Topic : Pregnancy Loss

When I read your story I was touched. You and I have had a very similar experience. My husband and I lost our son On Oct. 31, 2005. I had a pretty "normal' pregnancy (aside from getting a cerclage b/c of a cervical surgery) until my 17th week. I was on a bus trip with some business partners and I woke up feeling wet. I discovered that my pants were soaked with blood. I imediately thought I had miscarried. I was rush to the hospital, they found a heart beat and everything appeared to be fine. they called it  a cervical "nose bleed". It happened again a few days later at home and i was admitted to the hospital. I continued having severe bleeds and they could not find the cause of the bleeding. at 20 wks they discovered that i had 2 placental abrutions and a subchorinic hemorage. I went into premature labor on 0ct 28 and they managed to stop it. they removed my cerclage the next day because they didnt want my cervix to tear and i had our son on monday. I was fortunate enogh to get to hold my son. He lived for 3 hrs with out medical intervention. They refused to put him on life support because he hadnt reach the age of viabilty. After our son was born the doctors started to do some test and found out that i had a blood clotting disorder call prothrombin gene mutation. I to had never had any awareness of this disorder and I was told that it is escalated by pregnancy. Our son's name was James Patrick. I now know that in order to have more children i have to be on blood thinners during my pregnancy and take a progesterone shot daily.  I was wondering if you have to go through the same treatment to have another child? If you ever want to chat im here. you are the only other person i have met that lost a baby because of a blood clotting disorder. I share you pain.

Missa

mommy to baby angel James. I miss you baby J

I had a miscarriage at the end of July this year.  Right now I guess you would say  I am either depressed or angry.  Normal reactions.  I'm angry for a few reasons.  First of all the miscarriage might have been prevented but unfortunately, my husband and I don't know.  I had gone to a birthing center and saw certified nurse midwives.  Unfortunately, I guess you would say that the prenatal care that they gave me was less then stellar.  I got bit by a tick while pregnant and wanted to speak to one of them about it just to make sure there wasn't anything extra I had to do.  They never called us back and when I went in for my appointment after that the midwife that I saw was surprised that I had been bit.  We had had an appointement a month before and they had done some bloodwork on me. Well, I guess no one looked at the paperwork because there were some of my labs missing and their were 2 big problems: my progestrogen levels were way low and my thryoid levels were also way low (these are 2 big things that are factors in a misscarriage).  But, my husband and I didn't her from them during that month after the first appointment.  Then when they knew that they needed to do an ultrasound they reassured us that they would get us in the next day and call us at 8:30 to give us the appointment time.  Instead, when my husband called (because they hadn't called us and it was way past 8:30) they said that they would get to us after they got all of their Friday stuff done (this was Tuesday). 

Besides thinking about that stuff I guess you would say I have the normal anger.  I think about my husband's sister in law  (who we both don't get along with because she has gone out of her way to be a disrespectful and deliberately mean won't go into the story here this isn't the toxic inlaw board) who was overweight (at least 250) before she got pregnant, didn't take care of herself and went on to get gestinal diabetes and ended up having a perfectly healthy baby girl.  I think why does someone like that get to have a baby and I can't carry one.  I took care of myself (ate right most of the time and exercised) and someone who doesn't care enough about her baby to be healthy can have one.  I'm not perfect mind you.  I see women that are pregnant smoking or know of women who are smokers and smoke while pregnant give birth and think why??????

I haven't had good self esteem in the past.  This just makes me think badly upon myself again.  My husband isn't the reason why the baby didn't survive it was me.  My body was inadaquate=me inadaquate again.  In a since it was my fault. because of my thryoid and hormones.  My husband is younger then me he's 26 and I'm 30.  He doesn't blame me for what happen but at times I feel like he should find someone else so that he can have children.  I say this because I'm afraid that I won't be able to carry a baby to term.  In my head if we are fortunate enough to get pregant  I'm deathly afraid that I will have another miscarriage.  The way I feel right now is that it will happen.  I also think I will be 31 by the time we will be able to try, what if it takes a long time not only will I be afraid of miscarriage but of birth defects as well.  I want to have children but I'm almost petrified to try now. 

Sorry about the jumble of thoughts.  I just would appreciate any advice anyone has on coping.

Thank you.

When I got pregnant in January 2005, I already knew my pregancy could be a difficult one because of my medical history. I have received a kidney transplant in 1997 but it has been "working" great since. After 6 months of consultations with many doctors, they finally agree that I could get pregnant, warning me there still could be problems. One month later, I was pregnant!

The first months were great.  I had no morning sickness, I had a lot of energy etc. But slowly, my blood pressure started to get highter. They gave me medication but it was not working has hoped. Then, at the 23rd week checkup, they realised I had started pre-eclampsia (One of the thing they warned me about). They decided to keep me in the hospital to check on me and the baby. The baby was doing fine but it needed more time before it could breath. Unfortunately, the day after, the doctor told me that it was worst and that now I had developed HELLP (my liver, my kidneys etc, all my organs were "crazy!). The only way to stop this was to deliver the baby, and I had to, my life was on the line! At its weight (1lb) they already knew it couldn't survive.The good point is we never had to make the decision to try to keep it alive or not. After about 48 hours of medications, I was able to give birth naturally to a baby boy. The day after, the HELLP was treated and everything was back to normal.

I was, as you may imagine, very devastated. I had worked so hard on this project and now it was over. Luckily for me, I had friends and family who were very supportive, not to mention my boyfriend who has been there with me all the way. I have to say it has brought us a lot closer and I can't imagine how it was to be in his shoes.

However, my positive thinking amd "experience" with difficult situation has helped me get back on my feet quickly. I knew that this was not happening for nothing. One year later, I now have my answers. The past year has been one of accomplishments for me and opportunities. Since, I have been able to work in a great school (I'm a teacher) I was able to complete University classes in a very short period of time to help me in my teaching, I lost weight and got in shape and I learned to play guitar.  All those things would have not been possible otherwise. I'm happy of where I'm at right now. All those things have boosted my confidence and I feel a lot better about myself, even though it was ok before.

I still want to try for a baby (I'm only 27) but right now  I feel there may be some things I should do before. There are still some health issues to deal with anyway.

I just want you out there to know  that even though the lost may seem huge, it has a reason to be and it will have a positive outcome at the end at one time.

For the last few months I have been having lots of problems with my hormones. I went without a period for six months and my doctor gave me a hormone treatment and we thought it was working.  I had my period for two months and we thought everything was going fine.  I had my period on the second of July and the second of Aug., the 12th of sept and on the second of Oct. so I thought.  About the third of Oct. I started feeling sort of off.  I was feeling sick in the mornings and I could not hardly eat anything.  I thought I know what this sounds like but it can't be because I have my period.  So I wrote it off to a virus.  The sickness kept on getting worse and I started to think maybe I am pregnant?  I have two children so I have been through it before.  My mom and my husband were both after me to get a pregnancy test.  SO I got one and it was positive.  I didn't plan the baby and I didn't even know if I wanted another baby.  This happened on the 12th of Oct.  So I called and made an appointment to see my OB on the 19th to confirm the pregnancy,  I told my husband that something just didn't feel right.  I told him I know three times that I just don't know if I will be able to carry this baby if I am in fact pregnant.  I still had it in the back of my mind that it could be a false positive.  On the 13th i got up with morning sickness and I could not eat a bit, but still all the while I was not admit to pregnancy.  I just wouldn't let my self get attached to idea.  My husband left for work and I was still spotting and I had been sense the second of Oct.  At nine that night I realized that I was in fact pregnant.  I realized this when I knew I was loosing it.  The bleeding got heavier and I started passing clots.  I called my mom and I had so much emotion I didn't even know i wanted a baby until It was gone.  I kept on bleeding and my husband rushed me to the ER.  There was so much blood I nearly passed out in the ER.  I lost so much blood that my pressure was dropping to a dangerous point and my OB was called in to do a D and C.  I ended up having a blood transfusion ( I don't think that is spelled right but they had to give me blood)  After I got home today I couldn't stop crying .  It has been stressed to me that it is not my fault.  I was 6 to 8 weeks they said.  I only knew for a day.  I am so sad for the baby I lost.  I know I will think about it in may when the baby would have been born.  I keep on dreaming about it.  My husband woke me up because I was crying in my sleep.  I dreamed about having the baby.  I dreamed the baby was a boy and we named him Noah.  I can't sleep on my own.  The only rest I get is when I take my pain meds.  I don't understand how I could be in such a mess after only knowing I was pregnant for a day/  How do I deal with this.  I have to move past it but right now I don't know how to start.  Can anybody help me?

Please

tmg783

It has been so long since I last posted. I am sorry to all of you who have had to post on here....it means that you have experienced the loss of a child, the most painful thing to go through...

I admit I have avoided this board for the last several months. I had to to keep my sanity. I am now almost 36 weeks pregnant but I am still terrified something will happen. All my tests have come back perfect and my baby is healthy. But from being on this board , I know there is never any guarantees. I myself have had a VERY rough pregnancy with all the nasty side effects. ( I was in the ER three times and hospitalized once in the first trimester for hyperemesis ( severe nausea and vomiting).  BUT at the same time I have been greatful for it all.

It is coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the loss of my little one at 11 weeks. My darling would be 5 months old now. Nov 13th will be hard for me. I have discovered that even though I am pregnant again that it will never take the pain away or replace what I have lost.

I hope that all of you who have experienced losing a child NEVER go through it again....and I hope that you all get the children you want.

Chikara & Tiffany.....I have not forgotten you and the support you have offered to me.Tiffany good luck with ttc and I hope that you are cuddling a baby very soon. HUGS