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Topic : Pregnancy Loss

Number of Replies: 270
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:55:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death are the most heartbreaking times a couple might face. Share your story and receive support from others who understand.

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May 2, 2007, 7:39 pm CDT

Very sad

Quote From: tamlub

There is nothing worse than being so elated about brining in a new life, and then faster than you can blink it is taken away. I have a daughter who is 2 1/2 and a son who will be 3 months on the 14th. In between my two children i lost a son. I went in for a regular ultrasound and was told by the tech that my child had no heart beat. I was made to wait hours before being seen by the doctor to confirm this and then another 2 days before my child was taken from me. I was later told that he had passed atleast 2 weeks prior but my body had not expelled him. I have never been through anything more awful and heartbreaking and pray that i never do again.

I know that for someone who has experienced this or similar, that nothing can be said to make it anybetter. Sure god has a plan, and things do get better in time. But its so hard to hear it from someone else.

I understand exactly what you are going through. I just lost a baby on the 4th of April, this year. This was my fourth miscarriage, only this time it was totally different. With all of the others I did not have an ultrasound or even saw the baby. I was only about a month along. With this one, I had already had 2 ultrasounds. I was 2 1/2 months along. I saw him/her when she/he was 1 month old, then I saw him/her 2 weeks later, because I thought I was miscarrying. I heard the baby's heart beat and everything! It was so exciting. Then the 3rd time my husband was actually going to get to see the baby, and hear the baby's heart beat! He was so excited and anxious! Could not wait to hear him/her. The doctor checked for 30 minutes and then told me that he couldn't find a heartbeat! The baby had passed away 2 days before.  I was devastated. We had tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant in the first place, then it is ripped away. I could not understand why I could not carry a child. I only had to wait one day to get the baby removed, but it was still long enough. I really wish that the baby was big enough to bury. I know that sounds horrible, but at least I might have some closure. I honestly don't know where to go from here, or how to cope with this. I wish that I knew what to do next. I know that many people have this story. I am glad that I found this on the Dr. Phil website, maybe we can all help eachother back to healing. Thank you all for your stories.

 

Jacquie

 
May 30, 2007, 11:31 pm CDT

I don't know what to do...

I've never posted on a board before but I need someone to talk to and there isn't really anyone around me that understands what I'm going through. On April 24, my daughter Maggie was stillborn due to my placenta separating from my uterus. I was seven months along. This was the farthest I have gotten in my pregnancies. The first time I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks on March 19, 2005. We got pregnant again in June of that year but my daughter Elizabeth was stillborn on December 11. The doctor didn't tell me why it happened or what went wrong. This time my doctor (not the same one) wanted to find out what was going on. When he described the state of the placenta, my husband informed him that Elizabeth's placenta was in the same condition. He got the tests from the town that I lived in at the time and said that the diagnosis looked to be the same. Placenta previa. I now have to go in for tests to see if it will happen every time that I get pregnant. I've heard every sickening platitude in the book lately... You're young, you can try again, It was God's will, these things happen for a reason, maybe you're not meant to have children etc. etc. etc. My husband's job wouldn't give him any time off and the one day he took off he had to make up by not getting a day off the next week. He's very supportive but it seems like he's the only one. People seem to think that if the baby is born dead, then you should get over it in a couple of days. My mom, sister, and brother came to the hospital but my husband's best friend decided to stay at home and sleep. The day we got to go home he and his wife, who was one of my good friends until recently, came by our house. We had to go to the funeral home but my brother and sister were straightening up. They acted like they didn't know even though his mom and another friend of ours had told him. Then they got snippy with the kids saying, I wish someone had told us...I'm so angry and hurting and I have virtually no outlet for any of these feelings. I feel like a failure as a woman, and I don't know what to do.
 
June 24, 2007, 6:10 pm CDT

Loss

I have been with my boyfirend for 4 1/2 years and we have been trying for 2 years to have a little one have our own. I just truned 21 years old. In jan of this year We found out that we were pargaent we were both really happy. Then feb. not even 2 weeks after we found out I lost the baby. Then again I found out again in may i was pargaent I was happy but not sure about it then 2 days before my 21st bday i lost again.I'm not sure if I want to try anymore. I have no one to talk to cuz they don't know how I feel about it. What should I Do????
 
July 10, 2007, 5:02 pm CDT

for all of us

for all of us who have lost a child--you gave birth to a beautiful baby!!! whether anyone believes you or not, a child was inside of you, you had contractions and your baby passed through your birth canal (all characteristics of birth).

 

i miscarried my daughter at 12 weeks (heartbeat told us it was a girl). i did not get to bury my daughter but i have planted a special garden for her.  i am there for everyone who has been through this. i know your pain and i understand that the best thing you can do is mourn.

 

please email me if anyone wants a shoulder to cry on or a friend to just listen.

 
July 27, 2007, 10:09 pm CDT

Pregnancy Loss

Quote From: twimarie

I have been with my boyfirend for 4 1/2 years and we have been trying for 2 years to have a little one have our own. I just truned 21 years old. In jan of this year We found out that we were pargaent we were both really happy. Then feb. not even 2 weeks after we found out I lost the baby. Then again I found out again in may i was pargaent I was happy but not sure about it then 2 days before my 21st bday i lost again.I'm not sure if I want to try anymore. I have no one to talk to cuz they don't know how I feel about it. What should I Do????

I am also 21 years old. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, and I have had 5 failed pregnacies, and one sucessful.  My daughter is now 1 year old. Since her birth I have had 3 miscarriages.  I understand the feeling of not wanting to try anymore.  But the pain I feel every time I lose a baby is nothing compared to the pain I feel thinking I may not have another as beautiful and amazing as Annabelle.  So I have no choice but to try agian.  My doctors have said they want to run tests after my miscarriage ( I am currently going through one) to try to figure out what the cause may be.  Have your doctors mentioned anything like that?  Maybe you should ask them.  I have heard so much about things you can do to prevent miscarriages, some so easy as taking a baby asprin every day when you are trying to conceive throughout the first three months of pregnacy, but only your doctors can determine if it is something that can be fixed with that or hormones or whatever.  I was told that if you have two or more miscarriages in a row, there may be something linking them and you should be tested.  That does not mean that you can not have a child.  So I guess the real question is can you be okay with not trying anymore? And if you want a child, but don't feel like you can deal with the emotional devestation that comes with losing a baby, maybe you shold look into adoption.  But don't lose all hope, you may very well be able to carry a baby to term. Look at your options.

 
August 6, 2007, 11:27 am CDT

I can relate sister

Quote From: joymomma

Hi jenna I'm new to this board but I can relate to you. I lost mine a year ago july 16th. It's kind of different for me because number one I do already have kids, and number two, mine were embryos that were for invitro. I already have twin girls that are three years old from our first invitro and I never expected to lose these because the first one resulted in twins. I had three embryos but none of them made it. I also have dealt with depression, too. Its harder for people to understand when you already have kids. Also my family isnt supportive of me having kids anyway and they are like well its for the best, you are always depressed, yada, yada, yada. I feel like nobody understands. I named mine, too, I just had a few names I liked. One was named after my cousin Logan who died of a drug overdose a few months ago, middle name Phoenix-rising up from the ashes. The other two I wanted to name Jasmine Hope and Savannah Faith. I just couldnt beleive that I lost all three. I was on the way to the doctors about an hour away and they called on my cell phone to tell me dont bother coming in they didnt make it. I didnt even know what to do. I ended up stopping and getting a bit drunk by the side of the road and a couple of hours later going home. Its been so hard ever since. Those were my last chance and now we dont have money to do it again so no more babies.
I also lost a baby two years ago.  I was 14 weeks along as well.  I remember feeling absolutly devistated and I just couldn't justify in my mind how I could feel so sad about losing someone I never knew.  I didn't give my baby a name.  I wish I would have because then I think it would have been easier to cope with all of my mixed feelings.  I have since had a daughter and she is 14 months old now.  She is a blast and I just love her to death.  There will always be a place in my heart for the first baby and I will always remember it.  I truly believe that nothing is an accedent.  God sees the big picture all the time even when we can't see any reason for any of it.  He is good all the time, through trials and good times.  I wish someone would have told me to just let go and feel the way I felt.  Just be sad, for as long as it takes and then stop.  I spent so much time trying to not be sad that I never let myself just get it all out.  Just let yourself feel however you want, it will get easier and it will get better.  Hang in there girl!
 
August 6, 2007, 11:43 am CDT

I can relate to this

Quote From: crazyshay

I've never posted on a board before but I need someone to talk to and there isn't really anyone around me that understands what I'm going through. On April 24, my daughter Maggie was stillborn due to my placenta separating from my uterus. I was seven months along. This was the farthest I have gotten in my pregnancies. The first time I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks on March 19, 2005. We got pregnant again in June of that year but my daughter Elizabeth was stillborn on December 11. The doctor didn't tell me why it happened or what went wrong. This time my doctor (not the same one) wanted to find out what was going on. When he described the state of the placenta, my husband informed him that Elizabeth's placenta was in the same condition. He got the tests from the town that I lived in at the time and said that the diagnosis looked to be the same. Placenta previa. I now have to go in for tests to see if it will happen every time that I get pregnant. I've heard every sickening platitude in the book lately... You're young, you can try again, It was God's will, these things happen for a reason, maybe you're not meant to have children etc. etc. etc. My husband's job wouldn't give him any time off and the one day he took off he had to make up by not getting a day off the next week. He's very supportive but it seems like he's the only one. People seem to think that if the baby is born dead, then you should get over it in a couple of days. My mom, sister, and brother came to the hospital but my husband's best friend decided to stay at home and sleep. The day we got to go home he and his wife, who was one of my good friends until recently, came by our house. We had to go to the funeral home but my brother and sister were straightening up. They acted like they didn't know even though his mom and another friend of ours had told him. Then they got snippy with the kids saying, I wish someone had told us...I'm so angry and hurting and I have virtually no outlet for any of these feelings. I feel like a failure as a woman, and I don't know what to do.
After my miscarrage by best friend in the whole world, who was also the only person I told about the miscarrage acted like it wasn't a big deal at all.  It was a long story but she basicly said I should get over it.  I remember feeling almost as sad at the lack of support as I did with the loss of my baby.  I know you have heard it all but what you are doing right now is exactly what you should be doing.  In my opinion you don't want someone to talk to, you want someone to talk at.  Just writing down all your feelings and talking as much as you want for as long as you want with no one to interupt you, just let yourself write and talk until you feel better.  There is nothing anyone can say to help, just try to let it all out and don't invert your feelings because when you stop talking and start keeping everything in you will be in a very dark place.  Keep your head up sister, someday maybe you will be able to help a woman with these same problems.  You are not alone!
 
August 6, 2007, 1:51 pm CDT

I have been there and done that

Quote From: jessica24

Why do women miscarry? Why don't we have answers to our miscarrages?  

I lost my first baby at 19 weeks. I gave birth to a little boy, Christian, after a 2 week stay in the hospital. That was almost 2 years ago and it still hurts so much and am constantly thinking about it. the second one was at 6 weeks and I just think why? Last year my sister had 2 miscarriages too. It seems so unfair. I'm so scared to fall pregnant because what if it happens again? Yet I long for a baby of our own. I love kids. I work as a nanny for two boys 3yrs and 20mths, they are beautiful and I love my job but I just want to be a mother. Jessica.  

I have two kids from a previous marriage, whom my husband has now adopted.  I lost our first baby at 16 weeks and our second baby at 18 weeks.  The first one I had to deliver because of his size and the second one I just had a D&C because he wasn't fully developed.  We buried our first son, named Ryan Jeffery.  Our second son we named Matthew Gregory.  Through testing we had found out they were both boys.  This October it will have been 10 years since I lost Ryan and 8 years since I lost Matthew, and every year around that time the pain is as intense as it was then.  I think about them on a daily basis, what they would be doing at this point if they had made it, what grade they would be going into this school year, what they would look like etc.  Unfortunately, the pain never really goes away, it is just something you learn to live with.  I will never forget about my boys and I even have an angel tattoo holding an angel baby on my right shoulder blade in honor of them.  From the moment you are pregnant, you are a mom.  I had so much guilt for so long that there was something I could have done to protect my boys and I didn't, even though logically I knew it wasn't my fault, my heart would tell me otherwise.  Hang in there, you will learn to live with it and I'm sure you will have the chance to be a mom again.  But, you will never forget Christian.  Rhonda
 
August 13, 2007, 4:53 pm CDT

how i dealt with my loss

hi girls, have been reading some of your stories - iam sorry for all of your losses but none more so then my own! We lost our first child at birth i was 39 wks pregnant and had a placental abruption, i had just been to the hospital that morning for a check-up and everything was fine except for some elevated blood pressure. That night around midnight i had an abruption and my son was born still at 3:17am, the doctors say we only missed out by a few minutes, we were so close but so far and didn't even know it. I didn't think this sort of thing happened these days apparently i had a 1% chance of it happening at all! How am i dealing with it you may ask? Each day as it comes, it will be 1 yr next month since we lost our son, xmas gone was hard, mothers day was even harder, and fathers day will be too, for my husband. We also have a nephew who was born 1 month before we had our son, they would have been so close, i think about him everyday we have heaps of photos and memories that we have created for him, i couldn't possibly act like he never existed that would be wrong, talking about it with my husband and our friends and family has definately helped us to deal with it. Some family members still find it hard to talk about and deal with, but we don't, know i'm 33 wks pregnant with our second baby, a little girl, everything is going fine, i think having another baby helps to deal with the pain but it will never replace what we went thru, i got pregnant 3 mths after having my son,we just wanted to have another baby so badly, can't wait till she's here,all i can say is never forget your babies, they are still apart of your family and make sure your family don't forget them either,even if it hurts. Ofcourse i think about how my son would look know, what he would be like, it changes you forever, we had to make some really hard decision, do we let them do an autopsy or not, do we bury or cremate him, how do you have a service for someone that never had a chance to live a single day. Try and deal with it the best you can, and find out as much as you can about why it happened before you look at getting pregnant again, but do get pregnant again! Most importantly you need to face the loss and deal with it otherwise it will eat you alive!!!! Good luck to all of you. Iam from australia so i will check the site from time to time to chat and express my feelings.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR SON BROCK-BORN SLEEPING INTO THE ARMS OF ANGELS-14SEPT 2006-WE WILL MISS YOU FOREVER!!!!!!

 
September 15, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

Pregnancy Loss

Hello everyone, I wrote a message back on April 30, regarding my baby boy I lost (Nicholas Keegan) I still feel so much anger in my life, I noticed that I hate seeing other pregnant women, I just still think it is so unfair, is this normal?  I don't know what to do, I try to let the anger go, but the more I try the more angry I am......and in all honesty, I do not like being this way.......Please give me some advice on to really cope with all of this.
 
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