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Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 9, 2006, 9:25 am CDT

I have alot of work to do.

Quote From: coffee831

Your post shows me you still don't get it.  

   

But then again, after 2 months you are now the expert. You have some very tough things to hear which you are obviously not ready to hear.  

   

You have demeaned me and that is to be expected given your post.  

   

Unless and until you completely understand and "FEEL" the damage you have done and think of only doing what is best for your victims you will never ever change.  

   

Your post is exactly what an abuser who has only had 2 months of therapy would say. I know much more about it than you think.   

   

It takes years and years to get your thinking straight. I pray to God that you become the exception rather than the rule.  

   

Perhaps, later in your therapy you should re-read the post and you will see it in a different light.  

   

Well I have been in different forms of therapy since I was about 9 yrs old. I am no expert on any one form but I try to educate myself as best I can. 

  

I thank you for your prayers. 

 
May 9, 2006, 9:39 am CDT

What's Up With This?

Quote From: ewilson

I tivo'd this show and watched it with my daughter. Right after the 911 call, showed on the screen I swear this girl had her LEFT eye covered and not her RIGHT that she was shot in..
I saw the same thing about 31 minutes into the program.  First we saw her right eye shot out.  Then it was clear it was her left eye.  Someone has some explaining to do!
 
May 9, 2006, 9:45 am CDT

Long term comprehensive intense therapy

Quote From: giffins

I am sorry...did you read my post.  

  

I do have a long way to go! 

  

The "I" factor...you obviously know nothing about counseling. Using I statements is a way of taking ownership of you actions and feelings and making sure you state how you feel and release the controling behavior. 

  

I did not put her in prison and I never took her child away from her. I never wanted that and have been trying to undo it since it was done two months ago. 

  

For the record I am not wonderful...I am a human being...I have made mistakes and I have and will continue to take responsibility for them...but I will not make anymore. 

  

Never claimed to be a victim myself and I will probably be alone...where I have put myself. 

  

And yes I should have gone to jail. 

  

Maybe you should read my post again and see if you can understand it. 

  

Is there anyone here that would like to try and give me some constructive crisitism instead of trying to do what this person and others have done. 

What you need is long......longggggggggggggggggggg term comprehensive intense therapy in order to even have a decent conversation with you about abuse, power and control.  

   

And I am not going to attempt any conversation with you.  

   

Still to this day you are not taking responsibility for the gravity of YOUR ABUSE.  

   

The word "NUMB" used by you.....says volumes about your thought process.  

   

Your belief system is so far off track.  

   

While others will continue to engage with you and post at length....offering a possibly of your hearing, seeing and understanding at a core, soul, conscientious level.....I WILL NOT.  

   

You may be able to spin your posts and your comments to others.....however, not to me.  

   

If I were to say what I have in my thoughts about you and your situation surely the post would be deleted.   

   

So as you continue on as is.  

   

I am leaving this conversation with you.  

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

 
May 9, 2006, 9:45 am CDT

Ladies in abusive situations

After 23 years of therapy????????  If that is not a lesson to you nothing ever will be!   

   

Learn from the post, the insensitivity still lurks!   

   

Learn to love yourself and know in your heart you deserve better. Get the counselling you need to support you and "KNOW" that the abuse affects your children. Your child could and most likely will grow to be the same!  

   

Know that the fear of the unknown is a thousand times easier to deal with than what you know is not healthy, is not right and is damaging to you, your children and your loved ones around you! Don't keep the abuse a secret!   

   

You too could become 'NUMB'   

   

There is a better life out there, may God show you the way!   

Coffee  :)   

 
May 9, 2006, 9:55 am CDT

abusers always present as victims....remember

Quote From: giffins

I thought I was seeking help, some advice, etc. when I posted what I posted. I did not think I myself would have to suffer abuse from people who do not even know me. I am no saint but neither is my sons mother. She should never have had her son taken away from her. I may not be or have been a good husband/partner but I have always been and will continue to be an exceptional father who will love and cherrish my son the way he should be. 

  

I hope I get other responses than the abusive people that have obviously need help themselves! 

abusers always present as victims, remember OJ !  

  

And now folks here are abusing you, too.  

  

Let me tell you something, an exceptional father does not , I repeat does NOT beat and try to destroy a child's mother.  

  

Pretty big extreme, a description of a SAINT ....and then the behavior you describe.....there are  a whole lot of behaviors that could have been CHOSEN  within the grey area between those 2 extremes.  

  

Exceptional fathers do NOT abuse anyone, let alone their child's mother.   

  

  

 
May 9, 2006, 9:56 am CDT

read this board....not just post....the answer is here

Quote From: tejaschic

I saw the same thing about 31 minutes into the program.  First we saw her right eye shot out.  Then it was clear it was her left eye.  Someone has some explaining to do!
 
May 9, 2006, 10:56 am CDT

Exceptional fathers DO NOT abuse their childrens' mom

Quote From: giffins

I thought I was seeking help, some advice, etc. when I posted what I posted. I did not think I myself would have to suffer abuse from people who do not even know me. I am no saint but neither is my sons mother. She should never have had her son taken away from her. I may not be or have been a good husband/partner but I have always been and will continue to be an exceptional father who will love and cherrish my son the way he should be. 

  

I hope I get other responses than the abusive people that have obviously need help themselves! 

 
May 9, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

mom in pain

my son is 28 and the girl he is dating is 21.  She is verbally abusing him.  Her opening line was "I'm looking for someone to settle down with and have a baby because all my friends are".  My son told me this. I told him forget 21 year olds and especially this one in light of this statement.  He then proceeds to tell me she is mean when drunk. Once again I told him to forget about it. She sounded like trouble.  I know the reason he started seeing her was that his former girlfriend of 3 1/2 years had ended their relationship. He was devasted.  After a very short while, she started sleeping with him at his apartment, staying there for days, probably weeks at a time.  I met her at Christmas time and then once again.  My son bought a house around that time and she was staying there night after night.  I was getting a more clear picture of this girl. She had no close friends, no interests, lost her license and car, only worked part-time, depended on everyone for her independence, was told by one of my son's friends that she was moody all the time, lazy, blows her paycheck as soon as she gets it and was draining my son. She was constantly with my son, by his side 24/7. She ended up breaking up with him, on the phone, because she demanded, "Either I move in with you or that is it" after 3 1/2 months dating him.  My son was devasted again and we discussed many things about relationships etc..During this time, I found out that she has a "rough life", she was raped when she was young, she was in a two year long physically abusive relationship, and she hated her father because he wasn't there when she was young and he went to jail for something to do with gambling.  I thought he was done with her and I thought he had a better perspective on what to look for in a partner.  Two months later she was back in his life.  I couldn't believe my son.  He said they had a couple of long talks and she said that she didn't feel he cared enough about her that's why she ended it.  He fell for it hook, line and sinker.  Since then she has him doing everything for her.  He brings her to work, brings her home, feeds her, brings her everywhere she needs to go to live her life. She goes out with him when he goes out with his friends, when he plays sports, everywhere. Many of his friends cannot stand her and says he is not the same when he is dating her.  They are all slowly avoiding him.  I've know his friends for many, many years.  She is isolating him from everyone, including his parents.  They stay with each othe every nite either at his home or her apartment.  They are never separated. Finally, I have found out that she has been yelling and screaming at him in public for no reason and humiliating him.  I do not think he understands the severity of this.  We have tried to talk to him to tell him what he is dealing with.  He turns everything around to defend her.  He said that this yelling and screaming is not that bad.  I have a feeling she is hitting him too.  We have been recently talking to his friends and finding out more and more. I have talked to crisis centers and been doing research about this on the internet.  Oh by the way, she is not on any type of birth control.  She told my son it was too expensive.  I'm sure she knows about planned parenthood. I think my son was so devasted by the former relationship and wants someone so bad that he is compromising everything he wants in a woman. Tell me what I can do to reach my son.  I know he is 28 years old and he makes his own decisions but I know he is not thinking straight. 
 
May 9, 2006, 2:01 pm CDT

Hi DJ

Quote From: dj2158

my son is 28 and the girl he is dating is 21.  She is verbally abusing him.  Her opening line was "I'm looking for someone to settle down with and have a baby because all my friends are".  My son told me this. I told him forget 21 year olds and especially this one in light of this statement.  He then proceeds to tell me she is mean when drunk. Once again I told him to forget about it. She sounded like trouble.  I know the reason he started seeing her was that his former girlfriend of 3 1/2 years had ended their relationship. He was devasted.  After a very short while, she started sleeping with him at his apartment, staying there for days, probably weeks at a time.  I met her at Christmas time and then once again.  My son bought a house around that time and she was staying there night after night.  I was getting a more clear picture of this girl. She had no close friends, no interests, lost her license and car, only worked part-time, depended on everyone for her independence, was told by one of my son's friends that she was moody all the time, lazy, blows her paycheck as soon as she gets it and was draining my son. She was constantly with my son, by his side 24/7. She ended up breaking up with him, on the phone, because she demanded, "Either I move in with you or that is it" after 3 1/2 months dating him.  My son was devasted again and we discussed many things about relationships etc..During this time, I found out that she has a "rough life", she was raped when she was young, she was in a two year long physically abusive relationship, and she hated her father because he wasn't there when she was young and he went to jail for something to do with gambling.  I thought he was done with her and I thought he had a better perspective on what to look for in a partner.  Two months later she was back in his life.  I couldn't believe my son.  He said they had a couple of long talks and she said that she didn't feel he cared enough about her that's why she ended it.  He fell for it hook, line and sinker.  Since then she has him doing everything for her.  He brings her to work, brings her home, feeds her, brings her everywhere she needs to go to live her life. She goes out with him when he goes out with his friends, when he plays sports, everywhere. Many of his friends cannot stand her and says he is not the same when he is dating her.  They are all slowly avoiding him.  I've know his friends for many, many years.  She is isolating him from everyone, including his parents.  They stay with each othe every nite either at his home or her apartment.  They are never separated. Finally, I have found out that she has been yelling and screaming at him in public for no reason and humiliating him.  I do not think he understands the severity of this.  We have tried to talk to him to tell him what he is dealing with.  He turns everything around to defend her.  He said that this yelling and screaming is not that bad.  I have a feeling she is hitting him too.  We have been recently talking to his friends and finding out more and more. I have talked to crisis centers and been doing research about this on the internet.  Oh by the way, she is not on any type of birth control.  She told my son it was too expensive.  I'm sure she knows about planned parenthood. I think my son was so devasted by the former relationship and wants someone so bad that he is compromising everything he wants in a woman. Tell me what I can do to reach my son.  I know he is 28 years old and he makes his own decisions but I know he is not thinking straight. 

Everything that is said to a woman who is being abused and manipulated applies equally to your son.    

   

Your son sounds co-dependent..... He needs an independant person to help him sort out how he feels the good and the bad. His gf needs counselling before it gets worse. And it will from the sounds of it.   

   

Lack of self worth applies to both genders. Perhaps his breakup left him thinking this is what he deserves or it may be his way of, "proving he is a good person and can fix her".   

   

I know of a man who married a horrid, manipulative, abusive female I believe was more so to prove he could change her. Everyone telling him how bad she was only made him more determined.   

   

It is terrible for you to watch, I'm sure it breaks your heart, but..... be careful not to push too hard it may backfire and he may alleniate you.   

   

Perhaps your son should take the birth control responsibility and I hope he does not "trust" that even if he buys it for her she will take it.   

   

If your son truly cares for this woman, the importance of her getting help with her past issues will be crucial. A former victim can learn to love with respect, but it takes hard work and a willing spirit to open their eyes and see it!  

   

I wish I could give you the magic answer, I can only pray for you and your family!  

   

God bless you for caring!  

Coffee  :)  

 
May 9, 2006, 6:23 pm CDT

thay r branwashed

Thous kids that were on today s show, thay have been bran washed by there dad.I think the dad has bulled the kids in to thinking that hes religion (or whatever it is) is the right way.i am word 4 thous kids like the mom is, in that thay will not be able to talk car if them self in today susiuty. thay r to sheltered. what wood ha-pun if god for bed that got  relsik, wood the dad or sumone get them the help thay need.well i guess that is all 4 my openyun on that.
 
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