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Topic : Infertility

Number of Replies: 433
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:55:14 pm
Author : dataimport
After making the decision to get pregnant, you find you are unable to conceive. Sound familiar? Share your infertility journey with us.

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November 27, 2005, 7:35 am CST

Some info only...

Quote From: kharma

Wow! Kudos to you for being so brave & patient! My hubby & I have been trying for 2 and half years and basically they removed endometriosis & keep telling me to chart me ovulation. Or we could opt ot go on Chlomid. Any suggestions where I can get info. on that drug. Or how do I go about talking with a fetility specialist? Also, I'm new to all of this...what does TTC mean? Thank you so much & take care! BB
Chlomid is pretty common. Now they're saying that you can only take it for 9 cycles for you whole life. Some people say that there is a link between clomid and ovarian cancer others say unlikely. I asked my doctor and he said that in my case I'm at very low risk. There is a chance of multiple birth, but make sure that your cycles are monitored (so that you don't end up with a gazillion eggs.....like I did with 21). I know people who have waited over 10 years and then the kids just start popping! Human fertility is one of the worst on the planet......next to elephants and whales....imagine being pregnant for  nearly 2 years (elephants are!).  You are taking control of your fertility which is the first step so good for you. Please let me know as soon as the lucky day comes!!!!!
 
November 27, 2005, 10:58 am CST

I can't take anymore!!!!!

My husband and I will be married 8 years in Feb. Nothing has changed. I don't know where to go from here. I stay tired and there are those days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I'm that depressed. I ask myself will these feelings ever go away? It seems they never will. I'm so angry by the lack of support from my husbands family, as well with him. They have very little to do with me, in thinking I'm over reacting in my situation. My brother-in-law has had their 2nd baby and I notice we get less visits from his mother. I guess I would bond with the one woman who has been able to bare me grandchildren than the one that hasn't. All I know is it hurts. I doesn't make sense. On top of all that. I am going to be a great Aunt. My niece which is 2 years younger than I, is pregnant with her first. Not knowing if they ever really wanted children, bam It happens for them! I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister got pregnant at a very young age of 15. That's why we're so close in age. 

He won't really talk about. He just tells me what ever I want to do. After all this time. But yet adoption is out of the ? All I know is I can't go on like this anymore. This seems so unfair. And I'm to tired to go on. 

 
November 27, 2005, 6:18 pm CST

Infertility

Quote From: connerbjc

My husband and I will be married 8 years in Feb. Nothing has changed. I don't know where to go from here. I stay tired and there are those days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I'm that depressed. I ask myself will these feelings ever go away? It seems they never will. I'm so angry by the lack of support from my husbands family, as well with him. They have very little to do with me, in thinking I'm over reacting in my situation. My brother-in-law has had their 2nd baby and I notice we get less visits from his mother. I guess I would bond with the one woman who has been able to bare me grandchildren than the one that hasn't. All I know is it hurts. I doesn't make sense. On top of all that. I am going to be a great Aunt. My niece which is 2 years younger than I, is pregnant with her first. Not knowing if they ever really wanted children, bam It happens for them! I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister got pregnant at a very young age of 15. That's why we're so close in age. 

He won't really talk about. He just tells me what ever I want to do. After all this time. But yet adoption is out of the ? All I know is I can't go on like this anymore. This seems so unfair. And I'm to tired to go on. 

 Hi.  I can really empathise with your situation, as I am in a similar one.  It sounds to me like you may be suffering from depression and I would urge you to go and see your doctor.  I, myself, am on anti-depressants and while it does not change the situation I am in, it enables me to cope a little better.  I am also undertaking counselling via the fertility clinic I am attending.  I would also suggest that you choose a couple of people that are able to support you emotionally and try and ignore those in your life who you find to be unhelpful.  You need to look after yourself.
I have a step-sister who has just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.  She is not aware of my situation as I have only told a few people.  I am not going home for Christmas as I do not want to have to face seeing her baby.  I am aware, that it is not her fault I am feeling this way and that I have to face babies on an everyday basis anyway!
The problem with your partner is also something I can relate to.  My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship,is not really involved in the process we are going through and is ambilivalent about having more children.  He does, however, attend appointments with me and provide samples so I shouldn't really complain.  (the problem with us is his immobile, low sperm count  and my FHS levels).  As having a child is of such great importance to me, he is aware that I will leave our relationship if he does not want further children.  It may sound harsh but I did check out with him whether he wanted more children when we got together.  He stated that he did.  I would not have gotten together with him if he had not been amenable - its about compatibility.
Get your depression seen to first.  Then you need to have  areally indepth talk with your husband.  If he is not willing to adopt and you want to, you have to ask yourself what is more important to you, will you be happy with him if you miss out on the opportunity of having a child , and are you being true to yourself.  I honesty wish you the best .
 
November 28, 2005, 2:50 am CST

It does get better.....

Quote From: connerbjc

My husband and I will be married 8 years in Feb. Nothing has changed. I don't know where to go from here. I stay tired and there are those days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I'm that depressed. I ask myself will these feelings ever go away? It seems they never will. I'm so angry by the lack of support from my husbands family, as well with him. They have very little to do with me, in thinking I'm over reacting in my situation. My brother-in-law has had their 2nd baby and I notice we get less visits from his mother. I guess I would bond with the one woman who has been able to bare me grandchildren than the one that hasn't. All I know is it hurts. I doesn't make sense. On top of all that. I am going to be a great Aunt. My niece which is 2 years younger than I, is pregnant with her first. Not knowing if they ever really wanted children, bam It happens for them! I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister got pregnant at a very young age of 15. That's why we're so close in age. 

He won't really talk about. He just tells me what ever I want to do. After all this time. But yet adoption is out of the ? All I know is I can't go on like this anymore. This seems so unfair. And I'm to tired to go on. 

 I also know where you are coming from. I think what you are feeling is totally normal, but it does sound like you are having a terrible time coping with it.

I don't know anyone who wants children who's reaction to infertility would be anything less than devastation. It's devastating. It's difficult to cope with, and it has long reaching consequences for us. It affects our relationships. It affects our social life. It makes us question everything. You can't help but be affected. I know most people find themselves surrounded by fertile people who have no idea the emotional, psychological and social impact that this has on you. Family members can't relate and are often callous because "It's not something serious, like cancer.". Friends are sometimes hard to be around. Even strangers are difficult sometimes to relate to, although sometimes they can be a little less intimidating, because their comments and situations don't have the kind of personal affect that those closest to us do.

 I don't know  if my coping strategies are the most effective or not. I tried not talking about it at first. That wasn't bearable. Too many comments about "When we were gonna.......". I tried being open and just trying to relate on that level. That brought out the worst in some people. Now, I'm just not dealing with alot of people on a regular basis. That isn't great either. I feel socially limited and just kinda left out sometimes. I don't know what the right answer is. I know that some people can be wittingly unsupportive and sometimes cruel about it. Those aren't people I would suggest having anything to do with. The other people who inflict harm without intention are just people who you have to have some understanding that they aren't aware and try to limit the impact they have.

I can relate to the whole visiting thing. I have to be a little honest with myself about that. Most of the people who don't visit are people who are numb to our predicament. I would rather they didn't. My husband is very supportive. He's an angel really. I had to be brutally honest with him about how this affected me in order to see the support that I didn't before. Men are a little different in the way they handle and express themselves. I did go through a period where I believed he wasn't as affected as I was. That changed as soon as I had my first really big breakdown over this after his sister poured some salt on the wound. She announced a planned pregnancy with a fling as an " anniversary gift" to my husband just after learning I had had recent difficulties. I put on a smile for everyone and then broke down in a fit of tears and hurt after all had left.. My husband had truly been unaware of how badly affected I was by it. He was even unaware of how "innappropriate" his sister's behavior had been and missed the grin she passed and held at me while she said the word "pregnant".  I know not everyone really means to hurt you by things that are said. Most really aren't cruel, just unaware. Sometimes the quack really does mean theres a duck there, though and those people you kinda have to cut out of your life. Those people are usually toxic in other ways anyway. I try to maintain relationships at the distance that's appropriate for each individual relationship. I tell myself that "when" we do have a child or children I am going to have to maintain relationships with family that are healthy for them. If they go over to a relatives house and I get a call saying they left their sleeping pills out, am I going to send them back there? In other words, would I expose my children to someone who would intentionally or through gross negligence harm them. The answer is no. The answer to how you maintain your own emotional and psychological welfare shouldn't be any different. After all, you are setting up a future.

As for how your in-laws see you. Don't worry about it. For goodness sakes, don't let someone else come between you and your spouse. And if your spouse does, then shame on him. You two are the most important people in the world to one another. Your relationship should be first and foremost. To have a loving and supportive extended family would be wonderful, but not everyone does. You need to concentrate on your priority relationship, and if that means kicking the in-laws to the curb until you can gain your equilibrium and set up some boundaries, then so be it.  Do it for you, do it for your husband, and for the future of future generations. Do what's healthy.

It does get better. I can't say the distress over infertility ever goes away. It hasn't for me. I have some days where I can still write your post. That's where places like these are so nice. On our bad days, we can get support. On our good ones, we can give it. Today is a good day for me. No, I still haven't seen a plus or two lines..... That would be a grand day! But, I'm doing okay today. It's days like today that I can realize that if this thing beats me without even a chance to put up a fight, I'm still going to put up a fight. I'm going to fight for someone else to win. And even if I do win, I'm still gonna fight for someone else. There's gotta be a light turned on for women and men and families everywhere in this darkness.
 
November 29, 2005, 11:11 pm CST

Reverse Vasectomy

Hi. My story is a little messed up. I left my husband in May because he cheated on me and now my divorce will be finalized soon. I just happened to run into an old family friend that I haven't seen for 13 years. I am 26 and he is 31. His brother threw a party and his family made sure I was there to meet him. I think there was some match-making going on. Anyway, he too is going through a divorce. He has a 5 year old son. I have no children. His wife also cheated and ran them into serious debt. Anyway, we immediately clicked. I did not expect to fall in love with someone this fast and not to play into the cheesy fate/destiny stuff, I feel like this is so right. I have never felt this way about anybody, including my husband that I was with for 8 and a half years, including dating and marriage. The point being that I have always wanted to be a mother, carry children, have a family, but the guy I am involved with had a vasectomy about 4 years ago. His wife was very sick after the first pregnancy and the doctor suggested they have no more children. He didn't anticipate her cheating (nobody does I guess) so he had a vasectomy. He told me up front about this, but I am really torn. I love him very much, and I love him for him, not because he can or can't have kids. There is no guarantee that I can even have kids. We have talked about doing a reverse vasectomy at some point, but that is around $8,000+ and not covered with insurance. There is another option with IV fertilization, but that is also expensive. There is also adoption, but I really would like to carry my children. If it comes down to it, we would adopt, there would be a solution, but it's just sad and tough. It's hard when you have wanted kids all your life and then find out that if I stay with this guy I might not be able to have them. We talk about this often, but have not come to a conclussion yet. I know it's early in our relationship and it might not work out, but we have clicked so quickly. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just getting this off my chest. Well, thanks for listening. If you have any advice or been in this situation, let me know. Thanks so much!  
 
December 1, 2005, 2:39 am CST

Hmmm....

Quote From: janessaluv

Hi. My story is a little messed up. I left my husband in May because he cheated on me and now my divorce will be finalized soon. I just happened to run into an old family friend that I haven't seen for 13 years. I am 26 and he is 31. His brother threw a party and his family made sure I was there to meet him. I think there was some match-making going on. Anyway, he too is going through a divorce. He has a 5 year old son. I have no children. His wife also cheated and ran them into serious debt. Anyway, we immediately clicked. I did not expect to fall in love with someone this fast and not to play into the cheesy fate/destiny stuff, I feel like this is so right. I have never felt this way about anybody, including my husband that I was with for 8 and a half years, including dating and marriage. The point being that I have always wanted to be a mother, carry children, have a family, but the guy I am involved with had a vasectomy about 4 years ago. His wife was very sick after the first pregnancy and the doctor suggested they have no more children. He didn't anticipate her cheating (nobody does I guess) so he had a vasectomy. He told me up front about this, but I am really torn. I love him very much, and I love him for him, not because he can or can't have kids. There is no guarantee that I can even have kids. We have talked about doing a reverse vasectomy at some point, but that is around $8,000+ and not covered with insurance. There is another option with IV fertilization, but that is also expensive. There is also adoption, but I really would like to carry my children. If it comes down to it, we would adopt, there would be a solution, but it's just sad and tough. It's hard when you have wanted kids all your life and then find out that if I stay with this guy I might not be able to have them. We talk about this often, but have not come to a conclussion yet. I know it's early in our relationship and it might not work out, but we have clicked so quickly. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just getting this off my chest. Well, thanks for listening. If you have any advice or been in this situation, let me know. Thanks so much!  
 I am assuming you are not really "planning" a family right now. You guys are not even divorced from your spouses and everyone "clicks" at first. I would suggest not jumping into another relationship with both feet that quickly. It wouldn't be fair for either one of you.

As for the future issues of having children with a person who has had a vasectomy, which is what I am assuming you are really here about..... There is another option. You can get a sperm donor. Men who have genetic issues with their sperm and men who don't produce sperm do it everyday. That is, of course if he has no problems with that. You will have to know it won't be his "biological" child. If you are both willing to adopt, that's probably not a big issue, but sometimes it is because of the child having a biological tie on one side but not the other.  I would suggest making sure it's a strong and lasting relationship before pursuing that option. It would allow you to carry a child and experience motherhood. It is relatively inexpensive.

I don't know what to tell you about getting into a relationship where there will be issues having children if you want them. I don't know if I would have married my husband if I had been sure I had problems. Probably, because he wouldn't have had issues with it. He wants them, but he sees all kinds of possibilities. On the other hand, if he had had issues, I would have still married him in a heartbeat. No spouse is going to be perfect. I would be less concerned with the event of having children than knowing my husband would be the type of husband and father that would be there for his children and I, through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer. There are lots of men who make babies out there. They are on the streets selling drugs, in the bars hanging out with the boys, umemployed and living in babies mammas welfare house...... The character of a man is so much more important than whether "his boys" swim. You can get sperm at a sperm fairly cheap. Getting a divorce is much more expensive, emotionally and financially.  I would be more concerned with the fact that he has alot of debt and the divorce issue. That, to me, is of much more a consequence of character and holds more ramifications for the future. I wouldn't hold it totally against him or you, just tread more slowly so you know what you are getting into.

If the sperm bank thing seems like an alternative to you, I would definitely discuss that with him before getting more involved. It wouldn't be fair to you or a future child if you weren't clear on his stance, and I'm not sure how a child like that would be treated in a divorce. You would definitely have to check that out legally.

Can I ask? If you have always wanted children, why didn't you and your last husband have any? It's none of my business, but I am just curious.

Anyhow, I hope you find a decision that sets well with what's in your heart and wish you the best in that.
 
December 1, 2005, 8:40 am CST

More on my situation and answers to your question!

Quote From: kimbrem

 I am assuming you are not really "planning" a family right now. You guys are not even divorced from your spouses and everyone "clicks" at first. I would suggest not jumping into another relationship with both feet that quickly. It wouldn't be fair for either one of you.

As for the future issues of having children with a person who has had a vasectomy, which is what I am assuming you are really here about..... There is another option. You can get a sperm donor. Men who have genetic issues with their sperm and men who don't produce sperm do it everyday. That is, of course if he has no problems with that. You will have to know it won't be his "biological" child. If you are both willing to adopt, that's probably not a big issue, but sometimes it is because of the child having a biological tie on one side but not the other.  I would suggest making sure it's a strong and lasting relationship before pursuing that option. It would allow you to carry a child and experience motherhood. It is relatively inexpensive.

I don't know what to tell you about getting into a relationship where there will be issues having children if you want them. I don't know if I would have married my husband if I had been sure I had problems. Probably, because he wouldn't have had issues with it. He wants them, but he sees all kinds of possibilities. On the other hand, if he had had issues, I would have still married him in a heartbeat. No spouse is going to be perfect. I would be less concerned with the event of having children than knowing my husband would be the type of husband and father that would be there for his children and I, through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer. There are lots of men who make babies out there. They are on the streets selling drugs, in the bars hanging out with the boys, umemployed and living in babies mammas welfare house...... The character of a man is so much more important than whether "his boys" swim. You can get sperm at a sperm fairly cheap. Getting a divorce is much more expensive, emotionally and financially.  I would be more concerned with the fact that he has alot of debt and the divorce issue. That, to me, is of much more a consequence of character and holds more ramifications for the future. I wouldn't hold it totally against him or you, just tread more slowly so you know what you are getting into.

If the sperm bank thing seems like an alternative to you, I would definitely discuss that with him before getting more involved. It wouldn't be fair to you or a future child if you weren't clear on his stance, and I'm not sure how a child like that would be treated in a divorce. You would definitely have to check that out legally.

Can I ask? If you have always wanted children, why didn't you and your last husband have any? It's none of my business, but I am just curious.

Anyhow, I hope you find a decision that sets well with what's in your heart and wish you the best in that.

Hi.

  

 

 Let me dissect your response a little bit. For starters, no, I am not planning on starting a family right now or getting engaged or married, etc. My divorce should be finalized next week. My “boyfriend” or whatever you want to refer to him as should have his finalized after the first of the year. I am not naïve in realizing that all relationships start out great and you click, but I also know that I haven’t felt this way about anyone before, in such short a period of time and even in my relationship with my husband. This man is the sweetest, most considerate man I have ever met. He always cares about what I think, if I am happy, etc. That is why the children issue is huge. I am honestly in love with him and because we can see each other in our futures’ is why the topic even came up in the first place. When we first started talking, in fact the 3rd day, I was talking about how I want to have a family someday and I love kids. He felt it was important to let me know from the beginning about this, which I appreciate him for.

  

 

 

  

 

The hardest part, as I have mentioned, is that having children is important to me, but I agree with what you have said and that is why this is tough. I don’t feel that not taking a chance with someone because they can’t provide me with children is a valid reason. He is everything I have ever wanted, with the exception of the situation at hand. Having a sperm donor, for me anyway, is out of the question. I would either want the children to be both of ours or neither of ours. That is mostly what I wondered, if anyone on here has done the alternatives and if they have worked out, meaning in-vitro or reverse vasectomy.

  

 

 

  

 

As far as his divorce goes, he is getting one because she cheated, more than once, broke the trust and filed for divorce. She has a lot of debt, not him. He had to file for bankruptcy 7 years ago because she forged his signature on credit card applications and ran up a ton of debt. He got out of it and she recently started again, but now they are separated and have been for sometime. He is responsible with money, so I am not worried about the debt.

  

 

 

  

 

Okay, about me. I love kids, have wanted to have kids for a long time, but I think besides some factors that I shouldn’t have had kids with my husband. First we weren’t financially capable, then we moved around a lot because of my husband and then he cheated. I am very grateful that I did not have children with him. He is an emotionally abusive borderline physically abusive person who also has problems with finances and trust (cheating). I have an old post on here somewhere when he cheated on me with my friend.

  

 

Last summer that happened and I was to be the Matron of Honor in the friends wedding.

  

 

 

  

 

Ask me anything you want, I have nothing to hide and appreciate all the advice I can get. I guess I just worry because I sincerely care about this guy, again, I feel crazy that I’m so wrapped up in him already, but the children issue makes me wonder if we are truly “meant to be”. It’s just a crazy situation. I haven’t been in a relationship with my husband for quite some time now and have dated a few people in between me leaving my husband in May and me dating my new “boyfriend”. It just feels right and I know that having someone that cares genuinely for me is more important that whether or not all his parts function correctly. That’s the polite way to put it. And who is to say that I myself can even have children.

  

 

 

  

 

Well I am going on and on, but please write back if you want.

  

 

 

  

 

Thanks so much!

  

 

 
December 2, 2005, 3:49 am CST

Wow, that's alot of stuff for you two to have experienced

Quote From: janessaluv

Hi.

  

 

 Let me dissect your response a little bit. For starters, no, I am not planning on starting a family right now or getting engaged or married, etc. My divorce should be finalized next week. My “boyfriend” or whatever you want to refer to him as should have his finalized after the first of the year. I am not naïve in realizing that all relationships start out great and you click, but I also know that I haven’t felt this way about anyone before, in such short a period of time and even in my relationship with my husband. This man is the sweetest, most considerate man I have ever met. He always cares about what I think, if I am happy, etc. That is why the children issue is huge. I am honestly in love with him and because we can see each other in our futures’ is why the topic even came up in the first place. When we first started talking, in fact the 3rd day, I was talking about how I want to have a family someday and I love kids. He felt it was important to let me know from the beginning about this, which I appreciate him for.

  

 

 

  

 

The hardest part, as I have mentioned, is that having children is important to me, but I agree with what you have said and that is why this is tough. I don’t feel that not taking a chance with someone because they can’t provide me with children is a valid reason. He is everything I have ever wanted, with the exception of the situation at hand. Having a sperm donor, for me anyway, is out of the question. I would either want the children to be both of ours or neither of ours. That is mostly what I wondered, if anyone on here has done the alternatives and if they have worked out, meaning in-vitro or reverse vasectomy.

  

 

 

  

 

As far as his divorce goes, he is getting one because she cheated, more than once, broke the trust and filed for divorce. She has a lot of debt, not him. He had to file for bankruptcy 7 years ago because she forged his signature on credit card applications and ran up a ton of debt. He got out of it and she recently started again, but now they are separated and have been for sometime. He is responsible with money, so I am not worried about the debt.

  

 

 

  

 

Okay, about me. I love kids, have wanted to have kids for a long time, but I think besides some factors that I shouldn’t have had kids with my husband. First we weren’t financially capable, then we moved around a lot because of my husband and then he cheated. I am very grateful that I did not have children with him. He is an emotionally abusive borderline physically abusive person who also has problems with finances and trust (cheating). I have an old post on here somewhere when he cheated on me with my friend.

  

 

Last summer that happened and I was to be the Matron of Honor in the friends wedding.

  

 

 

  

 

Ask me anything you want, I have nothing to hide and appreciate all the advice I can get. I guess I just worry because I sincerely care about this guy, again, I feel crazy that I’m so wrapped up in him already, but the children issue makes me wonder if we are truly “meant to be”. It’s just a crazy situation. I haven’t been in a relationship with my husband for quite some time now and have dated a few people in between me leaving my husband in May and me dating my new “boyfriend”. It just feels right and I know that having someone that cares genuinely for me is more important that whether or not all his parts function correctly. That’s the polite way to put it. And who is to say that I myself can even have children.

  

 

 

  

 

Well I am going on and on, but please write back if you want.

  

 

 

  

 

Thanks so much!

  

 

 I will tell you that, if children are important to both of you and you don't have an extra 25 grand or so hanging around, this issue is going to be huge in your relationship. If you think it matters to you now, just think about how much it will tear you apart 3 years from now or six. If you've spent one night thinking mournfully about not having children and he is the one, you will spend a thousand crying after you have laid in his arms for several years gazing at him and feeling that maternal urge tear you into pieces. If you have any tendancies towards addiction, then hide the pills or break out the prozac, because this thing will take over your life.

Let me take a moment to ask your forgiveness here. It's not that I don't think you should get into the relationship. I simply want you to understand, truly understand what HE double L is. Infertility is a living one. If you are blessed enough to have a marriage with a man who you would walk through fire for, then it's not only damnation, but living damnation. The closer you grow, the more you love each other and you will grow to love him more even when it doesn't seem possible... The more difficult it will be to miss that piece of you. I never knew life could be so blessed and so cursed at once, until I found I was depriving my husband of the one thing that most hookers downtown could give him.

My husband has the patience and devotion of a saint. He is the image of what a father should be. I only wish he has some ex-wife who had born him someone who had the tiniest part of him there. The world would be blessed and so would I. Maybe that's something you can't understand yet, but trust me that you will once you grow to love him in a way you never understood love could be.

I would still desire a child with him, maternal urges are something that can be denied, but only by that same force that created them in the first place.  Infertility is so difficult. It isn't something that gets easier by time itself. It grows harder to bear. Maybe you should know what you are getting yourself into.... I'm not sure if I would want to. I don't know if I would have survived this long if I knew how difficult it would be.  If you really want to know what comes next, then look up the prices of treatment and don't calculate too low. Don't just read the success stories, because most treatments have at best a 50% success. Also know that that number doesn't include the ones who never made it that far. Sure IVF in some clinics have 50%, but that's only per embryo transferred. Talk to all the people who got their cycles cancelled before they even got to retrieval, all the ones who's eggs didn't fertilize and all the ones that never had any to transfer. With the vasectomies, look at all the factors, not just which ones had success enough to make it through sperm washing to an IUI. See all the ones who have boys that won't perform. All the ones who have ones that won't make it past sperm washing and all the ones who have to have several surgeries to correct things that didn't go right with the first. See how many of all those actually got babies in the end. Then look at all the costs involved. Yes, you can have it reversed, but if it fails, you may have to have sperm extracted with IVF. If that's the case, you will almost certainly have to have an advanced IVF, with extra costs, and that might not work either. Plan on spending about 40-50 grand and hopefully coming home with a baby.

Those are the things an infertile woman will never say to herself. Well, at least one who isn't somewhat wealthy. We don't say them, because if we had to look at what it really looks like, some of us would just give up.

I really hope things work out well and that you find the answers to your questions.

Kim
 
December 3, 2005, 4:52 pm CST

Kim

You said: 

  

"How's the clomid working for you? Are you having ultrasounds to check follicle growth? Go girl! And score one for the rest of us!" 

  

Well, here it is Dec. and the clomid is not doing anything. I live 6 hours from the fertility clinic so I can't do the ultrasounds. I wish I had something better to report, but I just don't. 

  

Lora 

 
December 4, 2005, 1:22 am CST

Lora,

Quote From: jevon34

You said: 

  

"How's the clomid working for you? Are you having ultrasounds to check follicle growth? Go girl! And score one for the rest of us!" 

  

Well, here it is Dec. and the clomid is not doing anything. I live 6 hours from the fertility clinic so I can't do the ultrasounds. I wish I had something better to report, but I just don't. 

  

Lora 

 I'm so sorry to hear that. I was hoping to hear something great. Do you have a regular OBG closer to you? They are as good as most fertility clinics for clomid treatment. I know most, like me would rather have those things done by place where fertility is priority, but sometimes you just take what you can get. Maybe you could even get your ultrasounds done as a satellite treatment.  See if you can find a place where they can digitize the images and send them electronically. I know my husband works on medical electronics and this is definitely a possibility.

Are you taking an HCG trigger? booster? Monitoring your clomid treatment with OPK monitoring? That is definitely a good idea. IF not, please talk to your docs about adding all this in. How about progesterone?

I really hoped to hear some great news from you. I'm having an HSG done this coming week. IT's been so long trying to get. I'm not really expecting positive news, but I would be severely remiss if we didn't explore it now that it's open to us. It's six and a half years now and not even a single pregnancy. These holidays are hard on me, as they are on everyone going through this at this time of the year. I may be trying the clomid again if there's any hope after the test next week. If I do, we're going full out  with the medication treatment. There's no insurance for it, but  I'll be 35 soon. IVF with PGD will be out of our reach for at least a few more years and there's no real positive hope that it will be in our reach in any time near enough to be hopeful.

It would be nice if there were some kind of option open to infertile couples. Something that might offer hope so that time doesn't run out on us. I know we are trying to do it the honest and hard way. While so many of our peers and family run up their debt shopping for needless things only to file bankruptcy once they have what they want, we are struggling to be financially responsible and build our finances so that this treatment is available to us. The really awful thing is that  our fiscal responsibility looks like it's going to cost us a family. I don't know any other way to do it. We've always done it the hard way. I worked overtime to help so my husband could go to school full-time. We ate dried beans and hot dogs so that we could pay for clothes for my husband's job after he graduated. I gave up the last of my "baby fund" last year so that we could finish paying the creditors that my husband had defaulted to  when he  fell on hard times in school before I met him.  I have kept up hope that those sacrifices would pay off eventually.  We are financially stable now.  We're in a relatively decent position, but we can't cough up that kind of money yet.  We're getting there. The awful thing is that in 7 years or so, that money won't be a problem. But in seven years or so a family will be a dream of the past. So, somehow, someway, I have to find a way to do this much sooner.  I'm still working on it and maybe I can pull it off in three. Or maybe, just maybe there's a miracle out there waiting to happen. Keep your fingers crossed for us and say a prayer. I'll do the same for you.

Keep your chin up Lora, If I still can, then you can find the hope to!

Have a wonderful holiday season and kiss those little ones.

Kim
 
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