Topic : Infertility

Hi everyone,

I don't talk about this, its my first time really saying it cause it hurts too much.  I don't know if I fit in here cause the reason I am infertile is because of age and not much else.  I'm in my mid-40s.  I spent my life taking care of other people.  I took care of my younger sister, then my grandmother, then my cousin, then my family when my mum became sick, then my father who had a stroke and mum who is a diabetic, now I am raising my sister's children. 

I have never had a chance to live my own life.  I have never been on a date, last time I travelled I was 11, I've seen nothing, been nowhere, just pretty much spent my life in servitude.  I love these people but the sacrifice I am finding has been too great.  Sometimes it feels like I handed myself over to be slaughtered, didn't even bleep about it either.  Its not entirely their fault, I suffered from anxiety, I was a homebody, I made my faulty choices to stay the way I am.  Stupid choices based on fear and not knowing the price and always expecting that something would happen to change things instead of making the changes.  Changes frightened me.  I suppose I became comfortable in my self-imposed prison, as much as anyone can be living in a prison. 

There was always time to change, but at 40, I knew it was over.  I pretended that I didn't know but I knew; I knew that it was too late to turn my life around.  I would never become a mother.  I don't tell them this of course, but when mother's day comes around and my niece and nephew buy me a mother's day gift or card, it actually hurts a bit.  I love them dearly, but they aren't my children.  I don't regret stepping in and raising them, but I couldn't deal with any more, so I chose to not have mine so as to raise my sister's.  I had my chance for IVF, but I just didn't have the energy to take care of any more children.

What can I say, game over.  The only thing I can wish for now is that if you are reading this, learn from it and don't waste time and don't take anything or anyone for granted. 

Sorry about the long post.

I am 35 and for the past 5 years had been TTC...clomid, laperoscopy, herbal medicine...you name it. I achieved pregnancy twice in 5 years and lost both at 12 weeks. I was devastated and getting pregnant again CONSUMED my life. Utterly comsumed it. My doctor said the misacrriages and unexplained infertility were just bad luck but I KNEW something was not right. For  over a year I investigated it myself, I demanded specific bloodwrok and to see different specialists. I'm sure everyone thought I was mad, but I didn't care. Eventually I found out I had positive anticardio lipins...basically my blood was thick and sticky. This caused my miscarriages and infertility. I started on aspirin and we tried again to concieve.

Months  passed by, then a year and I thought I was going to go insane. Finally my husband and I decided to try our final step, IVF. We had the councelling, blood tests, payed up etc. I felt a HUGE relief! I almost physically and mentally felt I was passing on the problem to someone else to "fix". It was a great feeling! Well we were to start the treatment in 2 weeks, and what do you think happened before that???? Yes, I got pregnant! I was beyond knowing how to control my emotions. We later found out we were having identical twins! I continued through the pregnancy on the aspirin and our babies just made it as they had developed a dangerous syndrome that would have taken them away from us 24 hours later. But they made it!

I completely understand the consumption of wanting a baby so bad. My advice is to try ALL avenues, don't take the doctors word as gospel if you feel there is something not quite right.  I used to HATE it when people said that it would happen 'one day' and to just 'relax'...but I had to get to that point of no return myself, to finally give in and let the consuming blackness escape. Baby dust to you all.

We started our shots on the 3rd of july so we are underway with our second round of IVF.Due to the fact that I have had 4 ectopic pregnancies so on the 4th one they took my tubes being it was spliting the tube.  We have a 4 year old son and both my husband and I want him to have a sibling. My husband is in the military so scheduling this was no small feat. We want him to be here for both the conception and the birth so hopefully that will happen. The old saying is either they are there for the conception or the birth?

This is kind of bitter sweet because the last time I only told my mom and she was my rock. She called me everyday to just see how I was doing. Now this time she is in heaven and the phone only rings with people calling me about everyday things.  I have a short time to go and with all the prayers hopefully we will be able to give our son a sibling. We can't afford to do it again we paid 15,000.00 for our son and we just paid 13,000.00. Seems crazy when I sit at the military hospital and watch these families go by with 3 or 4 children. They did it for free everything was free conception to birth. I wouldn't change it for the world though because I have learned alot of lessons through my infertiltiy . The biggest one is DO NOT LAY DOWN, take your infertility in to your own hands. I did .

Hi I am from Australia and I am 55 I have been married for 24 years and my husband was married before and had a son. He was 2 1/2 when we met and 4 when we married. So I have brought him up as my own as his birth mother hasn't seen him since he was 5. Her choice. I was 31 when I got married and my husband was 28. We started trying for a child of our own after 6months and I gave up work for 8 years.

We had 17 attempts at different fertility treatments IVF, Gift etc. With out success. It was a very trying time as back then I have to travel for 3/4 of a hour for my injections and blood tests. How we stayed together I really don't know. He is the most unsympathetic person I know. He just didn't understand why I was so emotional all the time. Don't get me wrong I am very great full for my "son" as some women don't even get the chance to bring a child up. He is a lovely man and is now 28, unfortunately he has married a very nice lady but she has mental problems. Which is a problem in it self.

I just find it very hard most days and cry all the time grieving for the child I never had. It is just to hard to explain to my friends who have all have children how I feel about not know what would be like to feel a baby inside you and to give birth to a child. I feel if I died tomorrow no one would care and that it would be the end as my blood will not be in anyone to carry it on. I know this sounds strange but that is how I feel.

My husband can't understand why I feel like this but its OK for him as his blood will live with his son

I am just so depressed all the time. Some days I can cope but others I just don't want to be here anymore.

I know I wouldn't do anything to myself but it is just the way I feel. Is there any one else out there that understands where I am coming from. If so I would love to hear form you