Message Boards

Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More May 2006 Show Boards.



As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 4, 2006, 11:12 am CDT

Michelle And Linda Are In Grave Danger!

 As a survivor of my father's constant rages and verbal/emotional abuse(it's still going on at age 26), I MUST warn both Michelle and Linda that they need to be on even more alert now that they have been on the show.  As I have said in earlier posts on this subject, I especially fear for Michelle after she leaves the show.  I can just envision an UGLY drive back to the hotel or an ugly scene later on .  Abuse expert Lundy Bancroft lays out in perfect detail in his book "Why Does He Do That" an awful scene that transpired after a couples therapy session.  As the abuser and his wife sat in the therapist's office, she thought that it was safe to talk about her husband's abuse, after all, the therapist WAS in the room with her.  After a long discussion with the therapist, both the therapist and the victim thought that he had finally gotten the message....WRONG!  On the drive home from the session, he repeatedly slammed her head on the dashboard with one hand as he drove with the other, while all the while screaming at her for humiliating him at the therapist's office.  I really hope Dr. Phil SERIOUSLY considers inviting Mr. Bancroft on the show to dispel the true myths about abusive relationships.  And I would also like to inquire on whether or not Dr. Phil has ever read "Why Does He Do That".  If not, I'd be DELIGHTED to mail him my copy.
 
May 4, 2006, 11:19 am CDT

Michelle we love you and Aiden

Michelle come home.
 
May 4, 2006, 11:44 am CDT

why would you want to do that to yourself after every thing he has done to you i dont even know you and care more about you than you care about yourself please listen to dr phil take his advice he wont ster you wrong you deserve to be loved by somebody t

 
May 4, 2006, 12:01 pm CDT

I am so glad you have never been an abusive realtionship

Quote From: flthomcat

So glad I chose to volunteer at our children's school instead of watching the show. 

  

It is EVER SO SIMPLE:  If "love" hurts, than it ain't love!!! 

  

And if you and the guy are fighting before you're married, it's a sure thing that fighting will get worse. Normal people are on their best behavior during the dating phase. If they're not, that's your sign to GET OUT of the relationship. 

  

If you don't love yourself, you'll accept physical and/or emotional abuse. Learn to love yourself first (and respect yourself) and you won't be willing to allow anyone to treat you badly. And if you have children, you OWE IT TO THEM to get them away from any form of abuse. It's your responsiblity and it's not solely about you anymore. They will become you...either an abusive person or a very passive one with low self esteem. Do NOT do that to your children; they didn't ask to be born! 

  

Perhaps when families get stronger and stay together (and worship together), chidren will have a better chance of growing up emotionally happy. With the low value placed on traditional families (where the kids were top priority and mommy's/daddy's needs didn't come FIRST), we've seen abuse sky rocket. The two ARE related! As a society, we should be realizing that the strong famiy unit (with good morals, values and a strong work ethic) is what produces the healthiest women (and men). Untiil we mend the family and start valuing it, things will not improve! 

but maybe you should have seen the show...to get more insight as to the dynamics of an abusive realtionship.  It's not so easy to just leave... 

Most abusers are on their best behavior while in the dating phase.   

Did you know that some of the most upstanding men in church are abusing their wives & children at home behind closed doors? 

Don't judge a book by it's cover nor a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes... 

  

 
May 4, 2006, 12:02 pm CDT

Michelle you have family that wants you to come home

Quote From: yoman412

Michelle come home.

I am assuming that your post and another that I saw today on this board from you means that you are Michelle's Mom.   

   

I am so thankful that you love her, care about her and her child's situation.   

   

So many battered and abused women's families do not reach out and offer help or shelter from the 'storm."   

   

Please do hang in there with her...she really needs family now.   

   

Abuse and Battering will and does strip the woman of herself, her spirit, and self-esteem.   

   

I am praying that Michelle will reach out for all the resources and help from family and friends.   

   

She can undo the brainwashing that her abuser has put in place.   

   

I do hope she comes home to you.   

   

This abuse will not change.   

   

It will only get worse.   

   

This young man comes from a long legacy of Abuse and Battering....its learned  behavior and rarely is there an abuser willing to change.   

   

Michelle, go home to your mother.   

   

Get out now.   

   

Open arms are waiting.   

   

Thank you to you (her mom) Thank you for being there for your daughter and dear precious grandson....THE CYCLE NEEDS TO STOP.   

   

God forbid this precious little one grows up to be his father, and grandfather's before him.   

   

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN.   

   

Each individual has the choice to be different.   

   

   

   

It is a choice...abuse is intensional.  

   

Blessings to you, your daughter and grand-baby.   

   

Take care.    

   

 
May 4, 2006, 12:07 pm CDT

I just posted to you in reply to your other post to your daughter Michelle

Quote From: yoman412

Michelle come home with the baby.  Love Mom 

I care.  

  

Thank you for sticking by your daughter and your grand-baby....they do need you.  

  

Blessings on you all.   

  

  

 
May 4, 2006, 12:14 pm CDT

There's help out there.

My mom was abused for 20 years, with 7 children.  Men who abuse their wives are overwhelmingly likely to abuse their children as well.  My oldest sister's entire life was destroyed by my father, and several of my other siblings have struggled with abuse in their own lives.  I've worked in domestic violence in some capacity for a number of years and the easy answer is to say that abusers are evil, but when we do that we polarize victims, who fell in love with something they saw in that person.  Some batterers interventions work when batterers are committed to nonviolence, but the safety of the children and of the victim have to be the first thing.  It isn't about anger.  I prosecuted and put these guys in jail, and after dealing with over 1,000 batterers, I was only threatened by one of them and he sure didn't raise a hand to me.  They're bullies, not people who can't handle their anger.   Please, please, know that there is a better way to live.  It's not that batterers can't change, but that a victim can't change a batterer.  1-800-799-SAFE.  They can help you.  And if you're scared in your home right now, call 911 and ask them to send out a police escort to take you to a shelter.  No one has to live this way.
 
May 4, 2006, 12:21 pm CDT

Hi ryan

The first emotion I had while watching you on TV  was an overwhelming sadness that you are in that mindset.I, in no way want to condone that kind of behaviour, but I really don't believe that you want to be there either. You are young and can turn things around. You will probably hear a lot of angry, negative things here, but if you hadthe guts to go on TV, I guess you can see beyond the anger and know there's hope. Kudos for having the guts to face it!
 
May 4, 2006, 12:24 pm CDT

What is abuse?

Abuse is a cycle…  

  

Explosion – the explosion backs up/reinforces all the threats, intimidation and emotional blackmail.  It’s the explosion that enforces an abuser’s control.  

  

Honeymoon – after the explosion, there is a period of reconciliation with or without remorse.  A victim wants the “fantasy” of what he/she wishes her abuser would be and so buys the lies.  

  

Tension building  -- eventually tension building begins again because abuse is ALL ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL.  Victims are brainwashed and manipulated, walk on eggshells and will go to great lengths to avoid another explosion and so give away their very selves.  

  

Here are some web sites that give symptoms or can help you define verbal, emotional and physical abuse:

  

 

 

  

  

 

 

  

http://www.actabuse.com/verbalabuse.html  

http://www.verbalabuse.com/3.shtml  

http://www.stopdomesticabuse.org/physical_abuse.htm  

  

http://www.drirene.com/verbalabuse.htm  

  

http://www.wadv.org/abuser.htm 

  

http://www.ahealthyme.com/topic/verbalabuse  

  

http://www.womenincrisis.info/symptoms.htm  

  

http://www.wadv.org/abused.htm  

  

http://www.calss.utoronto.ca/pamphlets/emotional_abuse.htm  

  

http://www.mamashealth.com/abuse/cycle.asp 

http://www.mvwcs.com/cycledomesticviolence.html

  

  

 

  

EDUCATE your self about abuse!  There is ALOT you can do about it.  

  

 

Be gentle,

Q  

 

  

 
May 4, 2006, 12:24 pm CDT

You need to protect that baby

Ryan is out of control. You are not married (be thankful for that) and you should put your baby ahead of anything else. Like Dr. Phil said, Get out now. It's not going to be an overnight recovery if that's even possible. I'm sure you want better things for your son. Do what's right and leave and find a guy that will treat you with respect and a good influence for your son.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Next | Last