Topic : Pregnancy Loss

i am 19 years old and i got pregnant and it wasnt planned.  well how i found out was that i started my period and after a month i went to the doctor.  well the whole time i was pregnant i was bleeding.  i was worried but the doctors told me some women do bleed during the first semester of their pregnancy.  my boyfriend and i went in for the first ultersound and it was so amazing to see this baby inside of me and it was only 6 cm! well than for the second one we went in and there was nothing inside of me nothing that even showed that i was pregnant.  i never told anyone that i thought i did have a miscarriage. because when i was at school i went to the bathroom and there was this big blood clot and i thought nothing of it, but i feel so guilty for not telling my boyfriend about it that day.  i always think right now i would have a baby what would he or she look like, how would they sleep at night, and all these questions always cross my mind and i always start to cry.  and i look at the ultersound pictures from the first time we went in.  its not a fun feeling to lose a baby and be left with no answers why did it happen to me? and all those other questions unanswered. 

 I met this amazing man in April and in May decided to get married.  A week before we were to marry, I found out I was pregnant.  I have crohns disease which has caused my tubes to have alot of scarring on them and they thought I could never get pregnant but I was told to call my Dr. immediatly if i ever did have a + home pregnancy test..  I went in that day for blood work and everything was good, she told me to come back in 3 days to make sure my levels were going up.  On Sun. May 15 I started to bleed. I was aware that 25% of all pregnancies spot, so I wasnt too worried.  I ended up going to the Dr. again and found out that my levels had dropped to 20.  I was devistated.  The only thing  I want out of life is to be a mother.  Everytime I would go to the bathroom ( and I am sorry if this offends anyone) and I would see the blood all I could think was that that was my baby.  I cried for weeks. I was depressed, I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, I couldnt work, I could not do anything  I didnt  even want to get out of bed.  It was rough, and although no one in my family has ever gone through this they were there for me to help me.  I still think about it sometimes but  I know that I have an angel in heaven and when I die I will meet him/her. 

There are no answers. I lost my 6th baby in August this year, a son, Ciaran. Prior to Ciaran I've had one other stillbirth, and 4 miscarriages, and am still no closer to finding answers. It's heartbreaking, and every single time i have thought that i couldn't go on, and i couldn't try again, and that i couldn't live if it happened again, but in reality, i pick up the pieces and i keep trying, because one day, it will work, and if it doesn't, then I treasure being able to get pregnant in the first place, and have my babies for however long i have them for.  

Some women don't even get that. 

i read your saddening story about the many babies that you have lost. i have an aunt-in-law that has had that same problems. she was able to carry her first 2 children to full term, 1 being a placenta-previa baby and one fortunately is now 38 years old, but she did have 6 other miscarraiges after. apparantely her doctors have confirmed that it is a blood disease that she has. i am not sure the name of it, but her body actually attacks that baby as a foreign and unwanted object, resulting in a miscarraige. i am hopeful for you that you don't have this situation or blood disease, but i thought that maybe you could get a few more anwsers since you say that you don't know why this is happening.  

my heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers that you find a positive answer to the awful situation that you are in. i hope i didn't make things worse, i just wanted to help you find some answers. i am sorry that i don't know the name of it, but at least you might be able to look it up on the computer or ask your doctors about this a disease of this type.  

bless you...