Topic : Infertility

First off, I know exactly how you feel after your HSG. You are very fortunate that it didn't hurt for you. Mine was near unbearable. I nearly shot off the table.  I have had uterine biopsies that hurt less than that darn Hsg. They said it was only bad cause they had to push through a block in my cervix. I really had hoped that that was the problem but that was done about 6 months ago. My sil had one and concieved the very next month. We just celebrated his 1st birthday. I am praying for the same results for you. 

  

You said "Are you taking an HCG trigger shot? That's something you can be taught to do at home." This would be very easy for me since I have Immetrex shots I have to do on myself anyway. Military Dr. never suggested it. Do you have to go through a Dr. for this? 

  

Lora 

You do have to go to the doc for the HCG trigger. It  is used to force the ovulation. Sometimes women respond by making eggs with the clomid or other drugs, but don't ovulate them. It can also help tremendously with timing the sperm to meet the egg. I know there is usually a shot class you sometimes have to do at the doc's office. If you're already familiar with giving a shot, I would certainly ask your doc about it. The biggest obstacle to overcome is how tuned into what you need and you as an individual your doctor is. It's so much a part of society that there is a certain protocol docs follow and it is individual to each doctor's office as to whether they will let you have certain treatment if you follow their protocol.

On that note, I am having a somewhat difficult time mentally with seeking treatment again. well, I guess it really stems from finances. The doc's office wants to run the same tests I have had done three times in the past. My issue is that we are simply trying to seek treatment for the infertility and have very limited finances at this point. I probably wouldn't really mind doing the tests if we weren't so limited. I really would like to know why my body is acting this way, but don't feel like we really have the luxury of exploring it at this point. They want to run an FSH, which is very understandable since I'm approaching 35. They want to do a fasting glucose and fasting insulin, which seems unneccessary and redundant, since my fasting glucose has been consistently at about 88 in the past and the fasting insulin was 12, very within normal range and not within the PCOS guidlines. They also want to redo a prolactin and TSH which have been done 3 times and all within normal range. I'm having a difficult time with deciding whether or not to take a stance with just rehashing the same old blood tests. I might be more open to doing say a 24 hour urine corisol and a full thyroid panel, or maybe even a Glucose tolerance with insulin, since that would at least cover all the bases, but  I am feeling that just repeating the same tests is redundant and such a waste of our very limited resources. It seems the docs just want to rehash everything that is already there. I really want treatment and am a little afraid they will refuse treatment if I question their method, but at the same time I really would like my doctor to look at me and not as a case which fits his nice molds for infertility.  Isn't infertility wonderful? I am going to have to discuss these things with the doctor's office but am really not sure what kind of reception I will meet. I have to say some people in medicine have this really crazy idea that all their patients are completely ignorant of what is happening. I really think, especially with infertility patients, that we strive to know what's happening because it's so important in our lives. I didn't go to medical school, but I think I should play some role in my treatment besides filling out paperwork, changing into a gown and putting my feet in the air.  Maybe it's just difficult for a physician to be individual. They would have to put themselves into a thousand different shoes.

 After I got my one HCG trigger, I got sick. It wasn't right off. That night or the next day, I forget which, I got very dizzy and disoriented, started vomiting, vertigo is the right term I think. Anyways, I ended up in the ER where they said it was my ears or I was dehydrated, both were given as reasons. They said it had nothing to do with the HCG shot. I haven't experienced anything like that since or before and it was very distressing. The timing of it's occurence made me believe it had something to do with the shot. It's not something I have ever heard anyone say anything about, but I did think I should mention it. Funny thing is, I would do the shot again in a heartbeat and plan on asking for it again. Even though my mind associates that night with the shot, getting the best chance is important enough to endure anything. I say that now, LOL. My husband was honestly probably more sressed out by the event. He got scared and insisted I go to the hospital. It was pretty horrible for him. He said I passed out several times and I know he got the result of the world spinning all over him a few times. I give my thanks for having such a truly understanding and devoted husband. It's so wonderful to have someone so there for you and by your side when you know it's not pretty.

And my wonderful Christmas gift is the same as for Thankgiving...my period. I only have one cycle left of clomid and then we are done. It is hard enough living with my husband's family and having all our belongings in storage for the past 6 months, living basically in seclusion, and near complete misery. Now I get the joy of knowing, yet again, there will be no more blessings and happiness from more children in our home. My pain is indescribable. I am thankful that this holiday is not about me, I will do everything in my power to focus on Christ my Savior while celebrating with a non-Christ centered family. I am lighting my makeshift Advent candles in my room, hopefully with the reflection of Hope, Love, Peace, Joy, and Christ I will make it through this cycle. I will pray for those of you in a similar situation.  

  

Lora 

 I know this is awful, I got the same gift for Christmas this year..... Definitely not the brightly colored package I was hoping for.

 One more cycle is one more chance. We are on the fence right now at a point where we're not really sure what to do. So many things happening at once. We have actually started talking about adoption as a real alternative. It's a rollercoaster journey.

 I know it's very painful. I can't be in your shoes and know your pain, but I am in a twin pair and know just how long that road seems. I don't know if I will ever experience motherhood. I know the experience of infertility has dampened my spirits and put me in very low places emotionally.  Sometimes it amazes me that some people know so little about true emotional hardship that they believe the people experiencing it aren't in touch with their faith when those of us who have know so well just how close to ourselves it brings us. It's odd how well you get to know what's in your heart, no matter the pain it brings. Keep up your chin Lora, and just know that your family is so important. The gift of family is such a precious thing, even when that family is as mine just two. Try to celebrate life, every day and make all those special occasions special. It's hard, I know. Just don't let the pain of what you are going through cause you more pain than it already does.

Happy New Years.....

Kim

 people out there that use this site. How sad, I think we could use support from more people who have gone through or are going through this. Loss of fertility is much like the loss of a child-truamatic. I know that the few of us on this board are not the only people going through this. I wonder if some are ashamed or blame themselves? I think we could help them if they were to open up. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I have had since the boards changed. I am sad that so few come here.

Lora

Since it seems like we are the only ones here for now......

I have been spending the time thinking about adoption more and more.  Hubby and I have decided to give it a little time to let that option set in and research just how to go about it. 

I've been spending the time lately trying to "convince" myself  that I really don't want to go through labor anyways LOL! It's not true.... but I can try to make lemonade, right?

We aren't really sure if that will be the option for us or not. We definitely don't have 50 grand to spend on that and won't, but we have decided to research alternative adoptions.  My husband is so wonderful. He is firm that a child of ours will be a child of ours whether by birth or choice. That helps tremendously. I know his heart so well and know it will make no difference in his eyes how that child comes to us.  I feel in my heart that adoption may be our choice. I know the way I feel about children and that I will miss a whole part of motherhood, but I don't feel like missing pregnancy is going to dampen how I feel about the other parts of being a mother.  I am actually feeling quite excited lately about this possibility.  Believe it or not, I think that I am feeling alot better mentally about the whole journey of infertility just because this whole other avenue looks like a wonderful alternative.

I can't help but remember the show Dr Phil had about the couple who had bad adoption experiences.... I really don't want to go on another nightmare journey. Infertility itself was bad enough for several lifetimes. I really don't want to consider it in a very guarded fashion either though.... I think that would dampen the whole experience for us.

It's very nice to know that if we become parents by birth or by choice that I am feeling that either will fulfill that part of us wonderfully. I think I have reached a comfort zone for now.

Gosh it's good to have an upswing!  As for the infertility journey... it still continues. We aren't saying no more, just that the other options seem really nice too!

I am 25 years  old.  My husband and I have been married for a little over a year.  I want children very badly! I am one of the ones that get sad when I see mothers with New born babies.  When I hear that someone that I know and that I am close to has become pregnant, it tears me up inside.  My husband, however, is not ready for childern and sometimes I dont think that he will ever be.  He keeps telling me that he scared to become a dad, because he is not sure that he is not going to be able to disapline is children in the correct manner.  I know that he is scared, so how do I help him not become scared.  Thanks so much for the advice, K

 I am so happy for you. If both parents are willing and ready to adopt, then I am sure the child will be blessed. It is good to have options. I have been ready to adopt for about a year, but hubby wasn't interested until this Christmas when two other infertile families discussed thier upcoming adoptions with him. Now he has said if we don't get pregnant within the next 6 months, we will start the adoption process. I am concerned however that with us being a home schooling family and my husband being 100 percent disabled that we may not qualify. Time will tell.

If we do adopt, we will go international. International adoptions are less time and less chance of the birth parents changing thier mind. I originally wanted the birth parents to have an active roll in the adopted child's life, but after all the stories about them doing it only to get free medical, i can't take that chance. I feel we have suffered enough and losing a child would be horrible.

I hope all goes well with you guys and grats on a positive focus!

Lora

 I hate to say this but the issue of children really should be addressed prior to the wedding. If your husband isn't ready to have children, it wouldn't be very promising for you to become pregnant. Your relationship could suffer greatly.

I empathize with you about knowing people who get pregnant and have newborns. I remember nearly 3 years ago when I went to a conference with 8 other fertile women. Within 3 months from this conference every single one of them either had a baby or became pregnant, but not me. That was extremely hard to deal with. One of the ladies that became pregnant has fought with infertility all her life so I was happy for her, but it was still hard. These feelings won't go away until you change your perspective. It is hard to truely be happy for others at times, but once you are able to do that it will help ease the pain you feel.

I guess, my advice is to work on your husband by exposing him to children and talking with him honestly about where you want to be in 5 years(with children or not). I hope you figure it out and don't continue to be miserable.

Lora