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Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 4, 2006, 12:44 pm CDT

abuse

i have gone thru several years of abuse, caught up in that cycle.  i am happy to say that at the age of 50, i finally broke the cycle, i met a wonder man who treats me the way i should have been treated all those years.  don't get me wrong, it was alot of hard work, as i would continually try to sabatoge the relationship, he never gave up on me.  we are now married.  unfortunately, he has had to endure many surgeries and help me to struggle with rehabilitation from three back surgeries (due to my ex).  it is a wonderous feeling to be so loved and respected.  i only pray that these woman can overcome their insecurities and move ahead and find someone who will not harm their self worth, who will treat them with the respect they truely deserve. 

thank you 

 
May 4, 2006, 12:48 pm CDT

You can leave-let them deal with their stuff-without you!

You can get away, you can leave, just do it.  Trust in God.  He will take care of the rest-this is the truth.  This doesn't mean don't plan-but do not stay another night-literally because it could be your last.  It's not "easy" but it's not easy to be where you are either, and it is easier to leave-because everyone WILL help you if you let them and tell them you need help.   You can't fix anyone except yourself and give your children the life they deserve-you and they are gifts from God-not to allow someone to destroy.    

   

I have been there, and now my children and I are safe, well, happy and FREE!  We did it one moment, one day, sometimes one hour at a time.  

   

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/   

  

  

http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp_128.html  

 
May 4, 2006, 12:50 pm CDT

Awnawnow

Quote From: awnawnow

Did anyone notice today while watching Dr.Phil...when they were telling Linda's story...when they first showed her it was her right eye that had been shot...when they showed...the 911 call and the man who was on the phone with 911...was talking and he said put a towel on your head...and then they showed Linda's face it was her left eye....did anyone else catch that.....if so please explain..
Yes I saw the same thing !!!  I even asked myself ..... What's up with that  : )  Hope someone can explain it for us !!
 
May 4, 2006, 12:51 pm CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Michelle should take her child and leave. She should hire an attorney so that Ryan cannot have any contact with his child, ever.  Never mind what happened to thousands of other women.  Michelle should take care of herself so that she raise her child to respect women and be sure he doesn't follow in his fathers/grandfathers footsteps.  Ryan is certainly no role model for his child or any other children he may have in the future.   Linda is in total denial.  How could she possible "love" the man that shot and almost killed her.  If she goes back to him she really does have a death wish. 
 
May 4, 2006, 12:52 pm CDT

That is simply untrue

Quote From: isabeaur

You do realize that, while there are cases of domestic violence committed by women, such cases make up a small percentage of total incidents?  The majority of domestic violence is committed AGAINST women.  So while it is a problem in a (relatively) few cases for men, there is greater need among the female population that would seem to be Dr. Phil's focus.    

   

In 2001, women accounted for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence (588,490 total) and men accounted for approximately 15 percent of the victims (103,220 total).   Source:   Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003   

  

Women are much more likely than men to be killed by an intimate partner. In 2000, intimate partner homicides accounted for 33.5 percent of the murders of women and less than four percent of the murders of men.   Source:   Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003   

   

In 2001, intimate partner violence made up 20 percent of violent crime against women. The same year, intimate partners committed three percent of all violent crime against men.  Source:   Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003   


Male violence against women does much more damage than female violence against men; women are much more likely to be injured than men.   Source:   Murray A. Straus and Richard J. Gelles, Physical Violence in American Families, 1990   


  

Probably close to a third of all batterers are women; and the BJS numbers are skewed.  And women, generally are more likely to use a weapon.  Bunch of links at www.batteredmen.com, among others.

I'm sorry, I am not minimizing the damage done by men.  But I simply do not buy the feminization of victimization.  Glad to hear that on Tuesday Dr. Phil had a woman who beat on her elderly father.

Let's simply have the honesty to accept that all people of all genders are fully capable of violence.  And that is is not acceptable, no matter what gender the batterer is.

 
 
May 4, 2006, 12:54 pm CDT

How to STOP being a victim…

EDUCATE your self about abuse!   

   

GET MORE SUPPORT!   

   

KNOW your legal resources!  

HAVE A PLAN!  

  

Over come your fears.  If you are staying out of fear, you MUST come face-to-face with your fears and act anyway.  

  

http://www.coping.org/growth/fears.htm  

  

Have a safety plan in the event of abuse:  

  

http://www.acadv.org/safety.html  

http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html#safetips  

http://www.drirene.com/safety_plan.htm  

  

Have a plan for the DAY of leaving.  

Have a plan for long term living.  

  

Here are some web sites about creating a plan for YOUR life.  

  

http://www.leavingabuse.com/  

http://www.casa-stpete.org/safetyplan.htm  

http://www.womenslaw.org/safety.htm  

http://www.wadv.org/stalk.htm  

http://www.antistalking.com/  

  

Computers leaving tracks, here are some tips for safety on your computer:  

http://www.wadv.org/safety.htm  

http://www.abanet.org/domviol/internet.html  

  

Stopping victimization has nothing to do with your abuser... it has EVERYTHING to do with YOU.  

  

YOU CAN have a happy life!   

  

Q

   

  

 

   

 
May 4, 2006, 12:55 pm CDT

I think the tape was put in backwards...

Quote From: awnawnow

Did anyone notice today while watching Dr.Phil...when they were telling Linda's story...when they first showed her it was her right eye that had been shot...when they showed...the 911 call and the man who was on the phone with 911...was talking and he said put a towel on your head...and then they showed Linda's face it was her left eye....did anyone else catch that.....if so please explain..
...but the most important thing is that she was shot.  She was abused.  She minimized it, denied it, made excuses for it...did anyone notice that??
 
May 4, 2006, 12:56 pm CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: gw151873

Iam married to a abusive guy mostly physical and mental abuse, yesterday I mowed the grass, and of course it was wrong, then he had me clean the wood stove i didn't do that write either, then he brought me some dirt to put in our garden he says i don't know how to spread it out write, if i paint it is sloppy he says if i clean or make supper i don't do a good enough job, if i discipline or don't discipline our children i don't do that write, I helped him one day reinsulate the outdooor stove he got mad because he didn't think i was doing it write, he threw a carpet knife at me and attempted to hit me with a shovel, i ran in the house he ran after me and then threw me on the floor, my whole side ached for days he told me he didn't feel that i was helping write, we have a pet rabbit and he has a litter box well one day he bathroomed on the floor by accident because he got startled over some noise the tv made he also chews on things in the house my husband told me that i don't get after the rabbit enough and that i didn't care if the house got wrecked which is not true because iam always trying to improve the house by painting and cleaning and buying things to make it look nice, he got angry at me and flipped the rabbit cage in the air and the rabbit came running out but was not hurt he then ran after me and got in my face and told me that he would like nothing more than to just kill me. i told him then just let me leave he wouldn't he once kicked me out and told me i couldn't take the car and told me to start walking so i did and then he stopped me and wouldn't let me leave he everytime i have attempted to leave he ripped the wires out of the phone, jumped on my car so i couldn't leave took my car keys, i don't understand it he says he loves me and our children then why does he treat me this way and if they truly love you why do they kick you out but then don't really want you to leave, i have put him in jail many times for choking me, punching me, throwing things at me you name it and everytime it turned out to be my fault his family would all gang up on me to make it look like i was really bad news, my husband is an alcoholic and has been for years and everyday he calls me names like b---, wh---, sl---, bad mother, lover , fat ugly you name it, everyone tells me to leave but i have no self-esteem i have never felt like anyone else would want me how do i raise my self-esteem and leave him?

oh my god, i'm reading my previous life!  made a sandwich; the tomato was too thick.  cleaned the kitchen, he could see streaks from the windex and made me re-do it.  cooked dinner, didn't taste like his mom's.  too fat.  too ugly.  hair not right.  not enough/too much makeup.  said the wrong thing.  drank the wrong wine.  had to tell him every word of every telephone conversation i'd had.  When i cried after finding out that my mother had 6 months to live, he told me i couldn't even grieve for her correctly- i got up from the table, packed a bag, and left him.   

  

you already have a leg up on others, you know.  you recognize that what he's saying to you isn't correct- you didn't mow the lawn wrong, you didn't clean wrong...that's him, and you know it.  alcoholism is a disease that is manageable, if he chooses.  right now, he is choosing drinking over you and is using his disease as an excuse to keep you down....and YOU KNOW THIS, if you admit it to yourself.   

  

Leave him.  It is not cowardly to leave when he's at work, or to leave a note.  Do not tell him where you have gone, and do not have any contact with him.  Get counseling through whatever town you move to, and get a lawyer immediately.  He/she will obtain a restraining order, which will help you during the legal process.  Get divorced from this man, and make sure the restraining order becomes permanent for after the court proceedings.  Keep getting counseling so that you can see the world as a brighter place, and honey, i swear, there are many good people out there and you will not be alone.  you need to work on legalities first, as well as working on seeing yourself as the valuable person you are.  

  

when you were born your parents held you and smiled and showed you off; you were a miracle to them.  think about how much value that has-you deserve better than you have, and now it's time for you to re-claim a better life for yourself.  you can do it.  It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.   

  

good luck to you- 

 
May 4, 2006, 12:58 pm CDT

GET OUT Michelle!!

This whole subjects just frustrates me.  Just because men think they are the "superior" gender, they think that they can go around and abuse women.  Its one thing to be in a abusive relationship, but to have a baby in that situation it is just scary to think about.  Michelle, GET OUT!  It is hard, I realize that because I've been there.  I was 17 years and just finishing high school when I was with a controlling man.  He was verabally abusive and a couple times physically abusive.  I was very young and I had no idea what to do, I didn't know who to tell.  We were together for a year.  Just after our year anniversary, one day, something just snapped in my head.  I couldn't put up with this for one more minute so I decided to leave him.  Well he didn't like that, and multiple times he threatened to kill me (keep in mind I had to see him at school everyday) one day, a friend overheard that threat, she didn't give me a choice on what to do, we immediately went to the principles office and he was arrested, and expelled from that school.  I owe alot to her, I don't know if I could have done that myself.  It was the best thing I ever did.
 
May 4, 2006, 12:59 pm CDT

No battle to start at all

Quote From: cymbeline

Tuesday Dr. Phil had a woman on who was violent toward her partner.  She had pushed him around a few times.  She didn't have the strength to do any real harm, as most women don't.  It's just the way we are built.  She had gone on the show to fix her man but Dr. Phil put her in her place.  I think he was addressing men abusing women today because men are usually bigger, stronger and more aggressive and women are generally smaller, more meek and more likely to get KILLED.  So be realistic and look at some numbers please.  Three women are killed every day by their men.  There is a STAGGERING number of women out there who are not working, home with the kids and feel trapped in their abusive situation.  You got some numbers for me?  Let's see them but as a woman who barely escaped death by my so-called lover's hand I take offense to your whining.   The bottom line is NOBODY should be physically, emotionally or verbally abusing ANYONE.  So cut the semantics and get to the bones of the matter instead of trying to start a battle of the sexes which, by the way, has no basis in fact.
 Here are a few statistics:  http://www.batteredmen.com/batrNVAWf.htm

I agree with you completely that Nobody should be physicall, emotionally or verbally abusing anyone.  But I'm in favor of recognizing that this is not a woman's problem.  It is a human being problem.  And I'm not about to pretend that women don't engage in the behavior.
 
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