Quote From: flthomcatSo glad I chose to volunteer at our children's school instead of watching the show.
It is EVER SO SIMPLE: If "love" hurts, than it ain't love!!!
And if you and the guy are fighting before you're married, it's a sure thing that fighting will get worse. Normal people are on their best behavior during the dating phase. If they're not, that's your sign to GET OUT of the relationship.
If you don't love yourself, you'll accept physical and/or emotional abuse. Learn to love yourself first (and respect yourself) and you won't be willing to allow anyone to treat you badly. And if you have children, you OWE IT TO THEM to get them away from any form of abuse. It's your responsiblity and it's not solely about you anymore. They will become you...either an abusive person or a very passive one with low self esteem. Do NOT do that to your children; they didn't ask to be born!
Perhaps when families get stronger and stay together (and worship together), chidren will have a better chance of growing up emotionally happy. With the low value placed on traditional families (where the kids were top priority and mommy's/daddy's needs didn't come FIRST), we've seen abuse sky rocket. The two ARE related! As a society, we should be realizing that the strong famiy unit (with good morals, values and a strong work ethic) is what produces the healthiest women (and men). Untiil we mend the family and start valuing it, things will not improve!
It saddens and disturbs me that you really believe that its EVER SO SIMPLE.
You are right..."if love hurts, that it ain't love" that I will agree on.
It does get worse.
However, there are some real myths at work here in your post ---THE MAJORITY OF ABUSERS AND BATTERERS ARE ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR DURING THE DATING AND BEGINNING...RATHER CHARMING, KIND, PATIENT AND ENDEARING AND CARING....AND THE MAJORITY OF BATTERERS AND ABUSERS ALSO PRESENT THIS FRONT TO THE WORLD OUTSIDE THEIR HOUSES AND HOMES.
ITS WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS THAT IS THE HORROR.
These abusers and batterers brainwash and program these women into believing that they are to blame for what is happening and what goes on in the relationship that turns out wrong....it is a cycle that occurs with interludes of the "charming fellow" making the appearance over and over again after all his tactics and antics.
THE WOMAN IS SLOWLY AND PROGRESSIVELY STRIPPED OF HER "SELF" AND WITH THAT GOES HER SELF-ESTEEM......that is the INTENT of the abuser. That POWER AND CONTROL OVER.
You are also right, that the children in these houses are dependent on their mother to do the right thing for them.....THE BATTERER WILL USE THE KIDS AND THE SITUATION TO THREATEN THE WOMEN AND FORCING HER TO STAY.
THE MAJORITY OF ABUSED WOMEN COME FROM AND THOUGHT THEY LIVED IN TRADITIONAL FAMILIES AND THAT IS PART OF THE GLUE THAT KEEPS THEM COMMITTED TO THE RELATIONSHIP....THEIR TRADITIONAL VALUES, THEIR RELIGION, THEIR WANTING FOR THEIR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY TO WORKOUT.
Be careful how you drop stereotypical myths and remarks regarding abused and battered women and children. These myths and wrong conclusions are part of why the woman feels she must stay. This very attitude toward their situation and what the batterer says to them about what will happen to them and the kids when they leave or attempt to tell their story.
MILLIONS OF WOMEN STAY BECAUSE THEY CAME FROM FAMILIES THAT WENT TO CHURCH, THE RELIGION OFTEN ENFORCES AND ENDORSES THE SUBMISSIVENESS OF WOMEN IN FAMILIES.
MILLIONS OF WOMEN STAY BECAUSE OF THE VERY TRADITIONAL FAMILY VIEWS THAT YOU SPEAK OF.
MILLIONS OF WOMEN WHO CAME FROM GOOD MORALS, VALUES, AND A STRONG WORK ETHIC ARE BATTERED AND ABUSED IN THEIR OWN HOME BY MR. CHARMING....WHILE HE GOES OFF TO HIS WORK AT THE OFFICE...OR OTHERWISE.
Blaming the victim is also another sure way to insure that the women will continue to remain trapped.
Education on your part and society's part regarding the dynamics of Abuse and Domestic Violence is the only way we will overcome and hold accountable the Batterers and Abusers of these women and children.
Do hope that you are willing to read all the resources offered on the SHOW BOARD....AS THERE ARE MANY NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS AND FOLKS IN THE "trenches" that are trying to get the TRUE MESSAGE OUT TO STOP THIS ABUSE AND CARNAGE.
Does the name, "Lacy Peterson" or "Lori Hacking" ring any bells with you?
Please be willing to be part of the solution.
Your neighbors, your teachers, your clergy, your doctors, your nurses, your friends and possibly a member of your very own family could and would thank you.
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.
