Topic : I'm Pregnant!

My adoptive parents couldn't have children. And I would go to the doctor with my adoptive mom to keep her cheerful! My mom's doctor told her that usually the test's are wrong when they say your not pregnant and you are. I went to the local Health Department just to get a test, the test's that they use are the cheap small stick pregnancy tests that you can find at the Dollar Store's! And the second line was very light but I am pregnant. I don't think you should worry about it at all! I hope this helps you.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in november, and we've recently had the 19 week scan where we found out the gender of our child, and [drumroll] its a girl.

Both scans have shown that she's growing well and in perfect health, which is great, and I am very thankful for that. Its just that, even though I didnt acknowledge it before I found out, I really wanted to have a boy. So much so that when we found out it was girl, I was crushed because before we knew whether it was male or female, in my mind it was a male.

Without doing it on purpose, I'd started making all these plans for years into the future with things I was going to do with my son. So when we found out it was going to be a girl, I suddenly lost that relationship I'd started to build with him. I'm not arrogant enough to say that it felt like he had died, but its something approaching that feeling- one day I had a child that existed as a son , and the next day I only had a daughter, my son was gone.

The thing that I feeling reuly terrible about is that now, I'm just not that excited about having our child anymore. I hope that this apathy will pass, it makes me sick to my stomach that I am capable of being this shallow. I'm confident that as she becomes more real to me, like when we start to feel her kick, when my wife starts to look really pregnant, and when she is born, this will all become a distant memory and I'm gonna be astounded that I could ever do anything but love her, but still, I'm not in a good place at the moment, and really dissapointed that I could ever be here.

Any of the other fathers out there ever felt anything like this?

I'm pregnant, surprise topic, huh?  This is my 4th child and I'm 24 weeks.  I was married and have 3 with my ex-husband.  This one was an "oops"  genuine "oops", but that's another topic.  My longtime boyfriend has been less than excited, much less interested.  Initially I was ambivalent, but because of my personal beliefs was just not able to terminate, regardless of the challenging circumstances.  Now I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy, since I will guarantee it will be my last.  I am relishing in every single movement and painful heartburn!

Here's the problem in a nutshell.  He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy, I refused and gave him the option of walking away, scott-free.  After all, we thought we were adequately preventing a pregnancy.  He decided to stay in the game, but couldn't bring himself to touch me, look at my growing belly or even cut me some slack when I had to pee excesively.  I told him to get lost and not come back unless he made a decision to be actively, happily involved.  He withdrew for less than a week then called to work things out. Things went okay for about two weeks...then he told me I needed to put it up for adoption.  Ummm...No...I have three other children, how could I possibly do that to them?  So, get lost part 2.  He came back a couple of days later, which I assumed meant he wanted to work on a family relationship, afterall he adores my kids and actively participates in their lives and them his.  He has been supportive, still concerned about circumstances, but he's there when I need him even though we live seperately.

How do I really, truly put behind me the hurt feelings that creep up in the middle of the night?  How do I reconcile that he gave me ultimatums abouts not keeping our child?  Him or the baby...I clearly chose the baby.  I don't want to get married just because I am pregnant.  We had talked about it before this, but his inability to handle a huge curveball has made me really question our entire relationship.  Ideally, I want to have a complete, traditional (blended) family. 

I am trying to forgive him, trying to understand that he takes longer to come to terms with things than I do, but what do I do with the hurt and the nagging feeling that at any minute he could change his mind and I will be alone in the delivery room?

I guess I rambled here, didn't I?  Just would like some feedback, this isn't the kind of topic you talk about to your doctor, or your family, or anyone that would hold his decisions against him.