Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

I was really touched by the show today. But my concern is that we also need to remember there are abused men also. My son was in such a marriage. The odd thing  is he was told many time the same things the abusive boyfriend today said " it is your fault, just don't make me mad". The reason he stayed... for the children. The laws are so pro women they can't believe a man would stay in such a situation. He was attacked with kitchen knives while holding the baby and called me frightened and totally lost as to his options. She told him she would deny anything he said and tell them he attacked her if he turned her in. Later he contacted the abuse center and was told they couldn't offer anything for men. So he stayed - took care of the house, the kids and what ever it took to keep her happy. Of course, people like that are never happy and fortunately she left him , took the kids, and a week later told him to come get them or she would put them up for adoption (3 states away). He is constantly afraid- even tho they are divorced that she will take the kids (yes, 3 years later he still has them- tho she has legal custody) and has great fears about what she would be capable of doing to them (physically and mentally)  so even now he is walking a tightrope in dealing with her ... So please remember there are also good men and harmful women out there..... all abuse cases need help, Everyone needs to feel safe, and have somewhere to go for help.

I was in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years. I spent the summer of 2001 with my kids in a DV shelter... so I'm surprising myself by what I'm about to say... 

  

I hope that Dr Phil will not use this opportunity to merely bash the men on this show. Men who batter have usually been victims of DV too growing up. They need to learn new ways of dealing with anger and frustration. Deep down, they tend to have low self-esteem and don't need to be put down. Putting them down will only make it worse. What they are doing is not right but they need to learn better coping strategies.   

It rhymes with "runt"

 I was in an abusive relationship and it took me a long time to finally walk away. Even tho my boyfriend cheated on me, beat me up and told me to my face that he didn't love me or want me anymore, I still persued him. I didn't think that I could live with out him, so I took the abuse until he almost killed me. It's easy for people on the sidelines to tell you to leave an abusive person, but it's just not that easy to leave. These abusers make you believe that they are the only ones that "love" and "care" about you. They make you feel like you are no one without them. They always know the right things to say and do to "make up" for the pain that they have inflicted on you. It's a sick game and it's so sad that there are so many people that fall into these types of situations. I truly hope that Linda takes the help that Dr. Phil offered her and takes back control of her life, and I hope that Michelle gets away from that nut job of a boyfriend, because until he gets professional help, she and her child are in danger.

I thought you were seeing things until I watched it again. It was during the 911 call. they must have reversed the negative when they super imposed her face....   we can't be all crazy!  

   

Coffee  :)  

I am actually kind of in a situation similar..  My friends, family, co-workers, and land lords who have known me for years or just a short period of time have told me to get out of my situation.  we got together a little over a year ago and the fighting started.  I was ready to get out of the relationship and she told me she was pregnant, what could i do?  So i stayed in this relationship where i was and still am, getting constantly screamed at, watching it happen to the children as well, telling me to get out of my own apartment, getting an inch away from my face screaming, and even slapping me.  about a month ago, I hit her.  I dont know if it was just everything built up.  i dont like what i have done but i cant leave my children to be verbaly and mentaly abused.  What can or should i do?

Every person is responsible for themselves,remember that history repeats itself and in relationships people tend to find mates who treat them the way their upbringing taught them.all relationships should be guided by God and without Him involved in your lives trouble and unhappiness wil be a lifelong issue.Seek God and you will find happiness through His blessings which are to come.Ask and it shall be given . 

raise your children in the Lord for this is right. 

It's not that big of a mystery.  If the negative is reversed, the image will appear backwards.  It happens a lot in magazines and print.  You'll often see pics of people with their wedding rings on their right hand - but it's not reality, just a negative turned wrong side up when developing the photo.  Same situation here.  She said very clearly that it was her right eye.  She's obviously missing an eye, it's not something that can be "faked."

I am not a victim of Domestic Violence, however I am an advocate for the prevention of it.  

   

If you are in the Tampa, FL community and need help, please contact The Spring of Tampa Bay. We can help you. Our 24-hour crisis Line is 813-247-SAFE (7233) and our Survivor Services at our outreach location can be reached at 813-247-3485. There is help out there!  Don't be afraid to ask for it.   

   

Shelley  

Volunteer and Member of the Board of Trustees  

The Spring of Tampa Bay, Inc  

www.thespring.org  

 i just wanted to say i am very disturbed with Lynda (girl who was shot in the eye). Dr phil, i saw the lightbulb go off in her head when u told her " you were present during a premeditated murder, but u just didnt die!" THANK YOU, she definately needed to hear that.
I do sympathize with her, in that i have been in emotionally abusive relationships, thankfully never physical. I was 17 when i started to date the first abusive man, he was 7yrs older, which lasted 5yrs. The last man i dated was 1yr younger than i, lasted 1yr, and have been separated for 6mos. I can sympathize remembering myself  focusing on ONLY the good times, how sweet he could be when he wanted to. Thankful i kept a journal, sumtimes i pull it out and read everything over again to remind myself why i left him, and exactly how he treated me. I would rationalize his actions, therefore excusing them. "well, he's been hurt before", or my favorite "he's just scared, thats why he's saying these things". Completely forgetting about my nightly ritual: crying myself to sleep blaming myself for how he was treating me, and what could i do differently to avoid him of leaving. After i left him, i found out some information that implied that the majority of our relationship was based upon lies. Unfortunately that has had the most effect on me, i have moved past the abuse. I know his behavior is not ok, and i will never be subjected to it again. But right now i am having trouble with trust. I dont' feel like i can trust any man again. i KNOW there are honest good men out there, but this man has really distorted my gut instincts. I've always been confident in knowing who to trust, an who not to. I don't trust many people as far as i can throw 'em, so how was he able to manipulate me and distort my intuition?? Now,  I have resorted to a "man-hating phase", which is partially a joke. But  i figure it will keep the men away, that are around for the wrong reasons. When a  man approaches me and asks me out, i will politely inform them  that "i am in a man-hating phase right now". Most men laugh it off, an we end up hangin out without the pressures of trying to impress each other which usually ends up in friendship, and a good time. I am 25, and feel like i am very aware of what i want in a relationship. I know my approach isnt  traditional, but is it so bad.....????