Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Some viewers have raised questions about the injury suffered by Linda, who appeared on the Dr. Phil episode “Violent Love Intervention.” They have noted a shot of Linda in which her injury appears to flip to the other side of her face.

As part of the effort to make a show that’s as visually interesting as possible, Dr. Phil producers will occasionally flip their video footage. The technique very simply creates a mirror image of the actual footage and is used often throughout the television industry.

Dear Michelle, I'm sorry for writing you late.  Writing is not an easy task for me to do.  I'm so happy for you that you got the opportunity to get help from Dr. Phil.  You are a smart and intelligent women to ask for help.  God must love you very much to send you the help before it is to late .  I sure hope that you take advantage of this golden opportunity to the full extend.  Let me tell you about me.  I just turn 50 less than 2 weeks ago.  I have been married to the same man for almost 28 years.  If you stay with Ryan this is what is going to happen to you.  To mention a few, less than an hour ago I got beat up and my left ear loop is bleeding, I have no job, no degree, no family or friend to help, overweight, depress, confused and I'm in process of packing some of my belonging and have been looking to find a rental property to move out.   During the past 27 years my husband have been abusive physically and mentally to me and our children.  We have been gone to so many psychologist and spend so much money and we are still in the same boat.  My husband is also a psychologist  and he knows how to say the right things to the therapist.  I know that I have  made the same mistake as everyone else dose, to help him and to take care of my children, children, children.  Although I knew kids better be off with one good parent than two abusive one.  I was keep telling myself that under all that anger and rage there is good person who love me and need my help and some day will come out and step up to the plate.  I was telling my self that you don't through away the baby with the bath water.  Now 27 years has past and I'm still waiting for that person to come out.  But, it is to late for me and our children.  He has damaged us so badly and there is no way that this can be fixed.   Right now he has no relation with the two older daughter.  I'm not blaming on him.  I'm blaming it on my stupidity by staying with him to take care of him to see if he could get better and didn't protect my children.  Today if my children berried me a live I do deserve that.  I cry  silently day and night, I have a little dog and I don't want her to get upset but I did let him to beat up the kids and me in front of them mostly.  Now you know  why I deserve to die... 

Please, please get help for yourself and your baby and get out.  You have the help now you have no excuse.  It will be the best gift that you ever can give to your baby, yourself and the world.  Best of luck!   

Can abusers change?  

I hope so...if not I am going to continue my work to try.  

I am a 32 year old single male, father of a wonderful 8 yr old boy. I am not currently with his mother. She is truly the love of my life and I hope someday that she will take me back.  

I grew up in a home where I listened and watched my father emotionally, verbally and mentally abuse my mother. I never saw any physical abuse but I am sure it happened, watched my mother and her mother, my grandmother, fist fight and I would try to break it up. My mother was just defending herself from a larger woman who was epleptic and evil. I was molested by a boy two years older than me when I was 4. It continued until I was 14. My brother who is 5 years younger than me in addition to being hit by me because I believed that my parents were not tough enough on him was also molested by the same boy who was 7 years older than him. The guilt that I have is tremendous regarding these matters.   

Over the 24 or 25 years I have been verbally, emotionally, mentally and/or physically abusive to the following people: my mother, my father, my brother, the mother of my son , her other son (not my son not that it matters...it is still abusive, a woman at work...and I have been very abusive towards myself.  

I remember when I was 8 yrs old I was in the back yard and I hit my mother with a rope...on PURPOSE. What kind of 8 yr old does that. The kind of 8 yr old that at the age of 32 ,on at least 4  different occasions, physically abused the woman I love. I do love her...I realize that I was wrong and that way she was acting...which she was NUMB...she did not have a job and did not do much all day, according to everyone else, even her own mother was and is a sick, lazy, antagonistic, mean individual. I feel like my actions...degrading her, calling her names, screaming at her, threatening to take things like her car, her engagement ring, even her son, away, not giving her money, not being supportive, coercing sex, offering to pay for sex, badgering her into performing sex acts that she did not want to do...simply put made her NUMB. Not able to cope, depressed, no self esteem, no being able to be a good mother, not feeling like she could find a job let alone keep one...just feeling worthless and NUMB. At the end of our relationshipshe could not fight...I believe she did not have the will. We were living with my mother with our son staying with her mother in a better part of town. She was living there because her mother and father kicked her out. Her eldest son who is 14 went to live with his father and our son stayed with his grandparents where I thought he would be best taken care of. I pushed for her to come and live with me when she was kicked out in November 2005...she came. Things were good for a couple of weeks maybe even a month.   

Now please understand that we have been toghther on and off for 11 years. It has been a rocky road each of us being abusive in our own ways. I started being abusive to her when she was 3 months pregnant. I backed her down with a balled up fist...I do not remember why or what was said...but that was the first of many abusive things. She also spent the summer of 2003 lying to me, stealing from me and cheating on me. Up until then I had not been physicall abusive with her. Since then I have pulled her hair and put my fist in her face, grabbed her aroung the neck, broken a car window, thrown her clothes and make up down a flight of stairs, tried kicking her in the back while she ran down stairs to get away from me, put my face right up against hers, spit in her face, kicked a chair into her knee, grabbed her, pushed her, punched her it the knee, the arm, and the head, twisted her wrist and hit her as hard as I could with a pillow about 10 times. WOW that is alot more than 4 times and I am sure I am missing a few.   

Back to what I was saying. So she is living with me at my mothers house. She said she would get a job soon after getting there. When she left in the middle of February she did not have one. From November to February we argued alot. When we argued my mother would always get involved and I would ask her to mind her own business...most times she would not. This made it worse. During this time I was very abusive...saying that my sons mother was a cheating slut and whore, that she was probably seeing other people while I was at work. I would call her every name in the book. I would say she was a bad mother. I would threaten to take her car away and kick her out on a frequent basis. I would tell her to give me the engagement ring back that she did not deserve it...one day she did. When she did not want to have sex or right after a fight i would offer her money for sexual favors. Physically...I grabbed her, kicked a chair into her knee, got into a fist fight with her while we were in a car...I twisted her wrist and punched her in the knee repeatedly...then there was the final morning that she woke up there. We had a good couple of days it was Monday night and we actually ahd sex. The next morning I woke up and I thought well we are getting along...maybe I can finally communicate with her...about getting a job...doing something to help us. Well that did not go well. She said the same things that she always said and I allowed it ot set me off. I told her to leave...she would not....I started screaming at her...then my mother chirped up and I screamed at her. I took some of her stuff out of the bedroom and put it in containers down stairs. She would not go saying that she would leave when i was gone...that she was scared. I actually moved a recliner that was next to where she was sleeping so I could get closer to her. I started screaming at the top of my lungs right in her face to get out...I punched her in the head...thank god not hard...this was actually an accident...I am way to affraid to actually leave any marks so she could press charges. Then I hit her with the pillow over and over...all the wile her crying like a little girl saying what the police told her to do if I get physically violent..."Put your hands over your face and head and curl up". She was crying saying this over and over. I stopped and went to work.  I went to see my son after work. His mother showed up there after I asked her not to. I left for a while. When I came back she left. That morning as I was leaving I told her that I would stay away from my mothers house that night so that she could have a place to stay. When I left my sons house I went to my mothers house to see if she was there. She was not. I went inside locked the doors and windows. She had a key for the backdoor but I had an inside door that i locked. After what had happened that morning, she came back at about 1 am. I told her she was not allowed to stay she needed to leave would not even let her use the bathroom. After all that I did to her she still wanted to come back. I walked some of her stuff outside and she left. Where she stayed that night I do not know. She wnet to her mothers about noo on Wednesday and was told to leave and come back when the kids come home at 3. When she did not her mother and father called the police. After a little while and her not wanting to leave she was arrested with the promise from the police that they would try and get her some mental help becuase she was out of it. I would be out of it too if I had been kicked out of an abusive house and relationship came to my mothers and was kicked out of there too. So now my sons mother is in prison where she spent the next 8 weeks until she was released and deemed competent by prison psychatrist. She is realeased and told she needs to get some mental help, get evaluated for having a drug and/or alcohol problem and she needs to get a job. Oh did I forget to mention that when she was arrested that her parents got a PFA with their names, my sons name, their residence and his school named in it. Oh also that the court saw fit to grant emergency temporary custody of my son to his grandparents for 18 months. So my sons mother is not legally allowed to see our son unless OKed by a judge with a visitation schedule. So my sons mother is asked by the judge if she would like to set up a visitation schedule at this time. My sons mother says no...she needs to get some help and get some stuff straight first. So now almost a month after court...3 months since she has seen our son last...she is living in homeless shelters...she still has not seen him. It is killing me. I have started to go to a counseling group for abusers...it is helping. I find it absouloutely amazing that when I tell people about how I abused my son mother...even the physical...people like our friends...my boss...even her mother somehow someway justify even if it is a little bit. It is NOT justified ever. I need to be and am responsible for my own actions. No matter what anyone else does or says to me...NO MATTER WHAT...I can not react the way I have learned to act. I need to be proactive and end the cycle of abuse. I am now trying to get custody of my son whom I am allowed to see when ever I want and do on a daily basis. His mother on the other hand is not allowed to see him. Her parents will not drop the PFA because they do not want things to go back to they way they were. Today I moved into an apartment away from my mother and away from my old way of life forever. I am going to change....I am not going to be abusive anymore to anyone. I just hope that I can help the innocent woman whom I made NUMB get feeling, life and self esteem back. Maybe someday after she sees that I have indeed changed then  we can start over.   

I have to tell you that your post is of ignorance of the laws.  

Regardless of the beatings I took, the courts told me "I" would go to jail if I did not allow him to see them. There was concern for sexual abuse of my children as well. It was not until the sexual abuse was "PROVEN" that the courts finally stopped him from seeing them.  

Not even children's aide society could stop him from being with the children.  

So if you are so ashamed of what is happening, point that "ANGER" and disgust to the "LAWMAKERS" and get others involved in petitioning your government to make changes to the laws to protect ALL CHILDREN!  

What have you done? You have smeared and catagorized "YOUR GENDER" as incapable. I might suggest to you that you do a little research before you slam people like me.  

I have been to the government, fought for laws, fought children agencies, fought the courts, ignored court orders and ran for the sake of my children.  

I am ashamed of your post!  

Coffee