAY THIS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD NUMB OR SORRY IF IT STARED YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE. 

 

ITS NICE TO SEE THAT YOU'RE A SMARTY PANTS IN BEING HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU MISTREATED YOUR WIFE AND HOW YOU SEXUALLY ABUSED HER AND POSSIBLY MORE. 

 

YOU USE THE WORD "COERCING SEX" TO CLEARLY STATE AS PLAIN AS BLUE SKY TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD HOW YOU SEXUALLY ABUSED YOUR WIFE BY FORCE DESPITE HER SAYING  "NO" OR "I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR IT".   

 

THIS IS AN INCRIMINATING BEHAVIOUR THAT IS NOT ONLY DEGRADING, PAINFUL, TRAUMATIZING, BUT ALSO VERY DAMAGING TO YOUR WIFE IN MANY YEARS TO COME. 

 

HOW DARE YOU AND YOUR SORRY PAST AND HISTORY OF ABUSE COULD BE  A JUSTIFICATION FOR YOU TO DESTROY YOUR WIFE, WHOM YOU SAY HAS NOT ONLY BEEN IN JAIL, BUT, IS AT A SHELTER AND IS HOMELESS.   

 

WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST TRANSFER YOUR ABUSIVE PAIN AND AFFLICTIONS TO THE WOMAN WHO WAS ALREADY IN DEPRESSION, AND A VICTIM OF MANY MISFORTUNATES. 

 

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERN, YOU HAVE ONLY STARTED TO SCRATCH THE SURFACE OF YOUR PROBLEM.  YOU HAVE A LOT TO OWE NOT ONLY TO YOURSELF, YOUR WIFE AND EVERYBODY ELSE WHOM YOU HAVE TERRORIZED AND VICTIMIZED. 

  

AS SOON AS I READ YOUR MESSAGE I KNEW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOUR MIND.   

 

YOU ARE TERRIBLY TERRIBLY VERY ILL AND NEED NOT ONLY COUNSELLING, BUT, PSYCHIATRIC ATTENTION.  

 

 I CAN SEE ALREADY THAT YOU HAVE SEVERAL ISSUES THAT YOU NEED TO ADDRESS IF YOU WANT TO FULLY REHABILITATE YOURSELF.   

 

YOU WILL ALSO NEED SEXUAL ABUSE COUNSELLING.  YOU MAY NEED MEDICATION TO ASSIST YOU WITH CONTROLLING YOUR ANGER AND OTHER PAINS THAT YOU HAVE.  ONE FORM OF COUNSELLING IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU. 

 

SINCE YOU WERE A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND MOLESTATION AT THE AGE OF 4 - 14 YEARS, YOU WILL NOW NEED TO CALL UPON ALL YOUR RESOURCES TO CLEANSE YOURSELF OF ALL THOSE BURDENS, SHADOWS AND PAINS THAT HAVE ENSLAVED YOU IN THE PAST AND NOW. 

 

AND THERE HAS BEEN NO FORM OF SEXUAL ABUSE COUNSELLING SINCE THEN UNTIL NOW AT THE AGE OF 32.   

 

NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DICK DEEP AND WORK A LOT MORE HARDER AND DEEPER TO GET ALL THAT NONSENSE AND RUBBISH THAT IS ROOTED INSIDE OF YOU.   

 

IT WILL TAKE AT LEAST 5 - 10 YEARS OF COUNSELLING BEFORE YOU CAN BE DECLARED AS A MENTALLY FIT AND ABLE PERSON TO BE WITH YOUR WIFE AND ANYONE ELSE IN SOCIETY. 

 

YOU ARE WHAT WE CALL A VERY VERY DANGEROUS PERSON AND SHOULD BE PLACED IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT UNTIL ARE FIT ENOUGH TO BE RELEASED BACK INTO SOCIETY. 

 

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE NOT ONLY BY THE POLICE, THE JUDGE, THE LEGAL SYSTEM OR JUDICIARY BRANCH, AND ALSO BY SOCIETY AS A WHOLE AS NOTED BY YOUR COMMENTS OF PEOPLE SUCH AS YOUR BOSS AND OTHERS WHOM YOU HAVE SHARED YOUR COUNSELLING OR ABUSE PROGRAM TO. 

 

NO POINT IN WRITING YOUR MESSAGE ABOUT YOUR NEEDING HELP AND FEELING SORRY ABOUT YOUR WIFE, AND YOU DON'T DO NOTHING TO REHABILITATE YOURSELF. 

 

YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHETHER YOU WERE ALSO IN AND OUT OF PRISON.   

 

I CAN SAY NOW, THAT, JUST BY READING YOUR DETAILED ACCOUNTS, YOU ARE NOT VERY FAR FROM KILLING SOMEONE ONE DAY.  IF ITS NOT NOW, TOMORROW, OR NEXT WEEK, IT MAY BE IN 5 YEARS TIME OR IN A YEAR. 

 

HEED MY TEACHINGS AND ADVICE.  IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT CHANGING YOUR LIFE AROUND, GET REAL AND DO IT, STARTING TOMORROW.   

 

IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO HEAR IN 6 MONTHS TIME, WHETHER YOU HAVE PROGRESSED IN YOUR REHABILITATION OR HAVE YOU BECOME NUMBED OR PARALYZED. 

 

A LITTLE BIT IS NOTHING.  IF YOU WANT THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK 10 TIMES MORE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF YOUR REHABILITATION PROGRAMME AND GET MORE MEANINGFUL ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTION AS POSED: 

 

CAN ABUSERS CHANGE? 

 

YOU WILL NEVER FIND OUT THE REAL ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE THE WORK THAT IS REQUIRED OF YOU WITH YOUR REHABILITATION. 

 

NO ONE CAN GIVE YOU A DEFINITE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION UNTIL YOU HAVE REACHED THE STAGE OF FULL RECOVERY, WHICH UNFORTUNATELY, YOU STILL HAVEN'T QUITE GOT THERE YET. 

 

YOU GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.  IF YOU'RE SO SMART I WOULD URGE YOU TO READ AS MUCH AS POSSIBLY ABOUT WOMEN'S ISSUES, ABUSE, EFFECTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE ON THE VICTIMS, AND SO FORTH. 

 

YOU MAY EVEN TRY GOING TO WORKSHOPS WHERE VICTIMS OF ABUSE TALK ABOUT THEIR HORRIFIC ORDEALS.   

 

ONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF THEIR BEHAVIOURS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF THEIR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOURS. 

  

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN TO THE BOY WHO ABUSED YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WHEN YOU WERE BOTH YOUNG.   

 

WHY DIDN'T YOU DEAL WITH IT AT THE TIME?  HOW COME YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SEXUAL ABUSE BY THAT BOY? 

 

I WOULD BE VERY SAD TO KNOW THAT THE BOY WHO ABUSED YOU AS A CHILD HAS ALREADY HARMED OTHER YOUNG BOYS OR GIRLS.   

 

YOU REALLY ARE A HORROR STORY OR A THRILLER THAT WOULD MAKE ONE CRINGE. 

  

OBVIOUSLY, YOU SEEMED TO HAVE LACKED GOOD ROLE MODELS AT THE TIME AND WAS POSSIBLY NEGLECTED AT TIMES.  YOUR WELCOME TO REPLY TO SOME OF MY COMMENTS. 

 

The comment you made as follows: 

 

"I just hope that I can help the innocent woman whom I made NUMB get feeling, life and self esteem back.  Maybe someday after she sees that I have indeed changed then we can start over." 

 

LET ME TELL YOU NOW, THAT THIS WISH OR DREAM OF YOURS WILL NEVER HAPPEN. 

 

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO WANT YOU BACK INTO HER LIFE? 

 

AFTER ALL THE DAMAGE YOU HAD DONE WITHOUT MERCY. 

 

THAT IS WISHFUL THINKING.  ONCE SOMEONE IS FULLY REHABILITATED AND HAS RECOVERED FROM THEIR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR, YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO GO BACK THERE OR IN THE PAST.   

 

IF YOU DO WANT TO GO TO THE PAST, THEN, YOU ARE ADMITTING THAT YOU NEVER HAD ANY INTENTION TO REHABILITATE YOURSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE and move on.   

 

YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK, IF YOU BECOME FULLY REHABILITATED AND YOU SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.   

 

JUST BECAUSE, THERE IS A CHANCE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOUR WIFE, IS GOING TO WANT YOU BACK OR COME RUNNING BACK TO YOU. 

 

NO ONE CAN CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON.  IT IS A SHAME THAT YOU LEFT IT RATHER TOO LATE THIS REHABILITATION OR COUNSELLING.  BUT, ITS BETTER NOW THEN, NEVER AT ALL. 

 

I hope that I've unravelled some mysteries with your case. 

 

I don't blame that other reply from someone else to your message. 

 

I just hope that you'll stop being argumentative, but, let it sink into your head. 

 

You're lucky that Dr.  Phil is a busy man and has a busy schedule, because I'm sure he would love to reply to you which he hasn't the time to. 

 

So, I have taken that liberty to reply to you personally. 

 

LETS SEE SOME PROGRESS. 

 

OH YES.  I ALMOST FORGOT.  THE COMMENT THAT PATHETIC POLICE SAID TO YOUR WIFE AS FOLLOWS: 

  

            ."Put your hands over your face and head and curl up".  

 

IT SPEAKS LOUD AND CLEAR, THAT, YOU HAVE FREQUENTLY, ASSAULTED YOUR WIFE OR INFLICTED GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM TO HER BODY.   

 

POLICE SHOULD HAVE ADVICED HER THAT IF YOU TRY TO ASSAULT HER, GIVE THEM A CALL, AND THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP.  RATHER THEN, COVER YOUR FACE AND CURL UP. 

 

YOU SHOULD TARGET THAT ANGER INTO SOME SPORT OR A HOBBY RATHER THEN YOUR WIFE. 

 

COME ON, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.  IF YOU ARE REALLY SMART, YOU'LL FIND OTHER MORE CONSTRUCTIVE MEANS OF DE-STRESSING YOURSELF OR DEALING WITH YOUR ANGER AND TEMPER OR SELF-CONTROL. 

 

ITS ALL VERY NICE TO GIVE PEOPLE SO MANY ADVICES, BUT, THERE IS ALSO THE BENEFIT OF A DOUBT, WHEN, FINANCE OR MONEY IS ANY ISSUE.  I SHOULD BILL YOU FOR THE USAGE OF MY POWER TO WRITE REPLY. 

 

I AM GENEROUS TODAY. 

  

  

I BETTER LET YOU GET BACK TO WORK AS YOU GOT A LOT TO DO. 

 

Peace Out 

 

ET 

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

  

 

 

 
May 9, 2006, 8:04 am CDT

Your abuse is still showing

Quote From: giffins

I am sorry...did you read my post.  

  

I do have a long way to go! 

  

The "I" factor...you obviously know nothing about counseling. Using I statements is a way of taking ownership of you actions and feelings and making sure you state how you feel and release the controling behavior. 

  

I did not put her in prison and I never took her child away from her. I never wanted that and have been trying to undo it since it was done two months ago. 

  

For the record I am not wonderful...I am a human being...I have made mistakes and I have and will continue to take responsibility for them...but I will not make anymore. 

  

Never claimed to be a victim myself and I will probably be alone...where I have put myself. 

  

And yes I should have gone to jail. 

  

Maybe you should read my post again and see if you can understand it. 

  

Is there anyone here that would like to try and give me some constructive crisitism instead of trying to do what this person and others have done. 

Your post shows me you still don't get it.  

   

But then again, after 2 months you are now the expert. You have some very tough things to hear which you are obviously not ready to hear.  

   

You have demeaned me and that is to be expected given your post.  

   

Unless and until you completely understand and "FEEL" the damage you have done and think of only doing what is best for your victims you will never ever change.  

   

Your post is exactly what an abuser who has only had 2 months of therapy would say. I know much more about it than you think.   

   

It takes years and years to get your thinking straight. I pray to God that you become the exception rather than the rule.  

   

Perhaps, later in your therapy you should re-read the post and you will see it in a different light.  

   

 
May 9, 2006, 8:13 am CDT

amen ET

Amen ET  

   

May the good lord shine on you!  

Coffee  

 
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