Topic : Infertility

 Hello everyone.  I am new here.  My husband and I are no longer ttc, but I still struggle sometimes with the fact that I haven't experienced pregnancy.  I have two beautiful children through adoption and I thank my Heavenly Father for them daily.  When I look at them, I understand why I couldn't get pregnant when I wanted to.  When we get the 2nd adoption paid off, we'll try to adopt again.  I get so tired of people saying, "now that you're not trying, you'll get pregnant" or "now that you've adopted 2, you'll get pregnant."  If I do, that's great, but if I don't, that's ok too.  I still feel blue sometimes, but's it's not too bad.  Mainly just when I hear of someone close to me becoming pregnant, like my 19 year old niece.  She graduated from HS in May, got married one week later and is expecting her first baby in June.  I am not upset with her in anyway...just wishing I knew what she was going through.  Of course, once the bundle of joy is here then I'll be able to relate to her.  I was fortunate to get my oldest straight from the hospital and my youngest was only 4 days old.

It's good to find a place to vent, or just be myself without people judging me! 

Hi there. I am new here. My husband and I have been TTC for nearly two years, shortly after the birth of our daughter.  I discovered this past January that I have PCOS after an endometrial cancer scare. I am now on metformin to help regulate my body. I just recently had my first "normal" period. Ever. 

   I am beginning to lose hope that we will ever have another baby. I am thankful and blessed to have my daughter, but it is hard when you hear your two year old say,"I want baby!" It breaks my heart when I watch her interact with friends' infants, because I know that she would love to have a younger sibling.  

   How can I keep hope alive???? 

I saw your quote and it started my mind running...  My husband too has been told he has a zero sperm count.  I wonder, did you and he ever have additional tests or fertility-type things done to try and conceive? 

HI, WOULD YOU MIND LETTING ME KNOW WHAT AGENCY YOU USED. I HAVE CALLED A COUPLE OF THEM AND THEY DONOT GO LOWER THAN 25K. ANY AND ALL INFORMATION ABOUT ADOPTING WOULD HELP.THIS IS ALL VERY OVERWHELMING, AS YOU KNOW. THANKS, MADDY

 Pretty presumptuous to suggest one go to the "Lord, King of Kings" blah blah blah.....
Infertility is so extremely personal and I can't imagine it not leading a person to examine their spiritual station...just like when people become gravely ill - they think about the 'bigger picture'.
Also, I get tired of people saying things like "leave it to God"...so, if there is something wrong with me I should not go to the doctor? Why ever would God allow us to learn so much about the human body and advance so far in medicine only to reject it in favor of prayer?
In my faith we have a saying "tie your camel then leave it to God" - which means do all one can do to secure what one needs THEN (and in addition) leave it to God.

 My husband is 50 and I am 40. Married 5 years (to each other - each previously married).

I married thinking "ok, I am infertile and he has children, so I will just not hope for children". But then he keeps making statements that suggests that he is interested in having children. So, I begin hoping. I go to the doctor to solve problems with my menstrual cycle as well as improve my chances of fertility. Hubby must provide 'samples' but has been reluctant. He keeps promising, putting it off further and further. Really frustrating because hope without success is so painful for me. It would be more bearable if I could just resolve that I will not be having children.

My husband is not being clear with me - on the one hand he says he wants a baby, but on the other hand he does not do the necessary steps to have a baby.

I really don't know how to interpret this anymore and it is causing me to feel very indecisive about what I should do in the whole scheme of my infertility treatments - which, by the way, will only progress so far unless and until he provides a sample.

 I can't read his mind. Could he have some personal fear that is keeping him from going? I know  that my husband and I have a good relationship, but sometimes my own worries, fears, etc don't get fully shared with my husband. I sometimes feel I would let him down and/ or pull him down by sharing everything that goes on in my head.

Just for example. We both want to buy a house. I am on and off about it and I'm sure I send very mixed signals to my husband. I have fears about buying a house. I have a general fear of deprivation and poverty as well as feeling like this decision is so big that I am not really the best person to make it. I don't tell my husband these things, I just try to talk to him about buying a house itself and try to work out my own fears because I know they are irrational. I might not be well-able to rationalize my own fears, but I'm intelligent enough to realize how irrational they are.  I will need to discuss my fears with my husband, but we are so very different . He doesn't see things the same way as I and sometimes I don't feel it would be helpful or productive to share the way I feel.

Stuff like that bogs our decisions all the time. I admit that it's me who is the wishy-washy person, but it's not intended to sabotage anything. Maybe your husband is similar to me? Maybe he is uncertain or fearful of the process or outcome and can't make up his own mind on this issue. Most of the time I don't even realize that I am doing it.

I don't know what you can do to make him feel comfortable enough to share everything that is going on in his mind. We are all very odd as people sometimes. We all run around trying to be "brave" and self-sufficient and all that jazz. Sometimes it's dificult to "connect". It's very difficult to drop all those things that "insulate" us and be what we are.... vulnerable.

I feel for what you are going through. I know how difficult it was for me today to feel the empty space here. Especially the holidays are difficult.  The inability to find a solution is very difficult.  I am assuming that you do wish for a baby in your heart. I am only assuming that because that's how I feel.  I insulate myself from it by telling people that we are just going it without children, but this desire is like kryptonite to Superman. It makes me vulnerable, no matter how much I would like to insulate myself from it. And it's a feeling that I can't turn off. So, I say that if you desire it and you can do something to try to explore it. Make those feelings clear to your husband. Be vulnerable.  No matter what happens, at least you will not go ahead feeling regret about not confronting it later.

I do hope you find some resolution on this and you find fulfillment. Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays!

Kim

 Part of my Thanksgiving prayer today is this

I am thankful that I feel the emptiness in my heart. I am thankful because it means my heart is alive and there is still hope to fill it.

Wow! Kudos to you for being so brave & patient! My hubby & I have been trying for 2 and half years and basically they removed endometriosis & keep telling me to chart me ovulation. Or we could opt ot go on Chlomid. Any suggestions where I can get info. on that drug. Or how do I go about talking with a fetility specialist? Also, I'm new to all of this...what does TTC mean? Thank you so much & take care! BB