Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

I noticed that as well, I thought it was just a camera angle, I didn't pay too much attention to it.  I wonder why...

AMEN....I used to think when I was going thru the verbal abuse that it "wasn't that bad, or couldn't be that bad" because no one else ever said anything...here i am, four years later, still having flashbacks and remembering things that happened that I'd buried.  the verbal abuse definitely damages you, and i, too, react to things differently now than i would have before.  but, i also appreciate my new husband even more, after surviving my previous marriage.   

  

and i used to think "how could they stay" whenever I watched these types of shows...now I think "no one really understands unless they've been there"; i can't believe I stayed as long as i did! 

  

congratulations to you on your new husband and children, and good job for taking care of your son- you are a courageous woman, and someday, your oldest son should be told what happened so that he can fully understand what a wonderful woman you are, and the wonderful life you've created for him.   

  

good luck to you 

It doesn't matter how old or young you are, how much money you have or don't have-it's never worth it, it doesn't get better-you HAVE to leave.  You can say it's not going to work or it's too late or make dozens of excuses-but where will you be next year?  5 years?  You can be somewhere else doing what YOU want to do and be HAPPY.   

  

You are giving away your life, yourself, your children if you have them-and YOU MATTER TO GOD.  You must leave and get help.  THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT WILL HELP YOU WITH EVERYTHING.  FOOD, SHELTER, COUNSELING-EVERYTHING.  You will survive---- if you leave.  Do not regret losing months or years of your life.  You are here for a purpose-and that is not to be HURT by others. 

  

And if you are thinking it's not that bad most of the time-all those little things-you are being trained and brainwashed.  You mean nothing to this person.  You are simply an outlet for their misery.  They do not want to change and they will not.  They will do it to anyone and do it to someone else after you-because like I said you are nothing to them-and don't believe they will stop at little things.   

  

You will never be good enough.  But there are plenty of normal healthy people-the ones you see everywhere else and dream of being with-if only...there is a gift of a person that God made for you who will truly love you they way you are.  There is nothing wrong with you, you do not need to perform to please him.  Even if you think you have no one-and no where to go.  Please hear me-I lost years of my short short life God gave me because of this-and I rebuilt my entire life-but I have a great life now.  You can do this too.   

  

http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp_128.html 

  

  

  

I have a stepsister who is in serious trouble.  She is a beautiful, 19 year old girl, who graduated from good middle class high school a year ago.  Her homelife on the outside looked ok, as she grew up in a nice community in big house; however, the life inside those walls was horrible.  Her father died when she was young.  Mother and stepfather (my dad) are both alcoholics in their own right and have a number of other additional issues.  If I listed them all now, there would be a book.   

  

My stepsister  was put in rehab for drugs and bullemia a year ago November, where she met a boy.  They have dated off and on ever since.  I don't even know the half of it; however, I do know she is not his only sexual partner (he tells her she's #1 though, how sweet!), she smuggles drugs for him, and the abuse has only escalated (physically and mentally).  A month ago her front tooth was knocked out "somehow".  Last weekend, according to my other sister, he beat her up so bad, she had a sprained ankle and swollen knees from getting tossed down a marble staircase; he bashed her head so many times there were bumps and bruises everywhere; he flushed her head in the toilet; he attacked her with a knife, slashing her several times, including on her face.  She called my sister who picked her up, and she was covered in blood.  She promised she wouldn't go back or see him again.  However, just 3 days later, this past Tuesday, she was seen with him.   

  

My question is how can my sister and I help, if at all?  How do you help someone in a situation where you don't even see a light at the end of the tunnel for them?  She has no support system, as she is burning all bridges with family and friends by stealing, fighting, and lying.  She has no education beyond high school.  She has no job besides the boyfriend's money.  Apparently, his parents are wealthy so he is the constant 'go-to' guy when she is broke or has no place to stay.  He uses that to control her.  She has problems that are bigger than she can solve by just leaving this guy, and I just don't know what my role is.  I don't see any hope for her.  If I can't see any hope for her, how can I help?  I think her trouble is bigger than brochures and books at this point. 

  

  

I have been separated from my abusive husband since 10/2005.  He has been physically abusive twice and is always emotionally abusing me.  The worse part about everything is I have raised his two children since they were 2 and 4.  They are now 9 and 11.  I have only seen them a handful of times since October 2005.  It is killing me being away from my family.  I hurt so much with the loss of my family.  My husband's parents are very controlling people.  My husband's mother actually tried getting a restaining order on me to keep me away from coming over to see my husband or the kids.  We have one 3 years old little girl together.  She missed her family so much too.  I want my family back so bad I would do anything to make things work.  But when I read all the stories about what people say.  I want to believe in my husband.  There is so many good things about him that I see but noone else does.  I know I deserve better, but my heart hurts so much.  My husband says the reason why the children don't come to see me is because they don't want to.  But when I do see the children they run to me and pratically knock me down.  I am afraid to file for divorce because once I do I know my husband will get rights to take my daughter away from me for visitation and I want to protect her as much as possible and then I will really be alone when she leaves me.  She is my life and I love her so much, but I miss the other two children so much and there isn't anything I can do about it legally.  My husband actually was very abusive to his own son, but for some reason he never touched the girls.  I don't know what their lives have been like for the past 6 months and it kills me to say the last 6 months.  I can't believe it has been so long.  I have my good days.  I try to get out and have fun with just me and my daughter.  It is hard to be happy.  I still see my husband every day and we are sexually active (which is great).  My heart just really hurts and people say it is not love that I feel.  When I am with my husband I am happy, even when he is an ass.  I always see through him and love to see that smile on his face, which is rare.  He always seems to be pissed off at the world.  So I feel stuck between the children and knowing that I am losing two children that I love so much.  There is any stepparent rights in the state of Missouri and it kills me to know I put so much love and time and money into our relationship for them to just be taken from me for me to not see again.

 All people that are in an abuseive relationship should leave. I spen ten years married to a man that was abusive to the fact that I nearly lost all three of my children.. but at the time I was young and belived that he was sick because when the abuse started his farther had just died and I thought that the abuse would subside when he got over the death but it never did...I was a fool I did not leave when he started raisinghis fist to me thinking that things would get better and that my kids needed a farther no matter how bad that farther was to me ..I thought that I kept what he was doing to me away from them and that they did not know what he was doing to me....After 5 years however I left only to be hunted down and draged back and beaten for leaveing..in the end i was scared to leave he threated me with my life...then one day i came in and caught him with his hands around me five year olds son throte and i got the three kids and left never to go back....Nobody has the right to raise their hand at another human being..and its not love if they do..its called control and the people that are doing the abuseing are not better than wild animals... to all the people on todays show  the abused one i'd like to say please get out of  what ever relationship your in if its abusive because speaking from experiance its only going to get worse. to the abuseri would like to say please get help there is help out there all you have to do is want it and ask for it.

Hey guys, this is my first time on the Dr Phil online but I watch the show all the time.   This show really brought it close to home with me bc I also used to be in an abusive relationship.  Thankfully, it never got as far as Linda's situation, but thinking about the fact that this could have happened to me just makes me grateful that I realized what was happening to me before it was too late.  Just as other posters, I had a bf who told me that I was fat, ugly and pimply and that I would never be able to get any other guy to love me.  He was eight years older than I was and I was still a teenager, so I basically believed everything that he fed to me.  All of my friends told me that I should leave him because he would end up killing me and while he was mostly verbally abusive, he was also over-protective and he slapped me around whenever he felt like it.  I was afraid to leave at first because of what he might do as well as thinking that nobody would ever be with me.  It took me two and a half years of putting up with the constant mental, verbal, and physical abuse before I realized that every day I was putting myself in danger.  Had I not left when I did, I may not have been alive today.

Your words today haunted me. "I CAN TAKE IT". He may not have hit your son, "YET". I can bet money on the fact that "HE WILL". He hit you while you were pregnant, he hit you while the baby was in your arms.  He pushed you into the bed rail. How much do you think he was concerned about his son and his health then?  

   

I use to say the same words. The day came, he grabbed the baby from my arms and threw her in the crib so hard she bounced up higher than the rail and then proceeded to beat me.   

   

Are they the same person, no and yet yes!   

   

I know the heart ache of "IF ONLY", unless you make different choices you will feel this over and over again.   

   

Children learn what they see, your son "WILL" learn to hit as Ryan learned from his family.    

   

The decisions will not be easy ones, but you can stand up for yourself and your son! I'm so proud to see your strength in going on the show to bring it out into the open.    

   

Listen to the people who are telling you "What it is" rather than what you've convinced yourself it will be!  

   

I pray for you and your son!  

Coffee  :)  

Hi my name is carly morrow, wen i was 2 or so years old. my unkel killd my any in my house.he had ben beting here 4 a long tim. now back then ther was not much she cood do legly , so she came to my house. 7 moma told her she cood stay well om momrly da week end. my unkel cam in to my house & sho my dad killd my ant 7 shot my moma. i was in the sam room as my moma 7 ante.my mom cuverd me weth  my big bar, A 5 foot or so tall tedy bar that i had, still do.well sum days i rember that day like it was yeste day then, have days wen i dont rember anything.any ways i just had to sher that weth u drpill after seeing what today show was abut.  

   A Big Fan  

       Carly Morrow 

 lynda please listen to dr phil and your mum.... you dont need to protect this man ...he's not going to change and he tried to kill you the next time   it may not be your eye you lose but your life... you are better than this .. you had the courage and the strength to  servie a murder attack so I know you have the strengh and the courage to stand up and say NO MORE...eh is ot going to get better and he is never going to get help people like this do never get better .........get out lynda you can do it and have the surport of your family and friends to help you and do anything they can to protect you. YOU ARE A LOVLEY YOUNG LADY THAT HAS A STRONG CHARTER AND HAVE LOTS OF STRENGTH.  AND THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND YOU THAT CAN GIVE YOU HELP