Topic : Infertility

My dream is to be able to dream, again.  March 16th, 2005, I realized my dreams.The birth of Ireland Leigh Ann.My hopes,my life,my world, my daughter,my dreams. I dreampt of what life would be like.not just as her mother, not just of her life, but of everyone's life who she would touch. A sister, a niece, and a grand-daughter.She was adored by all. Mostly my dreams were of what she would become. How she would fit into our family,her brothers would become protective,her dad would become her hero, and she would become the steps I would no longer take after I was gone.Three weeks into Ireland's life. Just three weeks is all I held her for. Meningitis stopped my little girl's heart on April 6th, 2005. When her heart stopped my dreams disappeared. There was no more wondering when she would take her first step, or enjoy her first kiss, no more dreaming of what she would become,no more hope.I still get up each day and hold my boys. I still wonder what they will become. I still share their excitements, and their pain. A daughter is so much different, and had I not had three weeks with her, I would not have ever known. My pain is complicated, and I can't begin to think you would understand. I am grieving as a mother who lost a child, but the pain I feel is is for the loss of a generation. A daughter I miss holding, a little girl that I can no longer stare at to find my qualities.I want the chance to dream again. I had my tubes tied when Ireland was born. Our family was complete. What I have been looking into is In Vitro Fertilization. I have the option to choose the sex, and the success rate is high. The problem is that we can not afford it.It's just a little surgery that I am asking for. But to me, it is so much more. It is my dreams,my future, my hope, my wish. Please consider blessing our family with another heartbeat. We do not want to replace Ireland. We simply want to fill the void.The emptiness a mother feels, a future she can no longer see, and the dreams that have just disappeared.Thank You
Lisa Hendrickson and family.

 My husband and I tried to get pregnant after our 1 year anniversary, finally after 10 months we did. Tragically it ended in a miscarriage. We waited a year and got pregnant again. Again we lost it.  We decided to wait longer. Again we got pregnant and lost it. Finally saw a specialist who said that I have lupis like anti-coagulant. All  pregnancies would end in miscarriages. It is a blood disorder that  causes the body to treat a pregnancy like a virus and attack and kill it. The only thing was to take a blood thinner to thin my blood. All it took was one baby asprine a day until I got pregnant and then take it thru my 36th week.  That was 6 years ago, now we have 3 beautiful children, 5, 2 1/2, and 8 months.

I really think you need to seek grief counseling. I don't think that it would even be wise to seek another pregnancy right now if what you say reflects how you feel.

I hope you can find a little peace.

Kim

 I'm so glad you were able to diagnose and overcome your infertility. It's great to see those who have. Immunology is one of the areas of infertility that is often undiagnosed unless it accompanies recurrent miscarriage. Women should know that some of the same things that cause recurrent miscarriage can also cause implantation failure. Unfortunately, the testing required to diagnose these types of conditions aren't usually ordered without recurrent miscarriage. They are also not routine tests done in most laboratories. They are specialized and expensive tests that are rarely ordered without a specific requisite.

Most women don't know about the many types of immune issues that can affect both ovulation, implantation and pregnancy failure and most doctors are so consumed with their usual course of treatment that I suspect most of these women end up going through lots of treatment without success simply because these things are so overlooked. It would be nice if Laboratories like LabCorp, Labone and others who offer testing throughout the country would step up to the plate and add these tests to their own agenda. It would be great if government would step up and find a way to minimize the costs associated with these tests. What is somewhat unclear is if the high cost is simply a "because they can" issue or because of the cost of equipment and/or reagent. Either way, something could be done.

Congratulations on your wonderful success!

Kim

hi my name is melody i'm looking for a dr that will help me  

i'm 28 years old and my mom sign for me to gave my tubes tied 

when i lose a baby to s.i.d.s 7 years ago and now that i'm  married  

we was wanting to have a baby but i can't i need to get my tubes on tied  

and i do not know where to start and how to go about doing it ??? and 

 i have no whereto turn for help with this i was just wanting to know 

 if anyone out there know where i need to start ??? if so please help  

                                                                                                                thank you  

 Kim,
 
I can totally relate to what you said.  I didn't have the fear of not bonding, but I had the fear of the baby not bonding with me!  I've since adopted twice and love my children as much as if I had given birth.  I do, however, wonder what it would be like to experience pregnancy.  Get to go to the ultra sound, etc.  But, I know God's plan is bigger and better than mine, and He has already blessed me way more than anything I would have ever figured out on my own!

Seesha

 Lora,

Not all birthparents are as you described.  I have adopted two times, both domestic, semi-open adoptions.  I met my oldest child's birthmom before he was born.  I was there when he was born and brought him home from the hospital.  I've only seen her twice since then, although I would see her more if she wanted.  I have never met my youngest son's birthmom because she wasn't comfortable meeting.  However, I do send letters and pictures to the agency for her.

Domestic adoption can be cheaper...and if you do your research and find a good agency then it isn't quite as scarey.  Also, most US agencies are not quite as strict as international, on age, health, etc.  I'm not trying to get you to change your mind on what type of adoption you will pursue, I'm just trying to get some more info out there.  I have tons of adoption experience, and will adopt again someday.  If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

BTW, the agency I use does not place a child in your home until the child will stay there...and I brought my oldest home from the hospital and got my youngest when he was 4 days old. 

Hi Kim!

Neither one of my adoptions cost $50k.  If you want info on adoption, please feel free to ask!

Seesha

 I would love to know more about how you went about adoption. I do feel just a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of going through the process. The more I read, the more daunting it seems.  I don't think we are ready to seek out adoption just yet. We are planning on buying a house this year and I believe we both think it would be best to wait until we have our home set up in the best way to accept a baby, not that we wouldn't be thrilled if we happened upon someone who needed to find a family. We would be, but I think it best if we have things set up in a more ideal fashion.

How much did your adoptions cost?

We would like to look into an infant adoption. We are a bit open to race, meaning we want to feel that the child really "fits" into our family. My father's side of the family is dark-skinned, dark-haired and eyed, short "think Indian/ Hindu type". My mother's side is an odd mix of lighter-skinned, different noses, hair and eye color.  My husband's family is very light-skinned, light-eyed, tall "think Irish", so that broadens our ability to adopt to a somewhat wide range of mixed heritage children. We have no idea what our children would look like since we look so different from each other. He calls me midget and I call him giant. I used to joke with people that I would be scared to deliver his child. I feel a bit selfish thinking about infant adoption, but I really want to experience as much of motherhood as possible. I really want to "watch them grow". 

I would love to know how you went about the adoption process and what things came up along the way. I worried about the fact that we have dogs. We did pick our dogs with children in mind. We have one large dog who will be the best friend to a child. She's a "Nanny" dog (Old English Sheepdog) and was picked especially with having a child in mind. She does everything with us, she even tries to jet-ski with my husband! I'm just not sure what types of things the home study wants met. Is having a dog a bad thing? Would we be required to banish her to the yard? 

I guess any information you could give me would be great. I am frankly just a little overwhelmed by everything I've read about how the process works. I read somewhere that we should send out letters to family and friends letting them know we want to adopt so that if someone knows of someone looking for a family, they can put us in contact with them.

Kim

 Everybody's opinion is welcome. It's something I am going to have to research.

I have some reservations about telling our families we are adopting, not about telling our child, just our families. My reservations stem from the fact there are so many young children in our extended family. I don't worry about the adults, but I worry about our child being teased or some comment being made by a young child who doesn't understand the implications of what they are saying.  I know we can talk to the grown-ups and let them know how we feel and can handle anything that comes up with them, but if we tell the grown-ups, the children will know. Children will be children and sometimes tease and make bad choices in how they deal with others. That's a part of growing up. We have discussed whether or not to tell everyone in the family and can't really reach a consensus. We definitely will want to tell whoever we choose "just in case", but aren't sure if telling everyone is a good idea. I mostly have reservations just because I know children can't really understand what adoption is until a certain age but can definitely feel the "hurt" in a teasing comment even if they don't know why it's supposed to be hurtful. I wonder if it might be best to "hold out" telling everyone until the child is of an age that they can understand any comments and is comfortable with what is said. I just don't want our child to "feel" like a second-class citizen, so to speak.

Kim