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Topic : Pregnancy Loss

Number of Replies: 270
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:55:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death are the most heartbreaking times a couple might face. Share your story and receive support from others who understand.

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February 22, 2007, 5:58 pm CST

where are you Carmyne!

 I am 22 years old, have my AA degree, and April 20, 2006 i lost my baby girl, Carmyne. I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and i just lost her. My doctor told me it was because i have a weak cervix. But I don't get it, i had SO many ultra sounds why couldn't she see that something was wrong! I didn't do anything wrong, or so i think, I didn't smoke-wasn't even wround smoke, didn't drink, and didn't do drugs; i even also exercised and ate right. Why? why did you have to take her away! The day I lost her was the day i lost my faith, yes I blame him-God! why not take those babies who are really suffering from their mothers taking drugs, smoking, and drinking. They get to hold their babies, but not me not my healthy baby girl. At night it's still hard of course, I sometimes cry myself to sleep or other times I will just cry all night calling for her. I could really use some help in talking to another person who can relate, so if youare out there, PLEASE respond!

-B
 
February 26, 2007, 6:27 am CST

I Am So Sorry

I am sitting here reading all these posts and I feel so bad for all of you. I have been pregnant 4 times and I have had 2 full term babies, one on the way, and one miscarriage about 2yrs ago. Both my pregnancies for my daughter and son were rough, but they were as normal as it get's. I was dating this guy in March of 2005, well it was ending then, but there were so many things going on there that hurt so bad. One day the boyfriend was ironing and I said I will be right back, I needed to go get my daughter from school, I was gone 5 minutes or so, and when I came home my world crashed. I thought I herd my son playing, but I was sadly wrong he was screaming, I ran inside the house to see what happened and it's sight I will never forget. My son's skin was hanging off his hand, and of course the boyfriend said that he grabbed it. I had no idea what happened really so I rushed him to the hospital. When I was done I went to the police station where they were convinced this man had intentionally burned him. I didn't want to believe it. I had no idea I was pregnant, and a lot of bad things came to light during this time, he caused me to lose my kids for about a week, and the police had some bad news for me. They took evidence from my house and said there was no way my son could have done this himself, on the iron my sons hand print and all were scored into the iron. I took this man somewhere other than where I was and on the way I home I thought you know I am just going to check, and there I was pregnant, I called him and he said so. I didn't care though I knew I had raised 2 kids by myself for so long I didn't care. Shortly after this piece of crap left my life I was going to the bathroom I wiped and there was blood, I was scared. I went to the hospital and they took blood and my levels were there, they said they wanted me to come back the next day and see if my blood levels were continuing to rise, and they didn't. I went and had my DNC the next day. I wasn't to far along, but it doesn't take away the pain of everything, it's still a little life. I hurt for so long, but I knew god took the baby for a reason, maybe my body just wasn't in good condition, maybe it was the stress, so many things. I am now about 30 weeks pregnant, married, and everyday I still look on the toilet paper to make sure there is nothing there. I hate living life like that, but I am so scared of loosing him. I know I didn't suffer as much as the many people on here, but I know how it feels to lose a little baby. I feel for al of you and hope you have the strength to try again.
 
February 27, 2007, 10:55 am CST

hunter's story

ok so i'm new here and i thought i'd tell you my story my name is jess i'm 21 yrs old well i think i'm redy to tell hunter's story.  i was in college when i found out i was expecting i was 6 weeks pregnant, i told my mom and she was a lil upset but immediately wanted me to come home i was 4 hours away and i wanted to come home my bf didn't want to move but agreed that it was for the better for me to go home as well so when the semester ended i made the arrangement to move.  when i was about 16 weeks my bf called to say that this arrangement wasn't working for him and that we should just be friends i agreed, well i never heard from him again that was the last time i spoke to him.  I was very sick when i was pregnant morning sickness so bad that it left me dehydraded loss 20 some pounds i was admitted to the hospital 5 times with stays that lasted 6 days i had 7 ultrasounds numerours amounts of blood work giving all theses meds but was always told that the baby was in perfect health just that i wasn't.  at 30 weeks i went to the e.r for unbearable pain in my lower stomach, the nurses never checked me and i never saw the doctor that time was ask where the pain was showed them were it was and was sent home with antibiotics for a uti well 4 days later i was in so much pain that i could barely walk so my mom bought me to the e.r and demanded that i see a doctor this time i arrived at the hospital at 1:20 am was put on a gurney and a fetal/contraction monitor.  the nurses said that they couldn't examing me as i was only 30 weeks and 5 days and that they do not examing patients under 34 weeks but was tld that i was contracting but not regularly but decided to admit me for observation well by 4 am i was contracting at 9 am they paged the doctor FINALLY! and he was not my regular o.b but by this point i didn't care. he examed me and i was 4 cm and 90% effaced, he told me very excited your going to have your baby today unfortunetly you cannot deliver here as we don't have equppement for under 35 weeks. so everyone started to scatter make phone calls and in a panicky way. at 11am a transport team came to my room to prepare me to fly. they were explaining to my mom that she would have to drive there but i refused and made a point that my mom was coming with me. ambulence to airport from plane to garson then my mom took a bus from garson to sudbury while i went in a helicopter.

hunter's story continues .....
Current mood: sad

i arrived at the hospital at 1pm i was put in a room by myself and no one came to see me.  my mom found my room with no help the nurses were busy with someone else. no one came to check on me until 3pm. this nurse eamed me i was 6cm and was told to get up and she walked me to another room.  i sat alone well with my mom til 5pm when the same nurse a doctor and another nurse came to ask me some question. the doctor examed me and i was still at 6cm, at 6pm i was at 7cm and was asked if i wanted an epidural i said yes because i was in a lot of pain but also very exausted. at 7:30 it was shift change and this really nice nurse came to see me she stayed with me for a bit chatted and examed me and i was 8 almost 9 so they transferred me to another room. my mom went to change in green scrubs that she still as today. i pushed for awhile and at 10:15pm hunter john was born weighing 5 pounds and 18 inc. long with thick curly brown hair. he was taking immediately to the nicu my mom went with him while i was getting stiches. i was in recovery for what seemed a long time but probably not i guess i was just anxious to see my baby boy, i had a feeling it was a boy. i got to see hunter had midnight he was doing fine breathing on his own, crying he was perfect. they had him in a incubator just for precautions and was giving him antibiotics as well for precautions.  every 2-3 hours i would go see him get to feed him but he wasn't feeding well so they put an ng tube in his nose and i was able to push the milk in with the syringe. hunter was born may 30, 2006 well on june 2, 2006 i had been discharged but hunter had to stay as he wasn't big enough to leave yet. so i went downtown in sudbury to make arrangement for me to stay there so as i was going to the motel room. hunter had a cardiac arrest but was ressuciated and put on a vent.  i got to the hospital and was told to sit in a room my mom was with me and wait while the doctor came to speak to me. the doc came to explain what had happened while i was gone and that they suspected a congenital heart defect called coarctation of the aorta but he neded to transfer to toronto for better care. i wasn't able to go with him but hunter was transported there at 11pm and arrived at 3am. i arrived at 6pm the following day. it was explained that hunter was on medication to keep his pta opened for more oxygen and that it really looked like he had a coarc and that they would know more the next day.  well hunter went for an echo the next day and it was discovered that it was not a coarc but stenosis of the pulmonary valve as well as the aortic valve he was stable and by june 6 he was off the breathing machine off some meds and hunter contracted meningitis from the transfer and was put on a regiment of antibiotics for 27 days an i.v cannot stay that long in a baby so they put in a pic line, but other then the pic line hunter was doing great feeding very well with a bottle, by june 14 the docs said he can return to sudbury til june 26 and can go home after that that was suppose to be his last day of antibiotics. well from june 14 to june 26 hunter was in sudbury as i was too my mom went back home to timmins, hunter was feeding very well and had even gained some weight he was up to 21 inches and 8.9 pounds. on june 26 at 7pm hunter was being fussy a nurse came to my room and asked if i can rock him while she takes care of other babies. i was glad to but when i got there i knew hunter wasn't ok i took another nurse and she tried to listening to his breathing grasbbed him from me and started cpr hunter wasn't breathing and then the room just filled up with doctors and i was ask to  leave i didn't want to but i was kinda forced.  a doctor came in the other room to explain that hunter was septic and needed a blood transfusion and needed to go back to toronto. i signed all the consent and again made the arrangement to go and called my family. hunter was airlifted back to t.o and arrived at 6am i got there the next day at 7pm. hunter was on another vent called oxygenator and it's supposed to be more gentle then the convectional vent but it shakes his rib cage so it's a lil scary. they explained that hunter again had contracted an infection this time from his pic line but they decided to keep it in since it's a good way for adminstrating drugs.  june 28 hunter went into cardiac arrest they ressuciated him for 30 minutes and decided to put him on a machine called ecmo it's like a heart and lung by-pass machine. this machine would work for hunter so hi heart can have a rest.  hunter wasn't suppose to have surgery until 1 yrs of age but they decided that it was urgent and that he needed surgery now to survive. hunter went to surgery on june 29, 2006 at 11am and during surgery an artery was cut by the doctor he said he was very sorry and hunter was bleeding very badly they had to stop surgery control the bleeding put him back on the ecmo circuit and ressuciate him again they somewhat controlled the bleeding see on ecmo you can give a patient blood continously. hunter came out of surgery stable but very critacal.  i saw hunter at 8 or 9pm he wasn't the baby i remembered he ws blue, purple and very very puffy he retained a lot of water and fluids.  the next few days hunter made a remarkable recovery he was very stable, he was still on ecmo but didn't need as much blood and most of the fluids was gone. july 05, 2006 they thought that hunter was getting better and that he was stable enough to go back to surgery to continue the surgery, hunter went in surgery at 9am. they told us to expect atleast 8 hours, the doctor came out at 2pm i thought that something went wrong but no hunter was fine he did bleed alot but it was expected because when he's on ecmo he's given hepanephrine and that makes blood thinner but everything looked good so to just hold on for recovery i saw hunter at 3pm and i was expecting like last time but he wasn't as bad it was better.  hunter was bleeding a lot but they were doing everything they can toronto was the best. july 06 they wanted to go in his chest to drain the blood that was pooling and putting presure on his heart and also put another drainage tube see hunter's chest was never closed since the first surgery his heart was too swelled up, they would put a gauge on top so i wouldn't see it but it was opened.  after the exploration the doctors came to explain that his heart looked a lot worse then the day of surgery and that the ecmo machine now was making him more sick because of the blood thinners they couldn't controll the bleeding but also now his kidneys and liver enzymes were elevated so for him to get better he needed to get off ecmo but for him to stay alive he needed to stay on ecmo. the hardest decision was to take hunter of ecmo and pray and hope that his heart had rested and healed enough to start beating on it's own july 07, 2006 hunter was taking off ecmo at noon at 12:05pm hunter had passed away since taking a baby off ecmo is a sterile procedure i was not in the room but they closed hunter's chest cleaned him up and i got to hold him and just cry and say goodbye we took molds of plaster of his foot in my hand and his hand with my mothers hand we also took ink prints and put him in a lil blue outfit i had bought. july 09 i came back to timmins i had to stay an extra day in toronto and it felt so weird to stay there and not have to go to the hospital or anything a friend from sudbury drove to toronto the day hunter passed away so the next day we hung out and just talked about him and her angel babies it was good to have support there even tho i just wanted to be alone.

more to say on hunter
Current mood: content

well the funeral was nice it was july 12, 2006 at 2pm it was warm and sunny. i was able to hold hunter again and i had made it an open casket because no one had seen hunter except my mom and grandma she had come up once in sudbury.  on july 26 it felt so un real that was hunter's due date i had had the baby and also buried him it felt like hey shouldn't i be in labour right now i had just bought a house beautiful lil two bedroom but it just was so crazy to stay there i had bought it in may and it was intented for hunter the nursery was all done and what not so i left on a trip i know probably not the best idea but i just needed to get away and not deal with stuff so i had made my mom do all the arrangements to move me in with her and sell all the baby's stuff and buy a stone for the cemetary.  well while i was gone my mom sold the stuff paid for the stone moved me but she also made the decision to put my 12 year old cat down because i wasn't stable and where she lives there's no cats allowed well i was mad when i found out and still am i mean that was my friend my first baby and now she's gone well when i came back i stayed at my grandparents saw my mom on a regular basis since she lives close by but ignored her for a really long time, i was doing good getting counselling i admit that i went to party a lil and met up with an old friend we started chatting on msn and he introduced me to his friend we started chatting online decided to meet me and we've been together ever since i tried to go back to school but it felt too soon i'm now back at work and i feel good about it.  i'm stable go to work come home make super it's a basic routine i no longer get counselling because it was short term and it's up so i cannot get it anymore unless i pay and i can't really afford it.  this x-mas i got a puppy and i think it's helping she's so pretty and a brat

 

 
March 8, 2007, 2:34 am CST

3X Hyperemesis Loss - Journey Of Hope

Hello everyone. I just wanted to post my story of loss and Hyperemesis Gravidarum in case it helps any woman fighting with this illness. You are not alone.

 

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am writing to you, like all these other women, to tell parts of my story in the hopes of getting some real help. We have all suffered with a pain that I can only describe as heart shattering. I have had three experiences with HG, none successful. No words could possibly explain the overwhelming saddness I have felt trying to heal. There is an emptiness that will never truly heal as I accept the fact that I am terrified to ever try again.
Though I have many memories from the illness, I will tell the ones that stand out in my mind with such vividness that my heart aches now even two years after my last attempt.
I believe with everything in me that I would be dead now had I kept on trying.
The most painful memory stands out with my third attempt. I could not make it past 5 months. I lost 46 pounds. I was throwing up blood and bile at least 30 times a day, and for the last few weeks had blood not just trickling from my nose in nosebleeds, but spraying out violently as I wretched. All day and night.
At first I was suffering at home, trying several medications. None worked, not even the one I had to administer myself by needle into my leg and arm muscle. I was weak, unable to even think about eating or drinking even a sip of water, and unable to get a handle on any of it. I was on 4 medications in hospital. They managed to get my symptoms under control at about 3 months for 2 days and told me I was fine and should go home. The only reason I was fine was because I had a chemical soup being fed to me through I.V. So when they took me off everything, all at once, after only 2 days of peace... of course a few hours after being removed from medication, I was even more violently ill than when I had originally gone in to hospital. They could not get me stable again.
I would dream about swimming through a sea of orange juice when I could manage to fall asleep at all... I guess my body was so dehydrated that it started telling me I needed vitamins, liquids, nutrition.
They hooked me up so I could hear my baby's heartbeat, and it was beautiful. I felt such a saddness knowing that with the way things were going I wouldn't make it and knowing I would have to choose. I can still hear my baby's heartbeat now. I will never forget it.
One afternoon, I went to the washroom to splash some water on my face, got dizzy, sat on the toilet to stabilize myself, and woke up in the bathtub beside me. I rang the call button, and nobody came. So I pulled myself out and crawled to my bed on my hands and knees, crying and dragging the IV machine behind me, too tired to walk and no energy to stand, I sat on the floor by my bed and waited for someone to come, and cried. I called my mother and told her I knew I was dying and asked her to help me. The helplessness she must have felt.
At this point, I couldn't sleep because the motion in my mind from my dreams would send me into fits of wretching for hours.
I ended up terminating my pregnancy out of what I thought was necessity to save my own life due to lack of proper resources. After leaving the hospital in wheelchair, I concentrated on physical recovery. It took a week and a half before I could really even swallow water, or anything else because of the pain, due to rips in my esophagus and lesions and tears in my throat lining. Even a full year later I developed problems with my gallbladder.. I've since learned is due to the illness.
The second attempt left it's own set of scars that fuels me now to do something about the injustice these sufferers were, and are still faced with. I was sent a psychiatrist while in hospital with my second attempt who would wait outside my bathroom door while I wretched to tell me I was overreacting. I was just pregnant, and that I must not want my baby. It makes me sick to think about. How could the medical profession that I came to for help kick me so hard while I was down? I even had a nurse angry with me for throwing up after she'd given me an entire dose of gravol through I.V. (Gravol made me feel even sicker... and I told them that, but surprise, they didn't believe me).
I far from received adequate care and resent being told I didnt want my children. Having a doctor pat your leg and tell you you are a wasting use of the hospitals beds as "there are a lot of other people much sicker than you dear", made me feel horribly alone. As one Emergency ward doc put it after observing me for a total of 5 minutes and taking no blood and conducting no tests.
It's taken me two years to be able to talk about it. Now I have vowed to myself that I will do whatever I have to do to spread the word and help as many women suffering with this illness as I can.
On June 24th of this year me and best friend will be walk/running from London to Toronto, Ontario, ending at Sick Kids hospital where a helpline is located for women suffering and their families. This is all to raise money and donate it to HG research. It will take 6 days, 50 kms per day, 5 kms per hour for 10 hours a day. We are calling it 'The Journey of Hope - to help pave the way for HG sufferers and their children.' We know its not as far as some others have gone for other illnesses, but it is as much as time will allow for now. I would walk around the world and back to find a cure to end this needless suffering. That will be followed by a fundraising dinner in which I am trying to gather as many guests as possible. Dr. Phil.. would you like to come? Smile
I thank the HER foundation with everything in my being because after losing 3 children, it was the only place I could find that told me, without a doubt, I am not alone. There are no words that can express my gratitude. There are others. It is not in my head, and I did and do want my children, and I pray that I have even a quarter of the strength as Anne Marie and her co-founders have, so I too will be able to fight right along side them to help even just one woman.
Thank you Dr. Phil for any help you may give us. Please help seperate fact from fiction with this illness once and for all... we need to be told by a medical professional that this is not in our imaginations as the pain and suffering is so real, it is absolutely unimagineable.

 

 

Thank you.

 

 
March 8, 2007, 2:40 am CST

3X Hyperemesis Loss - Journey Of Hope

Hello everyone. I just wanted to post my story of loss and Hyperemesis Gravidarum in case it helps any woman fighting with this illness. You are not alone.

 

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am writing to you, like all these other women, to tell parts of my story in the hopes of getting some real help. We have all suffered with a pain that I can only describe as heart shattering. I have had three experiences with HG, none successful. No words could possibly explain the overwhelming saddness I have felt trying to heal. There is an emptiness that will never truly heal as I accept the fact that I am terrified to ever try again.
Though I have many memories from the illness, I will tell the ones that stand out in my mind with such vividness that my heart aches now even two years after my last attempt.
I believe with everything in me that I would be dead now had I kept on trying.
The most painful memory stands out with my third attempt. I could not make it past 5 months. I lost 46 pounds. I was throwing up blood and bile at least 30 times a day, and for the last few weeks had blood not just trickling from my nose in nosebleeds, but spraying out violently as I wretched. All day and night.
At first I was suffering at home, trying several medications. None worked, not even the one I had to administer myself by needle into my leg and arm muscle. I was weak, unable to even think about eating or drinking even a sip of water, and unable to get a handle on any of it. I was on 4 medications in hospital. They managed to get my symptoms under control at about 3 months for 2 days and told me I was fine and should go home. The only reason I was fine was because I had a chemical soup being fed to me through I.V. So when they took me off everything, all at once, after only 2 days of peace... of course a few hours after being removed from medication, I was even more violently ill than when I had originally gone in to hospital. They could not get me stable again.
I would dream about swimming through a sea of orange juice when I could manage to fall asleep at all... I guess my body was so dehydrated that it started telling me I needed vitamins, liquids, nutrition.
They hooked me up so I could hear my baby's heartbeat, and it was beautiful. I felt such a saddness knowing that with the way things were going I wouldn't make it and knowing I would have to choose. I can still hear my baby's heartbeat now. I will never forget it.
One afternoon, I went to the washroom to splash some water on my face, got dizzy, sat on the toilet to stabilize myself, and woke up in the bathtub beside me. I rang the call button, and nobody came. So I pulled myself out and crawled to my bed on my hands and knees, crying and dragging the IV machine behind me, too tired to walk and no energy to stand, I sat on the floor by my bed and waited for someone to come, and cried. I called my mother and told her I knew I was dying and asked her to help me. The helplessness she must have felt.
At this point, I couldn't sleep because the motion in my mind from my dreams would send me into fits of wretching for hours.
I ended up terminating my pregnancy out of what I thought was necessity to save my own life due to lack of proper resources. After leaving the hospital in wheelchair, I concentrated on physical recovery. It took a week and a half before I could really even swallow water, or anything else because of the pain, due to rips in my esophagus and lesions and tears in my throat lining. Even a full year later I developed problems with my gallbladder.. I've since learned is due to the illness.
The second attempt left it's own set of scars that fuels me now to do something about the injustice these sufferers were, and are still faced with. I was sent a psychiatrist while in hospital with my second attempt who would wait outside my bathroom door while I wretched to tell me I was overreacting. I was just pregnant, and that I must not want my baby. It makes me sick to think about. How could the medical profession that I came to for help kick me so hard while I was down? I even had a nurse angry with me for throwing up after she'd given me an entire dose of gravol through I.V. (Gravol made me feel even sicker... and I told them that, but surprise, they didn't believe me).
I far from received adequate care and resent being told I didnt want my children. Having a doctor pat your leg and tell you you are a wasting use of the hospitals beds as "there are a lot of other people much sicker than you dear", made me feel horribly alone. As one Emergency ward doc put it after observing me for a total of 5 minutes and taking no blood and conducting no tests.
It's taken me two years to be able to talk about it. Now I have vowed to myself that I will do whatever I have to do to spread the word and help as many women suffering with this illness as I can.
On June 24th of this year me and best friend will be walk/running from London to Toronto, Ontario, ending at Sick Kids hospital where a helpline is located for women suffering and their families. This is all to raise money and donate it to HG research. It will take 6 days, 50 kms per day, 5 kms per hour for 10 hours a day. We are calling it 'The Journey of Hope - to help pave the way for HG sufferers and their children.' We know its not as far as some others have gone for other illnesses, but it is as much as time will allow for now. I would walk around the world and back to find a cure to end this needless suffering. That will be followed by a fundraising dinner in which I am trying to gather as many guests as possible. Dr. Phil.. would you like to come? Smile
I thank the HER foundation with everything in my being because after losing 3 children, it was the only place I could find that told me, without a doubt, I am not alone. There are no words that can express my gratitude. There are others. It is not in my head, and I did and do want my children, and I pray that I have even a quarter of the strength as Anne Marie and her co-founders have, so I too will be able to fight right along side them to help even just one woman.
Thank you Dr. Phil for any help you may give us. Please help seperate fact from fiction with this illness once and for all... we need to be told by a medical professional that this is not in our imaginations as the pain and suffering is so real, it is absolutely unimagineable.

 

 

Thank you.

 

 
March 30, 2007, 9:20 am CDT

Overcoming a miscarriage

In 2006, My husband and I started trying for another baby.  We have a son, now 2.  Our son wasn't planned, but was very much wanted.  Well, we started trying in June 2006.  Everytime I got my period I just wanted to cry...sometimes I did.  In Dec. 2006 I went to the Dr. because I was having a lot of pain after eating.  He sent me to have an ultrasound (the next day) it showed gall stones, the next day I had a consultation with the surgeon, and the next day I had surgery (Dec. 15th) It all happened so fast.  When I didn't get my period on Dec. 29th I didn't think much of it because they did a pregnancy test before my surgery and it was neg.  On Jan.1st, I took a HPT to really put my mind at ease and it was POSITIVE! I immediately called my Dr. and the surgeon because I had been taking pain medicine because of my surgery.  My Dr. Said "if you were going to miscarry, you would have done it already."  So then I let myself get excited.  I was so in love with that baby. I knew I was having a girl (not because of an ultrasound or anything...I just knew) Her name was going to be Grace Elizabeth. 

My mom's friend's dughter and I were due the same day, sept. 5th. My birthday is Sept. 3rd so I told everyone that she would be born 2 days early and I was going to have a GREAT birthday present. 

On Monday Jan. 22nd I started bleeding.  My Husband took me to the ER after about 2 hours they came in and said "The baby is fine, you have a UTI." I was sent home with and antibiotic, Told to drink a lot of hydrating fluids and be on bed rest. On Wed. Jan. 24th I started really cramping and was still bleeding I called my OBGyn and was told to come in, They did blood work and scheduled an ultrasound.  Wed. Night I started cramping even more. I felt a little jerk in my stomach and when I stood up, barely made it to the bathroom before passing a lot of blood and clots as big as my fist.  The next day I was back at the hospital, they moved my ultrasound up. My mom went with me. They saw nothing on the ultrasound, I had passed everything. I was numb for several days, if it hadn't been for my son, I don't think I woild have gotten out of bed.  Each day got a little easier, I still cried alot but it became a little less often day after day. 

Now, I'm focused on getting pregnant again....I HAVE to be pregnant by my birthday.  I don't want to go through the rest of my life dreading my birthday. 

The girl that was due the same day, just found out she was having a girl. I'm so happy for her, but  I find myself thinking about what would have been if I hadn't miscarried. I would be buying little pink clothes right now.  Planning the nursery...

 

This is the first month we have tried to concieve since the miscarriage.  I know I will get pregnant again....I just hope it is soon.

 

Thanks.

 
April 16, 2007, 5:24 pm CDT

Nicholas Keegan

I am 29 years old, engaged and living with my fiance.  September of 2006 I had found out I was pregnant with our child.  We were so excited, this would have been our first child together.  I was due May 21, 2007.  On April 6 I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with severe cramps, I thought it was false labor, so I tried to walk it off, at about 6 it didn't change, but I knew something was wrong, so my fiance and I went to the emergency room.  The nurse's took a lot of tests and I had an ultrasound, at that point I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking the nurses, but of course they couldn't give any information until the doctors came in, which I understood.  A few hours later my doctor did come in to do yet another ultrasound, to find out that my baby had past away!  My fiance and I were devasted!   I ended up having to go in for an emergency c-section, before going in, I had learned that my placenta had seperated from my uterus, causing my baby boy not to get oxygen.  I have all the same questions as everyone else writing to you, why me?  What did I do wrong?  Just that week I did have a doctor's appt and everything was going good, his heartbeat was strong and I was doing good, so why did this happen to me?  I have so much guilt and anger at the same time, did I do something wrong during my pregnancy?  And unfortunately I will never get the answers to my questions, that's what hurts the most!  I ended up buring Nichalos Keegan on April 13 and now trying to cope with everything! 

The good news is my doctor told me that I was going to be okay (there was a moment where they thought I was going to have my uterus removed) and will be able to try again in about a year and half, which seems like an eternity away.  The only thing is I am scared to have this happen to me again, I can't go through this anymore, it's hard and painful!!!!

 
April 30, 2007, 2:40 pm CDT

Pregnancy Loss

There is nothing worse than being so elated about brining in a new life, and then faster than you can blink it is taken away. I have a daughter who is 2 1/2 and a son who will be 3 months on the 14th. In between my two children i lost a son. I went in for a regular ultrasound and was told by the tech that my child had no heart beat. I was made to wait hours before being seen by the doctor to confirm this and then another 2 days before my child was taken from me. I was later told that he had passed atleast 2 weeks prior but my body had not expelled him. I have never been through anything more awful and heartbreaking and pray that i never do again.

I know that for someone who has experienced this or similar, that nothing can be said to make it anybetter. Sure god has a plan, and things do get better in time. But its so hard to hear it from someone else.

 
April 30, 2007, 2:49 pm CDT

Pregnancy Loss

Quote From: heavenlyangel

I am 29 years old, engaged and living with my fiance.  September of 2006 I had found out I was pregnant with our child.  We were so excited, this would have been our first child together.  I was due May 21, 2007.  On April 6 I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with severe cramps, I thought it was false labor, so I tried to walk it off, at about 6 it didn't change, but I knew something was wrong, so my fiance and I went to the emergency room.  The nurse's took a lot of tests and I had an ultrasound, at that point I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking the nurses, but of course they couldn't give any information until the doctors came in, which I understood.  A few hours later my doctor did come in to do yet another ultrasound, to find out that my baby had past away!  My fiance and I were devasted!   I ended up having to go in for an emergency c-section, before going in, I had learned that my placenta had seperated from my uterus, causing my baby boy not to get oxygen.  I have all the same questions as everyone else writing to you, why me?  What did I do wrong?  Just that week I did have a doctor's appt and everything was going good, his heartbeat was strong and I was doing good, so why did this happen to me?  I have so much guilt and anger at the same time, did I do something wrong during my pregnancy?  And unfortunately I will never get the answers to my questions, that's what hurts the most!  I ended up buring Nichalos Keegan on April 13 and now trying to cope with everything! 

The good news is my doctor told me that I was going to be okay (there was a moment where they thought I was going to have my uterus removed) and will be able to try again in about a year and half, which seems like an eternity away.  The only thing is I am scared to have this happen to me again, I can't go through this anymore, it's hard and painful!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing can ever make this any easier. I have also lost and i am still devastated by it even though i have 2  children already.

I still ask myself what did i do to cause it. Was there something i did or didnt do that could have changed what happened. Unfortunatly i  think we all think it is our fault, that in some horrible way we caused this to happen to us and to our unborn children.

I have come to realize, although doesnt mean much in the midst of your loss, that there must have been something that wasnt right. That something had not developed to keep my baby healthy and strong. I still blame myself, to this day a year and a half later, and 3 months after the birth of my last child. I think that i always will, but i also know that he is in a good place, even if it isnt in my arms. I like to think that he is being taken care of still and being loved by someone stronger than me and someone who will never let anything bad happen to him ever again. I dont believe in god, but i do believe in that.

I wish you the best, and please know that in time it gets a little easier, and please dont ever forget that child, because they are always with us.

 
April 30, 2007, 10:27 pm CDT

I had a loss too

I had difficulty getting pregnant with my daughter and had a rough pregnancy with her.  I had two miscarriges before being able to concieve her. i was scared stiff the whole pregnancy because i just knew that it would end too.  she was born healthy and is still doing well. i knew i could not handle going through that again so i had a tubel done on the c-section table. Even though I was just 23 with my first born child they done it.  i thought it was in my best interest.  I am 25 now and just recently had a tuble pregnancy .....I new I was preg from the morning sickness. I was affraid to go to dr because i new that there was no hope.  I ended up having my uterus inflame and my insides almost exploded from the inflamation. the baby had passed but the infection became serious.  I thought i had a great guy who loved me but in a time of need we find ourselfs alone alot. i think these message boards are great.  i just want you all to know you are not alone. the physical and emotional pain is great and long lasting.  I still day dream about sweet lil babies and what there faces would look like.  when you have a child they take away all the memorys of labor pain and swollen feet, but when your lil babies not there it makes it all worsen. your body want heal as fast and the depression brings all new health problems.........you just need to remember that the child had a purpose no matter how little or grand.

hope you understand and if you need to talk contact me.

 
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