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Topic : 07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Number of Replies: 408
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:15:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/05/06) Do you and your spouse burn with passion in the bedroom, or is your sex life more like an ice-cold shower? Dr. Phil speaks with couples who say their sex styles just don't match. First, meet Leigh, who just wants a kiss on the lips from his fiancée, Jill, but she would prefer to bite him. Leigh says they haven't had a make-out session in the two years they've dated, but he's gotten plenty of bruises! Then, meet Christy and Ben. Christy says that with two kids, sex has become just another job to check off her list. In order to have sex more often, Ben came up with an idea so they both could get what they want. He created a sex menu called "Chez Christy" where he could order what sex act he wanted, and then pay her for it. Christy was fine with this arrangement in the beginning, but now finds herself crying afterward. Plus, a man who loves to paint his toenails, a woman who can't say any word that sounds dirty, and more! Join the discussion.

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July 31, 2006, 2:08 pm CDT

Prostitution?

Wow! I feel embarrassed for Christy....coming on National TV and talking about rump roast and all the "services" she provides. When did our society (and television hosts) lose all respect and dignity? Very sad.

 

Seems to me she and her hubby love eachother very much (which is nice), but her way of handling their sexual PROBLEMS seems more like prostitution than anything else. How low they've reduced their sex life and intimacy. I hope Dr. Phil can and will help. I wish them the very best. They may have seemed cute on t.v., but they marriage needs a fix.

 
July 31, 2006, 2:11 pm CDT

Committed Marriages

When couples are in loving committed relationships where they respect eachother (and their children) to marry and honor God, there shouldn't be all these problems.

 

HOPEFULLY, monogomous loving couples can and will communicate and compromise. That's what it is ALL about. It has to do with respect.

 

One night stands don't offer "respect" or "love" or "committment." These fly-by-night partners aren't there if disease occurs or an unwanted prenancy.

 

All married couples should be able to work toward intimacy, providing they remember that marriages have good, bad and ugly times and they take work. Together these couples will succeed. Sometimes it just takes lots of talking, lots of patience and lots of time. I wish them ALL the very best.

 

 
July 31, 2006, 2:15 pm CDT

Biting Woman

Is Jill part horse, or what?   Some folks think extreme forms of sex are just fine - but I will never make biting part of my own agenda!  Look at the marks on his body!  Since when is inflicting that much injury to another person an act of love?   I was disgusted at what I saw on the show - everyone all smiles, Jill basking in the attention, and Leigh being too passive about it.  Could not believe her gaping mouth, horse-sized teeth and the way Jill acted.  She was drunk with the attention, laughing, silly, and thought she was SO cute.  Hmm.  I would never dream of getting away with biting.  Don't we teach babies not to bite others?  It's kinda sick that a rational-looking woman would resort to that.  Being afraid of intimacy is understandable - but developing a habit that literally abuses her loved one, very questionable.
 
July 31, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: flthomcat

If you are a Christian, you shouldn't be picking and choosing which of Christ's teachings you will follow. They aren't meant to be popular or easy.

 

Ever wonder why we have so much disease, abortion, depression, neglect, drug use, divorce and adultry in our society? It's because of attitudes similar to yours that see no problem with a lack of respect for both privacy and one's body.

 

With sex should come fidelity to one, committment to eachother and to God and a lifetime of love, honestly and respect. One night stands are none of those. And that type of pure sex for hedonistic purposes is what is KILLING our teens and young adults. They are not emotionally ready (and sometimes not physically ready) to engage in sex. And when something BAD comes out of that sex (and it often does) they are not emotionally or fiscally ready to take full responsiblity and do what's right. They do what's easy and it's adults with your opinion that have led to a host of problems facing our young people.

 

How does a marriage license protect YOU from STD's, you ask? If you are in a committed, loving, monogomous relationship (AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX), you won't be getting STD'S!!!! You'll have no worries at all and you will be following the teachings of Christ that are in place for a reason. When they are followed, we don't see all the low life behavior too many these young people (and even older people) display without even a thought.

 

I am tired of teaching teens who are getting sexual diseases, being emotionally harmed by relationships that are way over their heads, tired of adult women who are harming their children by moving men in and out of their beds and homes (the same for adult men) and a society that is KILLING itself because it lacks morals AND common sense!

 

This is from a woman who's been married 17 years, who has children and who has seen the slippery slope our society is on.....it's SCARY!!!!

 

Let's ALL raise our standards and expect more of ourselves along with respecting our bodies more.

What does sex have to do with being Christain?  Sex was around a lot earlier than Christ.

 

But not everyone who is married is faithful.  You cannot control how one acts, I think that's what Purple was talking about.

 

And because you have sex does not mean you don't respect yourself (for the majority) it means that you want to share yourself with someone.  It's special.

 
July 31, 2006, 2:23 pm CDT

Nail on the Head

Quote From: flthomcat

If you are a Christian, you shouldn't be picking and choosing which of Christ's teachings you will follow. They aren't meant to be popular or easy.

 

Ever wonder why we have so much disease, abortion, depression, neglect, drug use, divorce and adultry in our society? It's because of attitudes similar to yours that see no problem with a lack of respect for both privacy and one's body.

 

With sex should come fidelity to one, committment to eachother and to God and a lifetime of love, honestly and respect. One night stands are none of those. And that type of pure sex for hedonistic purposes is what is KILLING our teens and young adults. They are not emotionally ready (and sometimes not physically ready) to engage in sex. And when something BAD comes out of that sex (and it often does) they are not emotionally or fiscally ready to take full responsiblity and do what's right. They do what's easy and it's adults with your opinion that have led to a host of problems facing our young people.

 

How does a marriage license protect YOU from STD's, you ask? If you are in a committed, loving, monogomous relationship (AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX), you won't be getting STD'S!!!! You'll have no worries at all and you will be following the teachings of Christ that are in place for a reason. When they are followed, we don't see all the low life behavior too many these young people (and even older people) display without even a thought.

 

I am tired of teaching teens who are getting sexual diseases, being emotionally harmed by relationships that are way over their heads, tired of adult women who are harming their children by moving men in and out of their beds and homes (the same for adult men) and a society that is KILLING itself because it lacks morals AND common sense!

 

This is from a woman who's been married 17 years, who has children and who has seen the slippery slope our society is on.....it's SCARY!!!!

 

Let's ALL raise our standards and expect more of ourselves along with respecting our bodies more.

Hi.

 

You explained the problems so well.  Unfortunately, no matter what we say - people are going to ignore that and do just as they please.  Thanks for trying to enlighten and expose the exact problems that cause the horrors of STDs, traumatic emotional hurts, unwanted children, and financial-ruin teens and older people insist on getting into.

 
July 31, 2006, 3:20 pm CDT

07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: flthomcat

If you are a Christian, you shouldn't be picking and choosing which of Christ's teachings you will follow. They aren't meant to be popular or easy.

 

Ever wonder why we have so much disease, abortion, depression, neglect, drug use, divorce and adultry in our society? It's because of attitudes similar to yours that see no problem with a lack of respect for both privacy and one's body.

 

With sex should come fidelity to one, committment to eachother and to God and a lifetime of love, honestly and respect. One night stands are none of those. And that type of pure sex for hedonistic purposes is what is KILLING our teens and young adults. They are not emotionally ready (and sometimes not physically ready) to engage in sex. And when something BAD comes out of that sex (and it often does) they are not emotionally or fiscally ready to take full responsiblity and do what's right. They do what's easy and it's adults with your opinion that have led to a host of problems facing our young people.

 

How does a marriage license protect YOU from STD's, you ask? If you are in a committed, loving, monogomous relationship (AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX), you won't be getting STD'S!!!! You'll have no worries at all and you will be following the teachings of Christ that are in place for a reason. When they are followed, we don't see all the low life behavior too many these young people (and even older people) display without even a thought.

 

I am tired of teaching teens who are getting sexual diseases, being emotionally harmed by relationships that are way over their heads, tired of adult women who are harming their children by moving men in and out of their beds and homes (the same for adult men) and a society that is KILLING itself because it lacks morals AND common sense!

 

This is from a woman who's been married 17 years, who has children and who has seen the slippery slope our society is on.....it's SCARY!!!!

 

Let's ALL raise our standards and expect more of ourselves along with respecting our bodies more.

"If you are a Christian, you shouldn't be picking and choosing which of Christ's teachings you will follow. They aren't meant to be popular or easy."

I'm an atheist, not a Christian.

"Ever wonder why we have so much disease, abortion, depression, neglect, drug use, divorce and adultry in our society? It's because of attitudes similar to yours that see no problem with a lack of respect for both privacy and one's body."

You'll have to show me proof of all these things. Sounds like a bunch of urban myths mixed with scare mongering to me.

"With sex should come fidelity to one, committment to eachother and to God and a lifetime of love, honestly and respect. One night stands are none of those. And that type of pure sex for hedonistic purposes is what is KILLING our teens and young adults. They are not emotionally ready (and sometimes not physically ready) to engage in sex. And when something BAD comes out of that sex (and it often does) they are not emotionally or fiscally ready to take full responsiblity and do what's right. They do what's easy and it's adults with your opinion that have led to a host of problems facing our young people."

That is what YOU think sex should be. It's not what I think sex should be.  And by the way you are talking we shouldn't let anyone under 25 drive, since that is the leading cause of death and other injuries for that age group.

"How does a marriage license protect YOU from STD's, you ask? If you are in a committed, loving, monogomous relationship (AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX), you won't be getting STD'S!!!! You'll have no worries at all and you will be following the teachings of Christ that are in place for a reason. When they are followed, we don't see all the low life behavior too many these young people (and even older people) display without even a thought."

I do not worship Christ, his teachings mean nothing to me. And people cheat, ALL the time in marriages. A marriage license doesn't protect anyone from someone cheating.

"I am tired of teaching teens who are getting sexual diseases, being emotionally harmed by relationships that are way over their heads, tired of adult women who are harming their children by moving men in and out of their beds and homes (the same for adult men) and a society that is KILLING itself because it lacks morals AND common sense!"

More fear mongering? I'd have to see evidence of all this please.

"This is from a woman who's been married 17 years, who has children and who has seen the slippery slope our society is on.....it's SCARY!!!!"

Yes it is scary when people act like walking panic attacks because people enjoy sex outside of their personal standards...very scary.

"Let's ALL raise our standards and expect more of ourselves along with respecting our bodies more."

Let's all look at sex for what it actually is and be realistic, reasonable and logical.
 
July 31, 2006, 8:50 pm CDT

what about her weight Dr. Phil?

I was very surprised that Dr. Phil didn't confront "Chez Christy" about an obvious obesity problem.  Yes, she is beautiful, but she obviously feels bad about herself (not to mention health issues).  She would feel sexier and want to have sex more if she lost some weight. I guess I was surprised that Dr. Phil didn't do something like get her some outside help in order to help her lose some weight.  Did this occur to anyone but me?  I struggle with weight as well, and know that I feel a whole lot sexier when my weight is lower.  -arden
 
July 31, 2006, 11:04 pm CDT

07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: ardenhelen

I was very surprised that Dr. Phil didn't confront "Chez Christy" about an obvious obesity problem.  Yes, she is beautiful, but she obviously feels bad about herself (not to mention health issues).  She would feel sexier and want to have sex more if she lost some weight. I guess I was surprised that Dr. Phil didn't do something like get her some outside help in order to help her lose some weight.  Did this occur to anyone but me?  I struggle with weight as well, and know that I feel a whole lot sexier when my weight is lower.  -arden
Like I said, I am sure Christy is acutely aware of her fat. And I am sure if Dr Phil felt it was an issue he would have said more about it.  Maybe she was on her way to losing weight so he didn't want to beat a dead fat horse. Maybe he honestly felt like, during pre show interviews that it just wasn't an issue.

But there are plenty of thin women out there who feel the same way. It's not a fat girl only issue.
 
August 1, 2006, 9:35 am CDT

from arden

Quote From: purplepain

Like I said, I am sure Christy is acutely aware of her fat. And I am sure if Dr Phil felt it was an issue he would have said more about it.  Maybe she was on her way to losing weight so he didn't want to beat a dead fat horse. Maybe he honestly felt like, during pre show interviews that it just wasn't an issue.

But there are plenty of thin women out there who feel the same way. It's not a fat girl only issue.
I guess you're right...thin women struggle with the same thing. hmmmm   Well, it's nice for her that her husband doesn't pressure her in that area! That's surely something for her to be grateful for. I have friends who have husbands like that and it is very hurtful and doesn't do one iota of good anyway. arden
 
August 1, 2006, 3:47 pm CDT

07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: ardenhelen

I guess you're right...thin women struggle with the same thing. hmmmm   Well, it's nice for her that her husband doesn't pressure her in that area! That's surely something for her to be grateful for. I have friends who have husbands like that and it is very hurtful and doesn't do one iota of good anyway. arden
I'm fat, and I know that if I lost weight my husband would probably have a bit more of an animal attraction for me. And I know I might feel a little more bold in bed.

I won't deny that what you are saying is a VERY good point.  I think that it's VERY valid and probably true in MOST instances of people who have sex problems. Being obese can cause those issues.

But Christy seems to have a husband that is just crazy for her no matter her weight. She just seems like a darling woman, and he just loves her and adores her.

I shouldn't have cut off what you said, because even though I don't think that is the issue here, it is indeed an issue for a LOT of women and men. And losing weight is just good for a person anyway.
 
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