Quote From: dj2158my son is 28 and the girl he is dating is 21. She is verbally abusing him. Her opening line was "I'm looking for someone to settle down with and have a baby because all my friends are". My son told me this. I told him forget 21 year olds and especially this one in light of this statement. He then proceeds to tell me she is mean when drunk. Once again I told him to forget about it. She sounded like trouble. I know the reason he started seeing her was that his former girlfriend of 3 1/2 years had ended their relationship. He was devasted. After a very short while, she started sleeping with him at his apartment, staying there for days, probably weeks at a time. I met her at Christmas time and then once again. My son bought a house around that time and she was staying there night after night. I was getting a more clear picture of this girl. She had no close friends, no interests, lost her license and car, only worked part-time, depended on everyone for her independence, was told by one of my son's friends that she was moody all the time, lazy, blows her paycheck as soon as she gets it and was draining my son. She was constantly with my son, by his side 24/7. She ended up breaking up with him, on the phone, because she demanded, "Either I move in with you or that is it" after 3 1/2 months dating him. My son was devasted again and we discussed many things about relationships etc..During this time, I found out that she has a "rough life", she was raped when she was young, she was in a two year long physically abusive relationship, and she hated her father because he wasn't there when she was young and he went to jail for something to do with gambling. I thought he was done with her and I thought he had a better perspective on what to look for in a partner. Two months later she was back in his life. I couldn't believe my son. He said they had a couple of long talks and she said that she didn't feel he cared enough about her that's why she ended it. He fell for it hook, line and sinker. Since then she has him doing everything for her. He brings her to work, brings her home, feeds her, brings her everywhere she needs to go to live her life. She goes out with him when he goes out with his friends, when he plays sports, everywhere. Many of his friends cannot stand her and says he is not the same when he is dating her. They are all slowly avoiding him. I've know his friends for many, many years. She is isolating him from everyone, including his parents. They stay with each othe every nite either at his home or her apartment. They are never separated. Finally, I have found out that she has been yelling and screaming at him in public for no reason and humiliating him. I do not think he understands the severity of this. We have tried to talk to him to tell him what he is dealing with. He turns everything around to defend her. He said that this yelling and screaming is not that bad. I have a feeling she is hitting him too. We have been recently talking to his friends and finding out more and more. I have talked to crisis centers and been doing research about this on the internet. Oh by the way, she is not on any type of birth control. She told my son it was too expensive. I'm sure she knows about planned parenthood. I think my son was so devasted by the former relationship and wants someone so bad that he is compromising everything he wants in a woman. Tell me what I can do to reach my son. I know he is 28 years old and he makes his own decisions but I know he is not thinking straight.
Everything that is said to a woman who is being abused and manipulated applies equally to your son.
Your son sounds co-dependent..... He needs an independant person to help him sort out how he feels the good and the bad. His gf needs counselling before it gets worse. And it will from the sounds of it.
Lack of self worth applies to both genders. Perhaps his breakup left him thinking this is what he deserves or it may be his way of, "proving he is a good person and can fix her".
I know of a man who married a horrid, manipulative, abusive female I believe was more so to prove he could change her. Everyone telling him how bad she was only made him more determined.
It is terrible for you to watch, I'm sure it breaks your heart, but..... be careful not to push too hard it may backfire and he may alleniate you.
Perhaps your son should take the birth control responsibility and I hope he does not "trust" that even if he buys it for her she will take it.
If your son truly cares for this woman, the importance of her getting help with her past issues will be crucial. A former victim can learn to love with respect, but it takes hard work and a willing spirit to open their eyes and see it!
I wish I could give you the magic answer, I can only pray for you and your family!
God bless you for caring!
Coffee :)
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.
