Message Boards

Topic : 07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Number of Replies: 408
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:15:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/05/06) Do you and your spouse burn with passion in the bedroom, or is your sex life more like an ice-cold shower? Dr. Phil speaks with couples who say their sex styles just don't match. First, meet Leigh, who just wants a kiss on the lips from his fiancée, Jill, but she would prefer to bite him. Leigh says they haven't had a make-out session in the two years they've dated, but he's gotten plenty of bruises! Then, meet Christy and Ben. Christy says that with two kids, sex has become just another job to check off her list. In order to have sex more often, Ben came up with an idea so they both could get what they want. He created a sex menu called "Chez Christy" where he could order what sex act he wanted, and then pay her for it. Christy was fine with this arrangement in the beginning, but now finds herself crying afterward. Plus, a man who loves to paint his toenails, a woman who can't say any word that sounds dirty, and more! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 5, 2006, 11:26 am CDT

05/05 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: vickies35

I've read all of the posts about this show that will be playing in my city today.  I'm going to watch it but I couldn't help but post a comment of my own.  I've been married for 17 years and, for the most part, am extremely happy.  All but the sex.  Both my husband and I were virgins when we got married so neither of us had a CLUE what sex would be like OR if we'd like it.  In some ways I feel like I got robbed because , of course, he LOVES it and I hate it.  It's very much a job for me and always has been.  My dream marriage would consist of all that we have minus any form of sex.  Of course his would be all that we have and sex twice a week.  I feel horribly that I can't just pretend to like it.  In the past I've tried a few things. I've pretended to like it.  I've told him that I'm NEVER going to want it but I understand that he needs it so if he wants to do it he can.  He knows that for the most part, I'm just laying there waiting for it to be over.  My guilt over this has always been great because he's the most amazing person I've ever known.  We have 4 wonderful children and an amazing life.  I just wish I could make myself want to change the whole sex thing.  I hate it, I'm never going to like it or want it but this marriage just isn't about me.  I give in other areas that I hate too, like gallons of laundry and dishes coming out the wazoo so I realize that I could just "push through the burn" about sex but it's very intimate for him and I don't want him to feel like I'm just putting up with it.  But that's the reality.  I have NO clue how to change it and given the choice, I wouldn't change my sex (sexless) drive.  I like how I feel about sex but it's not working for us.  He's such an amazing person.  We've gone months and months without having sex and he's NEVER angry or hurtful about it.  He patiently just waits for me to be ok with it.  I just wonder if I'll ever get why God created men and women sooooooo differently about sex drives.  I hope he doesn't get so frustrated with me that he looks somewhere else for his satisfaction but I guess if he did, I couldn't blame him.  Ugh.......ok......wow........this is such a long post.  Anywho.......I'll be open to any suggestions or comments.

I just wonder if I'll ever get why God created men and women sooooooo differently about sex drives.  

God didn't create men and women with different sex drives.  Most women do enjoy sex and want to have sex with their husbands.  There is a problem or disfunction of some sort that is preventing you from enjoying this part of married life.  I am saddened that you prefer to continue like that.  I feel especially sorry for your husband-he sounds like a saint. 

  

I'll be open to any suggestions or comments. 

First have yourself looked at by a physician.  If he gives you a clean bill of health, then look into therapy.  Something is wrong but I think you need a professional to figure it out. 

  

For me, if I am not feeling turned on, I spend some time on grooming-bathe, lotion, make up, dressing in lingerie. While I do that I imagine things and touch myself. A half hour of that and I'm usually into it :) 

 
May 5, 2006, 12:15 pm CDT

Biting??

 I just wanted to shake that woman who bites.  It was so irritating to watch her and the laughing when she talked about it.  She seemed like she really enjoyed the spotlight.  Her fiance should just bite her back...hard.
 
May 5, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

This is why I came on line-

Quote From: sb1119

I'm sorry, but after viewing the clip of the woman who gets off on biting, I'm going to have to pass on this show, lol.  I know everyone's got their "thang," but that was just a bit icky.
I mean - that guy needs to run away and by all means make sure she has a rabies shot - yikes!
 
May 5, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

wow

this lady who bites is a wacko. Is she 2 years old? Why would her man want to be with her? She seems extremely annoying and doesnt act her age at all. She needs mental help.
 
May 5, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

HEY!!

Quote From: sb1119

I'm sorry, but after viewing the clip of the woman who gets off on biting, I'm going to have to pass on this show, lol.  I know everyone's got their "thang," but that was just a bit icky.

   

What this woman clearly has going on, is a FETISH!! A fetish is defined as (don't quote me on this, it's a summarized definition folks)  when an act, object, etc. becomes a high-yield desire response, or an attachment or fixation on a certain, object, behavior etc.   

   

It's not abnormal - and it's certinally not 'icky' because it is not part of your sexual repitoire.   

   

I happen to like biting and so does my partner thank-you-very-much.   

   

You say that everyone has their 'thang'. Just because it's not yours does not mean you have to disparage it and those who do enjoy it and please believe me, I mean that in the nicest possible way! (no venom here)   

   

I worked at an adult novelty store for years and would hate for you to see some stuff that even a pretty open person like myself finds 'icky'. :) To be honest, that was half the fun of the job - watching folks come in, pick up a toy with no clue as to what it is or does, figure it out, then put it down with a look of squemishness or disgust. teehee.   

   

   

....I know I'm going to probably get blasted for this, but I really wish dr. phil would have touched on that as well, and not just the fact that her actions are driven from anxiety.   

 
May 5, 2006, 12:23 pm CDT

Biting

To each his own, however I do have to mention - if the bruises are left on him from her weird biting thing - what are you doing to the poor dog!!!  Does that mean you don't trust your dog??  

Please stop biting the dog - and your fiance -he obviously doesn't enjoy being bit or hurt but accepting that because its the affection he receives. And I'm sure your dog doesn't enjoy it either.  

Good luck, I hope everything works out.  

 
May 5, 2006, 12:36 pm CDT

Please Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil  

I would love to have a copy of the "Menu" for my husband and myself.  We love to find things like this just for kicks.  We have a very healthy sex life and  I don't think he would actually pay me for sexual favors nor would I expect him to. Thanks Dr. Phil  

 
May 5, 2006, 12:36 pm CDT

05/05 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: dominolove

   

What this woman clearly has going on, is a FETISH!! A fetish is defined as (don't quote me on this, it's a summarized definition folks)  when an act, object, etc. becomes a high-yield desire response, or an attachment or fixation on a certain, object, behavior etc.   

   

It's not abnormal - and it's certinally not 'icky' because it is not part of your sexual repitoire.   

   

I happen to like biting and so does my partner thank-you-very-much.   

   

You say that everyone has their 'thang'. Just because it's not yours does not mean you have to disparage it and those who do enjoy it and please believe me, I mean that in the nicest possible way! (no venom here)   

   

I worked at an adult novelty store for years and would hate for you to see some stuff that even a pretty open person like myself finds 'icky'. :) To be honest, that was half the fun of the job - watching folks come in, pick up a toy with no clue as to what it is or does, figure it out, then put it down with a look of squemishness or disgust. teehee.   

   

   

....I know I'm going to probably get blasted for this, but I really wish dr. phil would have touched on that as well, and not just the fact that her actions are driven from anxiety.   

There is a big difference between what that woman is doing and a fetish.  I'm a fairly kinky person myself, but I wouldn't think of engaging in anything that isn't consensual. The thing that squicked me out about her was that she was doing it to her fiance after he let her know he wasn't "into it" at all.   

  

Chalk me up as a person who only goes in for consensual kink, thank-YOU-very-much! 

 
May 5, 2006, 1:05 pm CDT

refuse to be bored

Quote From: dolfinlady

  How do you find new ways to approach sex ?  I'm tired of the same old thing, but I don't know what I want.  I've gotten so turned off by the foreplay that I use the excuse that I'm too tired.

Just don't forget, the most important sex organ is the brain! 

  

The physical stuff will occur most naturally when the brain is in the right gear.  You must put some effort into thinking about sex hours before you actually get naked together.  Visualize your guy and what in particular turns you on about him.  Work yourself up to being really turned on before you even see him at the end of the day so that you will be ready for him when he gets home.   

  

Try changing locations, you'd be surprised how much difference that can make sometimes. 

  

Also, find out from your partner what REALLY turns him on  and be willing (as long as it's legal!) to go there. Watching his reaction to getting what he really wants will hopefully turn you on too.  Then be sure to whisper in his ear something you want him to do for you :) 

 
May 5, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

what the...

im watching the dr. phil show right now and this woman, this biter...is REALLY annoying. i cant believe that her fiance actually puts up with it.. 

  

i understand she has intimacy issues, and i hope she is able to work thru those issues. but how is she comfortable enough to continually bite him?! 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next | Last