Topic : Pregnancy Loss

This Mother's Day was the 2nd one I "celebrated (?)" after I had my miscarriage.  I have no children (yet) and I fear that I may never have any because I suffer from cystic fibrosis.  My husband and I are trying with no success as of yet.  We don't know if it was a boy or girl, so my husband chose the name Shannen (could be used for either).   I have received no support through this (except from my husband).   My mother suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder & Munchausen's by Proxy (both of which the negativity was mainly directed toward me)... so let's just say that she is not a good support person.  I bought Shannen a teddy bear on the day I found out I was pregnant with him/her... I was so excited!   My mother saw this on a recent visit and said, chuckling, "Well, you really jumped the gun there, didn't you?"  (regarding buying the bear).  What the hell?!  How can a mother be so cruel?  So, needless to say this Mother's Day was horrendously difficult for me.  Not only do I not have a mother, but I lost my only baby.   I am hoping (very much) to get pregnant again soon.  My biggest dream is to be a mother and to give my child everything that I can give.  It will be a different experience from my mother-child relationship, that's for sure. 

Hi everyone. I hope that you are all managing to get through today. I hope you had a laugh, a smile, a moment where your baby's loss was somehow tempered by something good. 

  

I was doing some research today and found a master's thesis paper that is very insightful. It is by Myrna Lani Willick and is entitled  "The Grief Never Goes Away: A Study of Meaning Reconstruction and Long-Term Grief in Parents' Narratives of Perinatal Loss." The paper can be found at: 

  

http://library.usask.ca/theses/available/etd-03172006-120304/unrestricted/MyrnaWillickETD.pdf 

  

There's a lot of good information and personal stories in Ms. Willick's paper. Hope that this provides some support. 

  

Take care all. 

Hello, everyone.  My name is Tonya and I'm new to the message boards.  I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks in January of 02'.  I didn't even know that I was pregnant.  Since then I have had a lot of nightmares and panic attacks.  I feel really guilty about it and wish that I could have done something to have prevented the miscarriage from happening.  Both my husband and I have taken this really hard.  I was wondering if there was anyone out there who could relate to my situation and possibly offer any advice on what steps we need to take to be able to move forward with our lives?

Good day to everyone..Mine is not so good.. I feel quite bothered today. Could it be because i am soon to get my period. I notice that about a week before I'm am very abrupt  and it feels like im fighting off not to bawl my eyes out. or because i've been reading all the postings from stillnomore, and everyone right now is talking about autopsy. I couldn't bring myself to let them do it at that time, DR said is was obvious what had happened. Now I understand why they asked so many times. I am fortunate to know what happened unlike alot of other women, but who knows if there was anything genetic. but i cant help feeling like i should of said yes.....I also can say it does feel alot  more harder to handle when i am about to start menstration....ok...must do groceries and get ready for work...thanks a whole lot.... 

Cameron's mommy 

This is my first time on the board for incase something goes wrong. I'm 24 and had "twins" last year. I actually carried triplets, but one baby didn't form at all. There was only extra membranes. So they called it twins. Of the two babies I carried, one had major defects. I went into labour at 29 weeks of pregnancy, with little hope of my healthy baby, Natania, surviving.  I had to undergo a C-section because of my one baby's defects. Natania was born at only 1kg. The defect baby, Shantè, had no lungs, bladder, genitals, rectum and kidneys, she litteraly had two left legs, one facing backwards and only half a chest bone. Yet, she lived till the moment she was born, and after they cut the cord she died on my lap. I was fine all along, until a few weeks back when depression hit me. Whether this is late baby blues, i don't know. I cry allot and suffer from insomnia. The thing that bothers me the most is that Natania will miss a big part of her life being a single twin. Today she is one year and 2 months, and she has a personality stronger than two. 

It's been a year and 2 months for me, and I've learned that climbing a mountain takes one difficult step at a time. Sometimes you turn away from the mountain cause it seems too difficult, but sometimes you feel like challenging a small bit of it. Giving you this message does not mean i follow my own advice, i hope i can oneday. I have started climbing my mountain, but I'm still in the rough, it feels like the small stones are slipping away under me. Like running on a treadmill. You run and run, but you find yourself at the same place you started. It's good to know there are other people with the same feelings like me. There I was, thinking I'm insane.  

   

Just keep climbing,  

Single twin Mommy  

hi, 

  

I haven't been on here in a long time but I wanted to drop a quick line. I was in bed for a month with hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) and was in the hospital 3 times. They have finally found a drug that helps a bit but I am not better by any means. I am taking it one day at a time.  

  

I have been thinking of this board the whole time and decided to check in. I had a very difficult day yesterday....it was the EDD for the baby I lost. OUCH. I am now almost 14 weeks with the current pregnancy and I am still terrified.  I wish I felt better so I could do some personals. Hopefully things will get better over the next few weeks. Thinking of you all, 

  

Mel 

Hey Melgal......I'M sorry that you are so sick...I wish I could help you. I've been thinking of you like crazy and im glad to hear you are dealing....Always here if ya wanna chat..or get things out.. 

  

Take care your buddy  

Tiffany Cameron's mommy!!!!!:) 

Hi everyone...although the last post was my own..We are now July..11th, I have not wrote in some time but I am now feeling the nerves bundling up inside. Not because my wedding is 31 days away but because im sure in the next few weeks I will becme pregnant for the 3rd time. For those who can't remember i lost my first son @41 weeks on Novenber 16 due to a cord accident. Then i lost my 2nd the following june. If it was up to my fiance i would of been a pregnant bride. Now that the time is coming, I'm getting scared. I have had over 1 full year for my body to recouperate, and blood work done to make sure that when i do start every thing is what it should be. All my tests came back normal. I just feel kind of nervous and I want  so bad to feel relaxed in body and mind through out the pregancy. I'm not even pregnant yet and im scared already...What should I do.  

Melgal.....Hope all is well and Chikara i hope you read this.. 

Miss the postings  

Cameron's mommy. Tiffany 

hi Tiffany,  

I can relate to what you are feeling now.  Its been a long time since I've been on this board.  It has been 15 months since my miscarrige and I am now 17 weeks pregnant.  We have only just told our families in the last week b/c I have been so scared that something was going to happen.  Every twinge I got I became anxious, to the point where i was having severe panic attacks.  That has all calmed down now, but its still not easy.  i really have to think of the baby and know that what I feel he feels, which helps keep my emotions in check,  I wish you all the best for the upcoming wedding and all the very best for your future pregnancy.