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Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

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May 3, 2006, 2:36 pm CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: kcmomom

I got married in 2000. I had known my husband since we were children. A week before we got married he choked me and I told myself that it was just because he was stressed about the wedding.  

  

Through out the marriage the violence progressed. While I was pregnant with our son, he pushed me into a wall and then kicked me over and over while I was stuck between the wall and the floor. This caused me to go into pre-mature labor. I was in pre-mature labor from 22 weeks until 35 weeks when my water broke and they could not do anything further to stop it. 

  

My son was born with some breathing problems from being born early. When he was sent home from the hospital he was put on an apnea moniter because he would stop breathing at times. 

  

One day, after my son had been home for a few weeks, just an ordinary day, I got him ready for work, made him breakfast and packed his lunch. The day was seeming to go off without a hitch. My husband came home from lunch saying he didnt want a packed lunch and wondered why I didn't have anything else prepared for him. He left mad and continued to call and yell at me through out the afternoon.  

  

When he arrived home from work I was holding our son feeding him in a chair. He told me to get out of "his" house. I said ok. My friend Brenda had started staying with us just a few days before so since I was still sore from my c-section and I was feeding our son I asked her to get his car seat. My husband said "You're not taking him." He then tried to reach to get him away from me. I placed my arms around my son in a way that he could not touch him, just because I knew he didn't know his own strength when he was angry, and could not take the risk of him hurting our child. He grabbed and empty bottle of Parrot Bay Rum that we had on display in a glass cabnet. He kicked  me in my right ankle with his steel toed boot, hit me in the left knee with the bottle, then kicked me in my right ankle again. He then cut the phone cord to the phone. 

  

The next day when he left for work I got my mother to come help me get the hospital. My left knee was broken in three places. I filed for an order of protection, and then filed for divorce a week later. 

  

My exhusband just didn't have control when he was angry and I had been ok with risking myself but I could not handle the thought of him hurting my son. 

  

We have been divorced for a few years now. My ex is on meds and sees a psychologist on a monthly basis. He is a wonderful father to our son, and we get along very well as divorced parents. Now and again I find myself thinking "Now he is the man I loved again. Maybe we should try it again." I never will though. I can not risk doing that to my son. 

Thank you for having the decency to put your child first.  And for the love of God, don't take this guy back.  Continue the good relationship you guys have now, living apart and leave it at that.  Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!
 
May 3, 2006, 3:06 pm CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: bluedane2

Thank you for having the decency to put your child first.  And for the love of God, don't take this guy back.  Continue the good relationship you guys have now, living apart and leave it at that.  Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just saying that I have thought about it. I would never do it. I know that he is doing great now but I wouldn't want to have my son envolved if he would to stop taking his meds or something. Its just too dangerous. Its kinda like the whole burning your hand thing. If you touch something and it burns your hand you are not going to reach out and touch it again.
 
May 3, 2006, 7:03 pm CDT

Reply to abuse

I was married for 23 years before I came to the realization that if anything was going to change   

that I was going to have to make that change.  I have now been divorced for 10 years now and   

have had a happier life then I have had before.  The memories are still there but he is not around   

to be able to threaten or emotionaly abuse again.  I  also stayed for what I thought was for the children, but I was wrong.  One is still having emotional problems in adult hood because of   

his lifestyle as a child.  Please don't stay because of that reason.  I would think that being blinded   

would be enough.  My abuse was mild compared to what you have gone through.  Mine was all   

mental.  I am enjoying life now being out of that kind of situation, and making my own decisions.  

 
May 3, 2006, 10:46 pm CDT

There IS Life after abuse ... and I'm living proof

I am 43 years old, extremely well educated and a mother of 2.  For years I was the recipient of spousal abuse both physically, emotionally and verbally until one day I made a different choice and chose not to allow it to continue.  Needless to say I left my abusive husband, obtained sole custody of my children with limited visitation for my ex.  We began our lives over (still in the same City)  and I thought that I would never again find love, find happiness and that if I did, the cycle would repeat itself as after all, in my mind I was "unworthy" of love and respect.  Two years after my divorce I met a wonderful and loving man and we were married.  Now, here I am, 10 years later loving my life and revelling in how this relationship has contributed to the lives of my children, now ours emotionally, spiritually and legally.  I found out that there is life after abuse and there is joy and there is gratitude and there are so many wonderful things that I have learned about myself.  My husband now is kind, gentle and no matter how angry he may ever be over a situation, has never been verbally, emotionally or physically abusive but has given us security, safety and most of all, love.  For anyone who is in an abusive relationship, GET OUT NOW and GET THE HELP THAT YOU NEED TO STAY OUT!  Your greatest accomplishment is your survival and that includes your emotional well being as well as your physical safety and the safety of your children.  YOUR WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
 
May 4, 2006, 12:21 am CDT

any suggestions?

A good friend of mine is in an abusive relationship. He tried to strangle her and it was all caught on a 911 tape. The court filed a restraining order but she was sent on a guilt trip by him with his whining about having to sleep on his friends couch. She let him back in. I finally talked her into kicking him out but she tells me she wonders how long she can stand her ground. Any ideas on what I can say to her that will help her? I have sent her the link to here with the hope that reading the posts here with help and give her courage. I tell her that her situation is not only hurting her but her son as well. I have told her that I am proud of her that she moved him out too.....but it doesn't seem like it is enough when I hear her say she isn't sure how long she can last. Letting him back in would be scary - I am worried that he will snap. He has a court date and the closer he gets to it the more dangerous he get......like a cat backed into a corner. 
 
May 4, 2006, 4:39 am CDT

So glad I missed the show

So glad I chose to volunteer at our children's school instead of watching the show. 

  

It is EVER SO SIMPLE:  If "love" hurts, than it ain't love!!! 

  

And if you and the guy are fighting before you're married, it's a sure thing that fighting will get worse. Normal people are on their best behavior during the dating phase. If they're not, that's your sign to GET OUT of the relationship. 

  

If you don't love yourself, you'll accept physical and/or emotional abuse. Learn to love yourself first (and respect yourself) and you won't be willing to allow anyone to treat you badly. And if you have children, you OWE IT TO THEM to get them away from any form of abuse. It's your responsiblity and it's not solely about you anymore. They will become you...either an abusive person or a very passive one with low self esteem. Do NOT do that to your children; they didn't ask to be born! 

  

Perhaps when families get stronger and stay together (and worship together), chidren will have a better chance of growing up emotionally happy. With the low value placed on traditional families (where the kids were top priority and mommy's/daddy's needs didn't come FIRST), we've seen abuse sky rocket. The two ARE related! As a society, we should be realizing that the strong famiy unit (with good morals, values and a strong work ethic) is what produces the healthiest women (and men). Untiil we mend the family and start valuing it, things will not improve! 

 
May 4, 2006, 4:48 am CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: kcmomom

I was just saying that I have thought about it. I would never do it. I know that he is doing great now but I wouldn't want to have my son envolved if he would to stop taking his meds or something. Its just too dangerous. Its kinda like the whole burning your hand thing. If you touch something and it burns your hand you are not going to reach out and touch it again.
Exactly honey.  Bless you.
 
May 4, 2006, 6:16 am CDT

please read this

i am 48 and went throu gh 26 of this hell , when i heard the frist lady say i hope for the good because i know he loves me i amost fell to knees .it will not end i got shot at almost drown in tub my babies at 10yrs old had to save me. broke all the bones in face it just goes on and on please listen take you and kids and get out im still feeling effects . he will kill you .
 
May 4, 2006, 7:11 am CDT

Please know it's not you.

Hear this show today brings back a great deal of memories.   I was a young adult when my mother was a victim of domestic violence.  She just could get way from a life of violence from her husband (my father) of 20 some years.  She would say that it must have been something she said or she did.  Well it isn't about you. You are just a victim!  Remember that no one deserves to be hit, verbally abuse or emotional abused.  This is not love. It's been 7 years this year that she was murdered by him.  I don't want to see or hear that is happened to another individual.  It needs to stop.  Get out! There is places in your local community that can help you. 

 
May 4, 2006, 7:12 am CDT

What exactly is an abusive relationship?

 Hi my name is Adrien and I'm only 18.  My boyfriend is one year younger than I am.  We have been in many arguements but we are definately in love.  He has shoved me, choked me, and slapped me but only one time.  I have hit him before too though.  So it goes both ways.  I know our relationship is obviouysly not healthy but we are trying new things everyday to make us work. I think I might even be bringing a new life into the world so I dont want us to not be together but I need help or advice on what I should do about the situation.  And not only do we fight physically but he calls me names all the time abd tries to bring me down 24/7.  I say mean things sometimes too that I know I shouldnt say but I never call him names. So what do I do?
                 Thanks---adrien
 
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